Training Wheels
by Sixty Five Roses
Summary: A retelling of Major Crimes where Rusty is a girl. This story explores how things might be different, and what effect a female Rusty might have on Sharon's life. Shandy will happen down the line but the focus is on Sharon and Rusty, at least for the first two seasons.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N** : This is the longest author's note I've ever written in my entire life, but it's a different kind of story, so I feel like it's important to share some insight about my process and explain a few things to my readers.

I wanted to write this story for a long time, and even made several attempts to do so in the past. But a story is like a baby – it's only born when the time is right. In short, this is a retelling of Major Crimes where instead of being a boy, Rusty is a girl. I feel that a lot of the issues surrounding Rusty would have been handled differently, and I thought it would be interesting to explore it.

Just like the show, this story deals with a lot of subjects one might find triggering: sexual abuse/assault, child abuse, substance abuse, emotional abuse, violence, depression, suicide, and homophobia. I am against all of those, but at some points in the story, characters might speak on behalf of those behaviors, as some people do in the real world.

I tried to stay as close to the original storylines, but I also modified many of them. Some conversations that took place in the show were altered, and quotes from the show may appear in different context. I didn't go through all the episodes, but I did try to touch on all the important plots. I plan to go through all six seasons (yes, even the horrifying conclusion of the show – which I will probably change). Down the line, there will be some Shandy, and other ships that the show has given us, but just like in the show, it won't happen in the very beginning. Blame James Duff for that progress (If possible, I'll skip episodes to shorten the wait).

I hope you enjoy this story and I would love it if you leave a comment and let me know your thoughts about it.

I would also like to thank blossom-of-snow for being an amazing beta. Your help is greatly appreciated.

For those who skipped my intro, please notice the following **TRIGGER WARNING** : **This story deals with a lot of subjects one might find triggering: sexual abuse/assault, child abuse, substance abuse, emotional abuse, violence, depression, suicide, and homophobia.** If you find these triggering, please avoid reading this story. Thank you.

* * *

Sharon inspected the redhead girl who was sitting on the couch in her living room and hugging a ragged and faded backpack that held everything she owned in the world. Her sullen expression made the freckles on her nose look dark. Sharon couldn't recall ever seeing a teenager so angry at the world, and that was even before the girl said anything. Sharon walked to the kitchen, opened the cupboard and took out a wine glass. She opened the fridge and took a bottle of white wine out.

"Don't think I'm gonna be all, like, thankful for you taking me in," the girl muttered, her voice tired and annoyed at the same time.

"Oh, trust me. You're not the first adolescent to grace my home with your presence." She poured the wine into her glass. "Having raised two teenagers of my own, I have a tremendous capacity for ingratitude." She placed the bottle down on the kitchen counter. "Rusty, it's so funny. Just when you get good at being a mother, you're fired," she said as she walked to the living room and leaned against the back of the couch, over the girl's shoulder. Rusty examined the Ding Dong shoved into her backpack earlier.

"Or you quit," the girl quipped and ungracefully put the Ding Dong down on the coffee table. Sharon's smile died, and she straightened and bit the inside of her bottom lip. This girl has been through a lot. She didn't have the chance to read her file yet, but she knew what Rusty had to do to survive in the street. Her prickly exterior must have been part of a coping mechanism, a way that she could shelter her soul.

"So, what are we supposed to call each other anyway?" Sharon liked the indirect way the girl wanted to know her name. That way of thinking showed that behind the angry girl there was a pretty solid mind.

"Oh," she drew the word on her tongue as she walked around the couch. "I think you should call me Captain Raydor," she said as she took a seat in the armchair and leaned forward just a little bit. She took a sip of her wine.

"Okay, then you can call me Miss Beck," the girl retorted.

"You are the child in this relationship," Sharon decided to remove the veil of ambiguity and explain to Rusty how things were going to work.

"No, I'm the witness. If you are the police officer, then I am the witness," Oh, this girl was clever, but Sharon was willing to entertain her, just for a little bit.

"There are not a lot of people around here who call me by my first name," she stated. It wasn't untrue. Her children called her Mom, and at work people around her used her title and last name. She had friends, of course, but unfortunately, she also had very little time to see them.

"Oh, well, maybe that's why you live alone with a spare bedroom," Rusty countered. Even though it hurt to have someone pointing out her rather lonely life, Sharon was not going to stoop down to the level of a frustrated sixteen-year-old by offering an equally painful retort.

"I live alone because my children are grown," she spoke slowly. "The spare room is for when they visit." She noticed that Rusty didn't look at her. Maybe because the idea of being alone was something they shared and while trying to take a jab at Sharon, the girl reminded herself why she found herself in Sharon's care, to begin with. "But, you may call me Sharon." The girl suddenly turned to look at her. "How's that?"

"Sharon," Rusty repeated her name. Sharon hummed and gave her a small nod. "What is that, like, your bad idea of a joke or something?"

"Why do you say that?" Sharon could tell something was wrong, although why her name would be an issue was beyond her.

"Sharon is my mother's name!" Rusty exclaimed.

"Oh," she suddenly understood the gravity of the situation. And she could already guess where this conversation was heading.

"God, you haven't been looking for her at all, have you?" There was no use of hiding the fact that she hadn't even read Rusty's file. In fact, she planned on doing that before she turned in. She was curious, for one, how the girl ended up with such a name, even though she suspected it might have had something to do with Rusty's hair color. If that was the reason, then Rusty may detest her name. She wanted to learn more about Rusty's background, other than her involvement in the Stroh trial. Pursing her lips, she looked at the girl who was growing more and more upset by the minute.

"Rusty, I just got this job yesterday. Give me a chance to catch up. I am making a good faith effort. I am." Rusty stood up and hoisted her backpack on one shoulder.

"Where is your bathroom?" The girl's voice shook.

"It's right down there," Sharon pointed towards the hall. Rusty grabbed her crutches and began making her way towards the bathroom. Sharon pulled herself off the armchair and took a few steps into the center of the living room. "Rusty," the girl turned around and looked at her with nothing but resentment. "If it is possible to find your mother, I will do it. I promise you."

"Sure you will, Captain. Sure you will." Rusty turned around and limped on her crutches down the hall. Sharon watched her disappear into the bathroom and sank to the couch, feeling exhaustion from the last couple of days taking over her. She wrapped her arms around one of the throw pillows, rested her head against the backrest and closed her eyes.

When Rusty didn't emerge from the bathroom half an hour later, Sharon knew that whether either of them liked it or not, it was time to check on her. She didn't know what the girl had in her backpack and how she normally dealt with disappointment; the girl could be getting high or hurting herself some other way. The thought made Sharon cringe, and she walked down the hall and knocked on the bathroom door.

"Rusty," she said softly. "I know you're upset, but can you please come out of there for a moment?" There was no response from the girl, and she listened for a moment, but the room was silent. "Rusty, are you okay in there?" she asked again, and no response came. "Rusty, if you don't open the door right now, I'm coming in." Nothing. Sharon pressed the door handle down and was almost surprised when she realized the door wasn't locked. Rusty was lying on the bathroom floor in fetal position, her head resting on her backpack and several pieces of crumpled toilet paper thrown around her. Sharon leaned by her side and was relieved to discover that the girl was alive and that her breath sounded normal. Sharon looked at her for a moment. She could see the smears of black eyeliner under Rusty's eyes, and by the black stains on the crumpled toilet paper that was thrown next to her on the floor, it was easy to detect that the girl had cried herself to sleep on the bathroom floor. Was that how she slept in the street? Did she have a regular spot where she slept or did she have to search for a new spot every night? Sharon placed her hand on Rusty's shoulder and shook her gently. "Rusty, wake up," she said softly. The girl opened her eyes at once and looked at her with terror. "It's okay. It's just me," Sharon tried to calm her down. "You fell asleep here," she said as if it was absolutely normal for people to doze off on the bathroom floor. The girl looked frightened as if she was caught doing something that she shouldn't. Sharon looked into her eyes, trying to tell if Rusty may have been high. With all the smeared black makeup and red-rimmed eyes, it was hard to tell. The girl used way too much black eyeshadow and eyeliner. "I don't want to sound mean, but I have to ask. Have you taken something?"

"You're a police officer, why would I tell you anything?" Rusty asked.

"I promise you won't get in trouble if you have. All I care about right now is your safety," Sharon explained.

"I don't do drugs," Rusty spat the words.

"Is that the truth?" Sharon asked. Rusty seemed insulted by the accusation and nodded. "Okay, I trust you." Rusty rubbed her eyes, smearing her makeup even more than before. She groaned when her palm blackened.

"Here, use this," Sharon pulled herself off the floor and walked to the counter. She pointed towards a decorative glass jar that was full of cotton pads and a bottle of makeup remover. The girl got off the floor as well and took a cotton pad from the jar, then unscrewed the cap of the makeup remover bottle. "What do you want to eat for dinner?" Rusty shrugged in response. "Okay, is there anything you don't like?" Another shrug. Sharon wasn't sure what to make of it. "Well, I'm going to have a sandwich. I'll make one for you too. Please come to the kitchen when you're done here."

After Rusty went to bed Sharon had the chance to review the girl's file. Her birth name was Rainie Tamsin Beck. She was almost sixteen, abandoned by her mother in a department store. Her last documented school attendance was in 9th grade, which she didn't finish, and Sharon could only assume that was around the same time started turning tricks. After the police found her, she had managed to get herself kicked out of three different foster homes within one month before Sharon decided to take her in for the night. She had to admit that she had no experience with children like Rusty, especially ones who were the victims of sex crimes. She knew that the girl's abrasive and disrespectful behavior was the source of deep trauma, and not because she was genuinely bad-mannered. This girl needed stability, and Sharon knew that she could provide her that and keep a watchful eye on her at the same time until Stroh's trial. She closed the file with a sigh and shoved it into her desk drawer and then got up and walked down the hall. As she reached for the door of her room, she heard a muffled cry coming from the spare room, followed by another one. She stood there and listened, not sure what to do. Eventually, the thought of letting a girl cry herself to sleep became unbearable and she went into the room, not bothering to knock.

"Go away," Rusty said.

"I know this is overwhelming, and we didn't start off on the right foot, but I meant what I said earlier. I will do everything in my power to help you unite with your mother," she promised.

Rusty sniffled. "How long will it take?" she asked.

"I don't know," Sharon said. "But in the meantime, you stay here."

"Great," the girl replied sarcastically. Sharon noticed that Rusty was still wearing her torn jeans and T-shirt.

"Do you have any nightwear?" she inquired. Rusty shook her head. "You can borrow one from me."

"I know you think you're saving me or something, but I don't need your help, okay?" Rusty said with irritation. "I was fine on my own, and I shouldn't have helped the stupid police." Sharon could argue with the girl about being fine on her own, but she just shrugged. The girl was upset with her situation, and it was understandable. Being a teenager was hard enough without having to deal with the things Rusty experienced.

"I'm sorry you feel this way, but this is how things are now, and you have to get used to it," she said. The girl huffed. "You've had a long day, so I'll leave you now." She turned around and went out of the room, leaving the door half open.

"Aren't you gonna lock the door?" she heard Rusty's voice.

"Why would I do that?"

"Other foster parents do," the girl replied.

"You are not a criminal, and this is not a prison. You can leave the room whenever you want." Rusty's eyes widened in awe as if the idea of moving freely around the house was foreign to her. "I'll be in the room across from you if you need something during the night. Good night, Rusty," Sharon said and went out of the room again.

As Sharon lied in bed, her thoughts kept her awake. She knew that the girl would be a handful, but she was worried about her own role in Rusty's life. Becoming a foster mother to her would be a huge responsibility; not only because of the girl's status as a material witness in a high profile murder trial but also because of everything that led Rusty to Griffith Park on the night that she reported the murder Stroh committed. She knew that a lot of resources would be required to ensure Rusty is physically and mentally safe. Luckily for both of them, Sharon knew she was the right person to do all that.

-TBC-

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 **As always, I'd love to know what you thought about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N** **:** Thank you so much for your reviews. I wasn't sure how people would react to a fic that deals with Rusty, even though it is told from Sharon's POV. I'm glad to know people are intrigued about this. As I said in a post I made on Tumblr; this story will be darker than the show was, and will deal with subjects that the show touched on but didn't always explore in depth. So **the trigger warning from chapter 1 applies to all the future chapters**.

Additionally, the show always told us how progressive Sharon was, but it rarely showed it to us (especially in season 6 when she has become a pious Catholic), so my story will explore the progressive Sharon we heard about, and show rather than tell about it. I hope I do this successfully.

Once again I would like to thank blossom-of-snow for her insightful beta reading. She is insanely great at this and her notes on my chapters are very thought-provoking.

* * *

Sharon set a plate in front of the bleary-eyed redhead girl, whose stringy hair looked like it needed a good wash, and maybe a trim and went back to the kitchen to bring the plate of bacon and waffles. She didn't normally eat bacon, waffles or kept any sweets, but after thinking about what Rusty had said about her previous foster parents locking her in her room and limiting her access to food by locking the fridge, she felt the need to prove to her that this time would be different and that she will receive a fair and kind treatment. Sharon thought it would be pleasant to start her first day with her with a fun breakfast. However, Rusty was unimpressed, and she seemed to be exhausted, even though Sharon had let her sleep in a little bit. She did have to go to work and Rusty would have to come with her.

"You know, you have an interesting name," Sharon said, trying to get the girl to engage in conversation. Rusty shrugged. "It's an unusual name for a girl."

"It's a nickname," Rusty said and played with the food in her plate as if the conversation with Sharon was boring her.

"How did you get it?"

"One of my Mom's boyfriends gave it to me when I was little. He said I should avoid getting wet because my hair gets rustier every time. My mother thought it was hilarious, and she didn't even care all that much that I didn't shower for a few months." The girl's tone was impassive, almost as if she tried to put distance between herself and the incident.

Sharon had not expected such a cruel explanation for the nickname. Her stomach twitched painfully. What kind of horrible person enjoyed tormenting a child this way?

"And what about your birth name?" She tried changing the subject.

"Nobody has called me Rainie in years," the girl admitted. "My mom said it was raining the day I was born."

"I like this name. It's beautiful," Sharon smiled as she took a sip of her coffee. "Would you prefer it if I called you Rainie instead of Rusty?"

"Whatever," Rusty said. "It's not like I have any control over my life anymore, so what do I care what you call me?" She pushed herself up and left the breakfast table. Sharon heard the guest room door slamming and shook her head. She didn't realize until now that Rusty's name could have been a sensitive subject for her. It was evident that even a simple thing like her name triggered some unpleasant memories. Sharon felt her heart thumping rapidly inside her chest, almost bursting out of ribcage with anger. She was angry at herself for being insensitive and at the people who treated this girl as if she was an unwanted creature. After taking a few deep breaths and calming herself down, Sharon left the table and walked down the hall. She knocked on Rusty's door, and when no response came, she pushed it open and went in. Her eyes widened when she saw Rusty holding a black sharpie and writing swearwords on the wall above the bed.

"I see you decided to redecorate," Sharon said. Getting angry wouldn't lead to anything good. She didn't want to fight with the girl, although she didn't encourage the girl's vandalistic tendencies. Rusty put three exclamation marks at the end of a 4 inch long 'Fuck You'. "We have to leave in a few minutes, so I suggest you finish your artwork and get dressed," she said and went out of the room. She heard a raging scream coming from the room and something getting thrown against the wall, and a few minutes later Rusty emerged from the room, wearing a pair of jeans shorts and a tank top that didn't leave much for the imagination. Her eyes were framed with thick black eyeliner, and her lips were painted blood red. Sharon didn't remember ever telling her daughter she couldn't wear revealing clothes, but considering Rusty's past, she decided that whether Rusty liked it or not, they will go over her clothes in the evening and get rid of skimpy short shorts and shirts with inappropriately low necklines. "I recommend you wear something warmer. The air conditioning at the PAB can be freezing," she hoped that if it sounded like a suggestion, Rusty would not argue about it.

"I don't care," she retorted.

"Well, I do," Sharon said.

"Why don't you just say what you really think?" Rusty put her hands on her hips, ready for a fight. "You don't want me to dress like that because you're scared all the men in your division will get a boner when they see me." Sharon was taken aback by Rusty's response. Did the girl really think anyone in the Major Crimes division would look at her that way? The thought of the sick people who would look at young girls like that disgusted Sharon.

"You're being inappropriate, Rusty," she said.

"I don't care," Rusty shrugged.

"We are not going to argue about this, young lady. If you don't have any other clothes, I'll be happy to lend you one of my dresses," Sharon's voice was stern.

"Yeah, right, because every woman in the world wants to look like a prude with a stick up her…" Sharon didn't hear the end of the sentence because she went into her bedroom and returned with a burgundy floral knee-length summer dress.

"Change into this, please," she said and handed the dress to Rusty. The girl opened her mouth to argue. "Now," Sharon demanded, and Rusty pushed her pants down and pulled her tank top over her head before Sharon could turn around. Sharon couldn't help but notice that Rusty's bra was at least two sizes too small and that one of the wires was sticking out of the material. It was hard to miss the wounded and bruised skin right under the hem of her bra that must have been caused by the wire. She made a mental note to take the girl to shop for underwear. "This looks very beautiful on you." Rusty went to the bathroom and gave herself a once over. Her eyes lighted up as she saw her reflection in the mirror and Sharon detected the trace of a smile when Rusty walked out of the bathroom. She motioned towards the end of the hall, and Rusty grabbed her backpack, and they left the condo.

* * *

Sharon stood outside the fitting room and waited for Rusty to come out. They had gone shopping after they left the PAB, and before Sharon could even offer the girl any clothes she thought would look nice on her, Rusty had grabbed a few items off the racks and marched to the fitting room, shutting the door in Sharon's face. She emerged out of the fitting room several minutes later wearing the first item, a neon green tight mini dress. She looked at herself in the mirror.

"Does this make my ass look big?" she asked Sharon.

"No, but you are not getting this dress," Sharon replied. "It's too short, and the color is hurting my eyes. Show me what other clothes you've taken in there." Rusty went into the fitting room, grabbed the clothes off the hangers and handed them to Sharon. She tried not to frown as she examined a sparkly tank top that had an open back and low neckline. The next item was a pair of tight shorts that looked more like underwear. The following cloth was a crop top that would probably not even fully cover Rusty's bust, and the last item was a see-through shirt. "No, to all of them," Sharon said sternly.

"You have no style," Rusty pouted. Sharon let the comment roll off her back. Rusty must have been tired if she didn't make a huge fuss of Sharon's refusal to buy these clothes.

"I think pastels would look very nice on you," Sharon led her to a rack that had shirts in different pastel colors. "I think pink, yellow and green would complement you," she suggested and held the three colors against Rusty's body. "Look how beautiful," she pointed towards the mirror behind them. "And you can pair them with a nice skirt or a pair of jeans." Sharon looked through another rack and pulled out a pair of white jeans. She handed them to Rusty. "Try these on. I think they're your size." She waited outside the fitting room until Rusty came out wearing the white jeans and one of the pastel shirts. "What do you think?" she asked the girl who looked at herself, almost shocked at her reflection.

"I like it," she replied.

"Are the sizes right?" Sharon wondered.

"Yeah, it doesn't feel too tight or anything," Rusty said.

"Good, we'll take them," Sharon smiled. Rusty went back into the fitting room and changed back to her clothes, and they kept looking through the store. Sharon ended up buying her three pairs of jeans, seven shirts, two dresses, a necklace, a hair bow, several pairs of socks, and two pairs of snickers in baby pink and black. As they went out of the store, Rusty turned to go towards the mall parking lot. "Hold on, we're heading that way," Sharon said and directed her towards a lingerie shop. Rusty looked at her with confusion. "Your bra is falling apart; we're getting you a new one." They walked into the store, and a salesgirl who wasn't much older than Rusty greeted them with a smile. Rusty walked between the shelves looking upset and intrigued at the same time. Sharon decided to give the girl her space to make her own choice which would hopefully be tasteful. The salesgirl walked over to her and started suggesting a few different options to her. Rusty's eyes widened with each bra the salesgirl showed them, and Sharon noticed that she was becoming increasingly confused. She walked towards the girl. "What's the matter?" she asked gently.

"Nothing," Rusty replied. "I just didn't know there are so many choices."

"Do you know your size?" When Rusty shook her head, the salesgirl grabbed a measuring tape and wrapped it around Rusty's chest. The color ran out of Rusty's face almost immediately, and a terrified expression took over her features.

"She can measure herself," Sharon said to the salesgirl, sternly enough to make it sound like an order and softly enough to not sound rude. The girl handed the tape to Rusty and instructed her how to measure her chest. Then she went to bring a few options for her. "Are you okay?" Sharon asked. Rusty looked unsettled, and Sharon wasn't sure why.

"Why do I need this?" she groaned.

"Would you prefer going without a bra?" Sharon asked.

"You're mocking me, right?" Rusty seemed confused.

"No, I'm serious. You don't have to wear a bra if you don't want to," Sharon clarified. Rusty huffed. "Okay, Rusty, you will have to explain to me why you are so upset about this because I don't understand."

"I'm not a charity case," Rusty spit out.

"No, you are not," Sharon agreed.

"So I don't need you to try giving me a makeover and buy me all those things. I am fine the way I am," Rusty called out.

"It's not like that at all," Sharon sighed. She wished Rusty had a better understanding of her new situation.

"It is like that. You want to change me and pretend that I'm a different person than who I am!" Rusty raised her voice.

"I'm not trying to change you, Rusty. I'm simply buying you things that you need," Sharon tried to explain. Rusty suspired and Sharon could see the words were not getting through to her. "Alright, I think we will have to do this another day," she sighed and motioned towards the exit from the store. Rusty followed her, sulking more and more with every step she took.

The girl remained in a combative mood on the drive home, and as soon as they walked through the condo door, Rusty made a beeline to the bedroom and slammed the door. Sharon shook her head. She had forgotten what it was like to deal with moody teens, and Rusty was moodier than Emily and Ricky had been. She knew it was partly due to what she has been through. She probably needed to toughen up when she found herself in the street. It didn't mean Sharon was not frustrated by it. The girl's behavior was unpredictable, although she has generally been swaying between sullen and insolent since the moment Sharon has taken her in. The attempts to draw a genuine positive reaction out of the girl began to exhaust Sharon, and she wasn't sure how long it would be before she lost control of her tongue and blurted something that would only damage the relationship rather than improve it. She walked to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of white wine when she heard steps coming down the hall.

"Are you hungry?" she asked. Rusty looked calm now.

"A little," Rusty replied.

"I thought we could order. Does pizza sound good to you?" Sharon inquired. The girl nodded. "What do you like on your pizza?"

"Mushrooms, and green peppers," Rusty said.

"Funny, these are my favorite toppings as well," Sharon smiled as she spoke. It wasn't the entire truth, but she felt that this little white lie might help her create a better connection with Rusty. The girl simply shrugged. Sharon took her phone out of her pocket, dialed her favorite pizza restaurant and placed her order. "Do you want me to help you put your new clothes in your closet?" she offered and motioned towards the shopping bags that Rusty had thrown under the hall table when they came in. Rusty let out a frustrated sigh but picked up the bags and walked down the hall, with Sharon on her heels. The girl watched Sharon as she showed her how to fold the new clothes and put them away. After they were done, Sharon pointed at Rusty's backpack. The girl picked it up and put it on the bed. "We're going to sort through the rest of your clothes," Sharon announced and let Rusty open the backpack. Very quickly it became obvious that most of Rusty's clothes were inappropriate and she made it clear that those clothes were not going to stay. "This one goes into the 'throw away' pile," she announced after throwing a look at a black old, ragged T-shirt that had holes in several places and smelled like it hasn't been washed in the last decade.

"No!" Rusty called out and snatched the T-shirt from Sharon's hands. She wrapped her arms around the shirt and looked terrified with the thought of parting with it.

"It's smelly, and it's falling apart, Rusty. You can't wear this," Sharon stated.

"It's my PJ, and it's not revealing. Those are the rules you made up. You said that you would let me keep clothes that are either nightwear or not revealing and it's neither, so you can't take that away," Rusty argued. The desperation in her eyes told Sharon that there must have been a reason why the girl wanted to keep the crumbling T-shirt.

"Okay, but you have to let me wash it," Sharon agreed.

"You promise you won't throw it away? I can't fall asleep without it," the girl asked.

"You'll get it back tomorrow after it dries," Sharon promised.

"Tonight, you'll wash and dry it tonight," Rusty insisted, her eyes pleading.

"I'll try, but I can't promise anything," Sharon replied, and Rusty reluctantly handed her the shirt. The fabric was thin in some spots, and she wasn't sure it would survive the laundry machine and dryer. She decided that hand washing it would be the best way to clean the garment. "Show me what else you have there," she said.

"Underwear," Rusty said and pulled what looked like a bunch of strings out of her backpack, placing them on the bed. "Men like these," she shrugged apologetically when she untangled the G-string thongs from one another.

"I don't care what underwear you like to wear," Sharon replied. She wished that the girl didn't have to wear the kind of clothes that would make her appealing to men who have taken leave of their morals. "If thongs are comfortable for you, I'm perfectly fine with that." An astounded expression spread across Rusty's face. "Do they need to be washed?" Sharon asked.

"No, I washed them before I ran away from my last foster home," Rusty replied.

"Good, fold them and put them in your closet," Sharon said. "Is there anything else in your bag?" Rusty shook her head.

"You know, Rusty, we will have to buy you a new bra," Sharon said and took a seat on the bed. "The old one is too small, and it's hurting you." The girl shook her head. "Can I ask why you don't want to do it?"

"It's none of your business," the girl replied and took a seat next to Sharon.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, and you don't have to get a new bra either, but you can't keep wearing this one."

"I can't walk around without a bra!" Rusty looked scandalized.

"The choice is up to you, either we go buy a new one, or you go without one," Sharon said.

"That's not fair!" Rusty called out.

"Life's not fair," Sharon replied.

"I don't like it when people touch my boobs, okay?" Rusty's eyes shone with unshed tears. Sharon's stomach twitched painfully. She was not blind to the fact that until not long ago, this girl was turning tricks and even touching her arm could trigger unprocessed trauma. That someone had taken the liberty to touch her breasts, even if they innocently wanted to help her measure herself, was bound to bring up all the suppressed emotions Rusty had been avoiding for a long time.

"The girl at the store should have asked for permission to touch you, Rusty. I'm sorry you had to experience that," Sharon spoke softly. "If you agree to go to the lingerie shop again, I promise I won't let anyone touch you."

"Can we go to a different store?" Rusty asked, and Sharon nodded.

"I'm off duty tomorrow, we could go in the morning," she offered. "How's that?"

"It's fine," Rusty said. Sharon offered her a satisfied smile.

"I'll go wash your shirt," she took the garment as she got up and walked towards the bathroom. She placed the shirt in the sink and turned the hot water tap. She filled the sink halfway and let the water soak into the fabric of the shirt while she went to get the washing powder from the service room. The water was a light shade of brown when Sharon returned to the bathroom. She had no idea how long it has been since Rusty washed the shirt, but evidently, it has been a while. She changed the water, poured a spoonful of washing powder on top of the shirt and began scrubbing the material. Once again, the water became dark, and after emptying the sink, she washed it under the tap before she refilled it again and added the powder, scrubbing the shirt as gently as she could to avoid making the fabric crumble in her hands. It took well over fifteen minutes, and countless washes before the shirt was finally clean, and Sharon squeezed the water out. She didn't have laundry ropes in her condo, and therefore she placed the shirt on a hanger and took it to the balcony. She slipped the hanger into a loop of a decorative hook that she normally used to hang planters. The warm summer wind made the shirt sway from side to side, but it appeared to be secure. The doorbell rang, and Sharon walked to the door. She opened it and paid the delivery guy who handed her the pizza tray. The smell of melted cheese made her mouth water as she walked back to the kitchen and placed the tray on the counter.

"Rusty, the pizza is here," she called out and heard the girl's rapid steps as she walked down the hall. "Help me set the table please," Sharon handed her two placemats. Rusty looked at her with confusion.

"What are these?" she asked.

"Placemats, to avoid crumbs on the table," Rusty rolled her eyes but walked to the dining table and put the placements down. "Now glasses, please," Sharon motioned towards a cupboard behind her as she opened one of the kitchen drawers and took napkins out. Then she bent down and took plates out of another cabinet and carried them along with the napkins to the table. She opened the fridge and took a bottle of water out and placed it on the table as well. Rusty carried the pizza tray to the table and opened it. She lifted one slice and brought it to her mouth, closing her eyes in pleasure and tried to pull a string of cheese into her mouth. Sharon watched her and felt a tingling sensation spreading in her chest. At last, Rusty seemed satisfied with something. It felt like a small miracle has happened. Sharon smiled and took a bite of her pizza. Before she transferred to Major Crimes, she used to come home at the end of the workday and cook a healthy dinner for herself which she almost always consumed with a glass of wine. However, the new position was more than demanding than her job at FID and Rusty's presence only added to it. She wasn't sure when she'll have the time to cook from now on, and she hated the idea of ordering takeout every evening, but she assumed that until she and Rusty find a routine that worked for the both of them, there would be a lot of takeout dinners. From the corner of her eye, Sharon spotted the shirt swaying in the wind on its hanger.

"What's the story behind that shirt?" she motioned towards it.

"It's my Mom's. She's said she wore it when she was pregnant with me," Rusty spoke with her mouth full.

"This shirt is sixteen?" Sharon's eyes widened. The fact that the shirt survived that long was unbelievable. Rusty hummed as she took another bite of her pizza. Now Sharon understood the importance of the decaying garment. It was probably one of the only things that Rusty had from her home. It may not have been a good environment to grow up in, but it was a familiar place and had the people that she knew. Finding herself in the street and later moving between several foster homes must have been destabilizing for the girl. At that moment, the greatest wish in Sharon's heart was to give Rusty a home where she would feel safe, respected, wanted and loved.

"Do you think it will be dry soon?" she asked.

"I hope so," Sharon was almost sure it wouldn't dry until the morning, but she hoped that with the assistance of her trusted blow dryer, she'd be able to speed up the process.

A while later, as Rusty cleared their plates and washed them, Sharon headed to the balcony and checked if the shirt had dried and just as she expected it hadn't. She went to her bedroom and returned with her blow dryer. She plugged it in the balcony, set it on heat and turned it on and pointed it at the shirt. It took an hour and a half for her to complete the task, but finally, it had dried completely and was ready for Rusty to wear. The girl looked as if she was about to cry when Sharon handed it back to her. She hugged it to her chest and hurried to her room to change into it. Sharon went to her bedroom and began going through her nightly routine when she heard a knock on the door.

"Come in," she said, and Rusty opened the door and went into the room. "Is everything okay?"

"I just wanted to thank you for washing my shirt," the girl said. "And for the new clothes, too."

"I'm happy to help, Rusty," she said softly and turned back to the mirror to take the rest of her makeup off.

"Good Night, Captain," Rusty said. Sharon wished the girl good night and saw her leaving the room. A few minutes later she crawled into bed and shut the lights. As she laid in the dark, Sharon said a quick prayer for her children and Rusty to be safe and thanked God for ending her day positively before she let sleep claim her.

-TBC-

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 **As always, I would love to know your thoughts about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N** : Thank you for all the lovely and interesting comments. I am so glad you are invested in this story, and I hope that you continue to enjoy reading it.  
Once again, I would like to thank the brilliant Blossom-of-snow for beta reading this story. She is incredible.

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Sharon watched as Father Redmond angrily walked out of her office after agreeing to readmit Rusty back to school the following day. Sharon knew it had been a difficult week for Rusty after her mother lied about coming to Los Angeles and retaining her custody of the girl. She had watched the girl going through the motions since the incident, and she decided to give her some space to deal with the fallout. She had tried to talk to her the evening it happened, but Rusty refused. Now the girl sat in front of her, staring at an invisible spot on Sharon's desk and sulking.

"Rusty, look at me," she said softly. The girl raised her gaze. "I need an explanation for the story I just heard from Father Redmond."

"I'm a loudmouth maniac who can't control herself, is that a good enough explanation?" Rusty called out, and Sharon felt taken aback by the rage in the girl's eyes.

"Is that what you really think of yourself?" Sharon asked. Despite knowing Rusty's background, she was surprised when Father Redmond brought her over from school to PAB with the claim that the school wanted to expel her for making inappropriate comments to one of the nuns. Rusty shrugged and lowered her gaze again. "First of all, you are not a maniac. And I think we both know that you are very capable of controlling your mouth."

"Of course I am, Captain," Rusty's tone oozed with sarcasm.

"I didn't mean it like that," Sharon narrowed her eyes. "I think we can both do without all these sexual comments, okay?"

"Sure, from now on I'll be a good girl who goes to a Catholic school and only gets down on her knees for Jesus. Just like you."

"I don't expect you to become Catholic, Rusty. I sent you to St. Joseph's because it's a good school," Sharon clarified, ignoring the girl's attempt at an insult. "And I still want an explanation for your behavior."

"What explanation do you need? That stupid nun pissed me off, so I told her to go and suck JC's dick!" Rusty exclaimed.

"You said what?" Sharon tried to keep calm, even though she could feel anger rapidly spreading in her chest. "Do you even know how horrible this is?"

"You clearly don't know. You've probably never done it!" Rusty retorted.

"My sex life is none of your business, Rusty," Sharon was beginning to lose her patience with Rusty.

"You don't have a sex life," the girl quipped.

"The mouth on you…" Sharon felt her restraint slipping away from her.

"I know how to use it better than you can use yours," Rusty countered.

"Alright, that's enough!" Sharon called out. "You are being rude and disrespectful."

"Well, at least I'm not a washed-out prude!" Rusty raised her voice and Sharon was sure her words could easily be heard in the murder room.

"If you think that throwing insults at me makes you sound smarter or win this argument, then I am sorry to be the one who lets you know that it does the absolute opposite," Sharon pushed her chair back and stood up. She placed her hands on her desk and leaned forward. "I want you to stay here; I want you to think why you are so mad and why you are throwing away an opportunity to change your life for the better."

"You want me to stand in the corner too?" the girl had the audacity to ask.

"If that will help you think this through – by all means!" Sharon exclaimed and was relieved when a knock on the door put an end to the argument. Buzz walked into her office and updated her on the progress of their case, and she gladly left her office, hearing a crushing sound a moment after she closed the door.

"Problems with the kid?" Lieutenant Flynn asked.

"Teenagers, they think they know everything," Sharon said with a shrug. The Lieutenant smiled at her, and she felt the anger dissipate. She returned a smile to him as she walked to the interview room.

Several hours later, when Sharon returned home from a stakeout, she relieved Cynthia of her "babysitting" duty, and after Rusty's case worker left, Sharon made a beeline to her bedroom and shed her clothes before going into the bathroom. It was one of those days that felt like it was never going to end and Sharon needed to wash it off her skin. She took a quick shower and then went to her bedroom and took a seat on the bed, rubbing the back of her neck. Her muscles were aching from the strain of her day, and if her stomach hadn't growled loudly, she would have just let herself fall into bed and sleep until the morning. After getting dressed, she hung her bathrobe in the bathroom and walked out of the room to get something to eat and prepare Rusty's and her lunch for the following day.

"So, are you just not talking to me on purpose or what?" Rusty who was sitting at the dining table and scribbling something in a notebook asked after a while.

"I try to avoid conversation with people who don't treat me as respectfully as I treat them," Sharon replied and shoved Rusty's lunch bag into the fridge.

"Yeah," the girl sighed. "Okay. I probably shouldn't have said those awful things to you earlier." Sharon hummed affirmatively. "I was just so angry. Sister Clara said something about how premarital sex was a sin and that only bad things come out of doing it, and I just flipped. I don't want people to think that I'm a bad person because my mom was unmarried or because of everything that I've done. I'm sorry, Sharon. I'm sorry I screwed this up and for talking to you the way I did." The haunted expression on Rusty's face made Sharon realize that the girl feared that she would be sent away. As frustrated as Sharon was with the girl's behavior, she had no intention to get rid of her, to begin with. If anything, Rusty's words just made her realize just how lost and out of place the girl felt.

"I accept your apology, Rusty," she said softly and shoved the other lunch into the fridge. "And you were not a bad person just because you had premarital sex." She walked towards Rusty and motioned towards the couch in the living room. They both walked over to it and sat down. "You're a sweet girl, you really are. And your past doesn't have to define who you are." Rusty looked at her with disbelief.

"So you're not sending me away?" she asked. Sharon shook her head. Rusty buried her face in her palms for a long moment. "Everyone at school will think I'm trash. Can I study at home?"

"I think it's not the best idea," Sharon replied. "Let's make a deal; you keep going to St. Joseph's, and if in a month from now we'll see it's not a good fit, we will look for another school, okay?"

"What if everyone hates me because of what I said at school today?" Rusty wondered.

"If that happens, we will deal with that, but try to be positive, alright?" Sharon looked at the girl who nodded reluctantly.

"Will I have to apologize to Sister Clara?"

"Yes, you will," Sharon responded.

"What she said wasn't the only reason I got mad." Rusty looked at Sharon with a guilty expression. "I was upset, and I thought being mean to her will help me take my mind off things."

"What things?" Sharon inquired.

"I keep thinking about my mom," Rusty admitted. "I know you said that her leaving has nothing to do with me, but it does. It's my fault she left and that she doesn't want to come back and see me again."

"I don't think that's true, Rusty. I don't think you are the reason why she doesn't want to come back. She sounded happy to hear you on the phone. She was glad that you are okay, and that you are safe."

"You don't know the things that I've done, Sharon," Rusty said quietly and looked downwards. She shook her head violently as if she tried to force her thoughts out of her brain physically. "My nail polish is beginning to bore me," she suddenly changed the subject. "Do you have any cool colors?" She lifted her hand so Sharon could see her sky blue nail polish.

"I have a few colors on in the drawer in the bathroom," Sharon said. "Go and pick whichever one you like and I'll help you apply it." Rusty pushed herself off the couch and went to the bathroom. She returned a few minutes later with a bottle of coral nail polish and nail polish remover. Sharon moved to the dining table, where she applied Rusty's nail polish.

"I always mess up my right hand when I try to do it myself," Rusty said and inspected her hand after Sharon was done applying top coat on her nails. "How do you get yours to be so perfect?"

"I get them professionally done," Sharon replied. "You can come with me to my next appointment and get yours done too," she offered. Rusty nodded enthusiastically. "Great, I'll let you know a few days in advance."

"Can you help me tie my hair up? I can't touch anything until the nail polish is dry," the girl asked. Sharon carefully slid Rusty's elastic band off the girl's arm and began gathering her hair.

"How high do you want it?" she asked.

"Just a messy bun, you know? Like a ballerina, but loose," Rusty explained. Sharon hummed and twisted the hair into a bun and wrapped the elastic around it.

"When I was your age, I wanted a hair color like yours," she smiled as she spoke.

"Who wants a hair the color of rust?" the girl wondered.

"I did. I grew up in an Irish family. Half of the clan was redhead, and the other half was brunette. I wanted to be a redhead so badly," Sharon said.

"You're not missing anything. People laugh at redheads," Rusty made a face.

"I happen to think it's beautiful, and I like your hair," Sharon smiled at the girl. "And the people who laughed at you secretly wish they were ginger too." The girl rolled her eyes dramatically. "I don't know how you feel about your name, but if it's okay with you, I'd like to call you by your legal name."

"If you want to, I guess it's alright," Rusty shrugged.

"Good," Sharon let a wide smile spread across her lips. "Now, if you don't mind, it's a school night and a workday, so I think we should head to bed."

"Is it eleven already?" the girl groaned. Sharon nodded at her and got off the chair and began shutting the lights off. "Thanks for the nail polish and I'm sorry again for being horrible today. I'll try not to be like that again."

"Don't worry about it," Sharon replied as they walked down the hall together. They stopped in front of Sharon's room.

"Good night, Sharon," Rusty said.

"Good night, Rainie," Sharon responded. She liked the name, and she hoped that calling the girl by a name that wasn't given to her as an insult would help to improve her self-esteem. She closed the door behind her and changed into her nightgown. She knew that even though Rainie was beginning to warm up to her, there would still be obstacles in the way and bad days where the girl would be insufferable. She thought Rainie would benefit from talking to a therapist, but so far, she refused to hear anything about it. Sharon hoped that she'll be more open to the idea once she learns to trust her. For the time being, she would consider this day a challenge that ended in a more positive way than it began. She truly hoped that this was the worst it would get, and she couldn't be happier that it was behind them.

-TBC-

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 **As always, I'd love to know your thoughts on this chapter, so please feel free to leave comments or send me a PM.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N** **:** Thank you all for the lovely reviews. I am still a bit shocked that people want to read a story about Rusty, so it's really amazing to receive all the positive and constructive feedback.

I would like to thank the amazing blossom-of-snow (aka bloom-and-grow-forever on FFN) who beta-read this story. Plus, if you haven't done it yet, you should check out her stories because she's an awesome writer and you'll just love her fics.

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Even in the warm light of the small Italian restaurant where they ate, the girl looked pale and faint. Her hands gripped the red folder tightly, and her blue irises ran across the page she was reading. After a long moment, she looked at Sharon, a desperate and haunted expression on her face. Sharon bit her bottom lip nervously, waiting for the girl to speak, but it seemed that the words didn't come to Rainie.

"Did you understand what that document said?" she asked softly.

"That you found some of my family, on my father's side," Rainie replied. Sharon gave her a single nod.

"Yes, we found your uncle, who's currently in jail and his older brother is your father. His name is Daniel Dunn," Sharon explained. Rainie looked down at the paper and then at Sharon and shook her head.

"It can't be. My father died in Bosnia," Rainie said. "This is a mistake."

"Is that what your mother told you about him?" Sharon inquired.

"Yeah, she said that my dad fought in Bosnia and died there. She said he was a hero and he got medals after he died for his bravery," Rainie elaborated.

"Did she ever tell you his name?" Sharon asked.

"Robert Smith. She told me everyone called him Rob and that I have his eyes," Rainie said.

"Where did they meet?" Sharon asked. If Rainie possibly had another father, she may need to look for the girl's family elsewhere, or at least use them to discredit the District Attorney's DNA results.

"She said they went to school together. He was her boyfriend, and when she got pregnant, and her parents kicked her out, he said he'll marry her. He enlisted because he thought an army salary would be helpful, and my mom would be able to stay at home with me and not go to work. And then, he was deployed to Bosnia, and he died there a month before I was born."

"Did your mother ever take you to visit his grave? Or mentioned his family?" Sharon wondered.

"No, she said going to his grave is too painful, and that his family moved away and she didn't know how to find them," Rainie said.

Although some parts of the story made sense, Sharon thought it sounded a bit too convenient to be true. "How about pictures? Have you ever seen any pictures of him?"

"No. Why are you asking so many questions about him?" Anger flashed in the girl's eyes. "You don't believe me, do you?"

"Rainie, your mother's story, while not impossible, doesn't make much sense. Think about it; you've never seen a picture of your dad, never visited his grave, and never met his family or had any contact with them. Can you see why I have an issue with this story?" Sharon asked.

"You think my mother lied to me about my father?" The devastated expression on Rainie's face made Sharon's heart miss a beat. Regrettably, Sharon had a first-hand experience of this type of betrayal and an understanding of how painful it was. "Why would she do that?"

"Maybe she didn't know who your father was?" she suggested. "Or maybe she knew who he was, but didn't want you to get disappointed that he didn't want to be a part of your life."

"So, if she lied and this guy is my real father," Rainie pointed at the red file. "What does this mean?"

"That depends on you. If you want, we can try contacting him and see if he wants to meet you," Sharon explained.

"Would I have to go and live with him?"

"It's possible," Sharon replied.

"And if I don't want to contact him?" Rainie's voice shook as the truth started sinking in.

"Then nothing changes. You stay with me," Sharon answered.

"I don't know what I want to do about this." Rainie stared at the file for a long moment before she was able to meet Sharon's eyes.

"You don't have to decide right now. You can take as much time as you need to think about it," Sharon spoke softly. Rainie nodded.

It was much later in the evening after they've returned home and Rainie went to bed that Sharon realized that sleep would not come to her easily that night. The case she solved earlier in the day weighed on her mind, even though she knew there was nothing she could have done to save Ben Barlow's life. And the news of Rainie's father also worried her. She knew that if the girl had any living relatives who could function as a stable family, the best thing for her was to help them reunite. The thought of bringing a family together shouldn't have unsettled Sharon the way it did. She liked the girl, and it seemed like they were getting along well. Rainie was doing well at school, and even though she still hadn't made any friends, she seemed happy at St. Joseph. They still had disagreements, but that was inevitable, and for the most part, they settled into a calm routine that seemed to work for the both of them. She stood on the balcony and pondered her day when she heard the sound of the glass door being slid open.

"I couldn't sleep either," Rainie said as she came to stand by Sharon's side. "Too many thoughts." She handed Sharon a cup of her favorite tea.

"Anything you want to discuss?" Sharon asked.

"I just hate when people lie to me," Rainie replied. "I keep replaying all the conversations I had with my mom about my dad in my mind. I really believed my dad was a war hero, and now… who is this guy?"

"It's hard when a person you think you know turns out to be different than you expected," Sharon spoke quietly.

"I feel so stupid for believing her. I knew she lied a lot, but I didn't think she would lie to me about something so big," Rainie sighed. Sharon did not expect just how deeply the idea of having to deal with a loved one's lie had affected her until that moment. She had dealt with Jack's lies so many times that the mere thought that this girl was going through a similar thing made her chest ache. "You know, when I was a kid, I used to imagine what meeting him would be like. I wanted him to be real, tangible. And now, I don't know if I want him to be real anymore."

"You might be surprised," Sharon replied. "Maybe he's a decent man, who wants to get to know you."

"If he's such a decent man, where has he been for sixteen years? Where was he when I was growing up?" Rainie asked angrily.

"It's possible that he didn't know about you," Sharon suggested an explanation.

"Or didn't want to know about me," the girl insisted. "I'm not sure I want anything to do with him."

"It's really up to you, but I urge you to take more time to think before you decide," Sharon sighed and took a long sip of her tea. "What an exhausting day it had been."

"Are you still upset about that case you had today?" Sharon was surprised when it occurred to her that Rainie was aware of her emotions about the case she had investigated earlier in the day.

"A little bit," Sharon turned towards the railing and looked into the darkness.

"But you see dead people all the time. Why is this case different?" the girl wondered.

"If Ben Barlow's parents had reported their children's kidnapping to the police instead of trying to deal with it themselves, it's possible that he would have been alive tonight," Sharon explained.

"Or both of them could be dead," Rainie offered an alternative scenario. "My mother always said there's no use in thinking how life could be different if we had made different choices. She told me her life would be better if she didn't choose to keep me, but she did, so I should be happy that I'm not dead."

"That's a horrible thing to say," Sharon cringed at the idea that Rainie must have felt like she had ruined her mother's life. She knew that if she hadn't gotten pregnant with Emily, she would have gone to law school, but she's never felt any regret for choosing to have a child over a career. Her children were her greatest pride and joy.

"Yeah, she can get nasty when she's upset," Rainie sighed. "But she's right, you know? Thinking 'what if' doesn't get us anywhere. It only makes us get stuck in a pipedream."

"I don't know," Sharon shrugged. "Wanting your children to be safe is not a pipedream. Losing a child is a parent's worst nightmare, and it realized itself for the Barlows tonight. And I feel sorry for them."

"I guess not all parents think like you. My mother couldn't care less if she lost me or not," Rainie shrugged. "And I don't know if my father even wants anything to do with me either."

"I would care," Sharon turned to face Rainie again and put a hand on the girl's shoulder. "I may not be your mother, but if something happened to you, I would care about you."

"Would you?" Rainie's eyes widened. "Or are you just saying that to make me feel better about my shitty parents?"

"I promised I won't lie to you, didn't I?" Sharon asked. The girl gave her a slow nod. "And I always keep my promises." For the first time this evening, she saw Rainie's lips curving up in a smile. She smiled back and squeezed the girl's shoulder. "I think we could both use some sleep," she said, and Rainie nodded again and followed Sharon into the living room, closing the sliding glass door before she wished Sharon good night and walked down the hall to her room.

Sharon went to the kitchen and placed the mug in the sink. As she walked down the hall, she couldn't help but think that Rainie may have been right. Living life in an alternative universe served no purpose. She knew every cop had cases that affected them more than others, and she knew that this case hit close to home because the idea of not being able to protect her kids and Rainie was terrifying to her. But Rainie's words also helped her realize that for her to move forward from the tragic case, she would have to stop overanalyzing the possible results of decisions made by others and focus on what she has done to make sure that the Barlows didn't lose their daughter too. With this thought in mind, she went into her room, closed the door behind her and leaned against it. The flat and cool surface against her back felt calming and gave her the sense of stability she craved. Sharon let her eyes fall shut and drew a deep breath. She held it in for a few seconds before she let out a long and cleansing exhale. When she opened her eyes, she felt lighter, as if a burden had been lifted off her chest. She knew that tomorrow she would have to focus her efforts towards helping Rainie make a decision about her father and from the short conversation they had about it tonight, she knew it would be a challenging process, but at least now she'd be able to approach the issue with a clear mind.

-TBC-

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 **As always, I'd love to know your thougths about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N** **:** I would like to thank everyone for the lovely reviews on the previous chapter. I am glad you are finding this story and this premise interesting.  
This chapter is a little jump ahead to 1x09, and it is (at least in my opinion) darker than the original storyline.

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The condo was dark when Sharon unlocked the door. Rainie was away, spending the weekend with her biological father and his fiancée and Sharon looked forward for the relaxing bath and takeout dinner she planned to have. She put her purse and keys down on the hall table and turned on the lights in the living room. From the corner of her eye, she spotted Rainie's backpack on the coffee table. She was almost sure that the girl had taken it with her for her weekend away.

"Rainie?" Sharon called as she quickly removed her work jacket and put on a cozy cashmere wrap. "Rainie, are you home?" She walked down the hall. "What happened?"

"Can we talk about it in the morning?" She heard the girl's voice, and she stopped in front of Rainie's bedroom door.

"Is everything alright?" she asked. No response came. She knew that Rainie had been upset earlier in the day about Daniel being late and had considered not going with him. She had only been away for one night and it already seemed like things were not working out with her biological father. "Do I owe Daniel a call?"

"Wait, wait, wait; hold on! I'm coming, just don't freak out, okay?" Rainie's voice was low, but Sharon could still hear her through the closed door. Rainie opened the door, unable to look Sharon in the eyes. There was a red bruise that formed around the girl's left eye and cheek, and her bottom lip was split, blood oozing from it.

"Oh my God!" Sharon covered her mouth. She hadn't expected to see Rainie like that.

"Look, don't worry, I didn't hit him back, I just ran, and I used the hundred dollars you gave me to get a cab," the girl said as Sharon guided her down the hall and into the living room, mumbling 'Oh my God' repeatedly. She sat the girl down on the couch and examined her wounded face in the light.

"What happened?" she asked and gently moved Rainie's bangs aside.

"Annie, his obnoxious fiancée was asking me all these, like, really personal questions about, like, how I had gotten along without my mother." Sharon moved to the kitchen and got an ice pack and a first aid kit while listening to the girl's description of the incident. While Sharon could understand Annie's curiosity, it was evident that the woman had gone about it the wrong way and had been grossly insensitive to the abandonment Rainie had experienced. It angered her that Daniel had his fiancée had been so oblivious to the girl's emotional needs, and treated her as if she was a nuisance. "And then I thought, you know, like, why not get the whole hustling thing out there, and when I did that Annie kinda freaked out and Daniel took me outside to talk. He said I was a whore like my mother, and accused me of trying to ruin his wedding. And then I told him that I could care less about his stupid wedding, and then… then he hit me." Sharon took a seat in front of Rainie and felt her blood boiling with anger when she saw the shame in the girl's eyes. She could tell that Daniel's words had hurt her more than his fist, and she felt guilty for failing to protect this girl from yet another man who abused her body and soul.

"Why didn't you call me?" she asked as she placed her hand under Rainie's chin and put the folded ice pack against the girl's bruised cheek.

"Because, Sharon, I knew you'd be upset and I wanted to think things through," Rainie said. "And we're past the ice stage on my face." She took the ice pack from Sharon's hands.

"How can you be so sure?" Sharon asked as she unzipped the first aid kit.

"I'm sure," the girl stated. When she saw the question in Sharon's eyes, she elaborated. "My, uh… Gary, my mother's boyfriend used to do this sort of thing to me like, once a week, mostly when he thought I was going to refuse him, but sometimes without any reason. My mom was usually passed out drunk or high, and the next morning he would tell her that he beat me because I misbehaved. Until one night she woke up and walked in on us. He told her I came on to him, and the next day, he and my mom dropped me off at the zoo." Once again, the girl lowered her eyes, unable to look at Sharon who watched her, the expression on her face growing more and more concerned. "So now you know everything." Sharon gave the girl a single nod and let out a soft hum. She had so many questions that she wanted to ask Rainie, so many solacing words she wanted to say to the girl, but at that moment, she needed to distance herself from the girl's disturbing confession and take care of her physical wounds. She cleaned the gushing laceration on Rainie's bottom lip with an alcohol pad, and it surprised her that the girl didn't hiss. Sharon could only assume that her mind must have been in a place so far away that the physical pain could not reach her. She documented Rainie's injuries and applied an anti-inflammatory cream on her lip. The rage she felt about what Daniel Dunn and Sharon Beck's boyfriend have done to the girl was blinding. Sharon had never felt the need to hurt someone the way she felt tonight. She wanted to make the men who hurt Rainie suffer, and the intensity of that need for revenge scared her.

"Rainie, do you want to sleep in my bed tonight?" she offered when she noticed the girl's eyes becoming glossy. The girl lived with her long enough for Sharon to recognize that she was exhausted. She knew that the level of intimacy in sharing a bed might be a bit too much for Rainie. They have shared one hug before and at one instance, Rainie had fallen asleep on her shoulder while they were watching a movie on TV. Rainie nodded and went to her room to change, while Sharon put away the first aid kit and then quickly went through her nightly routine. Rainie was sitting on the edge of the bed when Sharon came into the room from the bathroom.

"I wasn't sure which side is yours," she said shyly. Sharon pointed at the side of the bed where she slept, and slid into bed, and Rainie crawled into the other side. She was surprised when the girl curled into a ball against her body.

"Wake me up if you need anything during the night," Sharon said softly and felt the girl's hand gripping at her nightshirt. She placed her palm over the girl's head protectively, when the words began flowing out of Rainie's mouth, telling her about all the horrible things that Gary had done to her since she was a child. Sharon couldn't stop her tears, and it appeared that it was all that Rainie needed to burst into tears as well. She sobbed into Sharon's shoulder for what seemed like hours, and all Sharon could do was wrap her arms around the fragile girl who was not even sixteen yet, and beg her to understand that what had happened to her was not her fault. Eventually, the energy drained out Rainie's body, and she fell asleep in Sharon's arms. Even though she was also exhausted, Sharon's thoughts prevented her from getting any sleep. She sat in bed for most of the night, her arms draped over the sleeping girl's body and wept. She couldn't recall when in her life she had ever cried so much. She hadn't shed that many tears even when Jack left her for the first time, or when she found out that he had emptied their joint bank account. And despite her painful history, she couldn't think of any event in her life that was as horrific as what Rainie has been through. After several hours of crying and countless thoughts that went through her brain, she felt her eyelids becoming heavy. She barely managed to complete another thought before she surrendered to her fatigue and let sleep claim her.

The following morning, both women woke up with puffy eyes, and Sharon was horrified to discover that Rainie's face had swollen so much that she could no longer open her left eye. Since the girl had complained of a headache, Sharon decided that Rainie should see a doctor and make sure nothing in her face was broken. Although it was a school day, Sharon had called and notified them that Rainie was not feeling well and would not attend. She couldn't help but wonder how many times the girl had gone to school after taking a beating from Gary, and how it was even possible that none of her teachers had reported to the police or DCS that the girl was living in abusive conditions. It angered her so much that she needed to take a moment for herself in order to cool off.

After the doctor confirmed that the only damage caused to Rainie's face was bruising and that it would most likely heal without leaving any scar or other distortion, Sharon had taken her to PAB with her. She had not considered her team's reaction when they saw the girl's beaten face.

"What the hell did the asshole do to you?" Lieutenant Flynn was the first to express his rage, and behind him, Sharon could see Julio's fists curling into balls.

"Would you go and wait in my office?" she asked the girl who nodded and headed to Sharon's office, closing the door and shutting the blinds.

"I should have warned you in advance, but we've had a rough night," Sharon apologized to the squad. "Unfortunately, it appears that Daniel Dunn is not a fit father." Even though she chose her words carefully, her rage was evident in her tone.

"Son of a bitch," she heard Provenza muttering under his breath.

"Look, she's already upset, and in pain. I know we are all angry about this, but can I please ask you to not make it worse for her?" Sharon implored her team.

"Do you expect us to ignore a child abuser?" Sharon could see the fire that was burning in Flynn's eyes.

"Of course not. I will handle this situation in my own way. Buzz, could you please grab your camera and document her wounds?" she asked, and Buzz nodded and went to Electronics to fetch his camera. "Everyone else, I'm expecting your final reports on our ID theft case on my desk by eleven, so please finish them if you haven't." She knew that none of them needed that reminder, but she wanted to change the subject. She didn't want any of them to hover over Rainie or her. Flynn and Julio glared at her for a long moment but then went back to their desks to work on their reports.

Rainie seemed calmer during the day than she had been the previous night. The doctor prescribed her some painkillers, and she fell asleep on the green armchair in Sharon's office. It was when Sharon returned from the break room with her coffee when she noticed Lieutenant Flynn removing his jacket and covering the sleeping girl. The expression on his face was a mix of anger and compassion and Sharon was familiar with it, although in a professional setting. When he caught her gaze through the glass window, she motioned with her hand for him to leave her office and join her in the hallway.

"Please tell me he didn't do anything more than this," he said as they walked towards the break room, where they would be able to conduct a quiet conversation. Sharon shook her head. "This guy needs to be locked up."

"She doesn't want to press charges," Sharon replied.

"You can't let this creep walk free, Captain," she could see the fury taking over Flynn and placed her hand on his shoulder.

"She wants to put this behind her, Andy. She needs to have control over her situation. It's hard enough as it is," Sharon explained as she sank into one of the chairs in the break room.

"How are you handling this?" he asked. She pursed her lips and shrugged. "Have you eaten?"

"I'm not hungry," Sharon replied. "This kind of thing takes away your appetite."

"If you want, I can come over tonight and cook some pasta for the two of you," he suggested. The odd look Sharon gave him made him realize that she wasn't sure what the intentions behind his kindness were. "If you won't let me arrest the bastard, at least let me cook for the two of you," he explained.

"I guess you could come over tonight if you want," Sharon said. The idea of having someone cooking for Rainie and her was appealing. The fridge was empty, and she wasn't in the mood for cooking dinner. "Is there anything you need me to buy for you?"

"No, I have everything. Do you or the kid have any food allergies or dislikes I should know about?" he asked.

Sharon shook her head and thanked him again. She was touched by his kindness and by the need he felt to take care of Rainie and her. She has known Andy Flynn long enough to know that behind the tough exterior there was a sensitive man who cared intensely about the people in his life. Even though they seemed to be at odds with each other when she just took over Chief Johnson's role, he was the first member of the Major Crimes team to welcome her and show her the ropes. On several occasions, she had overheard him defending her to Provenza, although she was more than capable of handling the old lieutenant's irritation without his help. She also enjoyed Flynn's sarcasm and sense of humor that helped lighten up some of the harder days on the job. She knew he was a good man, and a great team player and she appreciated his concern for Rainie and her.

"Is seven okay?"

"Yeah, sure. Thank you, Andy. It's very kind of you," she said. "Now, if you excuse me, I have some reports to go over." She pushed her chair back and stood up. He offered her a comforting smile before she left the break room and went back to her office.

* * *

Rainie devoured Andy's pasta quickly and asked for a second serving. Sharon smiled as Andy refilled the girl's plate and offered her another serving as well. She accepted, and he added some pasta to Sharon's plate. His pasta was delicious, and it was easy to tell that the recipe was etched in his mind. He had told her that he had spent many hours in his grandmother's kitchen and not only learned to make different kinds of pasta sauces but also knew how to make the pasta from scratch. He had told her that making pasta was one of his hobbies. Sharon couldn't deny that his pasta made her imagine a cozy and warm Italian kitchen. She could almost hear the sizzling of the sauces in the pans and the bubbling of water in the pots with every bite she took.

"This is delicious," she complimented him, and he smiled shyly. She watched Rainie as she ate the pasta on her plate as if someone was chasing her. It was one of the girl's habits that drove Sharon nuts, but she wasn't sure how to make her stop and didn't want Rainie to feel self-conscious about her table manners.

"It tastes better if you chew it," Andy grinned. Rainie's fork froze mid-air as she raised her head from her plate and looked at him. "Try eating them one by one, and it will make the taste of the sauce feel more intense." The girl gave him a quick nod and brought the fork to her mouth, slowly chewing the pasta.

"Hey, you're right!" she called out and smiled for the first time that day. Sharon looked at Rainie, almost shocked that the thing that made the girl smile was something as insignificant as pasta sauce.

"Leave room for dessert," Andy said.

"When did you have time to make dessert?" Sharon looked at him. This man was full of surprises.

"I made it before I came here. Do you like Cannoli, Rainie?" he asked.

"I don't think I ever had cannoli," the girl responded.

"Well, we're gonna fix that tonight," Andy said and Rainie burst into a hearty laughter that surprised the two adults in the room. It was not meant to be a joke, but for some reason, the girl laughed, and it was contagious. Sharon couldn't contain her happiness at the sound of Rainie's laughter and began giggling as well, and Andy looked at both of them with a confused smile.

After they had dessert, Rainie decided to retire to bed, leaving Sharon and Andy alone on the balcony, where they sat after dinner. They sipped their tea quietly for a long moment, and Sharon felt calm for the first time since Rainie came home beaten up. She wasn't sure whether it was Andy's wonderful cooking or his company that left her more satiated than she had felt in a while.

"Are you okay?" Andy noticed how quiet she was.

"Yes, I'm just thinking," she replied and brought the cup of tea to her lips. "You know, it's been a difficult 24 hours. Seeing Rainie beaten up so badly, and hearing from her what had happened to her, it's been horrific." She paused and took another sip of her tea, noticing the attentive way Andy looked at her. "And you somehow made her laugh. It's the first time she's laughed since she came here."

"Is it?" Andy wondered.

"Yes," Sharon replied with a smile. "I don't know how you did it, but thank you for making her laugh. I didn't realize just how badly I needed to hear her laughter."

"I'm sure she was just decompressing, but you're welcome," he smiled at her and finished his tea. "It's getting late," he said as he picked up his dessert plate from the small balcony table.

"Don't worry about the dishes. I'll wash them," Sharon said, and he put his mug and the plate down. "Thank you so much for the delicious dinner and dessert. And for your company tonight." Sharon put her mug down as they walked from the balcony into the living room.

"It was really my pleasure, Captain," he replied. "I hope Rainie, and you can get some sleep tonight." He walked towards the door and Sharon followed him, watching him unlock it.

"I hope so too," Sharon spoke quietly. "Good night, Andy."

"Good night, Captain. See you at work tomorrow," he replied as he left the condo and closed the door behind him. Sharon locked it again and then leaned against it with a sigh. She had never expected any member of her division to ever like her enough to visit her house, and much less cook for her and check on her and Rainie. That Lieutenant Flynn cared so much about their emotional wellbeing was touching. With a soft smile playing on her lips, she did the dishes.

After she was done, Sharon walked down the hall and gently knocked on Rainie's door. When she heard no response, she cracked the door open. The girl was sound asleep, tucked under the cream comforter. The warm light from the bedside lamp glowed softly over her features and gave her ginger tresses a golden hue. Sharon turned the lamp off and went out of the room, happy to see that Rainie was getting some overdue sleep. She closed the door behind her as she went to her bedroom, with Daniel Dunn still weighing on her mind. The thought of that man was troubling, but Sharon filed it away, for now, knowing that she, too, needed sleep. She would cross that bridge when she reaches it, and then she will burn it down.

-TBC-

* * *

 **As always, I'd love to know your thoughts about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/** **N:** I apologize in advance for the long author's note.

In the week that passed since I posted chapter 5, I've received several messages from the same person, most of them extremely rude, about writing Andy into the story.

First of all - if you send me rude messages, call me names and disrespect the time I put into writing this and any other fanfiction, your review will be deleted. I have no interest in helping you spread your negativity and no time for it either.

The same person called me a fake feminist, because of the dinner Andy cooked for Sharon and Rainie. FYI there are (and always have been) several approaches to feminism, and the one I support says that being a feminist doesn't mean not hanging out with men or avoiding romantic relationships with them. So if Sharon had a male friend who saw that she was upset and decided to do something nice to help lift her spirit up, there's nothing wrong with it.

They also pointed out that I broke my promise to stay as close as possible to canon by inserting Andy so early. To clarify, it's my right to take artistic liberty with this story. If I wrote everything the same way it happened on the show, it wouldn't be interesting. Also, aside from being a retelling, it is also AU by definition.

However, a romantic relationship between Sharon and Andy will happen at the pace that it happened on the show, but it is very likely that I will fill in the relationship development we didn't get to see, including the friendship part.

So to that person who wrote all those nasty reviews, I hope that the information I provided here about my views and where this story is going will be useful to you in deciding whether or not you want to continue reading this story. If it's not your cup of tea, it's fine by me, but I don't care to hear your opinion about it if you are gonna be disrespectful about it.

And of course, a huge thanks to the rest of you for reading this story and leaving reviews. I hope everyone keeps enjoying it. And I extend my eternal gratitude to the ever-so-lovely blossom—of—snow (aka bloom-and-grow-forever on FFN) for being my beta for this story.

* * *

Sharon loaded her plate and empty coffee mug into the dishwasher and threw a glance at her watch. It was almost seven, and Rainie still hasn't emerged from the bathroom. She has been there for close to an hour already, and Sharon was beginning to wonder what she was up to. She walked down the hall and knocked on the bathroom door. A muffled hum was heard from behind the closed door.

"Is everything okay in there?" Sharon asked. The door opened to reveal Rainie standing in front of the mirror and applying a thick layer of foundation on her face.

"I can't make it hide my black eye," she whined and turned towards Sharon so she could see.

"The color of this foundation doesn't match your skin color, that's why," Sharon explained and grabbed a cotton pad. She soaked it with makeup remover and gently swiped it around Rainie's eye and cheek that were still heavily bruised. "Let's see if any of my makeup matches you better." Sharon opened one of the drawers and took out a couple of concealer tubes. She squeezed a little bit of product out onto the back of her hand and began applying it on Rainie's face with a clean makeup brush. Then she took a step back and examined the color. "I think the other one might work a bit better," she said and used another cotton pad to wipe the concealer she applied on Rainie's face. She applied the other concealer and nodded. "It's not perfect, but it hides most of it."

"Thanks, Sharon. It looks so much better now," Rainie said after she examined the result. The girl's lip was still split, but the Sharon couldn't do anything about it.

"Are you good to go?" she asked. Rainie confirmed and went to her room to get her backpack. Sharon had offered her to buy a new one, but Rainie preferred on keeping the old, beaten backpack. She agreed to let Sharon wash it, which was a good compromise for both of them. It didn't surprise Sharon that Rainie had clung to physical items. Her frequent moves were noted in her DCFS file, as she had attended five elementary schools and three middle schools. It appeared that Rainie's mother tended to move around a lot, and Rainie did mention in passing that they were often evicted from the apartments they lived in after her mother forgot to pay the rent, or preferred spending it on drugs. It therefore made sense that the girl's backpack and the old pajama shirt she kept gave her a sense of stability that she had never felt anywhere. It was a security that Daniel Dunn was now threatening, and Sharon promised her that by the end of the day, he would be out of her life. She was expecting the meeting with Daniel Dunn to be emotionally draining for the girl, but she promised Rainie that she was going to be there with her and that it would only take a couple of minutes. She had no intention to expose Rainie to this man for longer than it was necessary to make him sign a termination of his parental rights.

"Sharon?" she felt the girl's hand gently resting on her shoulder. She hummed and looked at Rainie, slightly disoriented and confused. Her thoughts drifted away, and she was still standing in the middle of the bathroom and staring at nothing in particular. "Don't we have to leave?"

"Yes, honey, we do," she replied and offered the girl a smile that she had hoped would be comforting. She walked out of the bathroom, following Rainie down the hall where she grabbed her purse and car keys before they left the condo.

Sharon watched the girl for a long moment when she walked out of the car and into the school. She used to do that when her children were little, just to make sure that they were fine and got into school alright. She saw the kids that greeted each other and formed small groups as they walked down the path that led to the school building. Rainie seemed to be the only student that no one approached. Sharon knew that she was struggling socially at school, and it upset her to see Rainie so lonely. It was especially frustrating for Sharon after the girl had been rejected by several clubs at school under the claim that she did not embody the spirit of the clubs she wished to join. Sharon had offered her to sign up for a sports team or another after-school program at one of the many youth recreation centers where she would be able to meet kids her age, but the girl didn't express any interest in that. She watched her foster daughter as she walked into the school building and then drove away from there, trying very hard to push the lingering worries about Rainie's social status at school out of her mind. She couldn't fix Rainie's social problems sitting in the carpool lane, and she preferred thinking about the day that was ahead of her, and the case that the Major Crimes division was trying to solve.

* * *

Sharon poured herself a glass of wine and emptied it faster than she expected. It had been a hectic day; the Major Crimes team was under an FID investigation after stopping a dangerous assassin whose name they still didn't know. She was sure that the team will be cleared, but for the time being, four members of her division had to give away their service weapons and go through interviews with FID and behavioral science. Until then, her division was non-operational. On another front, Daniel Dunn had signed away his parental rights which gave Sharon a great sense of relief. She knew that for Rainie it was a bittersweet experience. Having to face a man who had verbally and physically abused her was difficult even for an adult, and the girl's courage to stand up to the person who had wronged her gave Sharon a lot of pride. But stopping a dangerous murderer from ever killing again and removing a child abuser from her foster daughter's life had also made room in Sharon's mind for other concerns. The thoughts about Rainie's social situation returned to plague her, and she felt like there was something she could do. Part of helping the girl maintain a sense of stability would be helping her create social connections with teenagers her age. Sharon noticed that the girl liked to draw and also seemed to be interested in creative writing. Having raised one child with artistic inclinations, Sharon wanted to help Rainie to not only develop her skills and possibly explore new areas of art, but also meet new friends.

She refilled her wine glass and walked down the hall to the girl's bedroom. The door was half open, and she knocked on the doorframe before she heard Rainie's voice. She pushed the door open and went into the room.

Rainie was sitting on her bed and drawing in her notebook. After the incident with the wall, Sharon had bought her colorful sharpies and gave them to her. While Sharon did not encourage vandalism, she recognized that the wall has been the girl's outlet for otherwise repressed emotions and decided to allow the wall drawings. They have made a deal that Rainie would not draw on other walls in the room, except for this one, and that once it was full of her drawings, Rainie would repaint it if she wished to make room for new art.

"Can I sit?" she asked, and Rainie nodded. Sharon took a seat on the edge of the bed. "How are you feeling?" She expected that it would take Rainie some time to process the events of the day.

"I don't know," the girl shrugged. "Kinda empty, maybe."

"Empty?" Sharon inquired.

"I always imagined that my father was a hero who sacrificed his life for his country, but he ended up being a douchebag who only cared about himself; he didn't even want me to begin with. He was supposed to be a part of me, and by getting to know who he really is, I feel like that part is lost."

"Just because Daniel is not the person you had hoped he would be doesn't mean that part of you is gone," Sharon felt horrible for bringing Daniel Dunn into this girl's life. He had done nothing but turn the fairytale the girl had in her head into a nightmare and Sharon was angry at him and herself for everything that had transpired.

"Maybe you're right," Rainie said and pushed her notebook towards Sharon so she could see the drawing she was working on. It was a drawing of a man; he had an oblong face, Roman nose, high cheekbones and almond-shaped eyes that were reminiscent of Rainie's. She was still working on the haircut, but as far as Sharon could tell, she was drawing a crew-cut. "That's how I always imagined he would look," she explained. Sharon took a long moment to examine all the details. The face Rainie had drawn was strikingly realistic, and Sharon felt as if the imaginary father was staring at her from the page. If that drawing meant anything, it was that Rainie had a natural talent for drawing portraits.

"Much better looking than Daniel," Sharon said. "Who taught you to draw like that?"

"I don't know. There must have been someone, but I can't remember who it was," Rainie admitted. "I still can't understand how the art club refused to accept me. I'm not that bad, right?"

"You probably draw just as well, if not better than any of them," Sharon replied. "I've been thinking. Why don't you start your own club?"

"There's already one art club," Rainie replied.

"That's true, but there's no creative writing club at St. Joseph's and I bet you are not the only kid in that school who can write," Sharon suggested.

"Can I do that? Just start my own club?" By the way Rainie's eyes widened it was clear that she had not considered the idea. Sharon nodded. "How do I do that?"

"Well, first, you have to submit a request for St. Joseph's and wait for them to approve it. Once they do, they'll be able to guide you through the process," Sharon explained.

"What if they don't approve my club? Or if people don't join it?" Rainie said. "People hate me at school after what I said to Sister Clara."

"If any of that happens, we'll figure it out. But why don't you try first?" Sharon encouraged her.

Knowing some of the faculty members, she had been surprised to discover that they all held a grudge against Rainie for the incident with the nun. Rainie had apologized and was punished with a month of detention, but it appeared that the girl's repentance hadn't mattered much. Father Redmond and the faculty had taken any chance they could to latch onto any academic mistake Rainie made in class or her schoolwork. The incident also had an impact on Rainie's social life at school. As the great majority of the other students were Catholic, they regarded her solecism at a nun as disrespect towards their faith and disliked her. As far as Sharon knew, she wasn't being bullied, but from the reports of a teacher she trusted, it appeared that Rainie had spent all her recesses and lunch breaks alone. Sharon had hoped that the St. Joseph's faculty would be able to put aside their trepidation of Rainie and give her a real chance to make friends by establishing her own club. She was sure that once the other students got to know her, they would understand that the incident had been a terrible mistake Rainie deeply regretted. If the faculty did not approve her club, Sharon would consider transferring Rainie to a school that would offer her the option to start again. She had no intention to force Rainie to stay at a school that was shunning her for one slip of the tongue, as horrible as it may have been. However, she wished for the girl to try before the staff reaped Sharon's wrath. If things went well, Rainie would get a chance to prove to the faculty and students that she was a reformed person who wanted to fit in.

Even when she took all of the possible outcomes into account, Sharon was surprised to receive a call from Father Redmond at the end of the following day asking her to come to a meeting with Rainie. He refused to specify what it was about, and since the school forbade students to use their phones on school premises, Sharon could not text or call Rainie to find out. She has left work early and hurried to St. Joseph's, still wondering what trouble Rainie could have gotten into. As she strode down the hall of the school, she spotted Rainie sitting on the heavy wooden bench outside Father Redmond's office, looking dejected.

"Sharon?" the girl seemed surprised to see her.

"What happened?" Sharon asked the confused girl.

"I don't know. Father Redmond just called me to his office. I've been waiting here for half an hour. I didn't do anything wrong," Rainie said. Sharon knocked on the door to Father Redmond's office and opened it when she heard his response.

"Captain," the priest greeted her and asked her and Rainie to come into his office. He offered them a seat, and they took it. "This morning I came in, and this application was waiting for me in my mailbox," he said and handed Sharon a paper. Upon a quick inspection, Sharon realized it was the request Rainie submitted to open her club. "It's not often that I see a student here that shows such great disrespect for our school and the staff and then comes to us with demands."

"Demands?" Sharon arched her eyebrow. She re-examined the request Rainie filled in. There didn't seem to be anything wrong or unusual in it. "This seems like a pretty standard request form to open a new club at the school."

"Rainie can't come here and ask to open a new club after she blatantly disrespected an employee of the school and uttered blasphemies," Father Redmond spoke angrily.

"Father, the incident you are talking about happened three months ago. Rainie has apologized to Sister Clara and to the students who witnessed the incident. She had been a hardworking and well-behaved student since then. She completed a month of detention the school decided to punish her with. Now she wishes to become a productive member of this academic community and engage in a positive activity. I believe that she should be allowed to do so," Sharon argued.

"Captain, the Catholic church appreciates the effort and devotion you've put into helping the needy. However, as we have experienced first-hand of the heresies that this girl spews, we don't believe that she should receive the opportunity to express her views – literary or otherwise – in front of other students at the school," Father Redmond's face became flushed. Seeing the man's anger, Sharon realized she wouldn't be able to outwit him this time.

"Father, I believe some kind of compromise can be reached here," she suggested.

"What do you propose?" At least Father Redmond was willing to listen.

"An agreement between Rainie and the school. Rainie will be allowed to establish her club, and the school will be allowed to monitor the club's activity," Sharon said and looked at Rainie. The girl nodded in agreement.

"It sounds like a fair agreement," he seemed to consider the idea. "The school would require that Rainie submit all of her writings to a teacher in the school before presenting it to the club. The teacher will be able to approve or reject her piece, or demand that it will be revised," he said after a moment's thought.

"Rainie?" Sharon asked, trying to engage the girl in the conversation and see what her stance on Father Redmond's stipulation was.

"May I choose which teacher I submit it to?" Rainie asked.

"While I believe any teacher in this school is capable for this task, I propose that you submit your writings to your English teacher," he replied.

"Yes, Father Redmond," the girl said and Sharon felt joy filling her at the agreement that would allow Rainie get what she wanted.

"I would like to add my own stipulation, if I may," Sharon said. Both Rainie and Father Redmond looked at her. "There will be no repercussions against Rainie for any text before its revision or following its approval." Father Redmond nodded.

"I hope you use the new club wisely, Rainie," he said. "Please head over to the office tomorrow morning to receive the club guideline."

Sharon and Rainie thanked him and left his office. Once they were out in the hall, Rainie wrapped her arms around Sharon.

"Thank you for standing up for me," her voice was thick with emotion. Sharon had not expected the hug but welcomed it.

"You deserve a second chance," she responded warmly. Rainie pulled away and smiled at her.

An hour later, the both of them were sitting on the balcony in Sharon's condo and watching the sunset. The sky was changing colors rapidly, and the sight was breathtaking. For Sharon, it was the perfect way to end a day: good news, a glass of wine and the beautiful view from her balcony. She was relieved that the day ended on a positive note. She had hoped that despite of Rainie's rough start at St. Joseph's, other students would join the club. As much as she enjoyed the girl's company, Rainie needed some friends her age, and she hoped that the club will help her achieve that. She also knew that it would look great on her college application. At this stage the idea of being accepted to college was foreign to Rainie; she didn't think she had a chance and even if she did get in, she was sure she won't be able to afford it. Sharon was far from able to tell the future, but she knew that if Rainie still lived with her in a year and a half, she would be happy to pay for her college education. She wasn't sure how deeply she wished to examine her feelings towards this girl, but her motherly instincts were in overdrive as far as Rainie was concerned. She wanted to protect her, take care of her needs, provide her with everything she's never had before and help her become a happy and kind person.

Sharon emptied her glass down her throat and smiled to herself. It was not yet clear what the future would bring to them and what challenges they might encounter, but at this moment in time, she was thankful for Rainie's presence in her life, and she knew the sentiment was mutual.

-TBC-

* * *

 **As always, I would love to know your thoughts about this chapter. They don't have to be positive, but please remember Sharon wanted us to be kind... So feel free to leave a review or send me a PM (and even if you disagree with something I wrote, I'll be happy to discuss it with you in a civil manner, so I encourage you to leave your reviews as registered members rather than guests). Peace and love to all of you!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N** **:** Your kind reviews and messages warmed my heart this week. I am glad that so many people are liking this story, and I am happy to continue writing in this fandom.  
This chapter corresponds with episode 2x01 and like most previous chapters, it discusses some dark themes. I feel like some of what I wrote about in this chapter was mentioned on the show but never explored, and I think it's time it got some attention.

Once again, I'd love to thank my dear friend, blossom-of-snow (AKA bloom-and-grow-forever on FFN) for beta reading this story and giving me valuable writing guidance that really helps me deliver better storytelling. She's a super talented writer, too, so I recommend her fics.

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The condo was dark and quiet when Sharon unlocked the door and came in. Five months ago this atmosphere would have been expected, but since Rainie has come to live with her, Sharon had gotten used to coming home to someone at the end of the day. Rainie had been at PAB earlier that day, to talk to DDA Emma Rios for the second time about the Philip Stroh trial. After Emma had called her a whorefan, Rainie had not wanted to do a second interview. Sharon had convinced her by explaining to her the importance of her role in Stroh's trial. She did not want to threaten Rainie's stability as Chief Taylor has when he has threatened to remove the girl from her custody. Doing that would be cruel and unnecessary. She knew that Rainie was an intelligent and compassionate girl and that even though the interview must have brought up some difficult memories, using reason would help her understand why she had to talk to Emma and testify against Stroh. After the second conversation with Emma, Rainie grabbed her car keys and left PAB without saying goodbye to anyone. She had not looked upset, but Sharon knew her well enough. The girl was an expert at hiding her feelings until she was somewhere safe where she could let herself fall apart. Unfortunately, Sharon could not follow her and had to work for several more hours. She tried texting Rainie but received no response.

The condo looked almost deserted, and Sharon wondered if Rainie was even there. She had called her name and heard no response. When she walked down the dark hall, she noticed a strip of light under the bathroom door.

"Rainie?" she knocked on the door. "Are you here?" When she heard nothing, she pressed the door down and cracked the door open. She could see the girl's freckled toes and her heart skipped a beat, her brain immediately playing the worst scenario. Sharon remembered the argument she had with Emma the other day, where she tried to explain to the young DDA that Rainie was at special risk for suicide because of what she's been through. Emma wouldn't hear of it. What if the interview with the insensitive DDA was too much for Rainie to handle? What if it pushed Rainie to harm herself out of desperation? She pushed the door open and burst into the bathroom, praying for the girl to be okay. She let out a relieved sigh when she spotted Rainie sitting on the floor, her back leaning against the bathtub. She was wrapped in a pink towel and staring at her hands.

"Sweetie, what's going on?" Sharon asked and kneeled in front of the girl who looked like she was on a different planet. It took Rainie a long moment to raise her eyes and focus her gaze on Sharon.

"I'll never have any friends," her voice was broken. The girl's face was pale, and when Sharon looked down, she noticed a pill bottle clutched in the girl's hand. Panic set into her body like an electric current, as she felt her breath getting caught in her throat. She took the bottle from Rainie and examined it. It was a bottle of Tylenol.

"Rainie, did you take any of this?" Sharon uncapped the bottle and tried to estimate how many pills were still left in it. It looked half full, but that wasn't encouraging since the bottle originally contained a hundred caplets.

"I'm sorry, Sharon," Rainie sighed. "I should have called you." Her voice was lethargic, and her face was devoid of any emotion.

"It doesn't matter now," Sharon tucked a stray strand of wet hair behind the girl's ear. "I just need you to tell me if you've taken any of this Tylenol."

"Yes," Rainie responded dryly. Sharon felt her heart racing in her chest and her breath getting caught in her lungs. Why hasn't she followed Rainie home sooner? How could she assume that after having to recreate her past of prostitution and sexual abuse the girl would be fine on her own?

"How many have you taken, Rainie?" Her hands were shaking, and she felt tears threatening to burst from her eyes.

"Two," Rainie replied. "I have a horrible headache. Why? What's wrong with them?"

"I thought…" Sharon's voice shook. "I thought the bottle was full." Rainie shrugged, and Sharon tried to hide the relieved exhale she had let out. Rainie suffered from tension headaches, and a day like today must have triggered a bad one. It was horrible, but not the worst thing, compared to what Sharon had thought happened until only a moment ago.

"I wanted to be alone," Rainie spoke quietly. "That's why I didn't call or text you back."

"It's fine. Everyone needs alone time sometimes," Sharon's voice was thick with emotion, and when Rainie gave her an odd look, she realized that she was failing miserably at hiding the distress she was trying to let go of.

"Are you okay?" the girl asked.

"It was just a rough day at work. I solved a difficult case," Sharon lied.

"Your job is crazy," Rainie sighed. Sharon nodded in agreement.

"Is your headache getting better?" she changed the subject.

"A little bit," Rainie said and pulled herself off the floor. Sharon also got up and put the bottle of Tylenol in the medicine cabinet.

"Are you hungry?" Sharon asked.

"Starving. I cooked pasta. I think I was able to replicate Lieutenant Flynn's Alfredo sauce."

Sharon wasn't sure why out of her entire team, Rainie had become close to Lieutenant Flynn, but it appeared that she enjoyed being around him and Provenza when she was in the Murder Room. After watching Rainie eat on the evening when he had cooked for them, Flynn made sure to bring food boxes for her and Rainie every time he cooked.

"That sounds great. Why don't you get dressed while I set the table?" she suggested and watched Rainie as she walked to her room. Sharon closed the bathroom door behind Rainie and leaned against the counter. She took a deep breath and then exhaled it slowly. The worry for the girl's well-being still gnawed at her. The fact that Rainie had not harmed herself today did not mean that she did not consider that or that she would not do so in the future. The girl had refused to talk to a therapist, and while it was important to Sharon to respect Rainie's red lines and boundaries, she was also concerned that the interviews and depositions towards the trial would emotionally wear the girl down. She did not doubt that Rainie was a strong girl, but even the strongest person could break down if put under extreme pressure. It was clear to Sharon that Rainie was not ready to come to terms with the abuse that she suffered. And forcing her to discuss that out in the open had the potential to inflict her serious mental damage.

Their dinner was somber, and afterward, Rainie excused herself to go to her room, not before she assured Sharon that she was exhausted but otherwise alright. An hour later when Sharon checked on her, Rainie was asleep. As she went into bed for the evening, she noticed a text message on her phone from Flynn.

" _How's the kid doing?"_

" _It's hard to tell."_ She typed her response. _"I didn't want to push."_

" _May I call you?"_ Sharon appreciated the fact that he had asked first rather than assuming she would be ready to accept his call. She typed an affirmative answer, and a moment later her phone rang. She picked up right away.

"Hi," she spoke quietly.

"You sound like you've had a rough time," Andy said. Sharon hummed in response. "Do you wanna tell me?"

"It's Emma. I thought she pushed Rainie to do something… irreversible," Sharon explained. Andy was quiet on the other side of the line. "She looked like she didn't even care about anything anymore."

"What did she do?" Andy asked softly.

"She had a bottle of pills in her hand, and she was staring at it. She said she only took two for a headache, but I don't know what she was thinking. It looked like she was considering to take more," Sharon's voice shook as she spoke.

"It sounds like a scary experience," Andy responded.

"I have never worried this way even about my children. I always trusted that they would come and tell me if something was wrong with them. But it's so much more complicated with Rainie. I don't want to smother her, but I also don't want her to get hurt. And for the first time in my life, I don't think I know how to balance the two," Sharon wasn't sure why she decided to confide in Andy, but for some reason talking to him about her fear for Rainie's safety felt good.

"I don't think this is something you should handle on your own. It sounds like Rainie might need professional help," Andy replied.

"She doesn't want it, and I don't want to force her. It wouldn't be a helpful process if I did," Sharon sighed. For the first time since Rainie came to live with her, she realized just how bad things could get if the girl cracked under the strain.

"It's a difficult situation, Captain. Don't feel bad for having trouble navigating through this." Somehow, Sharon found solace in the fact that he had not tried to offer her false comfort. Andy was not that kind of person. He did not downplay her concerns by telling her everything will be fine. He said it like it was and validated her disquiet. It shouldn't have made her feel better, but it did.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"For what?" he wondered.

"For listening," she replied. "I appreciate it."

"Anytime, Captain. It's the least I can do to thank you for not kicking me out of the force years ago," he said.

"My role was not to kick officers out of the force, Andy. My job was to make sure officers follow the rules," Sharon proclaimed.

"Oh, well, if you say so," Andy replied, and Sharon could almost see the grin that spread across his face. She had a feeling he misdirected the conversation that way so he could cheer her up a little. She couldn't deny that it worked. A stubborn little smile was curving the corners of her mouth upwards. He was the good kind of officer, even if he was a hothead. She would never terminate the employment of an officer like Andy Flynn. "Try to get some rest, Captain," he said.

"I'll do my best," she answered, and they wished each other goodnight before hanging up the phone. Sharon adjusted her pillows and lied down, feeling lighter than she had been before. Unloading some of her burdens had alleviated her worries enough so that she could let her mind rest for the night. Maybe once she awoke, she would be able to examine the situation with fresh eyes and a clear head. For now, she had let sleep spread its wide and welcome wings over her.

-TBC-

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 **As always, I'd love to know your thoughts about this chapter so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N** **:** First of all, thank you all for your kind reviews and your support of me in the different social media platforms. I truly appreciate it. This chapter is a bit shorter than the others but it has some real milestone moments for Sharon and Rainie. Also, I have made a few timeline changes. I hope you enjoy it.

And of course, I wanna thank my fabulous beta reader and dear friend, blossom-of-snow (bloom-and-grow-forever of FFN).

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The bottle of wine looked so appealing to Sharon. She couldn't wait to taste the crispness and dryness of the liquid in her mouth. It was one of those days when she needed a drink to help her decompress and let go of her worries and although she never went past two glasses, and most of the time stayed at one, today had felt like a double serving was necessary. However, the moment she remembered the root of her worry that she wanted to let go of, she realized that drinking would not be a good idea.

The letter. It was disturbing, to say the least. It may not have risen to the level of an actionable threat, but that did not mean that Sharon should dismiss the veiled threat.

As if the threat wasn't disruptive enough, Sharon hated punishing Rainie for something that wasn't her fault. Taking the car keys from Rainie and telling her that she couldn't drive it to school anymore was painful for Sharon. These were small concessions in the light of possible consequences, but they added up. Rainie's freedom and stability were being threatened. And the worst part was that the girl was now aware of Emma's threats to take her out of Sharon's custody.

Oh, Emma. That woman's disregard for Rainie's emotions and her constant frustration with Rainie's living arrangement made Sharon's blood boil. All the young DDA could see was the importance of the Stroh trial. She did not care about Rainie's well-being unless it served her somehow. Her injurious impartiality angered Sharon. It did not take a genius to understand that Rainie's emotional stability was at stake here. Handling her, especially when she was not at her best behavior, required a lot of sensitivity.

Now that the girl received a threatening letter, Sharon was even more worried about her mental state. The school year was over, and Rainie had a two weeks' vacation before starting summer school. Sharon had hoped that they would be able to take a short vacation together that would help the both clear their heads. They have been through so much stress and anguish together during the months they've spent adjusting to one another, and a vacation could help them to relax and take a breather. But the letter changed her mind. While it did not contain an overt threat, it was still an attempt at witness intimidation, and it was likely that Rainie would receive more letters. Sharon wanted to be on top of things, to know if the letters persisted. She couldn't afford to let her guard down, and for the time being the vacation would have to be postponed.

Sharon closed the fridge and sighed. She'll have to settle on another vice, such as ice cream, chocolate or tea. She filled the kettle and turned it on, and then walked down the hall to Rainie's room. The door was open, and Rainie was writing something in her notebook.

"Hi," Sharon said as she stood at the doorway.

"Hi," Rainie replied, her voice barely audible.

"I was wondering if you want to order pizza and watch a movie together," Sharon offered. Rainie raised her head from her notebook.

"I don't feel like eating, or watching a movie," the girl replied, her voice lethargic.

"Alright," Sharon said and looked around the room, noticing the calendar that Rainie hung above her desk. The first day of the summer vacation was highlighted in pink. "Your vacation is starting tomorrow, and I think we should go to the mall and buy you a swimsuit." Rainie shrugged in response. "You know that we have a wonderful swimming pool in the building, right?"

"I don't know how to swim," the girl still didn't look up from her notebook.

"I'll teach you. It's really easy," Sharon tried to sound excited about it, but her attempt at cheerfulness did not seem to have any effect on Rainie.

"I'm really tired. Can you turn the light off?" the girl put the notebook down on her nightstand and crawled into bed.

"Sure," Sharon switched the light in the room off. "Good night." She closed the door behind her. She hated it that Rainie's summer vacation was not going to be as exciting as she had hoped and that despite her involvement in the creative writing club, the girl had not found any friends she could hang out with outside of school. She had hoped the club would be more successful, but only a handful of students joined it, and Rainie didn't really hit it off with any of them. Sharon hoped that the girl would meet a friend or two at summer school, but until it started, she wanted to make the short summer vacation feel less gloomy.

Sharon walked back to the kitchen and made a cup of tea and carried it to the living room and then returned to the kitchen and pulled an ice cream tub out of the freezer. She grabbed a spoon from the cutlery drawer and went to the living room. Rainie may have not needed the distraction, but Sharon definitely did. She turned the television on and chose _10 Things I Hate About You_ from the DVR list. Emily had always liked this particular one, and even though Sharon had seen parts of it here and there, she's never seen the whole film. It was time to see what Emily's excitement was all about. She was surprised, however, when twenty minutes into the film she heard steps down the hall and Rainie emerged into the living room.

"Is it too loud?" Sharon asked.

"No, I… uh, I can't sleep," Rainie said and walked towards the couch.

"Grab a spoon," Sharon said before the girl sat down. Rainie went to the kitchen and returned a moment later with a ladle.

"Do you think that's big enough?" she asked. Sharon paused the movie and turned backward. She couldn't hold back her laughter when she saw Rainie holding up the ladle. "I always say 'go big or go home.'"

"You are home, sweetie," Sharon said, only half-joking.

"Does it still mean I can't go big?" Rainie wondered.

"Well, not if you want the spoon to fit in the pint," Sharon smiled. She knew Rainie had a good sense of humor, even though the girl hasn't shown it that often. Rainie went back to the kitchen and returned with a real spoon this time. She took a seat next to Sharon who passed her the ice cream tub.

"Oh my God! You ate half of it!" Rainie gasped.

"I did not!" Sharon responded. Rainie narrowed her eyes and gave her a faux-stern look. "Okay, maybe I did," she admitted. She liked it when Rainie was in a goofy mood, and she normally played along. So often, she had to walk on eggshells when she spoke to Rainie, and it was exhausting. Moments like this made her feel like everything was normal, even though she was well aware that the mood could become serious again at any moment.

"Which movie is it?" Rainie asked.

" _10 Things I Hate About You_ ," Sharon replied.

"I've never watched this one," the girl said.

"Let me rewind so you can watch from the beginning," Sharon grabbed the remote.

Rainie stopped her. "No, don't. It's not such a big deal," Sharon gave her a quick nod and put the remote down. They watched silently, occasionally passing the ice cream tub between them. It was towards the middle of the movie that Sharon felt Rainie resting her head against her shoulder.

"Are you tired?" she asked softly.

"No," Rainie's voice was a barely a whisper. "I just feel… comfortable here, with you." The girl snuggled closer to Sharon. "Please don't send me away."

"Why would I want to do that?" Sharon asked and wrapped her arm around the girl's shoulders.

"To keep me safe," Rainie responded.

"You're perfectly safe here," Sharon smiled at the girl.

Rainie thanked her, even though Sharon wasn't sure what the gratitude was for. She never had any intention of sending the girl away. Emma was not going to dictate Sharon's choices, and she was fully equipped to protect the girl if necessary. That Rainie even felt threatened by the option of being removed from Sharon's custody worried her. Did this girl really think that Sharon would give her up at the first sign of trouble? Didn't she prove that she would stick with her no matter what? It was devastating to realize how frail Rainie was. She paused the movie and turned to look at the girl.

"Rainie, this is your home. This is where you belong. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Rainie's eyes widened, and her mouth fell open.

Sharon was relieved to see the girl's features slowly relaxing as the idea of having a safe home finally dawned on her. She knew that Rainie was still far from fully trusting her. One promise couldn't undo the years of neglect and abuse the girl has suffered, but it would be the first brick in the road they would walk together. Sharon knew that one brick would not mean much in the long run, but for now, it was a good start.

-TBC-

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 **As always, I'd love to know your thoughts about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N** **:** So this is where I began to change some major plot point of Rusty/Rainie's story and I hope it will be an interesting way to explore the sexuality issue.

I'd like to thank the lovely blossom-of-snow for beta reading this story. She does a wonderful work.

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Sharon was almost caught staring and felt her cheeks becoming red, focusing her attention on the evidence report that she was reading. The sight of her foster daughter and her friend made her self-control slip a little, even though she was not sure how it would develop. Since Rainie has started summer school, she heard the name Chris pop up more than once. In fact, she gathered that there may have been more than one student by that name in Rainie's summer school because sometimes Rainie referred to Chris as a boy and sometimes as a girl. She didn't ask about it, and Rainie hasn't elaborated on Chris's gender. As long as Rainie found a friend, Sharon didn't care much if it was a boy or a girl.

When Rainie walked into the murder room with a boy, Sharon had been a bit taken aback. Chris had dark unruly hair, a pierced eyebrow and the general looks of a troublemaker. Sharon had to remind herself not to judge a book by its cover. She also reminded herself that with Rainie's background and lack of experience with healthy romantic relationships, she could be easily manipulated by men. She watched the two teens as they sat at one of the empty desks and started their homework. Sharon noticed the way Chris stared at Rainie's lips, a sure sign that he was attracted to her. She couldn't hear what they were saying, but she could tell he was making Rainie laugh. After throwing several glances at the two teens, Rainie turned her head, and Sharon barely diverted her gaze in time.

She went back to reading the evidence report in front of her. But even then her eyes traveled back up to look at Rainie and Chris through the window. She noticed the way that Chris leaned toward Rainie, another sign that he was trying to get closer to her. Knowing how to interpret nonverbal communication could often help an investigator crack a case, but when Sharon looked at Rainie, it was hard for her to understand how her foster daughter felt about this boy. On one hand, Rainie was not leaning away from Chris, and Sharon could not detect any other gestures that suggested she was intimidated or uncomfortable with Chris's proximity to her. On the other hand, Rainie's was not sending any encouraging physical indicators for Chris that she was feeling the same attraction. Without hearing their conversation, it was impossible for Sharon to conclude if Rainie was intentionally sending mixed signs or simply oblivious to Chris's advances. She wondered if Rainie was ready for a relationship or if she was leading Chris on, to keep his friendship.

Chris came with Rainie to the PAB the following day, too, and this time, he was not playing games. Sharon accidentally discovered Provenza and Buzz eavesdropping on the two teenagers while they studied for their SAT's. She wasn't sure what made her bet with Provenza that Rainie would not accept Chris's invitation to Hollywood Forever but watching their interactions the previous day made her suspect that Rainie was not serious about this boy. When Rainie ended up turning Chris's invitation down, Sharon realized that it was time to have a conversation with the girl about her friendship with this boy. She wanted to make sure that Rainie felt safe and comfortable around Chris and find out whether or not the girl was aware of his interest in her.

When they returned home later that evening, Sharon was still considering the different ways that she could address the Chris issue, and has not brought it up yet.

"Umm, Sharon?" Rainie approached her as they ate dinner. "Is it okay for the other Kris to come study with me tomorrow?"

"The other Kris?" Sharon arched her eyebrows, confusion registering across her features.

"Yeah, I told you about her, didn't I?" Rainie asked. Sharon now realized that her suspicion that there was more than one Chris at Rainie's summer school was correct.

"Sure, she came come," Sharon replied. "So, Chris and Kris, huh?"

"I know. It's totally weird. And they're friends with each other too," Rainie said.

"Are they new at St. Joseph's or were they in your class last year?" Sharon wondered. She was pretty sure neither of those kids was in the creative writing club.

"Chris Finnigan was in my homeroom last year, but we didn't really talk to each other," Rainie explained. "And Kris Slater is new. She just moved here. Her father is an international lawyer or something, so her family moves around a lot."

"I'd love to meet Kris," Sharon said. Seeing Rainie forming friendships with other kids her age filled Sharon with happiness. Maybe trying to maneuver Rainie in one way or another would cause more harm than benefit. Even though she planned to speak to her foster daughter about Chris, she decided that for now, she would avoid interrupting with Rainie's friendships and give her the space she needed to get to know her new friends.

The moment Rainie walked into the murder room with Kris, Sharon couldn't ignore the physical contrast between the girls. Rainie's fiery hair cascaded over her shoulders; her blue eyes were framed by thick lashes, and her sharp features were accentuated by makeup. Sharon still wished the girl would use less makeup, but at least Rainie had used gentler colors than she had before. Kris, on the other hand, had dark hair, was about two inches shorter than Rainie, her eyes were brown, and her round face had a natural glow. Both of the girls were beautiful, in different ways and watching them giggle together as they walked in, Sharon could tell immediately that the dynamic between them was not the same as the dynamic between Rainie and Chris. While Chris was a slightly darker figure, Kris carried a sense of innocence that Sharon liked. From the short conversation Sharon had with her a bit later, it appeared that Kris had a positive personality and good manners.

Throughout the afternoon, Sharon had watched the girls interacting with each other through the window of her office, much like she's done when Chris came over. She was surprised to discover that Rainie seemed at ease around Kris than she had been around Chris. Rainie's movements appeared less deliberate; her smile was wider, and her eyes shone with excitement. It was as if her redhead foster daughter has turned into a bright sun that cast her warm rays in the middle of the murder room. Sharon was not surprised when others noticed that too.

"They're having fun," Flynn commented when he walked into her office and caught her watching the girls. Sharon hummed affirmatively. "I like this one better than the other kid who was here the other day."

"They're different," Sharon said, although she couldn't deny that she felt the same way towards Kris. Flynn shrugged.

"It's good to see her happy," he threw one last look at the girls before handing Sharon a file. "Anyway, here are Carol Blair's phone records. Look at the ones I marked for you." He handed her a file and Sharon opened it and examined the calls Flynn highlighted. "Seems like our widow is familiar with Craig Hunt."

"I see," Sharon replied as she looked at the marked calls. "I think it's time we speak to Mrs. Blair and find out…" her voice faltered when she saw Rainie wrapping her arms around Kris and resting her head on the darker girl's shoulder. Flynn followed her gaze and a soft smile spread across his face when he saw the two girls.

"That's adorable" he commented.

"She brings a whole new side out of Rainie," Sharon's voice thickened. Rainie was not strong on physical displays of affection and seeing her interacting this way with Kris was odd to Sharon. Her mouth fell open when she suddenly realized what her foster daughter's behavior towards the other girl could have meant.

"Is everything okay, Captain?" A worried expression spread across Flynn's face.

"Yeah, everything is fine," Sharon responded. "So anyway, get Mrs. Blair here." She closed the file and handed it back to Flynn who gave her a quick nod and left her office. As soon as the door closed behind him, Sharon's gaze reverted back to the two girls. They drew apart now and were engaged in conversation. Rainie's eyes were focused on Kris's lips, the same way Chris has looked at her the other day. Suddenly the meaning of the mixed signals Rainie has been giving Chris made sense. Until now Sharon had not considered the possibility that Rainie might be interested in girls rather than boys, or that she was at the very least experimenting with her sexuality. Her moment of clarity was interrupted by another knock on the door, this time by Emma Rios who wondered why the pool of suspects has expanded. It had taken Sharon half an hour to explain to her the new evidence the division was looking into, and by the time the hardly placated DDA left her office, Kris was already gone.

The case dragged on longer than Sharon had expected and by the time she was able to leave the office, Rainie had fallen asleep in the super cubicle. Sharon watched her for a long moment. Her arms were folded on the table, and her head was resting on them. She looked so serene that it pained Sharon to wake her.

"Rainie," she spoke as softly as she could, but it seemed that the girl's sleep was deeper than she had expected. She placed her hand on Rainie's shoulder and said her name again. Rainie's eyelids fluttered open, and a confused expression appeared on her face.

"What time is it?" she asked groggily.

"It's almost eight," Sharon replied. She hated it that Rainie had to stay at the PAB when Sharon wasn't able to make it home early. But after that threatening letter, Sharon wasn't willing to take the risk of leaving the girl on her own, and Chief Taylor refused to approve a protection detail for her. Rainie yawned and pushed her chair as she got up.

"I'm so tired," she groaned.

"Come on. We'll be home soon," Sharon promised. Rainie grabbed her backpack and followed Sharon out of the murder room.

The girl fell asleep on the way home, which gave Sharon some time to think whether or not she wanted to ask Rainie about her feelings towards Kris. She never dealt with any doubts about her sexual identity as a teenager. She's always known she was straight, so she couldn't pretend that she had any idea how Rainie felt about her sexual orientation. Sharon also had to remind herself that she was making assumptions based on observations of Rainie with two of her only friends. Rainie's intentions could be platonic, but if she had no idea how to express herself, they could be misconstrued. She didn't want to force Rainie to confront her sexual orientation if she wasn't ready. Sharon didn't care if her foster daughter was gay, straight, bi or anything else; she only cared about Rainie's happiness and well-being. And if Rainie needed time to figure out her sexual orientation, it was more than okay. As long as she provided the girl with a safe and empowering support, she knew that the girl will thrive.

-TBC-

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 **As always, I'd love to know your thoughts about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N** **:** Thanks to everyone for all the lovely reviews and messages. I know several people waited for this chapter, and I hope you all like it

My gratitude also goes to the ever-so-lovely blossom-of-snow for beta reading this story.

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For a moment, Sharon felt nothing but confusion. What was Jack doing in her condo at 3 AM? And with Rainie now living with her, where was he going to stay? It was clear to her that she wasn't going to throw him out this late at night. However, she did not want Rainie to give up her bed, and she also had no intention of making room for him in her bed.

Jack protested when she told him he would have to sleep on the couch. She knew it was uncomfortable, but at this point, she didn't care. He knew where the bedsheets were and so, she excused herself and went to her bedroom. She was surprised to find Rainie waiting for her there. The girl's arms were wrapped around herself protectively, and even in the dark, Sharon could see the alarmed gaze in her eyes and the clenched jaw.

"Where is he going to sleep?" she asked.

"On the couch," Sharon replied. Rainie shifted her weight from one foot to the other.

"Can I sleep here?" She sounded like a young child who woke up from nightmare. In a way, Sharon realized that she was exactly that. She nodded, and Rainie crawled into bed. Sharon followed her, removing her glasses and placing them on the nightstand before she pulled the duvet over her body. But now that the man she had once promised herself to was in her house, sleep evaded her. Jack only returned when he wanted something and no matter what she did, no matter what rules she's made for him, he always managed to cause damage by the time he left. With everything else that was going on, the last thing she needed was Hurricane Jack to blow through her life and wreak havoc in his wake.

She could hear the opening and closing of cabinets and the fridge in the kitchen as he put his food away. That man didn't knew how to be quiet. Turning on her side, she found Rainie staring at her.

"Why is he here?" she asked.

"I don't know," Sharon replied honestly. Sooner or later she will find out, but she had no intention to dwell on Jack's problems tonight. The fact that he was moving back to LA was bothersome enough even without thinking about what he might want her to do for him.

"Is he dangerous?" Rainie asked.

"No, sweetie. You're safe around him. Just don't get attached to him. He won't be staying for long."

"Why?" the girl continued.

"It's too complicated. Don't worry about it and go back to sleep," Sharon said. She heard Rainie sighing and felt the girl's arm wrapping around her waist as if she sensed Sharon's unease. A few minutes later, Rainie's hold on her waist loosened as the girl's breaths evened out. The noise in the kitchen finally quieted down as well, and Sharon had hoped that now she'd be able to fall asleep; however, just the knowledge of Jack's presence in the condo was enough to keep her brain wide awake. She could feel his negative effect on her already, crawling under her skin and making her nerve ends tingle. She hated that he had this power on her; his ability to ignite emotions she extinguished a long time ago. And even though at least two walls and multiple layers of resentment separated them, his mere presence in her vicinity kept her awake and reminded her of all the repressed needs that were long forgotten. It has been so long since she had someone just holding her, comforting her, kissing her. Dammit. She hated and loved Jack at the same time. What has this man done to her? How was it even possible for him to storm back into her life and already stir her from the inside out? She had done a perfect job of not thinking about him when he wasn't around. She didn't even miss him when he was gone. Now he was here, and she craved his companionship. Except that Jack has never been a great companion. He always managed to turn emotional moments into painful memories.

At 5 AM Sharon was startled by her alarm. She groaned, almost unable to believe that she had been struggling to fall asleep for two hours. She turned the alarm off and threw a quick glance at the sleeping girl next to her. Rainie was sleeping serenely, her arms hugging her pillow. The alarm didn't even stir her. Teens, they could sleep through an earthquake. Tiredly, Sharon got out of bed and put on her cream cashmere robe. She could almost hear every bone in her body creaking as she walked into the bathroom. She brushed her teeth, washed her face, and then stalked towards the kitchen. Jack was softly snoring as she passed the couch and she took a moment to look at him. He had lost weight and was unusually tanned. His wrinkles deepened since the last time she saw him, and the roots of his hair had grown white, although she could tell he had been dyeing it. Even though Sharon knew that Jack's decade of drinking has taken its toll on his body, he still looked healthy. From what he had mentioned earlier, it appeared that he maintained a gluten-free diet, and she noticed him putting almond milk in the fridge which indicated that he was actively seeking to improve his health. This could be a sign that he was finally willing to take his life seriously, although Sharon had absolutely no intention of getting back together with him or trusting that his healthy habit would last.

She threw one more gaze at her sleeping husband – a term that she used loosely – and shook her head dismissively. Even if Jack reformed, he had no place in the life that Sharon has created for herself during his lengthy absence. She entered the kitchen and prepared herself a cup of strong coffee. She had hoped that the caffeine would keep her alert for a while, but unfortunately, its effect was brief. By the time she headed back to her bedroom to get dressed and wake Rainie up, she was already yawning again. Thoughts of going back to bed enticed her as she chose her outfit for the day and dressed, and again as she stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom and did her hair and makeup. A light knock on the half-open door distracted her momentarily.

"Come in," she said, and Rainie walked in, still half-asleep. "Good morning," she greeted her foster daughter who walked up to the sink and began to brush her teeth.

"Morning," Rainie mumbled with the toothbrush inside her mouth. Sharon finished applying mascara considered two shades of lipstick. "This one," Rainie pointed at one of them.

"Thanks," she said and began applying the lipstick. When she was done, she gave herself a once over in the mirror and went out of the bathroom, leaving Rainie to finish going through her morning routine.

When she walked into the kitchen, Sharon was surprised to find Jack awake. He was standing in front of the stove in his boxers and T-shirt, frying eggs and bacon. As soon as he noticed her, he handed her a cup of coffee.

"Just the way you like it," he offered her a wide smile.

"Put your pants on," she replied, accepting the coffee.

"Come on, Sharon, you've seen me in my boxers a million times already – " he protested.

"I have, but Rainie should not see you in your underwear, so please go put some clothes on," Sharon insisted.

"So who is she, exactly?" Jack asked as he put down the spatula and walked towards the living room to get dressed.

"She's a foster child I decided to take in," Sharon replied and took a sip of the coffee. Jack had a lot of flaws, but one thing he knew well was how she enjoyed her coffee. Too bad that it wasn't enough to compensate for all his shortcomings.

"Empty nest syndrome, huh?" he teased her, and she rolled her eyes. Of course, Jack thought he knew her better than he actually did.

"It's a bit more complicated than that. She's a material witness in a murder trial. She ran away from a few foster homes, so I decided it would be the safest to have her living with me," Sharon explained, promising herself for the thousandth time not to stoop down to his level and respond to his attempt at an insult with an equally belligerent quip.

"Where are her parents?" Jack wondered as he zipped his pants and walked back to the kitchen.

"Unfit," Sharon replied. She was too tired to expand on everything Rainie had experienced. She sipped her coffee as Jack finished frying the eggs and bacon and put them on three plates. "Look, Jack, this girl was selling herself on the street to survive. So while you're here, I need you to be careful about what you say and do around her," she added.

"Really, Sharon?" Anger flashed in Jack's eyes. "Do you really think I'm one of those sick child-predators?"

"That's not what I said," Sharon responded.

"But that's what you were implying," he countered. Sharon let out a long sigh. She was too tired to navigate his bruised ego.

"What I meant was that you can't walk around the house in your underwear," she clarified. Jack placed the plates on the counter and motioned for her to sit.

"How does she like her coffee?" he asked. Sharon pulled one of the barstools and took a seat, only now noticing that he had already set the counter table for breakfast.

"She doesn't. She can have orange juice," Sharon replied and watched Jack as he took the orange juice carton out of the fridge.

"I never understood why you think kids shouldn't drink coffee," he said as he poured the orange juice into a glass and placed it next to Rainie's plate. The girl came into the kitchen at that exact moment and took a seat next to Sharon.

"Good morning, honorable lassie," Jack greeted her in his odd theatrical manner that charmed Sharon when they were young but now seemed forced and irritating.

"It's Rainie," she said without looking at him, and Sharon inwardly cheered at the girl's tactlessness.

"Right," he replied and placed his plate next to Sharon's.

Throughout breakfast, Jack made several attempts to talk to Rainie, and Sharon could feel the girl tensing next to her every time he spoke to her. She tried to intervene and ask Jack questions about things she didn't really care to know, but it appeared that Jack was curious about Rainie and was determined to win the girl's positive attention. As soon as Rainie finished her food, Sharon sent her to finish getting ready for school.

"Would you stop that?" Sharon asked as she picked up her half-eaten breakfast plate from the counter table.

"Stop what?" Jack tried to pacify her with a toothy smile, but Sharon has been immune to that smile for years.

"Stay away from this girl, do you hear me?" she replied as she threw her remaining breakfast into the trash before loading the plate in the dishwasher.

"I was just trying to be nice to her," Jack protested.

"Well, don't!" Sharon said angrily. "You're making her feel uncomfortable." Jack opened his mouth to argue, but Sharon paused him. "If you can't be considerate of Rainie's emotional needs, then you won't be here. Do you understand me?" Jack nodded wordlessly, and Sharon left the kitchen to finish getting ready for work. It was going to be an exhausting day.

Indeed, the day dragged, and Sharon couldn't have been more relieved to go home when it finally ended. She couldn't remember the last time she was so tired. As she parked her car in the underground garage in her building, she suddenly realized that in her exhaustion, she had sent Rainie home in a black and white. Only now it occurred to her that the girl had probably spent the last few hours locked inside her room in an attempt to avoid Jack. She groaned loudly and quickly went out of her car, almost forgetting to lock it before she strode towards the elevator. The ride to the 11th floor was tormenting, and all Sharon could think about was unlocking the condo door and making sure her foster daughter was safe. She didn't think for a second Jack would physically harm the girl, but his mere presence – an older man whose intentions Rainie did not know – could be triggering for Rainie.

"Oh, hi!" Jack called out when Sharon came through the door. She nodded in his direction. "That girl is weird, I'm telling you."

"What happened?" Sharon sighed into the words.

"We had a little… misunderstanding," Jack shrugged his shoulders. Sharon arched her eyebrows and waited for an explanation. "It was an accident, really."

"What happened?" She barked the words. She had no patience for his excuses.

"Well, I just got out of the shower when she came home, and unfortunately, I was…"

"Naked?" Sharon was almost shocked with the high-pitch of her voice.

"I don't shower with my clothes, Sharon. How could I have known – " Jack protested.

"This is not your house, Jack. You can't walk around here naked," Sharon called out and walked down the hall towards Rainie's room.

"She's not in there," he said.

"Where is she?" Sharon turned to him, a death glare in her eyes.

"She made a U-turn and left when she saw me," Jack replied.

"Where did she go?" Sharon could feel panic spreading inside her body, making her hands shake and her heart rate peak.

"I don't know. I would have called her, but I don't know her number," he said.

"Why did you not call me?" she raised her voice, feeling her vocal chords straining in her throat.

"I was sure she'll come back," Jack answered.

"She ran away from three foster homes, Jack! Three! I told you that. Why would you even – " She paused mid-sentence and shook her head. Yelling at Jack would not solve this situation. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and dialed Rainie's number. To her great relief, the girl answered right away. "Hi sweetheart," she said softly, pushing all of the anger out of her voice.

"Hi," Rainie replied quietly.

"Where are you?" Sharon asked.

"Downstairs. Sitting by the pool," the girl answered.

"I'm gonna join you in a few minutes. Wait for me, okay?"

"Sure," Rainie said and hung up the call.

"Sharon, is she – " Jack had the audacity to speak.

"I can't – I can't deal with you right now, Jack. Just get out of my sight for the rest of the evening, will you?" she said and turned around, leaving the condo. She was on the verge of tears when she stepped out of the elevator at the ground floor and walked into the interior plaza. She spotted Rainie sitting on one of the sun loungers, scribbling in her notebook.

"Hey," she walked over to where Rainie was sitting. The girl offered her a sad smile. "I heard you had an incident this evening."

"I should probably apologize to Jack," Rainie sighed.

"No, no, no, you should not apologize for his behavior," Sharon replied.

"He didn't do anything wrong, Sharon. I should have knocked on the door," the girl said.

"It's your home; you don't need permission to enter it," Sharon protested.

"What?" Rainie looked at Sharon with confusion. "Sharon, what are you talking about?"

"What do you mean 'what I'm talking about'? I'm talking about Jack!" Sharon was also baffled now. Did Jack lie? She should have expected it, of course. What did that man do? She felt rage taking over her once again.

"I walked in on him in the shower," Rainie said.

"In the shower?" Sharon's eyes widened as she tried to understand the incident that took place several hours earlier.

"Yes. I forgot Jack was at the condo, and I didn't knock. It's my fault," Rainie explained.

"You mean, he wasn't walking naked through the house?" Sharon asked, still needing clarification.

"No. I told you; it was my fault. I should apologize to him," Rainie explained. "I should have done that hours ago. I just don't know how to face him after seeing his… umm… equipment." Both women squinted at the thought of that incident. Sharon didn't know what came over her, but she felt a sound reverberating through her throat, rolling on her tongue and bursting out of her mouth against her will in short fits – a laughter she could not control.

"I'm so sorry, that's not funny," she apologized between one giggle to another. "It's just that – equipment?" She felt tears rolling down her cheeks. It's been forever since she laughed herself to tears.

"I didn't know what to call it without sounding impolite," Rainie gave her an odd look, but then burst into laughter as well. "It sounds silly, doesn't it?"

"A bit, yes," Sharon managed to calm down enough to speak. "Oh, God," she sighed.

"So anyway, you shouldn't be mad at him for something that was my fault," Rainie said.

"He'll be gone by tomorrow, so I guess you won't have to worry about it," Sharon replied. She knew that she would need to apologize to him as well for the misunderstanding, and she hated it that he managed to rile her up so much without doing anything wrong.

"Is he homeless?" Rainie asked.

"He doesn't have a house in Los Angeles," Sharon answered.

"And you're really going to throw him out?"

"He'll move to a hotel like he always does," Sharon explained.

"Why do you hate him so much? I mean, he seems like a nice guy. Weird, but nice," Rainie inquired. Sharon wondered how she would ever be able to explain to this girl all the horrible things Jack has done to his family.

"I don't hate him. It's a complicated relationship," she spared Rainie the details.

"Then why are you still married to him?" Rainie challenged.

"Well, there are financial issues, there are religious issues, and there are some things that I can't explain," Sharon said. "And none of it is really any of your business."

"It sounds like you're still in love with him," Rainie noted. Sharon couldn't help but snort. "Seriously!" the girl exclaimed.

"Sweetheart, if love looks like Jack and me, it's better not to love at all," Sharon gave her a serious look. "Now let's go back upstairs and get our apologies out of the way, shall we?"

Apologizing to Jack for lashing out at him was never going to be easy, and Sharon's stomach clenched painfully. If she had to count all the apologies he owed her, her small outburst at him would probably not matter. He had not been a good husband, and even though she had tried to let go of the bitterness stemming from the pain he had caused her and their children, it was hard. Having to admit that she had been wrong about the incident only gave Jack more ammunition. He would always remind her of this day and will extort as many resources out of her as he could just by playing the guilt card.

What surprised her was that he didn't use it right away. It was only later that evening after Rainie went to bed, and Sharon was about to call it a night as well when he pretended to pull a back muscle to get her to agree to share her bed with him. She couldn't believe that she actually contemplated allowing him to bunk with her. Dammit. Jack was a seduction artist. He knew her too well and more than once in the past he had succeeded in making her skirt along the edge of sanity and allowing him access into her body and soul, even when she knew better. As he walked towards her, scattering superlatives for her, she was almost willing to let him spend the night in her bed, inside her. The realization that she was about to fall into a bad habit hit her when Jack was just inches away from her, and she pressed a hand to his chest to halt his movement. She looked into his eyes, her expression not leaving any doubt that she was angry at him for trying to use her. If she was honest with herself, most of her anger was not directed towards him, but inwards. Almost falling for the same old shticks made her feel stupid. How was she different than Jack if she kept giving in to her vices? Maybe he wasn't the only addict in this relationship, and maybe she wasn't as strong as she thought she was. Before she would do anything she would regret in the morning, she turned around and headed to her bedroom, where she let herself silently fall apart.

-TBC-

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 **As always, I'd love to know what you thought about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N** **:** First, I'd like to apologize for posting this so late. Life has been a bit crazy this week, so it took me a while to find the time to post. Exploring Sharon's relationship with Jack has always been interesting to me, and I am sad we didn't get to see more of it on the show. I've always wondered how their evening at Hollywood Forever went, and I've never read any fic about it, so I figured I should write it into this story and explore Sharon's role, thoughts and feelings about Jack. I hope you'll find it as interesting as it was to write it.  
I'd like to thank the ever-so-lovely blossom-of-snow for being my fierceless beta reader and doing a fabulous job!

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The wind blew through Sharon's hair as she took a seat on the blanket next to Jack at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. She should have been mad at him for pushing Rainie to go on a date with Chris, but she was too exhausted to be angry. This day has been emotionally taxing for her. Michelle's murder was one of those cases that had touched her more than others; maybe because of how devastating it was when a person who was supposed to love her unconditionally did not accept the beautiful girl as she was and instead murdered her for being different.

Any fantasy Sharon had of going home and drowning her sorrows in a big tub of ice cream was cut short by Jack's plan for an impromptu double date at Hollywood Forever. He had somehow dragged Chris into that, and Sharon hated to think of the kind of manly advice he has given the young man about 'getting the girl'. Just the thought that he could even think of Rainie as nothing more than a boy's conquest made Sharon sick to her stomach. Of course, to get his plan going, he had cornered her in her office with the two kids, essentially taking away any option to refuse from her.

"Are you hungry?" his voice startled her out of thoughts.

Sharon let out a soft hum, and he took a sandwich out of the picnic basket and handed it to her. She thanked him and focused her gaze on the film. She's seen it a few times already but had hoped that the medieval love story would distract her from the horrible day she's had. It was good to escape from her daily bothers into a fictional Shakespearean tale. She chewed on the sandwich slowly, engrossed in the film when she felt Jack leaning into her.

"Look at these two," he whispered into her ear, a swift puff of air tingling at the side of her neck with every word he spoke.

She diverted her gaze from the film, her eyes falling on the two teenagers they had accompanied to the movies. Jack smartly packed two picnic blankets, so Rainie and Chris were sitting on a separate blanket, a few feet away from them. Sharon's heart almost leaped out of her chest when she saw the two teenagers sharing a languid kiss. Rainie's fingers slowly caressed the back of Chris's neck, and his palm was resting gently against her jaw.

"I told you she liked him," Jack smiled as if he won a million dollars. "She just needed a little push."

Sharon couldn't help but admit that Jack may have been right. Rainie didn't appear uncomfortable with the situation and actually looked like she was enjoying the kiss. "Let's not interrupt them," she whispered as she turned to face him.

"You're blushing," Jack noted and brought his hand to cup her cheek.

Before Sharon had the chance to react, she felt his lips pressing against hers. For a swift moment, Sharon froze; her brain has turned into mush. Conflicting thoughts mixed together as she tried to decide on the proper reaction to the unwarranted kiss. It has been a while since someone kissed her, and for a brief moment, she considered giving in, before she came to her senses and realized what a bad idea it was. When Jack wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer, and she instinctually sent her arm forward, creating a barrier between their bodies and pulling away from him. He smiled at her triumphantly, in a way that made Sharon suspect he had planned this moment all along. She felt tears welling in her eyes and turned her gaze towards the film, trying to regain her composure. Son of a bitch! She couldn't believe he used Rainie and Chris this way so that he could kiss her. The betrayal felt like a burn on her skin, and the guilt came flooding in, almost drowning her. How did she fall for his manipulations once again? How did she let him drag Rainie into it? How could she allow him to corner her into agreeing to this outing? She was just as furious at herself as she was at him. Jack never changed. No matter what happened, he had stayed the same emotionally abusive exploiter and schemer that he had always been. She should have known better, but she kept falling for the same old tricks.

After so many times she had failed to protect her children and herself from the pain Jack inflicted upon them, she couldn't believe that she had let him play her again. But what made her angrier still, was the fact that Rainie was more fragile than Emily and Ricky, and Jack had still shown blatant disregard for her emotional well-being. It was true that Rainie seemed to be enjoying herself, but Sharon couldn't help but wonder if it wasn't too early for her to get into a relationship and how she would deal with the intimacy that it would entail down the line. For the rest of the movie, Sharon sat with her arms wrapped around herself and prayed to every divine being in the universe that Rainie would come out of this evening unscathed.

Sharon couldn't be happier when the movie ended, and Jack had volunteered to drive Chris home, while Rainie went home with Sharon. The ride home was quiet, and Sharon wished that Rainie would say something that would confirm that she had enjoyed the evening. If Rainie had fun, then it was worth it. But the girl did not say anything. She stared out of the window and looked gloomy or maybe tired.

As soon as Sharon unlocked the condo door, Rainie made a beeline to her room and closed the door behind her. Sharon wasn't sure what was going on, and she decided to give Rainie some space and went about her evening routine. She was surprised when she heard a knock on her bedroom door about an hour later and Rainie came into the room.

"Hey," Sharon greeted her. She noticed that Rainie's face was pale, and her bottom lip was bruised from biting. Sharon wasn't sure if that was because of the kiss or because she was nervous about something. She patted on her bed, and Rainie took a seat. "What's going on?"

"Sharon, do you ever…" Rainie's eyes filled up with unshed tears, and she blinked a few times, trying to get rid of them. "Did you ever do something that you regretted later?"

"Many times. Why? What happened?" Sharon asked.

"Chris kissed me at the movie, and I let him," Rainie replied.

"You didn't want him to?" Sharon inquired, suddenly feeling the pangs of guilt pinching at her. Why had she not prevented this from happening?

"I wasn't sure, and I thought if I let him do that, then maybe it would make me feel something for him, but it didn't. And now he thinks I'm his girlfriend."

"I see," Sharon replied, trying to think of the right way to go about it. A situation like this had the potential to become very hurtful to both Rainie and Chris. "It's too late to call or text him tonight, but I think you should talk to him about it tomorrow. Be kind about it and hopefully he will be understanding about it, and you can remain friends."

"Do you think it will be that simple?" Rainie wondered.

"I hope so, but even if it won't, it's better than forcing yourself to be with someone you don't love," Sharon couldn't help but ask herself if by staying married to Jack for so long she hasn't been doing the same thing. She couldn't wholeheartedly say that she didn't still have feelings for him, even if they were mixed and mostly not the positive kind.

"Thanks, Sharon," Rainie said. The girl's shoulders were slouched as if she carried literal weight on them. "Good night."

"Good night, sweetheart," Sharon replied as she watched Rainie going to her bedroom. She stared into the emptiness of her room for a long moment, her thoughts racing through her brain. _Men, at our core we really all alike._ Jack's declaration echoed in her head. He wasn't too wrong; Jack took the time to create a romantic setting in order to kiss her and Chris had used the same setting to kiss Rainie. Two men, same mindset, two unwarranted kisses. It was almost as if each of them had a role in the situation: the men were supposed to seduce them, and the women were to be seduced. Even when they lived apart, she tried to be a good and supportive wife to Jack. She had always given him a place to stay, financial help, and the affection he wanted every time he came back to her. She never refused to have sex with him before this week, even when she was angry with him, or tired or not in the mood. She was always taught that it was her duty as a wife – an idea that was hard to let go of – and she liked to play a little game of pretend when he was around, even though they have been legally separated for two decades. If she was honest with herself, she knew that she had been doing it for herself rather than for him. It felt good to act as if he had always been there, as if he never cheated or drank, as if he really cared about her. She knew it was a masochistic tendency, a twisted state of mind. She was simultaneously aware and oblivious to the fact that it will end in a heartache, disappointment, resentment, anger, and guilt. And for so many years she kept it going. However, now that Rainie was in her life, she couldn't risk her well-being. She needed to be mindful of the girl's emotional and physical needs and to provide them. Jack's presence was jeopardizing both of them. She couldn't support Rainie if she broke down, so she distanced herself from Jack to avoid the usual chaos that ruled her life when he was present. She didn't expect him to try to get her into bed and to use Rainie and her friends in order to get that. It was low, even for Jack, and she's had enough of his games.

When Sharon heard him unlocking the door, her heart leaped in her chest. She was anxious of the conversation they were about to have. She psyched herself into feeling stronger and impenetrable even though she knew she was neither.

"You didn't need to wait up for me," Jack said when he saw her sitting in the armchair in the living room.

"I did, actually," she responded. "Because there's something I need to say to you."

"I know what you're going to say, and I love you too," he replied cockily. Of course, he would think she wanted to confess her love to him; she had never given him a good enough reason to think otherwise, and that was why he kept coming back to her.

"That's not what I wanted to say," she replied and stood up to level with him. "I want you to find somewhere else to live."

"But, Sharon, we agreed that you'll let me stay here," he protested.

"I don't want you here anymore. I want you to go," Sharon insisted, and her heart thumped so loudly in her chest that she thought she was about to faint.

"Sharon, come on," he said. "Don't be a prude. It was just a kiss. We've done more than that." He walked towards her and placed his arms on either side of her waist.

"No," she exclaimed and removed his hands. "You have overstayed your welcome. And whatever this is between us, it has to end."

"Whatever this is between us? Sharon, we are married. You promised yourself to me for all eternity. You can't walk away from this," Jack called out.

"You walked away from this twenty years ago, Jack," Sharon's voice shook with anger. "You chose booze, cards, and other women over me, over our family."

"But I always thought of you, no matter what I was doing or who I was with," Jack walked towards her again and this time wrapped his arms around her waist more tightly than before. He leaned down to kiss her but she quickly released herself from his hold, and he stumbled a little.

"That's not enough," she said, her voice trembling, but not faltering.

"We can work on things, Sharon. We could go to a couple's therapy. I can be the husband you've always dreamed of," he tried to persuade her, but she's heard it all before. He was trying to sell her a fantasy with no intention of following up on any of his promises. Sharon shook her head.

"This is over, Jack. My dreams have changed," she stated.

"Sharon, baby, give me a chance," he pleaded.

"You ran out of chances," she replied and began to walk away.

"At least give me a week to get a new place. A week! That's all I need."

She turned around and looked at him. She didn't want him around and opened her mouth to refuse.

"I know that I've been a lousy husband and that you are mad, but if you throw me out tonight, I won't have anywhere to go. I'm afraid I'll end up going into a bar. Don't do this to me, Sharon, please."

A shiver ran down Sharon's spine. Did his sobriety really depend on her? The idea that he would go out and drink because of her terrified her. Son of a bitch! He knew how to get to her.

"Three days, Jack. That's all you get. And after that, you're out, no arguments," she declared and went to her bedroom.

As she crawled into bed, her phone buzzed, and she picked it up to see a text from Flynn about wrapping up the case, noting that it was the worst case they've worked in a while. She typed a text to thank him for staying at the office late and wished him a good night.

Michelle's smiling face in the picture popped in front of her eyes the moment she shut the lights in her room. That brave young girl tried to be herself despite the people who tried to oppress her identity and intimidate her into becoming someone else, and she ended up paying with her life. Sharon had let Jack push Rainie into doing something that put her in an uncomfortable situation that may have made her feel that she had to kiss a guy to feel normal. The guilt made Sharon nauseous. She suspected that Rainie had been struggling with her sexuality for a while, and the thought that anyone would try to affect the girl's path to self-determination scared her. She wanted Rainie to be herself, to become confident in who she was, regardless of what others thought or felt about it. She wanted Rainie to thrive, and not to succumb to criticism and bullying. She just wanted her to be safe.

-TBC-

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 **As always, I'd love to know what you thought about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N : **Thank you all for the lovely reviews. I'm always surprised how many people like to explore the relationship between Jack and Sharon. I personally love this relationship and feel like it gives us so much insight into who Sharon is and I wish the show developed it more. This chapter will deal with it, too. Big thanks to the lovely blossom-of-snow for beta reading and also for being generally awesome!

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A letter. This was how it always ended. Jack was gone and had only left her a note. For the first time in many years, Sharon was confused about how she should feel about it. After giving Jack three days to find a new place, she had tried to be helpful and involved him in one of her cases, only to discover that Jack was unable to separate their personal life from their professional life. And when things started going south for him, Jack saw her professional triumph as a personal war against him and ran away. She didn't know why finding her living room empty had saddened her so much. She didn't love him, not like she had before. Maybe she was just disappointed once again when she realized that after so many years apart, he hadn't changed.

At least Rainie was not there to witness Sharon's little meltdown. Kris invited Rainie to a dinner and a sleepover. Sharon felt obligated to spare her foster daughter from seeing her so close to tears. She threw the shredded letter into the garbage can and poured herself a glass of white wine, taking it with her to the bathroom as she prepared her bath.

The warmth of the water encompassed her like a comforting embrace as she rested her head against the back of the bathtub and sipped her wine slowly. She closed her eyes as soon as the liquid slid down her throat and savored the release it brought her. It's been a while since she allowed herself to drink, especially since Rainie received the threatening letter, and she realized how much she needed the alcohol to loosen up. Her muscles were still tight, and she knew no alcoholic beverage would be able to take the burdens off her shoulders completely, but it certainly helped in providing her some relief. Maybe that's why Jack adopted his drinking habit. Maybe he had too many worries. She noticed that change in him when Emily was born. What started as an affectionate concern, devolved into criticism of Sharon's performance as a mother.

 _Jack looked over her shoulder as she took Emily out of the bathtub and wrapped a towel around the little pink creature that was now their first child. Sharon could hear his breath hitch when she adjusted her grip of Emily and noticed the twitch of his upper lip when she carried her out of the bathroom and to the nursery. He followed her and watched her as she dried the baby's skin and grabbed a diaper. Emily was only a few days old, but Jack has been hovering around them, counting every mistake Sharon made and pointing them out as if he had any experience in parenting._

" _Is that normal?" he asked and pointed out Emily's umbilical cord._

" _Yes, the doctor said it may change colors like that," Sharon replied. "And it could take up to two weeks to fall off."_

" _Are you sure it's not infected?" he asked._

" _It's fine," Sharon said and struggled with the diaper before realized that she accidentally tore it apart while pulling it out of the package. She pulled another one out and struggled to still Emily's movement so she could put it on her._

" _The diaper is crooked," Jack noted, and the criticizing tone of his voice did not escape Sharon._

" _It's not," she replied._

" _She's gonna be uncomfortable," he warned._

" _No, she's alright. Look at that yawn. She's ready to go to sleep, aren't you, Emily?" she smiled at the toothless yawn._

" _Sleep? Wait a minute, aren't you going to feed her first?" Jack asked, his voice panicky._

" _My breasts hurt too much right now to feed her. She doesn't seem hungry right now, so I think we can wait with that," Sharon said._

 _Jack peered over Sharon's shoulder and looked into Emily's eyes. "Tell mommy you need to eat," he said to the baby._

" _Look at her, Jack, she's completely calm. If she wanted to eat, she would not be like this," Sharon sighed. He was getting on her nerves, and after a few sleepless nights, she had no patience for his constant bickering._

 _She finished dressing Emily and picked her up from the changing table. "Say goodnight to daddy," she smiled at the baby and brought her closer to Jack. He bent down and pressed a soft kiss to Emily's forehead while her little fingers closed around his thumb._

" _Good night, my little angel," he said softly as Sharon placed Emily in her crib and turned on the baby monitor. As soon as they left the nursery, Jack turned to her and crossed his arms over his chest. "Sharon, you have to be more responsible than that," his words confused Sharon. What was he talking about and why was he talking to her like she was a child?_

" _Jack, I…" she started, but he cut her off._

" _You can't hold her sloppy like you have when you took her out of the bathtub, and you gotta make sure her diaper is right and that she's fed before putting her to bed."_

" _I'm doing everything just like it said in the book," she felt tears welling in her eyes. Was she really such a horrible mother? It seemed so easy when other women did it, but here she was, only five days after giving birth and she was already exhausted. Her nipples were wounded by the frequent feedings, the swelling and discomfort between her legs were ever-present, her hormones were still raging which made her randomly burst into tears, and to top it all off, she felt overwhelmed by the weight of the responsibility that came with being a parent. And Jack was all too happy to point out her mistakes, which, like any new mother, she was bound to make._

" _A book? Sharon, you know better than this. You can't learn how to be a parent from a book!" Jack called out._

" _I'm trying. I'm really trying, Jack," she burst into tears, even though she was trying to hold them back. "It's just so scary. I'm so sorry," she sobbed._

" _You can't do anything to screw her up, Sharon. They say parents make all the mistakes on their firstborn, but we have to try really hard and not do that to her. You cannot make mistakes with our little girl, Sharon, do you understand?"_

 _She let out a choked whimper and nodded at him._

Sharon shook her head at the offensive memory. It was ironic, at best, that he chastised her about being a bad mother when he ended up being the one to scar and damage both of their children. Maybe he expected her to be the perfect mother because he knew he never had it in him to become a decent father. And still, this memory was just another reminder of how he had hurt her too, and how he used one of her vulnerable moments to put her down and make her feel like she wasn't good enough. What was even more horrible to her was that it took her so many years to realize that the emotional abuse was present in their marriage even before Jack started drinking. The idea that she was ever weak enough to allow someone to treat her this way terrified her.

"That was in the past," Sharon said to herself and went out of the bathtub. She put on her bathrobe and walked to her bedroom. She wasn't sure if it was the wine or the exhaustion of dealing with Jack, but as soon as she sat on the edge of her bed, her body began feeling heavy, and she let herself sink into the mattress.

She didn't know when she even let her eyes close, but when she opened them again, sunrays filtered through the blinds. She sighed and looked at her bedside clock, to discover that it was already past 8. Rainie should be coming home soon; she realized as she pushed herself off the bed. As she walked down the hall, she almost expected to see Jack sleeping on the couch, but the living room was spotless and bore no evidence that he was ever there.

"Good riddance," she said as she walked to the kitchen to make herself some breakfast. She's lived without Jack for so long and has built a whole life that did not involve him. This time, she knew he was not coming back, and for the first time in many years, she didn't give a damn.

-TBC-

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 **As always, I'd love to know what you think about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N** **:** I'm so sorry I'm late again with posting this chapter. My week has been crazy busy and future weeks may be similar. I have a lot going on in my life. All of it positive, so there's no need to worry. Anyway, the plot thickens, as they say, and both Rainie and Sharon get to reflect on their lives and actions... This chapter takes place in the middle of episode 2x08. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

I'd like to thank the superwoman who helps me so much with this story, blossom-of-snow!

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Sharon stopped for takeout on her way home from work. Rainie liked Thai food, so Sharon made sure to get her favorite rice dish, which consisted of steamed fish in green curry sauce and Thai eggplants. For herself, Sharon got a rather simple but delicious Tom Yam soup. She had hoped that after the hard day she and Rainie had, a comforting dinner would help both of them relax. To her surprise, when she walked through the condo door carrying the brown paper bag with food in it, Rainie informed her that she already ate dinner twice.

"I brought your favorite from Chiang Mai Sky," Sharon tried to coax her into eating with her.

"I can heat it and have it for dinner tomorrow night," Rainie replied.

"You don't have to eat, but I'd like you to keep me company during dinner," Sharon insisted.

Rainie huffed and rolled her eyes.

Sharon arched her eyebrows as if to indicate that she expected the girl to do as she said, and Rainie's shoulders slumped. She walked to the kitchen and quickly set the table as Sharon took their food out of the paper bag. They sat, and despite Rainie's refusal to eat dinner, Sharon still placed her dish in front of her, just in case.

"I had a very interesting conversation with Kris's mom," she said to the girl, who grabbed a fork and began playing with her steamed rice, without eating it.

"Really? What did she say?" Rainie asked, staring into her plate.

"Well, she implied that something happened last night during your sleepover," Sharon explained. "And since she and her husband now forbid Kris to spend time with you outside of school, I am struggling to understand what it was about." She raised her eyes from her soup and looked at Rainie, whose gaze was still buried in her plate.

"Nothing happened," Rainie sighed.

"I find that hard to believe, considering Mrs. Slater's reluctance to let the two of you hang out together," Sharon replied.

"It was nothing, Sharon. Kris spoke about this guy at school that she likes and said that she's never kissed anyone, so I offered to teach her how. And her mother walked in as I helped her practice," Rainie raised her gaze and looked at an invisible spot behind Sharon.

"I see," Sharon sighed.

"It didn't mean anything, Sharon." The girl's terrified expression made Sharon's heart break inside her chest.

"Even if it did, there's nothing wrong with it," Sharon replied. Now she understood what Rebecca Slater meant when she said that Kris was not like Rainie. Her foster daughter shook her head to refute Sharon's suspicions further, but her persistent denial that the kiss meant something to her only strengthened Sharon's impression that Rainie had a crush on Kris.

"I was trying to help her, but I just made everything worse for her," Rainie buried her face in her palms, making Sharon's mind drift back from the significance of the kiss to the meaning of the ban Kris's parents put on her foster daughter.

"Rainie, if Kris agreed to the kiss, then you've done nothing wrong," she tried to reassure the girl, but she wasn't sure she managed to convince Rainie. She watched as the girl withdrew into herself for a long moment, her gaze becoming distant and blank. Sharon pressed her lips together, suppressing a sigh of frustration. Rainie was so vulnerable, and life has scarred her so severely that every little bump in the road triggered drastic attempts at self-preservation. It hurt to see this smart, beautiful girl fighting to keep her head above the water all the time. For a swift moment, Sharon also closed her eyes, squeezing them shut when the thought about the abuse this girl lived through crossed her mind. When she opened her eyes, Sharon could see the tears that shone in Rainie's eyes and threatened to cross the threshold of the ginger lashes and make their way down her freckled cheeks.

"I can't explain it. It's like I know that I don't have to do those things anymore—what I did to survive – but I don't know… how else to be close to someone. I just end up doing the same shit anyway." Tears rolled down Rainie's face. "Do you understand?"

Sharon hummed. While there were noticeable differences in their situations, Sharon found herself physically and emotionally drawn to Jack every time he was around, even if it was clear that it would not end well. "I know this feeling. It's powerlessness, lack of control," she said softly. "You keep doing the same thing you promised yourself you'll never do again. The habit is stronger than you," She continued.

"I'm such a slut."

The declaration stunned Sharon for a moment, and she watched Rainie leaving the table and hurrying to her room. Sharon heard the door slamming and buried her face in her palms. She felt as if her breath caught in her lungs and she couldn't release it. The more that Rainie believed that she was promiscuous, the harder it would be to convince her that consensual physical interactions between humans are normal and sometimes even expected. She wasn't sure how she could help Rainie understand that what she had to do to survive didn't have to define who she was.

Sharon pushed her chair back and walked to Rainie's room. She knocked on the door and walked in without waiting for a response. Rainie was lying on her bed, her face buried in her pillow.

"Sweetheart," Sharon took a seat next to her. "You know how much I care about you, right?" She heard a muffled sob coming from the pillow. "Did I ever tell you how brave I think you are?" Another sob was the response she got. "You're making a great effort to put everything you've been through behind you. Do you know how hard that is?" Rainie mumbled something into the pillow. "Some days, it's going to be harder to deal with all of that, and that's fine. And I am always here for you. Always," Sharon paused, choosing her next words carefully. "But I think we've reached the point where it may be helpful if you also had a professional to talk to, who could provide you with the right tools to deal with your experiences."

"I don't want to talk to a doctor, Sharon," Rainie raised her head from the pillow. "I can't… I just can't tell another person about this."

"Are you sure? I think you could…"

"No!" Rainie exclaimed. "No shrinks, Sharon. I am not the one who needs a doctor! My mom needs a doctor, Phillip Stroh needs a doctor, Gary and all those other men who came to me on the street, they need doctors, okay?" Sharon was taken aback by the sudden rage she saw in Rainie's eyes. "I'm not crazy, Sharon."

"I never said you were," Sharon said, feeling the sting of tears in her eyes again.

"Then I don't need any doctor," Rainie replied and laid back down.

Sharon wiped the tears from her eyes and nodded, taking a deep breath and trying to think of a way to fix the situation. "Consulting with a mental health professional doesn't make you crazy, honey. All it means is that you are making sure that you can grow from horrible things that you've experienced and become stronger," she explained.

"No, Sharon. No. I am not crazy, and I am not sick. Stop trying to make me feel like I am," Rainie called out.

"Okay, if you change your mind about it…"

"I won't," Rainie exclaimed.

Sharon nodded wordlessly. Maybe if she suggested it again in a time when Rainie was less upset, the girl would be more open to the idea. For now, she was going to put it aside.

"If you want, I can try talking to Mrs. Slater again and explain to her what she saw. Maybe she'll be understanding and let you spend time with Kris again. How's that?" she offered in an attempt to appease Rainie and find a productive solution to this depressing issue. The spark of hope that lit in Rainie's eyes was enough to lift Sharon's spirit up as well, and she prayed to the heavens that Mrs. Slater would be willing to forget the little incident, whatever it meant to the two girls, and let Rainie and Kris rekindle their friendship.

-TBC-

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 **As always, I'd love to know your thoughts about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N** **:** I've been upset this week over the passing of strong, intelligent and beautiful young woman who inspired me deeply. I didn't know her personally, but she has managed to touch my heart with her courage and her views of life and death. Her death, while not entirely surprising, upset me to my core and it took me several days to gather myself up and post this chapter. I apologize for the delay, and I hope you all understand. I'd like to dedicate this chapter to Claire Wineland, who was a force of nature, and whom I will always remember.

Also, I'd like to thank blossom-of-snow for beta reading this chapter. You rock, girl!

* * *

Sharon leaned against the wall of the elevator. She woke up with a sore throat, and after the exhausting day she had, she wanted nothing more than to curl up on the couch with a big cup of green tea and a steaming bowl of the vegetable soup. When the elevator doors opened in the 11th floor, she felt relief. Her safe space was just a few steps away. The click of her key in the lock was the best sound she'd heard all day. She pushed the door open and walked in. Out of habit, she draped her jacket and purse on the coat hanger. As she stepped further into the living room, she noticed Rainie sitting in the armchair. Her textbooks were spread all over the coffee table, but instead of doing her homework, Rainie was staring at her wrist. A silver chain was hanging from it, and Sharon could tell it was an expensive jewel, one that she hasn't seen Rainie wearing before.

"Hi," Sharon walked over to the girl.

Rainie replied with a soft hum.

"What's that?" she took a seat on the couch in front of her foster daughter.

"Kris gave it to me today," Rainie said. "Her mother made it for me, to apologize for the way she judged me." She stretched her arm so Sharon could see the delicate beadwork and the small plaque that had the word 'Home' engraved on it.

"It's beautiful," Sharon replied. She was happy to see that Mrs. Slater came to her senses. Even if Rainie was attracted to Kris, she shouldn't have been judged for it. "I'm glad to see that her parents let her spend time with you again."

"Yeah," Rainie sighed.

"You seem upset. Do you want to tell me what's going on?" Sharon asked.

Rainie raised her gaze from the bracelet. "Chris called me earlier," Rainie replied. "He wants me to tell Kris that we are dating."

"Didn't you say that you were going to break up with him?" Sharon wondered.

"I wasn't sure about it," Rainie said. "And I made him promise we won't tell Kris anything until we are sure of this relationship." She let out a long sigh. "And when her parents said we couldn't hang out together, I figured it was probably for the best because she won't know about Chris and I and he won't know that she and I kissed."

"Do you still want to break up with Chris?" Sharon asked. If she was going to help provide Rainie a clearer view of the situation, she needed to have some clarity of it herself.

"I don't know," Rainie replied. "But I don't want Kris to know about us."

"Why is that?" Sharon wondered.

"Because if she finds out, she'll hate me," Rainie declared.

"Kris seems like a very sweet girl and a good friend. I'm sure she'll feel happy for you," Sharon said. If Rainie wanted to keep exploring the option of a relationship with Chris, Sharon wasn't going to stop her, even though it appeared that Kris's reaction to it mattered to her more than the relationship itself.

"She won't," Rainie looked at the bracelet again. "He's the guy that she's in love with."

The realization was like a splash of ice water. Suddenly all the pieces fell into place, and Sharon finally grasped the complexity of Rainie's situation. Oh, wow. Wow. Now she understood why Rainie was reluctant to let go of the romantic relationship she didn't even seem to want, and why she wanted to keep it a secret too. If Rainie broke up with Chris, the chances are that he would not remain her friend, and there was also a chance that Kris would find out about it and stop being her friend as well. If Chris found out about the kiss Rainie and Kris shared, he would probably consider it cheating and break up with Rainie, which would lead to the same result. Rainie was trying to figure out a way to avoid losing her two first friends she made at St. Joseph's, and possibly the only friends she's had in a long time whom she cared deeply about.

"Sweetheart, I know this is a scary situation for you, but they both need to hear the truth from you," Sharon said. "You can't lead Chris on if you're not interested in dating him, and you shouldn't hide your relationship with him from Kris if you are intending to keep seeing him."

Rainie buried her face in her palms.

"Alright," she let out a deep sigh when she lifted her head again. "How do I break up with Chris?"

Sharon discussed the possible options Rainie had for breaking up with Chris and was happy to see that Rainie appeared to have more confidence in her decision than she had before their conversation. She always believed the truth was the best policy and therefore, she and Rainie talked about ways in which the friendship with Chris could be preserved despite the breakup. Sharon also mentioned that Rainie had to accept that Chris might not have ever had any intention of being just friends with her and that he might not want to go back to being just friends. At the end of the conversation, she felt like she had provided Rainie with the necessary tools to hopefully preserve both of her friendships.

When Chris showed up at the PAB the following day, Sharon held her breath. She gave Rainie a reassuring smile through her office window as her foster daughter led the boy to the super cubicle. When Chris left half an hour later, Sharon could tell by the heavy way he walked and the tension in his face that things didn't go so well. Still, she was proud of Rainie for finding the strength to end a relationship she wasn't comfortable with.

Almost an hour later, Rainie went into Sharon's office and sank into the green armchair like a rag doll. Sharon noticed the girl's red-rimmed eyes and the rosiness at the tip of Rainie's nose.

"I'm sorry it didn't go well," she said to the girl, who seemed to be shrinking into herself on the armchair.

"He called me a cock-teaser," Rainie's voice was broken.

"That's disrespectful and vulgar," Sharon replied. "Regardless of what your relationship was like, deciding whether or not to break up with him because it didn't feel right to you doesn't give him the right to call you derogatory names."

"He's kinda right, though," Rainie replied. "I led him to think that eventually, we will be serious enough to sleep together."

"Maybe _he_ inferred that you'd want to have sex with him down the line, but that doesn't mean anything, Rainie. Words like that are just meant to put you down and to feel like you owe a man something that you don't," Sharon said. "You never owe anyone sex, and even if you promised someone to have sex with them, it is your right to change your mind. And they don't get to call you names for it."

"He was so angry at me, Sharon," Rainie's words were laced with whimpers. "He said everyone at school hated me after the way I behaved last year, and he was the only one who gave me a chance, and I should have been grateful for it."

"No, that's not true. Honey, if he chose to be nice to you just so he can receive your gratitude, then his motives were never pure, to begin with," Sharon said.

"But it's my fault," Rainie insisted, her eyes misting over.

Sharon pushed her chair back and got up from behind her desk. She crossed the room and kneeled next to the green armchair. Taking both of Rainie's hands in hers, she looked into the girl's eyes.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent," she spoke softly. "You know who said that?"

"You?" Rainie replied unsurely.

"Eleanor Roosevelt. I believe you wrote a paper about her for school not long ago, didn't you?" Rainie hummed in response. "I want you to keep her words in mind. People can say many horrible things to each other, but it is our choice whether or not to believe what they say."

"Who said that?"

"I did," Sharon replied with a soft smile. "Maybe you should write that on your wall tonight when we go home."

Her foster daughter gave her a tearful nod and sniffled.

Sharon walked back to her desk and handed her a box of Kleenex.

When they returned home much later that evening, Rainie went to her room while Sharon sat at her desk and paid some bills that came in earlier that week. She sipped her tea slowly as she filled in her excel table with the amounts and dates of payment. Recording her expenses and comparing them with her earnings was a system that she adopted after Jack had emptied their shared bank account and left her and the kids with nothing. She had to calculate her finances constantly to make sure that she was never spending more than she could afford, and eventually came up with a system to document it. Even though her financial state has improved since then, she still used the same system. It came in handy now that she had Rainie. The reimbursement from DCFS hardly covered her expenses for Rainie, but Sharon didn't mind paying for the girl's expenses herself. She wanted Rainie to have a good and comfortable life with her and didn't want her foster daughter to feel like a financial burden on her. Of course, Rainie has been placed in foster homes before Sharon and was therefore aware of the reimbursement payments. She had promised Sharon several times to pay her back for everything she's ever bought her once she had a job, but Sharon never intended to accept any money from the girl. All she wanted from Rainie was to be kind and safe.

"Sharon," Rainie called out from the other room. "Can you come here for a second?"

"Sure, just a moment," Sharon replied and put her tea down. She walked over to Rainie's room, tightening her cashmere cardigan around her. When Sharon leaned against the doorframe, Rainie was standing next to her graffiti wall and holding a sharpie.

"I want you to do it," Rainie said and handed her the sharpie.

Sharon looked at the girl with confusion, unsure what Rainie expected her to do.

"I want you to write what you said to me today." Sharon didn't move for a long moment. She's never written on a wall before. She always viewed the idea as vandalistic and only allowed Rainie to do it because she thought it would be a good outlet for her emotions. The wall was never meant for Sharon to write her thoughts or ideas. She never felt any need to let her beliefs take visible form on any medium of art. But her foster daughter needed a visual embodiment of what strength was. Rainie could have easily written the sentence on the wall without any help, but Sharon realized that it wasn't the words that the girl needed; it was the strength and confidence that came from Sharon. And she was reaching out by trying to involve Sharon in her art. It was an emotional need that Sharon was more than happy to fulfill.

"Where do you want it?" she asked.

Rainie pointed at an empty spot on the wall.

With a shaky hand, Sharon stepped close to the wall. The strong chemical smell hit her nose as she pressed the sharpie against the wall. The slight resistance of the wall under her hand and the thin screech of the sharpie against it overwhelmed her senses, and for a moment she felt as if she was in a trance.

"People can say many horrible things to each other, but it is our choice whether or not to believe what they say," Rainie read the words out loud. "Thank you, Sharon."

"You're welcome," Sharon replied and wrapped her arm around Rainie's shoulders. She felt happiness spreading in her chest as the sense of pride overcame her. She wasn't proud of herself for having Rainie choose her quote for her wall; she was proud of Rainie for her willingness to open her mind even at difficult moments and her dedication to listening to what Sharon taught her. She was proud of her for knowing how to find her strength, and for paving her way for a better future.

-TBC-

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 **As always, I'd love to know your thoughts about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N : **Thank you all for your lovely reviews and messages.  
Some readers wondered about Claire Wineland, the girl I mentioned in the notes of my last chapter. Claire was a brave young woman with Cystic Fibrosis who had a YouTube channel and created a foundation to help other people living with CF. Even though she recently passed away, I encourage you to check out her YouTube and take a look at her Twitter. You can also get to know her life story through an episode of "My Last Days" that she filmed. I am sure you will be inspired.  
But that is not related to this chapter in any way. This chapter is a bit shorter than usual, but it's a meaningful one (at least to me). I hope you enjoy reading it.

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Sharon tapped her pen against her notepad as she read Assistant Chief Taylor's memo about budget cuts and reducing overtime. She sighed, wondering how he expected her division to operate if she cuts down on their hours. She also wondered how she should explain to her team that they couldn't have the coffee and snacks they liked in the breakroom because Taylor has reduced their refreshments budget. Oh, this was going to be an unpleasant conversation.

A knock on her door made her raise her gaze from the memo as Buzz opened the door and poked his head in. Sharon motioned for him to enter and he walked into her office. His expression held a lot of concern.

"Captain," he said, his voice low. "Do you have a moment?"

"Sure, Buzz. How can I help you?" she asked. She had hoped that he wasn't about to quit, as he often seemed unsatisfied working in her squad, especially since she asked him to help Rainie with her homework.

"It's about Rainie," he elaborated. "She's been looking at photos of Brianna Mathis, and she's been getting upset, lashing out at Kris," he explained.

Sharon's fingers dropped her pen.

"I sent them to the super cubicle, but I think you might want to talk to her about it."

"Thank you, Buzz, I appreciate your concern. I'll talk to Rainie about it after Kris leaves." Sharon promised.

"If there's any way I can help," he offered.

"No, thank you, Buzz. I've got this." Sharon gave him an encouraging smile, even though her stomach was churning at the similarity of Brianna's background to Rainie's. No wonder the girl got upset by the photos of Brianna's body. Those photos were upsetting even for seasoned police detectives. Sharon felt a little queasy when she saw them for the first time and had to take a moment to compose herself.

Sharon was pacing around the office while reading new information her team gathered when she passed by the super cubicle. She noticed Kris putting her books away and zipping her backpack and exchanged a few pleasantries with her before the girl left the murder room.

"How's it going?" she asked and pulled the chair in front of Rainie.

"We finished reading 'All My Sons', so I guess we're making a good progress," Rainie replied.

"Did you like it?" Sharon asked, trying to think of a way to approach the heavier conversation they were about to have.

"It's okay," Rainie shrugged.

Sharon nodded. She vaguely remembered the play from the time Ricky studied it in high school.

"I know spending time here, you're exposed to the things that we do and the cases that we handle," she decided to take the direct approach. "As a detective, I often have to distance myself from what happens to the victims of the crimes in order to investigate their murders. It makes it easier for me to deal with all the evilness that I encounter." She looked at Rainie, trying to decipher what her thoughts were, but the girl's face was blank. "And sometimes some cases hit close to home."

"You're talking about Brianna?" Rainie asked.

Sharon hummed affirmatively.

"I won't deny that I can see some similarity between your situation and hers," Sharon admitted. "But Brianna didn't follow the rules. She let it slip that she was an FBI informant, and as a result, she was murdered to keep her quiet."

"Why are you telling me this?" Sharon could see terror spreading across Rainie's face like a dark shadow that hovered above her.

"Because I know how scary it is to see someone in a situation so similar to yours end up like this, and I want to assure you that as long as you follow the rules we set, then you are safe," Sharon explained. "It's important to me that you know that."

"I do," Rainie said.

Sharon was surprised that the girl didn't have any questions and didn't attempt to share how she felt about the case the Major Crimes Division was currently investigating. Rainie usually opened up about things that worried her, and this time, she remained quiet. Sharon wondered if it was because she took all of her stress out of Kris.

"Thank you, Sharon."

"It's my pleasure." For the first time that day, Sharon allowed herself to smile unabashedly. She pushed the chair back and grabbed the file that she read earlier. "Burgers for dinner?" she offered.

Rainie nodded, a soft smile gracing her features.

"Great, I'll finish off going over the evidence, and then we can leave," Sharon said and walked back to her office.

Sharon couldn't be more relieved to close the Brianna Mathis case. She couldn't deny that even after the conversation with Rainie about it, the case still got to her, and the photos which her team was filing away disturbed her. Seeing Brianna's beaten face reminded her of the night Daniel Dunn beat Rainie. And even though she tried to stop thinking of Brianna and Rainie as one being, she couldn't shake the fear that something wasn't quite right with Rainie. She knew that Rainie was going to talk to Kris and tell her about her short-lived relationship with Chris, and it was undoubtedly weighing on her. She could understand how hard it was for Rainie, especially considering the fact that she seemed to have feelings for Kris.

What Sharon did not expect was to see Kris sobbing and rushing out of the murder room. Rainie followed her and was visibly upset. When she couldn't catch up with Kris, she returned to the super cubicle, and Sharon noticed she was wiping her eyes as well. She expected a better reaction from Kris about the relationship between Rainie and Chris, especially because it has been so short. But an infatuated teenager might be less forgiving than an adult person. Sharon felt like she received a punch to the center of her chest, and her heart struggled to contain everything she felt. Rainie wanted so badly to keep her friends, and now it appeared like she lost both. Sharon couldn't help but wonder if her advice to come clean was a bad one. She truly thought that Rainie would at least manage to preserve her friendship with Kris and that the other girl was smart enough to understand the complex situation Rainie found herself in. Unfortunately, she was in the middle of a meeting with Special Agent Shaw and was not able to leave her office in order to comfort Rainie.

It was much later that evening when she and Rainie were on their way home that she had the chance to ask, but Rainie declared that she didn't want to talk about it.

"If you change your mind about it, you can always talk to me," Sharon said, and Rainie shrugged. For a moment her behavior reminded Sharon of the girl's first week with her when every attempt Sharon made to get closer to her was met with a thick brick wall. All she could do was to leave a door open for Rainie, in case she wanted to unload her burden. However, throughout the evening, the girl remained tight-lipped about the fight with Kris, and Sharon feared that interfering any further might damage Rainie's trust in her. She needed the girl's trust in order to keep making sure that she was healthy and safe. Maybe it was time for her to give Rainie some space to figure out how to handle the situation on her own. Sharon had to believe that Rainie knew she was going to be there for her no matter what.

-TBC-

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 **As always, I'd love to know your thoughts about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N** **:** I'm excited to post this chapter because this is the beginning of a dark time in Sharon and Rainie's relationship which poses a great opportunity to explore a different side of their relationship. The next chapter is one of my favorite chapters in this story, so I am truly happy that I'm getting closer to posting it. This chapter is more of a filler - a scene that I feel we should have seen on the show and didn't.

I'd like to thank the awesome blossom-of-snow for being an amazing friend and an excelling beta reader.

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Thirteen letters. Thirteen threats. Thirteen knives that were stabbing Sharon's heart, one by one. Each breath she took pounded in her chest, each tear she shed scorched the skin of her face, and each movement of her vocal cords rasped the inside of her throat. How could Rainie hide these threats from her?

Sharon closed her eyes, trying to collect herself. She needed something tangible to hold on to. Something that won't feel like it was going to crumble beneath her. Her fingers grasped the edge of Taylor's desk, grounding her enough to help her regain her composure. With dread, she opened her eyes and looked at Chief Taylor and DDA Rios.

"I want Rainie in the witness protection program," Emma announced, even though she sounded to Sharon like a broken record every time the subject came up.

Sharon looked at the letters in her hand and then at Emma. The images of Brianna Mathis popped in front of her eyes, her lifeless body thrown in a ditch by the road, bruised and broken. Was she capable of providing Rainie good enough protection in order to avoid sending her away?

"This is exactly the reason why Rainie hid this letters from us," Sharon said. "You've been waving the witness protection program in her face since the first day you met her. She tried to avoid this."

"Maybe if she didn't hide these letters we wouldn't need the witness protection program," Emma argued.

"Hold on, both of you," Chief Taylor intervened. "Throwing blame on each other won't help us solve this situation."

"I am Rainie's legal guardian, and I won't allow DDA Rios to send Rainie away. She has suffered through enough. She needs stability, and I will not let anyone take it away from her."

"Why don't we get her here and listen to what she has to say for herself?" Chief Taylor suggested in an attempt to diffuse the tension between the two women.

"Since when does a witness get to decide what happens to her?" Emma put her hands on her hips and pouted.

"Since she has me," Sharon declared. "And I am not sending her away."

"Captain, let's focus for a moment," Chief Taylor stood up. "Where is Rainie right now?"

"She started school today," Sharon replied.

"I'd like you to send officers to bring her here. We will need to question her about these letters," he ordered. Sharon nodded and mouthed a "yes, Sir". "DDA Rios, who informed you of these letters?"

"A friend of Rainie, that girl with the dark hair," Emma said.

"Kris?" Sharon let out a frustrated exhale. "How did she know about the letters?"

"That's a very good question, Captain. Why don't you call her parents and ask for her to come in for questioning?" Taylor suggested.

"Didn't she have a boyfriend, too?" Emma asked.

"I'll request that he comes in, too," Sharon said. She pushed the chair back. "I'm taking these with me. I want to go over them and look for any clues." She motioned towards the letters. She left the room and began walking towards the murder room. Her body felt heavier and heavier with every step that she took, and by the time she arrived in the murder room, her eyes were full of tears again.

"Captain, what's happening?" Lieutenant Flynn was waiting for her next to her office, with a worried expression on his face.

Sharon handed him the stack of letters clutched in her hand. "She's been hiding them for weeks," her voice broke. "This person has been threatening her life, and she didn't tell me."

The rest of the team turned around to look at her.

"Captain?" she heard Provenza's voice. She could easily detect the concern in his voice, and by his studious tone, she knew he was waiting for her to relay orders to him and the team.

"Lieutenant, I need you to send two uniformed officers to pick Rainie up from school," Sharon managed to pull herself together for the second time in less than an hour.

The old lieutenant nodded and picked up his phone.

Sharon could see Buzz retreating into the super cubicle and leaning on top of the desk. He has become close to Rainie since he started tutoring her. Sharon knew they teased each other a lot, and their relationship reminded her of that of Emily and Ricky's. She wouldn't exaggerate if she said that Buzz was like an older brother for Rainie and the feeling was mutual. Sharon knew that he was disappointed in her now. She was too. She thought Rainie trusted her to know that she wouldn't give up on her without a fight. And it would have been so much better if instead of ending up where they were now, Sharon and her team spent their time trying to find who wrote the letters. Now they would have to both find means of protecting Rainie and trying to find the source of the letters, which would make everything so much more difficult and complicated.

As she tried to plan her next step, Sharon heard Andy's voice behind her. "It will be okay." It sounded like he was trying to assure himself and her at the same time. "Can I get you some water?"

"Yes, thank you, Lieutenant," she replied. She knew he was looking for a way to feel helpful, just like he did when he made dinner for her and Rainie after the ordeal with Daniel Dunn. She was learning to recognize it as a trait of his: to take care of people in crisis. He was good at that, too. It was why she often chose him to handle notifications with her.

After taking a bottle of water Andy brought her from the breakroom and writing up some notes for herself in favor of letting Rainie stay with her, she returned to the hall outside Taylor's office to wait for Rainie. Every minute that she didn't see Rainie safe and sound in front of her was adding more weight to her shoulders, and standing straight felt almost impossible. She considered rereading the letters, but she wasn't sure she could take it, and she knew that she would have plenty of chances to read them once the Major Crimes division investigates this case. So instead, she stood in the hall, praying that her foster daughter would arrive soon and in one piece.

Half an hour later, when Sharon heard the girl's sneakers squeaking against he linoleum floor as she walked down the hall, her eyes filled with unshed tears. She wasn't sure what was going to happen once both of them go into the meeting with Taylor and Emma. She didn't know if Rainie was going to get a chance to explain, and if anything she had to say will be truly heard. She also was unable to predict whether Rainie was going to be able to stay with her or if she would be forced to go into the witness protection program. And she didn't want to think about anything beyond that. For the first time in many years, Sharon Raydor felt completely raw and insecure. But when her eyes met Rainie's from across the hall, she knew one thing for sure.

"Whatever happens next, know I love you."

-TBC-

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 **As always, I'd love to know your thoughts about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N** **:** I almost didn't post this on time, because I spent last night in the ER with food poisoning and dehydration. I am doing better now, so luckily I can post tonight. This is one of my favorite chapters in this entire fanfic. It's a story that did not exist in the show, but it felt like something I had to write.

I'd like to thank blossom-of-snow for her terrific beta-reading of this story.

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The offensive alarm woke Sharon up at 5 AM like it did every morning. Heavily, she dragged herself out of the cocooning warmth of her bed. The smoothness of the hardwood floor against the soles of her feet grounded her. She shuffled towards the bathroom where she splashed some cold water on her face. After that, it was easy for Sharon to go about her routine, and she did it quickly. When she glanced at her watch, the time was 5:45 AM.

She crossed the distance between her room and Rainie's and cracked the door open. The girl would normally be awake by this time, but she was still sound asleep. Sharon looked at her. The auburn hair that she begged Sharon to let her dye blond was spread on the pillow, the coppery waves looking darker in the dim light. Her arms were hugging the pillow, and her legs were curled all the way up to her chest. Asleep and calm, she looked so much younger than seventeen. Seventeen years today. Sharon had a "small thing" planned for the girl's birthday. She wished she could take her shopping, or to a day spa. Instead, they had to avoid crowds and public places until the lunatic letter writer was caught.

Sharon took a seat at the edge of the bed and threw one more glance at the sleeping girl. She couldn't say that Rainie appeared to be sleeping peacefully. She looked like she was trying to shield herself from something horrible, and Sharon could only assume that she was having a very vivid dream.

"Rainie," she said the girl's name softly. "Wake up, sweetie." Rainie stirred and brought her hands to cover her face.

"Is it morning already?" she moaned.

Sharon hummed affirmatively. "Happy birthday, honey," she said warmly.

Rainie shoved her blanket aside, opened her bedside drawer and took a sharpie out. She leaped out of bed, and stood in front of the wall, quickly drawing a tally mark.

"thirty-three days," her voice was still hoarse from sleep.

Sharon's stomach twitched painfully.

"Do I have time for a shower?"

"Yes," Sharon replied, and Rainie gathered some clothes and left the room.

Sharon stood up and looked at the wall where Rainie had drawn thirty-three tally marks. Her eyes filled up with tears as her fingers traced the new mark. After the letters were found, Emma reluctantly agreed to let Rainie stay with Sharon, on the condition that she would not go out and accepts a protection detail until the letter writer is caught. As a result, Rainie could no longer go to school. Instead, she would go to the station and be tutored online by a private teacher Sharon had hired. Buzz often helped her with the homework her teacher assigned, and Sharon had offered to pay him for his help, but he refused. Going to the beach, shopping and even going downstairs for a swim at the pool required that Rainie would be accompanied by her security detail. That meant that the only place Rainie went was the station, where she used her laptop to study.

Sharon tried to keep a schedule for the girl, in hopes that it would help alleviate Rainie's frustration. If she had to judge by the tally marks on the wall, her efforts were futile. Rainie felt like she was in jail with no release date, and Sharon couldn't help but feel like the girl has begun to see her as her warden. She closed her eyes and pressed her forehead to the wall. The realization that her foster daughter hasn't seen the outside world for a whole month was overwhelming. She wished there was something she could do about it, but she knew that this situation was necessary if she wanted to keep Rainie with her. Maybe the best option for Rainie was to go into the Witness Protection Program, and be able to attend school, make friends and live her life instead of being locked up in the condo for weeks.

If you love someone, let them go.

With a sigh, Sharon stepped away from the wall. Tomorrow she would begin looking into different options and see what can be done about Rainie's situation, but today, the girl was turning seventeen. Sharon had planned a day that would hopefully help take Rainie's mind off of her gloomy reality. She left the room and crossed the hall to her bedroom. She opened the door to her walk-in closet and stepped inside. There was a big white box wrapped in a huge candy-cotton pink colored ribbon that she has been keeping on one of her shelves for several days. She carried the box to Rainie's bedroom and placed it on her bed before rushing to the kitchen.

Normally, Sharon had coffee and toast while Rainie had cereal and juice. On weekends, they often prepared and ate breakfast together, usually eggs and bacon. However, for Rainie's birthday, Sharon wanted to do something special.

By the time Rainie came out of the shower, Sharon had set the table for her. Rainie came into the living room, following the smell. She was still wearing her bathrobe and had a towel wrapped around her hair.

"What's all this?" she asked, and her eyes widened.

"Just a little something special for your birthday," Sharon replied cheerfully. "Go get dressed, and we'll eat." The girl gave her a quick nod and quickly retreated to the hall.

"What is this?" She heard Rainie calling out from her room a moment later. Sharon put the food on the table and walked down the hall to Rainie's bedroom just in time to watch Rainie unwrap the ribbon. She removed the lid from the box and looked at what she uncovered. "Sharon?" She turned around to look at her foster mother. "Is that… oh, my God, really?"

"Is it the one you wanted?" Sharon asked as Rainie took the dress out of the box and held it in front of her. It was a long sleeved, pale pink A-line dress that Rainie saw in a fashion magazine a couple of weeks earlier. A week later, Sharon noticed the photo from the magazine hanging in Rainie's vision board – a project Sharon suggested to Rainie when she realized the girl would be homeschooled for longer than expected. She thought that if Rainie set goals for things she wanted and made plans for the future, it would help her go through this nerve-racking time.

"I can't believe you bought it for me, Sharon. This is super-expensive!" the girl called out and wrapped her arms around Sharon. "Loretta McGuire is my favorite designer."

"Look in the box again; there might be something else in it too," Sharon hinted.

Rainie turned around and removed the pink tissue paper aside, revealing a small jewelry box. She grabbed it with shaky hands and removed the lid.

"Sharon, this is…" she looked at the delicate gold necklace with the small heart pendant and then turned to Sharon again. "Thank you. I don't know what to say. I've never received a birthday gift as nice as this." She hugged Sharon again and rested her head on her shoulder.

Sharon pressed a soft kiss to the crown of Rainie's head.

"I'm just glad to see you happy," she said as Rainie pulled away and looked at the dress. "Why don't you wear it today?"

"Can I?" Rainie's mouth gaped open.

Sharon gave her a quick nod and left the room, letting the girl know that she will be waiting for her at the breakfast table. Her lips curved upwards in a wide smile as she walked down the hall towards the kitchen. She knew most people weren't fans of receiving clothes as a gift and was concerned that Rainie would think of it as a mundane and not birthday-worthy gift. She did not expect the girl to be as excited as she was. When Rainie emerged from the hallway, Sharon gasped. The dress was a perfect fit, and the color gave the girl a healthy glow that her time indoors had taken away from her.

"You look beautiful, Rainie,"

"I feel like a princess."

Sharon could tell by the tone of her foster daughter's voice that Rainie was close to tears. She motioned towards the breakfast table, and they both sat down.

"I can't believe you went into all this trouble for me," Rainie sighed as she bit into her French toast. Sharon shrugged her shoulders.

She wished Rainie could celebrate this birthday like her classmates, who she hasn't seen since the first day of school, but she hoped that if she made it special for the girl, maybe it would feel normal.

After they finished breakfast, Sharon put away the dishes while Rainie finished getting ready and they left the house. As they settled in the car, Sharon handed Rainie a small carton box. Rainie looked at her, her jaw dropping open once again.

"Wearing a flower crown on your birthday was an O'Dwyer Clan tradition when I was growing up. It symbolizes renewal and growth," Sharon said when Rainie revealed a delicate white and pink flower crown that matched the color of her dress.

"O'Dwyer?"

"That's my maiden name," Sharon explained as she took the flower crown out of the box and put it on Rainie's head. It looked beautiful between the girl's coppery tresses, and she couldn't help but smile in content. Considering how this morning had started for her, it was shaping up to be a pretty good day.

Rainie's security detail joined them as Sharon parked her car at the PAB parking lot. Sharon wished that for one day they could avoid it, but she knew it was necessary for Rainie's safety. Although PAB was swarming with armed officers, potential fraudulent and dangerous visitors could infiltrate the building's security. Anyone could pretend to be a lawyer and manage to sneak into the 9th floor, where they would be able to harm Rainie. Therefore the security detail was necessary, even on the girl's birthday. Sharon had briefed them of her schedule for the day, as she usually did, and she had hoped that despite of Rainie's great disdain and dismissive treatment of them that they would be kind enough to at least wish her a happy birthday, but neither of them did. Either way, Rainie didn't even seem to care much about them. Sharon wasn't pleased with Rainie's animosity towards the people who were meant to protect her from harm, but the longer the girl had to be around them, the more she resented them, and no reason or rhyme helped Sharon convinced her otherwise.

"Surprise!" the members of the squad called out as soon as Sharon and Rainie walked into the murder room. Even though she knew about it in advance, Sharon was also surprised to find the entire room decorated with balloons. She watched her foster daughter as she excitedly thanked the Major Crimes squad. Buzz, who left the murder room a moment earlier, returned and was carrying a birthday cake with candles.

"Oh my God, you guys. This is incredible, thank you!" Rainie's voice shook.

"Make a wish," Lieutenant Flynn said. Sharon was standing behind Rainie and quickly fished her phone out of her pocket and handed it to Lieutenant Tao. She asked him to take a photo as Rainie closed her eyes and blew out the candles. The team cheered loudly, and the smile on the girl's face made Sharon's heart flutter with joy in her chest. It's been a while since she saw Rainie so happy.

"We bought you a little something," Amy handed her a small floral pastel box. The team watched Rainie opening the box and revealing the $50 Amazon gift card. She covered her mouth in shock and then went on to hug each member of the squad.

"Oh my God, thank you all so much. I never expected anything, and…" Lieutenant Flynn handed her a handkerchief, and she took it and buried her face in it for a moment. "You're all really great. Thank you."

After scarfing down the cake, and spending some time chatting, the team had to return to their work and Rainie went to the super cubicle where she spent the morning doing schoolwork.

Sharon came over at lunch and saw Rainie closing her copy Anne Frank's Diary.

"How's it going?" she asked when Rainie put away the book.

"I guess some people have it worse than me," Rainie replied and motioned towards the book.

"Had," Sharon corrected her. "Anne Frank was murdered by the Nazis."

"Spoiler alert!" Rainie called out.

"That's not a spoiler. It's written on the back of the book," Sharon protested.

"Well, I didn't read that part," Rainie groaned.

Sharon shrugged, reminding herself that there were a lot of facts that were common knowledge that Rainie still didn't know but was working hard to learn.

"At least she wasn't alone in her annex. She had her entire family there with her."

Rainie's words made Sharon stifle a sigh. While she could see how reading the diary of another teenage girl who found herself locked up for a long time was something Rainie could relate to, and the similarities did not escape her, she couldn't deny that the differences between Anne and Rainie were huge. If she was honest with herself, despite of Rainie's irregular situation, the girl was being a little overdramatic with that particular comparison. Still, she couldn't help thinking that there must have been some alternative to the around-the-clock protection detail and that Rainie should get a choice in what happens to her.

The need to search for an alternative arrangement plagued her even hours after they had returned home and ate dinner together. Sharon wanted Rainie to have a good life, and she knew that she was capable of providing it to her. But at the same time, she wasn't sure if living with her under restrictive condition was good for Rainie's mental health. Her foster daughter was lonely and blamed herself for her situation which wasn't entirely her fault.

It was time to explore more options and try to find another solution. Rainie would turn eighteen in a year, and only then she would have a choice over her life; if the letters continued that long, Sharon worried that the prolonged isolation would harm the girl's social skills, which were already lacking. It would make it so much harder for her to create healthy friendships and relationships, to get along with her peers and even to find a decent job. Sharon didn't want Rainie to be robbed of her chance to live a normal life. And if she gave the girl up in favor of the Witness Protection Program, she feared that Rainie would feel abandoned. She didn't want to be yet another person who left Rainie. Especially not after all the progress the girl made under her care.

A knock on her bedroom door drew her out of her deep thoughts.

"Hi, sweetie," she said, her voice hoarse and tired as Rainie walked into her bedroom.

"I just wanted to thank you for this day," Rainie took a seat on the bed. "It was the best birthday I've ever had."

"I'm glad you had fun today," Sharon said.

"I'm glad my mom wasn't here, though. I think she would feel like she couldn't contribute because she doesn't have much money." Rainie said. "I know she tried before she met Gary. One year, I think I was five, she even baked a cake. She's really bad at baking, but she worked for hours, and she decorated it with icing. I think she spent a lot of money on making that cake. And it tasted delicious."

"That's nice," Sharon said. By the stories she heard from Rainie, she could tell that Sharon Beck had tried to be a good mother before she met Gary. It appeared that until the age of five, Rainie had an okay life, even if her mother didn't have a lot of money. But once Gary came into their lives, and hooked Sharon Beck with drugs, it seemed like the girl's childhood ended. Sharon was happy that she was able to give Rainie one perfect birthday. It wasn't her first birthday with her, but the previous year, she and Rainie were still trying to get to know each other, and each of them was testing the other's borders. The party they had for Rainie's sixteenth birthday was much more humble.

"One time, I was ten, and Gary came home with a really pretty teddy bear for me. He said it was for my birthday, but I think he was high because my birthday was two weeks earlier. And then he grabbed a knife and cut the teddy bear in the stomach. It was full of drugs. He said that he was going to sell that, but I could keep the teddy bear. I tried to sew it, but it fell apart. I guess they had to take the filling out in order to stuff all the drugs in it."

The story made Sharon want to find Gary and punch him, but instead, she patted the bed and Rainie crawled up and snuggled at her side.

"I'm sorry you didn't have nice birthdays before," she said softly.

"It doesn't matter. This birthday was amazing. I can never thank you enough," the girl yawned. "Can I sleep here tonight?"

"Sure," Sharon said, and Rainie crawled under the sheets.

"Good night, Sharon. You're awesome," she said sleepily before she drifted off to sleep.

Sharon watched her for a long moment. Nobody ever called her awesome before, but she willingly accepted the compliment. She was happy that this day was a successful one for Rainie, and that she managed to give her an unforgettable birthday. She was also happy that her team was willing to join in and help make it a memorable day for Rainie. Even though she's only been in charge of Major Crimes for a year and a half, she felt like she was getting closer to them and earning their trust more and more every day. Maybe with their help, she would be able to make Rainie's life more ordinary. But for now, she needed to rest her body and mind. She shut off the bedside lamp and adjusted her pillow before she lied down, realizing just how much calmer she was about Rainie's safety when the girl was sleeping by her side. As sleep carried her away, one thought lingered: "I love her."

-TBC-

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 **As always, I'd love to know your thoughts about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N** **:** This is another one of my favorite chapters. It might be a bit too early for a Christmas chapter, but I wasn't going to wait until December to post this. So consider this an early Christmas gift...

As always, I'd like to thank my fearless beta reader and dear friend, blossom-of-snow for her excellent work and the insight she offers while reviewing and editing my chapter.

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"You know I'm only agreeing to do this because I love you, right?"

Rainie loved her. Sharon let a content smile spread across her face. She didn't expect Rainie to say that to her, especially not right after Sharon blackmailed her into undergoing an evaluation by a therapist. But then Rainie said she loved her.

Since she was too distracted to work, Sharon opened her laptop and began looking for a therapist who would be suitable for Rainie's needs. The only demand Rainie made about the therapist was that he would know about art. Sharon assumed it might be a bit challenging to find such a specific criterion in a résumé, but not impossible.

The first two therapists she called were unavailable, the third did not have the required art knowledge, but the fourth, Dr. Joe Bowman, had a few openings, and assured Sharon that Rainie would not be disappointed by his proficiency in art. Sharon scheduled a meeting with him. Her confidence that he would be the right therapist for Rainie strengthened after she googled his name and read that he also specialized in counseling for LGBTQ teenagers. Sharon wasn't sure what Rainie's sexual orientation was, but thought that Rainie might benefit from seeing a therapist who was gay-friendly and capable of dealing with the subject, should it arise. She hoped that after the two evaluation meetings with Dr. Bowman, Rainie would see the benefits of counseling and would want to continue, but so far, the girl only agreed because she wanted the chance to go on a field operation that would hopefully help the LAPD capture the person who was sending her threatening letters. The source of a _ll_ her problems.

One reaction Sharon did not expect to the meetings with Dr. Joe, as he insisted she call him, was Emma Rios's objection to the evaluation, and her attempt to manipulate Rainie into changing her mind about the field operation. Granted, Sharon was not too thrilled with that idea either, but she was happy to see the young DDA's insolent attempt backfiring at her. She had no qualms with pride when Rainie called Emma out on disguising her agenda under a cloak of concern. DDA Rios only cared about Rainie because she was the key to winning the Stroh trial, and Rainie knew it. Sharon tried not to gloat when Rainie stormed out, leaving Emma with a stunned expression on her face, but the corners of her mouth curved upwards reflexively. Emma deserved it, and Sharon was so glad to see her on the receiving end of a tantrum, rather than being the one throwing it.

Of course, even if Emma didn't succeed in making Rainie change her mind, discovering that "the entire world" was going to know she saw a therapist terrified her. She had spent the entire afternoon and the following morning venting out about how much the Philip Stroh trial had taken over her life, but eventually, Sharon had to leave for work which meant that Rainie had a few hours to spend on her own in the super cubicle. She later told Sharon that Emma stopped by to apologize for being insensitive, but it did little to improve the girl's opinion of her. Sharon deemed the apology was well-deserved but late, even though she didn't tell Rainie that. Still, it appeared that Rainie was going to follow through with undergoing the evaluation, and Sharon waited for Dr. Joe's final report in order to see how, or if to proceed with the field operation.

A few days before Christmas Eve Sharon began decorating the house for the holiday. Being busy with one draining case after another, Sharon struggled to find the time to decorate earlier. She had hoped to get Rainie involved, but she didn't seem interested. The more time Sharon spent around the girl, the more she noticed the dejectedness and irritability descended. In the course of two days, Rainie had refused eating dinners with her, closed down in her room, and appeared morose every time Sharon tried to talk about the holiday. Sharon wasn't sure what was happening, and she wondered if the girl was scared from what Sharon and several other people would have to read in Dr. Joe's final report, or if there was a different reason for the shift in Rainie's mood.

When Sharon tried to not-so-subtly extract some information from Dr. Joe about some of the content of his conversations with Rainie, she ran into a brick wall of ethics. He was not going to give her any idea what Rainie was discussing with him in their conversations and suggested that she approach the girl directly and ask her about it if she wanted to know more. The idea seemed preposterous, since Rainie's foul mood perpetuated all week, and the girl was on her mind as she stood in the living room and decorated the Christmas tree. She opened a box of small porcelain angel ornaments and examined its contents. When her children lived at home, she usually decorated the tree with their favorite ornaments, only hanging a few of her favorite angels. But since Rainie showed no interest whatsoever in the holiday, Sharon took the liberty of decorating the tree with dozens of angels in different sizes and from different materials, just like she loved it. From the corner of her eye, she saw Rainie zipping down the hall on her way to the kitchen. She moved like a ghost, quick and almost unnoticeable, and even though Sharon turned to see her foster daughter, she could only catch a glimpse of her wavy red hair as she walked into the kitchen. She heard the fridge door opening, and closing and water poured into a glass. Then she heard the clinking of the glass as the girl put it in the dishwasher. She turned around and walked towards a box that she placed earlier on the backrest of the couch and took a few elongated angels out of it when Rainie came out of the kitchen. The girl stopped in front of the box and looked at Sharon.

"You know, you don't have to go to all this trouble for me, Sharon," she spoke as she took one angel from the box and examined it curiously.

"Don't you like Christmas?" Sharon asked as she walked towards the tree.

"Until you, I haven't really thought about it much," the girl admitted with a shrug. Rainie's indifference to Christmas puzzled Sharon. Rainie has already spent one Christmas with her, and even though Sharon couldn't say Rainie seemed thrilled with the holiday, she also didn't seem as melancholic as she did this year.

"You do seem a little down." She hung a couple of praying glass angels with delicate wings on the tree as she spoke. "Is everything okay with Dr. Joe?" she turned to look at the girl who shuffled her weight from one foot to the other. "Of course, you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to." She added, hoping that Rainie would still decide to share her thoughts and feelings with her.

"I've been talking about my mom a lot," Rainie blurted the words as if they were a burden she wanted to unload. Sharon turned to look at her again, trying to find the girl's eyes. "I don't know; I feel guilty that she's out there somewhere and I'm here, in this nice place with a tree and…" the girl's voice trailed off. "Ornaments."

Now that Sharon's hands were empty, she wished she had something to do with them. She didn't want to seem insecure, but after having Rainie at her house for almost two years, she had begun to think of the girl as her own child. To hear that the girl still worried about her biological mother, despite her abandonment and abuse stung Sharon a little. She quickly shoved her hands into her pockets, to hide their gentle tremor.

"Don't get me wrong, Sharon. Because you're – you're really important to me. I just – I also love my mom." Sharon felt tears gathering in her eyes. How could Rainie's love for the person who has only been a part of her life for a year and a half even compare to the love she felt for her mother for the first fifteen years of her life? Sharon now realized that it was stupid of her to expect Rainie to forget about her mother and to favor her instead. It didn't work like that. Children couldn't just let go of their love for the people who raised them in a heartbeat and mentally adopt another parent. She looked downwards for a moment, trying to rein in the surge of disappointment that went through her. It took a few more seconds until Sharon was able to think clearly. She was never bad at sharing, and if Rainie didn't quite see her as her mother, she could settle for whatever the girl was willing to give.

"I understand," she rolled her eyes upwards and took a cleansing breath. She took her hands out of her pockets and grabbed two tree-top angels that were lying on the couch. "I have two kids, and I love them both equally. And if it turns out that I have part of a third, then I'll love her too." She held the angels in both her hands and for a moment it felt like she was holding her children, who for the second consecutive year didn't make it home for Christmas. Sharon missed them, but their absence was probably safer. With the threats on Rainie and her, it was better for Emily and Ricky to stay far from her during the holiday. She hoped that they would come home later in the year, or that the LAPD would catch the letter writer and she would be able to travel to see them with Rainie. "I'm really sorry that your mom isn't able to share in any of this with you." Sharon looked at her angels in her hands and turned around, trying to hide the tears that sprung in her eyes again when she thought of Emily and Ricky. She walked towards the tree and pretended to try to decide which angel would be a better fit for the tree-top.

"Yeah," Rainie looked into the box of angels again. "Well, I don't know how much she'd really appreciate it." She shrugged, and Sharon turned her head to see the shadow of a smile playing at her lips. She hummed noncommittedly. What else could she tell the girl anyway? It was the holiday season, and both of them were forced to spend it away from their families, each for her reasons. If anything, she could only identify with Rainie's confusion. "God, you've got a lot of angel ornaments."

"Oh, you can never have too many angels," Sharon declared with a soft smile, guiding them both towards a lighter topic.

"Either that or you have a really bad obsession," Rainie teased her.

Sharon snorted. Rainie may have had a point, but the sight of angels all around her condo made her feel protected. It was like having an ethereal security detail, one that took care not only of her physical safety, but also her soul, and that was a comforting thought; one that she needed desperately in order to go through this holiday season with her children away and a threat hanging over her and Rainie's heads.

Sharon couldn't remember quiet Christmas evenings before Rainie came to live with her. The previous holiday season, Emily was out of the country, and Ricky traveled to Chicago to spend the holidays with Jack's family. Even after Jack has walked out on his family, Sharon made sure to keep in touch with his brother and parents. She wanted her children to know their grandparents, uncle, aunt, and cousins. Jack's family always liked her and invited her to visit and spend the holidays with them every year. In the first couple of years after the legal separation, she traveled with the kids to Chicago for Thanksgiving, but she always felt like she didn't truly belong there, not without Jack. These people may have become her family by marriage, but every time she was around them, they pried into her life, tried to check if she was dating anyone if she was taking good care of Ricky and Emily, and if she was considering going back to Jack. She wasn't sure if they were in denial about what Jack has done or if they really weren't aware of what Jack has put his family through. Even if she didn't feel comfortable around them, Sharon made sure that the kids spoke to their grandparents every week. Ricky and Emily spent several summer vacations with their cousins in Illinois and always returned with many stories about their 'adventures'.

Christmas was always spent with Sharon's parents. As an only child, she always made sure her parents were not alone during the holiday season, and it was a family tradition to travel to their timeshare in Park City and spend Christmas and New Year's Eve there with Emily and Ricky. Her mother passed away two years before Sharon took Rainie in, and her father passed away the following year. Her first Christmas with Rainie was hard. Emily was out of the country, and Ricky spent the holidays working on a freelance project. It was the first holiday season Sharon has spent without her family, and it may have not been an accident that she was so busy with work and with Rainie's issues that she almost forgot to decorate.

This year would have been different if she and Rainie didn't get threatening letters that prompted Sharon to ask her children not to come home. In some ways, it was worse than the first year, because once the need to celebrate finally came to Sharon, Rainie didn't get into the holiday spirit at all. And this year, Sharon was not busy enough to take her mind off the fact that she was spending another holiday season without her family.

On Christmas day, Sharon found the time to cook a holiday dinner, and while the turkey was in the oven, she decorated the dinner table. A batch of gingerbread cookies was waiting to be baked, and she hoped that after dinner, Rainie would want to frost them. However, as soon as they put away the dishes from dinner, Rainie disappeared in her room. Sharon had knocked on her door and offered her a cup of hot chocolate and cookies, but Rainie preferred to stay in her room. Sharon groaned in frustration as she returned to the kitchen. Even with Rainie around, she still had to spend Christmas alone. She couldn't blame the girl. She knew Rainie was going through a rough time with the ongoing isolation, Dr. Joe's evaluation, the field operation and the threats to her life. It was a lot for a seventeen years old girl to process, and despite of Sharon's disappointment, she felt that she needed to give Rainie more space before she pushed for information about what was going on.

Sharon sank into the couch, exhaling deeply. She grabbed a throw pillow and wrapped her arms around it, trying to draw as much comfort out of it as a pillow could provide. Even with her sullen mood, if Rainie had come out of her room and sat with her, Sharon wouldn't feel as lonely as she did now. Turning in might be the best choice, but it was still early, and Sharon didn't feel tired yet. She turned the television on, and snuggled on the couch, watching an old Christmas movie.

She was surprised to wake up several hours later and discover that she had fallen asleep on the couch. It was still dark outside, and only the lights from the tree sparkled in the living room. Sharon reached for her phone that she left on the coffee table, and checked the time. It was almost 5 a.m. She sighed and got up, noticing that she was covered with a fleece blanket. Rainie must have come out and covered her when she saw her sleeping on the couch. As she turned towards the kitchen, Sharon noticed Rainie standing in the balcony. She slid the door open and joined her.

"Rainie?" she asked gently as she came to stand by the girl's side.

"Santa Claus doesn't exist, you know?" Rainie's voice was hoarse.

"Of course not. Santa is only a concept, not a real man," Sharon replied. She was still a bit groggy from sleeping on the couch, but she tried to regain her lucidity so she could understand what Rainie was trying to tell her.

"When I was eight, my mom brought home a plastic tree. It looked really cheap and small, and she forgot to buy ornaments or lights. She had long earrings, so we hung that on the branches, and I cut out some paper dolls and we hung that too," Rainie said. "And she told me about Santa and said that if I'll be a good girl and go to sleep early, and not give her any trouble before bedtime, Santa will leave a gift for me."

Sharon hummed softly and looked at Rainie, whose bottom lip seemed to be quivering.

"I was on my best behavior that night. I didn't give her any trouble, and when I woke up in the morning, the tree was gone, and there were no gifts. My mom was high, and she started screaming that she threw it away because Santa only gives gifts to privileged kids, not to poor people like us. I spent the entire day crying in my room. It was the only time we ever tried to celebrate Christmas."

"I'm so sorry you had to experience that, Rainie," Sharon said softly. She couldn't imagine how scary it must have been to grow up with a mother who was that unstable. "I'm not gonna lie and tell you stories about Santa. You know where the gifts come from. I just want you to know that the gifts don't matter. Spending Christmas with the people that you love is what's important."

"I'm sorry I was an asshole to you earlier. I needed time to take in all of this," Rainie motioned towards the tree in the living room.

"Honey, please don't lock yourself in your room when you're upset. Come and talk to me. You know that I will always be here for you, no matter what bothers you," Sharon said.

Rainie nodded and stared into the grayish morning mist.

"It's almost morning. Do you wanna open your gifts?" Sharon offered.

Rainie nodded again, and they walked inside and sat in front of the tree.

Sharon pointed at a flat gift that was wrapped in blue paper and tied with a white ribbon. "This one is from everyone at work," she said. Andy approached her a couple of weeks earlier and said that the team wanted to buy Rainie a Christmas gift and wasn't sure what the girl might want.

Rainie untied the ribbon and removed the lid.

"Okay, this is funny," she said and took out a copy of 'Wreck This Journal' out of the box. "I looked at this on Amazon a few weeks ago."

"I'm glad it's what you wanted," Sharon replied, and pointed at another gift that was packaged in a long box. "That one is from me," she added.

Rainie unwrapped the gift and covered her mouth when she saw the new yoga mat Sharon had gotten her. Since her isolation started, Rainie has been following several yoga YouTube channels and practicing at home. A few weeks ago, Sharon had lent her an old yoga mat she used back when she still had time to take yoga classes. Now Rainie had a brand new mat of her own.

"Thank you, Sharon. This is amazing!" Rainie wrapped her arms around Sharon's neck.

"Ricky and Emily also sent you a little something. I know you haven't met, but they thought it would be nice to get you something small, so you know they're thinking of you," Sharon said and handed her a medium-sized gift bag.

Rainie pulled the tissue paper from inside and then took out a gray T-shirt that had ' _You're never fully dressed without a smile_ ' written on it.

"That's cute," Rainie said. "Now open yours," she smiled at Sharon, who nodded slowly.

She opened Emily's gift first. The box was big and heavy, and Sharon remembered Emily's warning about the content's fragility. She untied the lush silk ribbon and carefully unwrapped the green and gold wrapping paper. Her oldest daughter sent her a beautiful set of delicate porcelain cups and a matching kettle, accompanied by a bag of artisan tea blend. Sharon couldn't wait to use the cups and try the blend. Emily was certainly aware of Sharon's tea and teacup obsession. The next present Sharon picked from under the tree was from Ricky. She lifted the lid of the box and was surprised to find a Kindle Paperwhite. She gasped loudly, knowing that it was probably way out of Ricky's budget. Not that she worried about his finances, because he's always been very responsible with money, but she wondered just how horrible he felt about not coming home for Christmas for the second year in a row if he went so out of his way to send her such an expensive gift. Sharon read the Christmas card he attached. His wishes were laced with his familiar humor. Sharon could almost hear his voice as she read his card and it made a soft smile spread across her face. She wished that she could hug him and tell him he didn't need to feel guilty and that she loved him.

After she put the box and card aside, Sharon noticed one gift that wasn't there before she fell asleep on the couch. It was a medium-sized box that was wrapped in a shimmery red paper and tied with a gold ribbon. She turned her gaze to Rainie, who looked at her with anticipation; there was a sparkle in her eyes and a trace of a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. Sharon untied the ribbon and carefully peeled back the wrapping paper, revealing a shallow black box with a Neiman Marcus logo on the lid. Her jaw dropped open, and she looked her Rainie again.

"Rainie, what…?" She couldn't conjure the words to express herself. She removed the lid carefully and exposed a beautiful beige cashmere cardigan. Sharon often bought her clothes at Neiman Marcus and was familiar with their price range. Even if this cardigan was on discount, she knew that Rainie must have paid a lot of money for it. She must have used more than a year's worth of her allowance.

"Do you like it?" Rainie's eyes shone.

"It's beautiful, honey," Sharon's voice shook. "I love it. Thank you so much." She wrapped her arms around Rainie and kissed the crown of her head. "I'm so happy to have you in my life; you know that, right?"

Rainie shrugged shyly. "I'm glad to have you in mine, too," she said and looked at the tree. "I never imagined anyone would care about me the way that you do. Sometimes, I need to pinch myself to make sure it's real."

Sharon smiled at her and held her hands. "If you're not tired, we could make breakfast together, and skype with Ricky," she offered.

"That sounds like a great idea," Rainie replied and began gathering the wrapping papers from the floor. "Oh, I almost forgot!" she called out. "I have one more thing for you."

"Oh, God, Rainie, this is way too much," Sharon protested as she watched Rainie going to her bedroom and returning with a small gift box.

"It's something small, I promise," the girl said and handed the box to Sharon.

Sharon opened it to discover a crystal angel ornament. "You said that you can never have too many angels," Rainie said.

"It's so beautiful, sweetheart," Sharon said. She walked to the tree and hung the angel on one of the empty branches. The Christmas lights cast a warm glow through the crystal that engulfed the angel with a divine aura. Sharon felt Rainie's arms wrapping around her shoulders from behind, and she let herself lean against the girl.

"I love you, Sharon. You're my angel, for sure," she whispered.

Sharon was happy that Rainie was standing behind her because her words made tears spring from her eyes and roll down her face.

"I love you so much, too, my darling. Thank you for the lovely gifts. You made this Christmas so much happier than I thought it could be." She wiped her tears before she turned around and wrapped her arms around Rainie.

"You missed midnight mass, and your children couldn't visit either because of me. It's the least I could do," Rainie spoke into her shoulder.

"That Catholic guilt rubbed off on you after all," Sharon teased the girl as she pulled away. She heard Rainie giggle softly. "So, breakfast – what are we having?" She asked as she walked to the kitchen with Rainie on her heels.

They decided to make buttermilk pancakes, and as they worked side by side in the kitchen, Sharon let herself sneak glances at the girl who had already taken a corner of her heart. Her coppery waves bounced on her shoulders as she moved and she hummed a cheerful Christmas tune as she stirred the pancake mix. The threats they were receiving may have prevented Sharon from seeing Emily and Ricky this year, but she wasn't alone. Rainie was family, too, and Sharon couldn't have been happier to be able to spend the holiday with her. Hopefully, next year she'll have all her children with her during the holidays, but for now, she could settle for just one of them – the one that needed her the most.

-TBC-

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 **As always, I'd love to know what you thought about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N** **:** Thank you all for the lovely reviews. I'm glad to see so many people are enjoying this story.

As always, my fearless and talented beta blossom-of-snow did an amazing job and I'd like to thank her.

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Sharon gripped the stirring wheel as she drove from the PAB back home. Every moment or two her vision blurred when tears filled her eyes and she blinked them away. The tension that settled between her shoulder blades in the last couple of weeks since Rainie has gone on her field operation has multiplied at the moment Flynn told her that the most recent victim of Stroh's accomplice lived in her building. The soles of her feet were bruised from running down eight floors barefoot, and her arms ached from pulverizing the door with a fire extinguisher. She could still hear the six shots echoing in her ears and see the image of Rainie, defending herself with a tripod, baring her teeth like a threatened animal, as adrenaline took over her body. The mess at the accomplice's victim's condo indicated that Rainie had thrown a few heavy objects at him, and starkly contrasted the sight of Rainie biting her quivering bottom lip, her arms wrapped around herself, only a moment before Lieutenant Cooper evacuated her.

Once Sharon pulled the car into her usual parking spot at the underground garage of her building, she took a deep breath and reached for her bag. She gasped in pain as she placed her feet on the ground. The excruciating injuries in her feet as she walked towards the elevator were only secondary to the tormenting constriction in her chest. She wanted to scream; she needed to scream. But she knew that for the next fifteen minutes or so, she had to stay in control of her emotions. As she stepped into the elevator and pressed the 11th-floor button, Sharon took a deep breath and schooled her features. The relief she felt when she saw Rainie, sitting in the armchair in the living room, guarded by two SIS officers in full gear was great. She thanked the officers as they stepped into the hall.

"Hey," Rainie said. Sharon could see the relief on the girl's face. It was clear that she needed to see Sharon just as much as Sharon needed to see her.

"Hey," Sharon put her hand on the girl's shoulder. "Are you okay?" Sharon gave the girl's shoulder a little squeeze before she took a seat on the couch in front of Rainie.

"Just a little shaky," Rainie replied, and the guilty look in her eyes was haunting. "But never happier to have so many police officers around me." Sharon took a deep breath. Rainie was not the only one who felt guilty, and she needed to let her know that she was not the only one who made a mistake.

"Rainie, I owe you an apology. I went against my instincts," she said.

"Uh, no, I…" Rainie began to mumble. "I really really messed up. I know I did."

"I never should have gone along with this entire operation," Sharon continued speaking, trying to raise her voice over Rainie's and deflect the girl's attempt to blame herself.

"Sharon, let me finish, please?" Rainie pleaded. Sharon exhaled deeply and braced her elbows against her knees, as she leaned towards her foster daughter.

"I thought I had a handle on all this stuff, but I didn't follow my orders, and I almost got myself and you killed. And, and… and from now on, whatever you want me to do – whatever it is that I need to do – Sharon, I promise you that I'll do it. I'll just do it, because…" Rainie paused, her bottom lip shaking. She lunged forwards, and Sharon knew that her daughter needed her to hold her and comfort her. She stood up and let Rainie draw into her arms and sob into her shoulder. Her spine supported their combined weights as the girl mumbled something about how Sharon has saved her life again. When Rainie pulled away, Sharon cupped the girl's cheeks in her palms.

"But it's not over yet. Unfortunately, the guy who tried to kill you is still out there," Sharon said and was almost shocked with how stable and authoritative her voice sounded. She didn't think she could pull it off, but she knew that she had to. "And I'm happy that you promise to do what I say and that you know it's for your own good."

"What?" Rainie's eyes widened with terror and Sharon had to look away from the girl.

"Come on," she said, as she lead the girl down the hall. "Come on." Tears began welling in her eyes again, and she gave her forehead a little rub in an attempt to alleviate the emotion that was overcoming her.

"Sharon, what's for my own good?" the girl followed her down the hall. Sharon went into Rainie's bedroom and took a trolley from the closet. "What are you doing?" she could hear the mistrust in Rainie's voice. She offered the girl a sad and tearful smile as she began taking clothes out of Rainie's closet and folding them before she put them inside the trolley. "What's going on?" Rainie demanded.

"Hello? Captain?" she heard Amy's voice from the living room.

"Down the hall, Detective," she called. Rainie turned towards her, a wild expression in her eyes.

"Why is Detective Sykes here?" she demanded. At that moment, Amy appeared at the door, followed by Julio.

"Captain, Rainie," the young detective greeted the two of them. Sharon nodded in her direction. "Since it's clear that it's not as safe here as we would like, you're moving in with me, until you testify in court," Amy explained to Rainie.

"Until I testify?" Rainie looked at Sharon, scandalized. "But that could be years from now!" she exclaimed, and Sharon could see the burning rage in the girl's eyes.

"Not anymore," Julio spoke. "Besides staying safe, you need to get ready."

"Rainie, next week you take the stand against Phillip Stroh," Sharon declared. She hoped that having a set date until the trial would help Rainie understand that she wasn't giving her up.

"No," Rainie shook her head, and her red tresses bounced around her face. She turned to look at Sharon again. "You promised, Sharon."

"Rainie, it's only temporary," Sharon spoke softly, hoping to calm the girl down.

"You gave up. You're doing what Emma wanted, aren't you? You're sending me to the Witness Protection Program!" Rainie pointed her finger at her.

"That's not true, Rainie. It's just for a week," Sharon insisted, even though she could tell Rainie's trust in her was slipping quickly. She took a step forward and pulled the girl into her arms. "Sweetheart, I would never lie to you about something like that," she assured her daughter.

"Please don't send me away. Please," the girl implored, her fingers clutching Sharon's jacket. Sharon looked at Amy and Julio over the girl's shoulder and cocked her head to the side, implying that they should leave the room. They caught the hint and retreated to the hallway. Sharon placed her palm on the crown of Rainie's head and gently stroked her hair.

"Honey, you know how much I love you, right?" she asked. Rainie responded with a sob. "I never lied to you, have I?" Another sob was the response she received. "And I am not lying right now either. This house, this room will be waiting for you to come back. I will be waiting for you, too."

"Will I be allowed to meet you while I live with Amy?" Rainie asked, her voice quivering.

"I won't be able to visit you, because Stroh's accomplice could follow me and find out where you are," Sharon explained. "And Emma thinks it's the best if we don't see each other at PAB either, so Stroh's defense won't be able to claim that I coached you what to say on the stand."

"But…" Rainie protested.

"It's only for a week," Sharon repeated. "I promise you. And hopefully by then, we will catch that guy who's been threatening you, and you will be able to go back to school and see your friends again. You won't have to fear that someone will hurt you. I won't have to, either." She felt Rainie relaxing in her arms and gently pulled away from her. She wiped away the girl's tears with the pad of her thumb. "Just promise me you won't want to stay with Amy and leave me here alone," she teased her daughter and was happy to see that her words elicited a smile out of the girl.

"I won't," Rainie said softly.

"Good," Sharon replied. "Let's pack, okay?"

Half an hour later, Rainie, Sharon and her two trusted detectives were standing at the doorway of the condo. Rainie was calmer and cooperative now, which helped put Sharon's mind at ease. She took Rainie's hands in hers, squeezing them lightly.

"Will you be safe on your own?" Rainie wondered.

"Yes, sweetheart. I will be fine," she replied.

"I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you, too," Sharon said. She could see Amy and Julio exchanging gazes that told her that it was better to finish with the goodbyes. "It's time to go, but I want you to know that if you need someone to talk to, Dr. Joe is available. And please don't draw on Amy's wall."

"Yeah, please don't," Amy joked in attempt to lighten the mood.

"I won't," Rainie smiled.

"I'll take good care of her, Captain," Amy promised. Sharon and Rainie exchanged another quick hug before the girl followed the two detectives into the elevator.

"I love you!" she heard Rainie's voice coming from inside the elevator.

"I love you, too!" she called out and leaned against the doorframe. She heard the elevator doors closing and went back to her condo.

Sharon let her body drop down on the couch. Her feet were too sore to carry her weight, and she removed her shoes and leaned back, releasing a long exhale from the depths of her throat. She removed her glasses and closed her eyes briefly. She was tired. No, she was exhausted. She wasn't even sure if she had any energy to shower or eat. A knock on the door startled her, and she immediately reached for her gun.

"Sharon?" she heard a familiar voice. "It's me." Holstering her gun, she walked towards the door and unlocked it. Lieutenant Andy Flynn was standing at the doorway, carrying a doggy bag with a logo of an Italian restaurant he knew she liked. "I'm sorry for coming here unannounced," he spoke. "I thought you might be too tired to cook, and that you might want some company."

Sharon moved from the doorway and let him in. "Thank you, Andy. I appreciate it," she said as she walked to the kitchen to set the dinner table.

"Please, let me do it," Andy offered, and Sharon stepped back. She watched him as he quickly found the placemats, plates, and cutlery and carried them to the table. He filled a pitcher with water and added ice cubes from the freezer and placed it in the middle of the table along with two glasses. They sat down, and Andy opened the doggy bag and took out the Styrofoam containers out. "Dig in," he said, and Sharon loaded food on her plate.

"This is so kind of you," she said as she closed her mouth around a fork full of gnocchi. She was too exhausted to remember her table manners, and she had hoped Andy won't care.

"It's been a rough day," he replied and took a bite of his food. "And pasta is the best comfort food in the world."

"You are so right about that!" Sharon stated. Carbs had a strange power to improve everything. Andy smiled at her and nodded his head. They ate in relative silence, and even though Sharon always felt that two people sitting together without carrying a conversation was awkward, she didn't feel this way with him. She felt like he understood what she was going through and gave her the space she needed to think. They were good friends, and it appeared that Andy could easily attune himself to her mood in a way that nobody in her life ever had before. She couldn't deny that it felt good to have someone taking care of her, for once. She didn't want to be alone during a stressful and trying time like this and Andy's presence was a blessing.

"I brought dessert," he said when they finished eating. He insisted on clearing the table on his own.

"Oh, God. Andy, this is too much," she said.

"My mother used to say there's nothing you can't solve with a good Italian dessert," he offered her his infamous boyish smile that made her the corners of her mouth twitch. Andy went back to the kitchen and brought another Styrofoam box and two dessert spoons. "I thought we could eat this one straight from the box," he said as he opened the box and handed her one spoon.

"Oh, Andy, you got my favorite!" Sharon gushed. He simply smiled at her and sat down. Sharon dug her spoon into the dessert and brought it to her mouth. She closed her eyes and hummed around the spoon, as the rich tiramisu made contact with her tongue. "I didn't even know how much I needed this. Thank you so much, Andy."

"See? I told you? Italian desserts can beat almost any sorrow," he said.

After they finished the cake, they moved to the balcony, where they sat together and watched the view. A comfortable silence spread between them again, as they listened to the soft wind blowing.

"If you squint your eyes and ignore all the noise, the city lights look like fireflies in the forest," Sharon broke the silence after a moment. "Rainie says that."

"She's an imaginative girl," Andy said.

"She always finds beauty where there's none," Sharon agreed.

"Rainie wasn't like that when we just met her. I think she learned that from you," he noted.

Sharon shrugged. She wasn't sure if her outlook on life was always so positive. It certainly didn't feel this way tonight. "She thought I was giving up on her and sending her to the Witness Protection Program," she said. Rainie's sobs and pleas still echoed in her ears.

"Everyone she's ever loved before abandoned her at some point. It's hard to earn someone else's trust after they've been hurt so many times," Andy observed.

"I love this girl so much, Andy. I know that foster care is meant to be temporary and that I shouldn't feel this way about her, but I can't do that," Sharon admitted.

"The rules can't prevent people from developing emotions towards each other, even when it's not always for the best."

"You think me loving her is doing more harm than good?" Sharon looked for the answer in his eyes. Andy was capable of many things, but hiding his emotions was not one of them.

"No. Your love for Rainie is what made her come out of her shell. She's a different person because of you." His smile deepened the wrinkles around his eyes. Sharon found it endearing.

"My love for her put her in a dangerous situation. I tried to let her have the way she wanted because I love her, Andy," her voice broke as guilt overcame her.

"Your love is the best thing that ever happened to Rainie, Sharon. Where would she be if you didn't take her in?" Andy asked. "She would have run away from foster care. She would be living in the street, turning tricks, maybe taking drugs to forget everything she had to do. And eventually, before Stroh would even get to her, she would be lying in a dark alley, after some creep beat her to death. You saved this girl's life and soul, Sharon." His words made tears spring out of her eyes, and roll down her face. He pulled his handkerchief out of his pocket and handed it to her. She wiped her tears and turned to look at the city lights again. "Look, Sharon, she survived on her own for a whole year. She can handle one week away from home."

"Thank you, Andy,"

"For what?" he asked.

"For being here. For supporting me," she explained. He may have thought those things were trivial, but they meant a lot to Sharon.

"You would've done the same for me," Andy said. Sharon nodded slowly. She would most definitely help a friend who was having a hard time. Wasn't going to Nicole's wedding with Andy or agreeing to accompany him to see his step-grandsons' performance of The Nutcracker exactly that?

"It doesn't mean I'm any less thankful for your company tonight," she said and stifled a yawn.

"You must be exhausted," Andy said. "I think it's time we call it a night."

Sharon thanked him again, simply because she ran out of words to say. She walked him to the door, where there were still two uniformed officers that Chief Taylor decided to keep there for the night.

"Call me if you need anything during the night, no matter what time it is, okay?" Andy asked.

"I will," Sharon promised and noticed she was still holding his handkerchief. "I'll wash this and get it back to you in a few days, okay?" she asked.

"It'll keep," he replied and began walking towards the elevator. "Good night, Sharon."

"Good night, Andy." She wished a good night to the two officers and closed the door, locking it behind her.

After taking a quick shower, Sharon went to her bedroom and opened her closet. Still wrapped in her bathrobe, she stepped into the big walk-in closet and quickly located her favorite and most comfortable pajamas. She was almost done dressing up when she noticed the beige cardigan Rainie had bought her for Christmas draped neatly on one of the hangers. She touched the fabric with the tips of her fingers, enjoying its softness against her fingertips. She took it off the hanger and slipped it on. She closed her eyes and sighed. Rainie had given her the perfect gift, a comforting hug in a piece of clothing. Sharon tightened it around her as she walked back into her bedroom and shut the closet behind her. She grabbed her phone from the bedside table and sent a quick text to Amy to inquire if she could call her. Instead of replying, Amy called her and Sharon quickly picked it up.

"Captain, how are you?" Amy asked.

"I'm fine, Amy. How's Rainie doing?" Sharon asked.

"She's fine. Calmer now than she was when we left," Amy informed her.

"Did she eat anything?" Sharon inquired. Rainie often skipped meals when she was upset.

"She had some chicken noodle soup. And I made her a big cup of hot chocolate with whipped cream and sprinkles. I think it made her feel a bit better," Amy said.

"That's good," Sharon replied softly. She was happy that Rainie was in a better condition. "She tends to get bad headaches when she's stressed. I packed her medication in her toiletries bag. Tell her it's there if she needs it. And if it happens, just let her lie down in a dark and quiet place for a while. It helps her, too."

"No problem, Captain. Do you wanna talk to her?" Amy offered.

"It's best that I don't," Sharon said. "But tell her I wish her a good night." Sharon only now realized that she walked while she spoke on the phone and was now standing in the middle of Rainie's bedroom. It looked so empty without her.

"I will. Good night, Captain." Amy said, and Sharon replied in kind. She leaned against the doorframe of Rainie's bedroom and sighed before she shut down the light and closed the door behind her. She walked back to the master bedroom and crawled between the sheets. This week was going to be hell, but at least she could take comfort in the fact that Rainie was safe. She switched off the lights and curled on her side, tightening the cardigan around her body, as her eyelids fell shut. It felt like arms around her waist, holding her and calming her down, and Sharon willingly embraced the thought as her body sank into the mattress and sleep claimed her.

-TBC-

* * *

 **As always, I'd love to know your thoughts about this story, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N** **:** First of all, I'd like to thank all the reviewers of this story. You keep me going on this fanfiction, and it is a huge project to retell so many episodes. I have been working on it since January, which means it's been almost a year, and I don't think I've ever put that much effort into anything in my life. Your feedback means a lot to me. So I'd like to let all my readers and reviewers know that I appreciate your choice to stick with me on this.

This chapter is the last for season 2, and next week I'll start posting the chapters I wrote for season 3 which has a lot going on and also introducing a couple of original characters who form Sharon's backup support and give her a life outside of what the show presented. I think the season 3 chapters are really Sharon-heavy and also show how Rainie is growing and developing, which is something that we didn't see original Rusty do so well. I'm excited for you to read them, and while I think a couple of them will garner me a lot of criticism, I am proud of all of them, and I think they round both Sharon and Rainie up beautifully.

I'd like to thank the amazing beta reader, blossom-of-snow who's help improved this chapter tremendously.

* * *

If there was one advantage to the current situation, it was that Sharon was too busy trying to find Phillip Stroh's accomplice and arrest him before he murdered anyone else to consider the emptiness of her condo in Rainie's absence. She was going over new evidence when Emma Rios barged into her office without knocking and stood in front of her desk. The young DDA may have been a good lawyer, but she was seriously lacking in the manners department.

"How can I help you, DDA Rios?" Sharon asked without lifting her gaze from the evidence.

"We need to talk about Rainie," Emma's words drew Sharon's eyes from the paper she was reading.

"I'm listening," she said.

"It's about Rainie's appearance in court later this week," Emma began. "She needs an appropriate dress."

"That's not a problem. I will bring Detective Sykes one of Rainie's dresses tomorrow," Sharon replied, feeling that Emma's request was too easy. There must have been something else.

"Good," Emma said with a triumphant smile. "I would like for Rainie to dye her hair a darker shade, too." There it was. Emma never had only one thing to complain about.

"No," Sharon replied simply, hoping her refusal would be enough to prevent an argument.

"You need to understand my position," As Sharon expected, Emma didn't give up so easily. "The thing about Rainie's hair is that it's wild. The color makes her appear stubborn, and her curls would give the impression that she's uncontrollable."

"Rainie does not need to be controlled," Sharon stated. "And her hair color has nothing to do with her personality."

"Of course not, but you need to understand…"

"Oh, I understand, believe me," Sharon rose from her chair to level with the stubborn DDA.

"Statistics show that most people consider redheads and people with curly hair unreliable, and Rainie is both!" Emma argued.

"First of all, Rainie's hair is not curly; it's wavy. And secondly, I don't care what the statistics say. You are not even going to suggest to Rainie to dye her hair for the trial."

"Rainie needs a softer appearance to win some credibility points with the judge, Sharon." Emma groaned in frustration as if Sharon was a nuisance she was unable to get rid of. "If you won't let her dye her hair, then she has to straighten it," She declared.

"Fine, she'll straighten her hair for the trial," Sharon replied angrily, realizing some concessions had to be made. The last thing she wanted was for Emma to try and remove Rainie from her custody just because she wasn't cooperative.

"Good, I also thought we could get her a pair of glasses, you know so that she can look intelligent."

"Rainie is intelligent," Sharon retorted, feeling fury quickly shooting through her veins. "She doesn't need glasses for that."

"I meant, more intelligent," Emma quickly backpedaled.

"Do the statistics show that people with glasses are more intelligent?" Sharon mocked the young DDA.

"Actually, they do," Emma replied.

"Wow, I feel so flattered," Sharon's sarcasm was unmistakable.

"Look, Captain. I know you don't like to hear it, but I have to sell a former prostitute as an angelic girl. She needs to look the part."

"Prostitute, really, Emma?" Sharon called out. "This girl was sexually assaulted, every night, by men who were much older than her. If you are calling it prostitution, then you are blaming the victim, not strengthening their credibility," Sharon raged.

"This is not the time to argue your feministic beliefs, Captain," Emma countered.

"I agree that there is no use in trying to mask what Rainie was doing at Griffith Park. The police report states it, Linda Rothman knows it, and Rainie knows she will be asked about it. But I believe that showing how far she's progressed from that point is going to make her more relatable than any change you could make in her physical appearance. Why aren't you trying to present Rainie the way she is? It would show that she is trying to change her life and is working towards creating a positive future for herself." Sharon could almost see the wheels turning in the other woman's brain.

"I'll think about that," DDA Rios said.

"Rainie would be much more cooperative if you acknowledge her efforts," Sharon advised her.

"She still needs to look presentable," Emma insisted.

"She will," Sharon promised. Reaching agreements with the impulsive and headstrong DDA was difficult, but rewarding. Sharon did not doubt that both Emma and Rainie will deliver great results if they work together rather than against each other.

* * *

Sharon leaned against the desk in her office as she looked at her daughter, the brave girl who had, according to DDA Rios and Lieutenant Provenza's reports, done wonderfully in court that day, outsmarting Linda Rothman and getting the threatening letters on record. She could hear Rainie sniffling, but felt that whatever was on the girl's mind, she needed space to say it. Rainie smoothed the dress she was wearing. It was the same dress that Sharon had bought her for her seventeenth birthday, and Sharon liked the softness it gave Rainie's appearance.

"Some of the questions Rothman asked maybe brought back difficult memories?" Sharon decided to give the girl a small nudge to get her to share whatever was on her mind.

"It's not that, Sharon," Rainie sighed. "It's that…" She paused as she turned to look at Sharon. "There's something she said about what I did at Griffith Park."

"What did she say?" Sharon inquired.

"She asked me if I liked it, being with all those guys," Rainie's voice shook. "I didn't know what to answer, but she kept pushing." Tears began to roll down Rainie's cheeks. "And then Emma objected and the judge accepted that."

Sharon was relieved that Emma cared enough to protect Rainie from an unfair interrogation like that.

"But when I went off the stand, I couldn't help but ask myself if I was supposed to have fun."

"Rainie, you –" Sharon started, but the girl cut her off.

"I never had fun with guys. I never even had fun kissing a boy," she wiped her tears away and sniffled. "The only time I enjoyed anything like that was when I kissed Kris. And I think…" Her voice broke.

Sharon itched to hug the girl, but she knew that Rainie needed to unload whatever was on her heart more than she needed to be comforted.

"I think it's better if I don't come back to live with you."

"Why on earth would you say that?" Sharon asked.

"Something is wrong with me, Sharon," Rainie's voice shook, but she powered through. "I don't think I am ever going to be able to like boys the way normal girls do."

"Sweetheart, there's nothing wrong with you. You don't have to like guys," Sharon said.

"You don't understand, Sharon," the girl insisted. "I'm trying to say… Oh, God," She groaned as tears started streaming from her eyes, dissolving her mascara and darkening on their way down her face. "I'm a goddamn freak."

"Sweetheart, you're not a freak," Sharon took a step towards Rainie and took both her hands in hers.

"But I like girls," Rainie's admission was almost a whisper.

Sharon tried to catch her gaze, but Rainie looked downwards.

"Honey, I am so honored that you chose to share this with me. And I am so proud of who you are. And my love for you doesn't change because you're a lesbian. Do you understand?" Sharon pulled Rainie into her arms for a tight hug.

"You really don't care?" Rainie asked, still looking like she was expecting a slap in the face or a good yelling.

"All I care about is for you to be happy," Sharon drew away from Rainie and cupped her daughter's cheeks. "I hate that Emma forced you to straighten your hair," she said and tucked a stray strand of hair behind Rainie's ear. "I like you just the way you are: redhead, curly, smart, funny, gay, talented…" her voice trailed off. "What you are is who I love, and all of you is coming home." She drew the girl into her arms again and closed her eyes. At that moment, she was holding in her arms one of the most precious gifts life has given her, and she couldn't be happier.

-TBC-

* * *

 **As always, I'd love to know your thoughts about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N** **:** First of all, I'd like to thank you all for your lovely reviews. I'm so glad you're enjoying this chapter is the first one to explore season 3, and as I mentioned, this is a really exciting season for me to write. It's a bit different than usual because Sharon is exploring her relationship with Rainie through a conversation with Andy, but I feel like it provides a wider view of the relationship and shows us a little bit of the off-hours Sharon we wished we saw on the show.

And of course, I'd like to thank the wonderful Blossom-of-snow for beta reading and editing this story. She's exceptional.

* * *

It has been at least a decade since Sharon had a glass of vodka. She never particularly liked the hard liquor, but she needed something to take the edge off fast. And boy, did she have an edge. As the clear liquid burned its way down her throat, the faces of the two dead children floated before her eyes and the desperate scream of their mother as she found out her husband and children had been murdered echoed in her ears. She put the shot glass down on the bar and covered her face in her hands. The last couple of days had been too much for her, too painful. It was one of those cases that got to her, but it was the first time that she needed to drink in order to forget.

"Hey there," Andy said.

Sharon decided to take him up on his offer to be there for her and convinced him to go to a downtown resto-bar she hasn't been to for several months.

"Our food is at the table, and considering that you just had vodka, it's probably a good idea if you eat something."

Sharon's fingers traced the rim of the shot glass on the bar and looked at Andy. She found nothing but warmth in his eyes, and his kind invitation to return to their table and have dinner. Slowly, she got up from the barstool and followed him back to the table. He pulled the chair for her, and she descended into it, feeling a little dizzy as the Grey Goose in her blood was already taking effect. Her fingers brushed against the tips of her fork's teeth. She lifted it and impaled one piece of ravioli.

"I think Rainie is dating someone," she said as she brought the ravioli to her mouth.

"Is it a girl from her school?" Andy wondered.

Sharon looked at him, unsure how he even knew Rainie was a lesbian. "How did you know?" she asked. "That she's gay, I mean."

"The way she looked at Kris when they still used to hang out; it seemed like she was a bit infatuated with her. Didn't it?" Andy asked. "And when she had that boyfriend, the one you didn't like – "

"I never told you I didn't like Chris," Sharon protested.

"But it was easy to tell. You looked at him like your look at suspects," Andy grinned.

Sharon had to remind herself that her Lieutenant had many years of detective work behind him. Of course, he would not have a hard time figuring out how she felt about another person.

"Anyway, she never looked at him this way. So it made sense."

"Well, I don't know who it is," Sharon said. "I just noticed she's been spending a lot of time out of the house, and the other day, she tried to sneak in early in the morning, and she had her toothbrush in her backpack."

"So you think she slept over somewhere?" Andy asked.

"I don't know," Sharon sighed as she brought another ravioli to her mouth. "I give her a lot of freedom, but I'm not sure I like that she's going out without telling me where, and spending the night out without letting me know."

"So why don't you talk to her about it?" Andy suggested.

"Because I was busy. We had this case and…" She sighed and shook her head. She didn't want to talk about the case. She wanted to forget about it. "And then she asked to talk to Provenza. He would have told me if it was something serious, wouldn't he?"

"He would," Andy assured her.

Sharon nodded and looked at her plate. "Why do we keep doing this to ourselves?" she wondered.

"Doing what?" Andy looked at her over his forkful of fettuccine alfredo.

"This job? Why do we feel the need to be surrounded by death?" Sharon explained. "Are we masochists?"

"Oh, no. One shot of vodka did this to you?" Andy groaned. "You're one of those people who contemplate your life choices when they're drunk?"

"I'm not drunk, Andy, I'm serious," Sharon insisted.

"Why did you become a cop?" Andy asked.

"To pay Jack's way through law school. I never meant to stay a cop," Sharon admitted. "I was supposed to be a lawyer."

"I didn't know that," Andy looked at her as if his entire view of her changed, and Sharon wasn't sure why she even cared what he thought of her, but she did.

"Oh, don't look at me like that," she demanded.

"Like what?"

"Like I'm not as idealistic as you," she replied. "I didn't intend to stay in this job, but I like it."

"What do you like about it?" Andy sounded as if he was testing her loyalty to her job.

"It makes me feel like I'm doing something good; like I can really change people's lives," Sharon said. "And sometimes what I do helps save people from a horrible fate."

"There's your answer," Andy smiled. "That's why we stay at this job despite all the ugliness we see. We are the good in this world, you know?"

Sharon gave him a little nod.

"And days like today – they're terrible, but they remind us why we're needed. We bring justice to these victims."

"I still feel like I've done something wrong," Sharon sighed.

"If you'd have told Mrs. Logan that her children were dead before we got information out of her, we would have never solved this case. She would have been too upset to talk to us, and the killer would have gotten away," Andy said. "You made the right call. And withholding that information didn't make her husband and children any less dead or their loss any less painful to her."

"I guess you're right," Sharon looked at her plate. The ravioli dish she ordered looked delicious, but she had no appetite. "I don't think I can eat this."

Andy motioned the waitress to come over and asked her to pack their food in to-go boxes and bring them the check. She nodded and picked up their plates.

"Do you think I should be worried about Rainie?" Sharon changed the subject.

"I don't know. If your instincts are telling you that something might be wrong with her, then you should talk to her," Andy said.

"She doesn't like it when I pry." Sharon mimicked Rainie's tone. "I mean, she's been doing well at school, and she's still seeing Dr. Joe, and she seems vital. It's just this sneaking around – it's not like her."

"Well, maybe she's not sure how to have a healthy relationship. She hasn't had any good example of that before. It can be confusing, especially at her age, you know?"

"You're right. I should probably talk to her. I just don't want to embarrass her or make her feel pressured. I mean, what if she's not in a relationship? Maybe it's something entirely different?" Sharon wondered.

"You won't know if you won't ask," Andy offered her an empathetic smile.

The waitress returned to their table with the check and two doggie bags. They paid for their dinner and left the restaurant.

"Are you okay?" Andy asked when Sharon almost tripped.

"I'm fine. The vodka made me a little dizzy," Sharon admitted.

Andy offered her his arm to lean on as they walked to his car.

They were quiet on the drive to Los Feliz. Sharon was feeling drowsy by the moment, and realized that whatever conversation she had hoped to have with Rainie would not happen tonight; not when her brain was engulfed in clouds of exhaustion, grief, and alcohol.

Andy parked his car in front of her building and insisted on walking her to her door. He's done it several times before, but it was the first time that his act of chivalry was stemmed from genuine concern. Sharon could feel the liquor taking effect on her body with every step she took, and she was glad that she had Andy to lean on as they walked through the lobby to the elevator and from the elevator to her door. He even helped her find the keys in her purse and unlocked the door for her when he noticed her struggling to insert the key to the lock. She thanked him for his company and assistance before they wished each other goodnight and parted.

Rainie was already asleep when Sharon walked down the hall. She stopped in the doorway of Rainie's room and looked at the sleeping girl. Rainie's notebook, which Sharon always assumed was a kind of a diary was thrown on the floor by the foot of the bed, open wide. Sharon bent down and picked it up. She knew that if she had any doubts about what was happening inside the girl's head, she would find the answers in the diary, but even in her tipsy state, Sharon couldn't think of anything worse than invading and violating Rainie's safe space. She closed the diary and placed it on the nightstand. She turned the bedside lamp off and closed the door behind her as she went to her bedroom to get ready to sleep. Her body felt heavy, but her mind was clearer than it has been all week. Whether it was the alcohol or the conversation with Andy, the guilt was gone, and her concerns for Rainie felt less pressing. Everything was going to be fine. Or at least she hoped it will.

-TBC-

* * *

 **As always, I'd love to know your thoughts about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N** **:** Thank you all so much for the reviews and messages. I'm so glad you're enjoying this story and the exploration of Sharon and Rainie's relationship from different angles as well. This chapter is something I wish we had seen on the show, and I think that it captures the more fragile end of the relationship between Sharon and Rainie and exposes some emotions that weren't expressed or discussed in the show, but probably should have, to some extent.

I'd like to thank blossom-of-snow who's doing a wonderful job beta-reading and editing my chapters.

* * *

Rainie leaned against Sharon's car and kicked a pebble. Sharon could see the way the girl's shoulders slumped after the visit at Signal Hill. Even though Sharon tried to stir a positive conversation between Rainie and her mother, it still didn't go well. The moment Rainie asked her mother why she had lied about being sentenced to rehab, Sharon Beck began spewing excuses that the girl refused to accept. Sharon knew that it wasn't that particular lie that really annoyed Rainie, but all the lies that came before it. How could this girl trust the words that came out of the mouth of a person who had lied to her about everything but her own name?

"Hey," she walked down the pebbled path towards Rainie.

"We shouldn't have come," Rainie muttered. "It's a waste of time."

"I know it's hard to visit your mother in rehab," Sharon started. "But think of how much better she must sound and look compared to how she used to be when she took drugs." She leaned against the car by Rainie's side.

"It's all lies, Sharon. She only went to rehab because her alternative was jail," Rainie kicked another pebble, and it rolled into a neglected flower bed.

"It doesn't mean that she won't try to stay sober after she gets out of here," Sharon said.

"You don't know her like I do," the girl replied stubbornly. "Why are you protecting her anyway?" She pushed herself off the car and turned to look at Sharon.

"Rainie, I'm not saying that she was a good mother to you, but I think she deserves the chance to prove herself," Sharon explained. "And I know how hard it is to see a person you love in a place like this, but – "

"You don't know shit, Sharon! You live a sheltered life in your 11-story castle, and you don't know what it's like to be lied to over and over and over again. So don't pretend like you have any idea what I'm feeling right now!" She grunted and kicked the car's wheel.

Normally, Sharon would ask her to tone down her violent reaction, but she couldn't judge the girl for feeling this way, not after she has been in that exact position with Jack.

"Why don't we go home?" she suggested and unlocked the car.

Rainie huffed and yanked the door open, slamming it shut after she took the passenger seat.

The drive home was quiet, and Sharon felt suffocated by the silence and the anger that were radiated off of Rainie who was staring out of the window. She considered turning the radio on, but she had a feeling Rainie would keep changing the stations just to annoy her. And if the tension wasn't enough, they got stuck in traffic.

When they hit the tenth red light, she decided that Rainie could benefit from the pain Sharon was suppressing.

"The first time I visited a rehab center, I couldn't stop crying," she said.

Rainie turned to look at her, a mix of shock and anger on her face.

"Jack was still going through detox. He was shaking and coughing, and he was pale and unshaved. He looked like he was dying."

"Jack is an addict?" The surprise was evident in Rainie's voice.

"He is," Sharon sighed. "He's been sober for twelve years or so."

"Did he do drugs?" Rainie still examined her suspiciously.

"He drank," Sharon replied and pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. Even so many years later, talking about Jack's addiction still stung. The night before Jack agreed to go to rehab for the first time was one of the scariest experiences in Sharon's life. Jack's friend had carried him home after a night of heavy drinking. That he didn't remember her name or that she was his wife wasn't unusual. But his uncharacteristic stuttering and the excessive vomiting made Sharon suspect he had one drink too much. She tried to convince him to let her take him to the hospital, but he insisted that he wanted to sleep. When his breathing became wheezy and irregular, Sharon called 911, and Jack was taken to a hospital. The uncertainty of whether he would even make it through the night was so daunting that at some point Sharon wondered if it maybe would be better to start praying that he will pass on quickly and with minimal suffering, rather than survive this ordeal.

"Why did you keep visiting him?" Rainie wondered.

"Because I loved him, and because he needed my support and my belief in him in order to keep going. I even took the kids to visit him on the day he earned his one month chip," Sharon explained.

"Why didn't you tell me about this before?"

"I don't know. Those aren't my happiest memories," Sharon admitted.

"I'm such an asshole," Rainie buried her face in her palms. "I'm sorry about what I said to you, Sharon. It was rude and mean."

"Don't worry about it," Sharon replied. She knew Rainie's outburst at her was a result of her fear for and frustration with her mother.

"I'm scared."

Sharon knew how Rainie felt. She remembered how terrifying it was to hope that Jack would stay in AA, that he would work towards maintaining his sobriety and that they would be able to restore their family. Hope was strong, but so was fear of disappointment.

"I know, sweetheart. There's a lot of uncertainty in situations like this. And it's terrifying," Sharon acknowledged.

"Do you think she'll stay sober after leaving rehab?" Rainie asked.

"It's hard to tell, but I will keep her in my thoughts and prayers and hope that she can maintain her sobriety," Sharon answered. She decided not to tell Rainie that it took Jack three attempts to finally remain sober for longer than three months and that he had exchanged his substance addiction with a gambling addiction and left her almost penniless with two young children before he fled to Vegas. Revisiting those memories hurt even more than thinking about his substance abuse.

"Thank you for coming with me," Rainie said. "It means a lot, knowing that you don't hate me for wanting to see my mom."

"Oh, honey, I could never hate you," Sharon said. "And I encourage you to stay in touch with your mother, now that she's sober. I think it will be good for both of you." She took one hand off the wheel and found Rainie's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. Rainie squeezed it back, and when Sharon turned to look at her, she saw the corners of the girl's mouth curving upwards in a soft smile. She smiled back, knowing that if both Rainie and her mother worked on it, they could have a good relationship. The idea of sharing Rainie's love with Sharon Beck and her was not her favorite, but she knew that sometimes having half of someone's heart was better than not having it at all.

-TBC-

* * *

 **As always, I'd love to know what you thought about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N** **:** Back in July, CommanderRaydorSass reached out to me and suggested that I'll give Sharon a support system that we weren't told about on the show. At the time, I was writing chapter 22 and I promised I'll consider her idea because it made a lot of sense that if I was rewriting the show, I'd round Sharon up a bit. The idea was so planted in my mind that as I wrote chapter 23, the original character simply added itself to the story in a very organic way, and provided me an opportunity to explore Sharon's relationship outside of the show. The original character in this chapter is the first of two that I wrote for season 3. I'd love your feedback on this character.

Also, I'd like to thank the ever-so-lovely and talented blossom-of-snow for beta reading and editing this story. I can't thank her enough for her tremendous help and commitment to this ongoing project. Deciding to re-write the whole show from start to finish is a huge thing for me, and blossom's willingness to go through this process with me is admirable.

* * *

Sharon watched Rainie reject a call from her mother and shut off her phone. The disappointed expression on the girl's face was heartbreaking. Sharon remembered her frustration with Jack when he fell off the wagon for the first time, and then the second. After that, Sharon expected it to keep happening. It took a third attempt for him to be able to take it more seriously than he had done in the past, and for the short time before he left, Sharon thought they would eventually be able to overcome Jack's addiction and be a normal family at last. To watch Rainie's hopes shatter so brutally because of her mother's failure to stay sober only mere hours after getting out of rehab was devastating.

Sharon Beck had seemed serious about rehab when she came to PAB to make amends with Sharon and Rainie. She maintained that façade during Sharon and Rainie's visit with her that weekend. However, a couple of weeks later, when she had given Rainie a forged prescription for hydroxyzine, it became clear that sobriety was no longer on Sharon Beck's mind.

When Rainie returned home earlier that day and told Sharon of the fight she had with her mother during which she called Rainie a slut and blamed her for her addiction, Sharon was furious. Jack had always done the same thing to her, blamed her for his shortcomings. He said that he needed to drink because she was never kind to him. It took her years to free herself of the guilt he dumped on her. Since Rainie was dealing with the same situation, Sharon found herself reliving the difficult memories of the fear that Jack will drink too much again, or get into an eventually fatal fight with another drunk.

"I am not responsible for your drinking, and I am not driving you to the halfway house," Rainie's words to her mother echoed in Sharon's ears several minutes after the girl exclaimed them.

Sharon was impressed with the girl's ability to deflect Sharon Beck's attempts at putting the blame on her daughter's shoulders rather than accepting responsibility for her actions. She wished that she would have stood up to Jack the same way, rather than accepting the blame for his addiction for so many years.

"I know it feels horrible," she said as she moseyed around her desk and walked towards the couch Rainie was sitting on. "But I'm so proud of you for standing up to your mother, Rainie." She took a seat by the girl's side. She wasn't sure where Rainie gleaned such wisdom, but it wasn't from her. If anything, it was the other way around.

"It sucks," the girl sighed and closed her notebook.

"I'm sorry you have to go through this," Sharon replied. "But what you said to your mother, about taking responsibility for her actions – it's truly inspiring."

"How so?" Rainie wondered.

"Jack always blamed me for his addiction, and I always took the blame and felt like he must have been right. But that's just classic addict behavior. And hearing you call your mother out on her behavior tonight, it gives me hope that one day I can do the same with Jack, too."

"Why does it matter? He's not even around," Rainie said.

"It matters because I spent a big part of my adult life taking the blame for something that wasn't my fault. Guilt is like a prison of dark thoughts, and I don't want to feel like that anymore," Sharon explained. "And I don't know how comforting it is, but if it helps, just know that you helped me realize something important about myself and that I am grateful to you for that."

"You're exaggerating," Rainie protested.

"Do I ever exaggerate?" Sharon arched one eyebrow, and Rainie groaned and admitted that Sharon has rarely ever blown anything out of proportions. She leaned her head against Sharon's shoulder and sighed softly.

"It does make me feel better, Sharon. Thank you," she spoke.

"I'm glad," Sharon replied and kissed the crown of the girl's head.

Rainie's declaration that her mother's addiction was not her fault stayed in Sharon's head throughout the night. Even though Jack has been sober for over a decade, he was still a gambler who actively refused to acknowledge that he had a problem with gambling. As she lied in bed that night, Sharon couldn't help but think of all the times she gave in to Jack and put his wishes, wants and needs ahead of hers. All the memories of dealing with Jack's addiction came flooding her at once. She could still remember picking him up from bars late at night when she needed to get up for work only a few hours later; carrying him to the shower despite his weight; cleaning up his vomit, even though the smell made her sick; and lying to their children for him, to shelter them from their father's tendency to choose alcohol over them. It was a routine that she had let him drag her into, that she had allowed him to blame her for. All the tears she shed for him, and all the hours she spent hating herself for being unable to get herself out of this vicious cycle came back to her now. These memories felt like a thousand needles pricking her skin at once, and for the first time in her life, it was a pain that Sharon refused to allow to fester.

* * *

The St. Joseph's of Nazareth church always felt like a second home for Sharon. Since she transferred to Major Crimes, her unpredictable schedule prevented her from attending services as regularly as she did before. Still, the church always grounded her and made her feel calm and safe within its walls. It was a haven for her soul.

After the sleepless night she's had, Sharon realized she needed a spiritual advisor. She had hoped that going to a confession and talking to Father Stan would help her find the answer she sought.

The wooden seat creaked under her weight as she sat down in the confessional. Father Stan slid the window open, and Sharon could see his face through the lattice.

"Forgive me, father, for I have sinned," Sharon began. "My last confession was two weeks ago. In that time, I have lied several times to suspects. But the biggest lie I told was to myself," Sharon began. Her eyes found those of Father Stan who gave her a small nod. "Jack always blamed me for his drinking, and I believed him." She paused and looked at the floor. Even in the darkness of the confessional booth, she could see the scuff marks on the floor. "I spent so many years believing that Jack's drinking was my fault. I now realize that it was a lie I told myself."

"Do you still feel like his alcoholism is your fault?" Father Stan asked.

"I know it isn't. But I still feel guilty," Sharon admitted. "Not for Jack's addiction – for setting a bad example for my children by taking the blame for their father's problems, for being so hard on myself."

"Sharon, you are lamenting something that you can no longer change," Father Stan said. "There's nothing you can do about what happened in the past." Father Stan's soft voice and the thought that he had an advice for her comforted Sharon. "If you want the guilt to go away, if you want your future to be better, you must forgive. Forgive Jack for not being the husband and father you needed him to be. Forgive him for everything he put you and your family through. But most of all, you must forgive yourself for not dealing with Jack's addiction in a healthy way."

"How do I do that?"

"Acknowledge your humanity," Father Stan replied. "It's not going to be an easy process. Guilt has the habit of latching on to you like a leech, but once you learn to let it go, the guilt will seize to exist."

Sharon ruminated on Father Stan's words long after she left the church. Declaring that she would forgive Jack and herself and doing it were two different things. She couldn't deny that it sounded like a good advice, but it also confused her. How does a person get rid of all the negative feelings they've had for two decades?

Rather than heading home after her visit at the church, Sharon had decided to take a detour. It's been a while since she visited her friend Louisa, who used to be her next door neighbor. Ricky was only six months old when Jack left his family in debt and fled to Vegas. Sharon had to sell the house they bought together, so she and the kids moved into an apartment building, not far from St. Joseph's. Louisa was a few years older than Sharon, and on the moving day, she offered Sharon to watch Emily and Ricky while Sharon supervised the movers. The two women bonded quickly and became close friends.

Louisa was different than the rest of Sharon's friends. Even though she lived close to St. Joseph's, she never attended services and preferred conducting her own religious ceremonies. Sharon was never sure if Louisa was into paganism or Buddhism, or possibly a mix of the two, but the two women often had interesting and deep conversations about spirituality. While Louisa never wanted children of her own, she connected with Emily and Ricky very fast and often watched "the two bandits" as she lovingly called them, when Sharon was called into a crime scene in the middle of the night or the weekend. Being a professional photographer, she made sure to take photos of Sharon and the kids at every opportunity and significantly contributed to the Raydor family albums.

The relationship between the two women grew even stronger after Emily moved to New York to pursue her dancing dream, leaving Sharon and Ricky behind. Having her firstborn leaving home was a tough experience for Sharon. Louisa supported her and offered her comfort when she struggled with her emotions about Emily's departure, and she bought Sharon and Ricky tickets to see Emily's first show in New York a year later.

Shortly after Sharon and Ricky returned from New York, two officers from traffic knocked on Sharon's door. Her first thought was that it had something to do with her job, and even when she realized they were there to make a notification, she thought it would be about Jack. She let the officers in and sat down as they told her that Louisa was involved in a car accident and that she had Sharon's listed as her emergency contact person. At first, Sharon was confused. Louisa didn't own a car. She believed cars were tools for the lazy and always said that she tried to live her life without harming nature or polluting it. The cops then explained that Louisa was run over by a car while riding her bicycle and died on the spot. It was the first time in her life that Sharon experienced the death of a loved one and it hit her hard. Louisa was such a lively person, and it was hard to reconcile the idea that she could die, that she _had_ died.

Several weeks later, Sharon received a letter from Louisa's attorney informing her that her name was mentioned in Louisa's will and requesting that she contact the notary's office. Seventeen years old Ricky accompanied her to the meeting where they were told that since Louisa had no living family members, she decided to leave everything she had to Sharon. That included her apartment, the license to her photographs and quite a lot of money. Sharon was shocked. Since she was renting her apartment, she never realized that Louisa owned her apartment and that the mortgage was fully paid. She also didn't expect Louisa to leave her everything she owned. The inheritance may have been unexpected, but it allowed Sharon to buy the condo, rent out Louisa's apartment, and put enough money aside to pay for Ricky's college. The money from the rent and the photograph licensing padded her bank account and helped her afford luxuries she previously withheld. She was not rich, but she could afford to live leisurely.

Sharon counted the rows of graves as she walked down the gravel path. While Louisa was often on her mind, life had a way of making memories fade. Sharon could no longer remember her voice or what she looked like as well as she did the last time she visited. Her new position and Rainie's issues kept her away from here.

It took her a while to locate Louisa's grave, and when she saw the tombstone's condition, she couldn't help but feel like she had neglected her friend. Louisa would have laughed at her. Things like well-kempt headstones and gravesite chats always seemed useless to her. It may have not mattered much to Louisa, but it mattered to Sharon. She began removing some vines and weeds that covered the headstone. When she saw that one of the vines managed to chip its way through a crack in the tombstone, she was horrified at first, but then realized that Louisa wouldn't have had it any other way.

"It's the beauty of nature," she would say. "One thing dies, and another grows out of its remains."

Sharon smiled to herself. Louisa wouldn't have minded feeding the bugs or having plants grow out of her dead body. She would have loved it. She lived her entire life with the knowledge that once she dies, her body will feed the earth. Rather than fighting to remove the vine, Sharon decided to leave it there.

"Nature is embracing me. I've become part of it," Louisa would tell Sharon. Sharon liked that imagery. It sounded like the kind of peace any person would have wanted to have after death.

"I miss you," she said, and a gust of wind carried her words away. "I need your advice," Sharon told Louisa about her conversation with Father Stan, about her need to stop feeling guilty. It was impractical to expect an answer from a gravestone, but she had hoped that the idea of being close to Louisa would inspire her. After several minutes of waiting, Sharon had given up on talking to a grave. She was about to leave when a memory whisked her away.

 _Anger was not a feeling Sharon, or anyone, ever associated with Louisa Fenton. She was one of the calmest people Sharon has ever known. She practiced yoga, cooked healthy, burned incense and hugged trees. Therefore, Sharon had been surprised to find her dear friend swearing and fuming as Sharon came to return a hammer that she borrowed from Louisa. The other woman's cheeks were flushed, her pupils were dilated, and her fists were curled into tight balls._

" _What happened?" Sharon wondered._

" _That son of a bitch, I walked in on him with another woman," Louisa said. 'That son of a bitch' was Louisa's boyfriend, Larry. Sharon quite liked him, although she wasn't as close to him as she was to Louisa. "He says I have to share the love. I can't keep it all to myself, because it's greedy." Sharon imagined a man like Larry would say that. He used to live in a commune back in the 70's, and always spoke of sharing the love and sending it to the world. While Louisa believed in some of the same things, she did want a partner who would save all of his love for her. Sharon knew that she had hope that Larry would be that man._

" _I'm so sorry," Sharon offered her sympathy. "You wanna break something?" she suggested with a smile as she handed Louisa the hammer._

" _Is that what you do?" Louisa had a good sense of humor even when she was upset._

" _It's what I feel like doing, sometimes," Sharon admitted._

" _There are other ways to deal with anger, Sharon," Louisa said. "The easiest way is to forgive."_

 _Sharon snorted. Some things seemed unforgivable._

" _Don't laugh. Keeping the anger inside you won't serve you. Releasing it is cleansing," Louisa explained._

" _The anger always dies down eventually," Sharon said._

" _But if you don't let go of it when it's still burning, it leaves a scar," Louisa insisted._

" _Are you going to forgive a person who cheated on you?" The idea seemed preposterous to Sharon. Jack had cheated on her repeatedly when he was still around, and even though she pretended not to know, it upset her every time she smelled another's woman perfume on him or saw a love bite on his neck that she didn't put there._

" _He should have known better, or at least spoken to me first," Louisa admitted. "But that doesn't mean that I need to stay angry with him. I'm going to write all the harsh and horrible things I want to say to him in a letter. And when I'm done, I will read it again, take a deep breath and burn it."_

" _I don't understand," Sharon said with confusion._

" _First, I'll give my anger a physical form. Then, I will burn it. When it ceases to exist, my anger will be gone, and I will be free," Louisa explained. For some reason, it made sense to Sharon, even though she never found a good enough reason to practice it herself._

A gust of warm wind engulfed Sharon, wrapping itself around her, hugging her. She was usually practical about the permanence of death, but for a moment, she closed her eyes and entertained the idea that Louisa was greeting her through the elements of nature. When the wind calmed down, Sharon opened her eyes.

"Thank you, Louisa, I knew you'd know what to do," she said and threw another look at the headstone before she turned to leave. Equipped with Father Stan's advice and Louisa's approach, Sharon had every intention to exorcize her guilt by the end of the day. Tomorrow will be guilt-free, she promised herself as she made her way out of the dwelling place of the dead.

-TBC-

* * *

 **As always, I'd love to know your thoughts about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N** **:** First of all, I'd like to thank everyone for the lovely and insightful reviews and messages. I am so glad to see that people are enjoying this story. I am super excited about this chapter because I introduce another original character who will also be present in different capacities in several future chapters. If his name sounds familiar to some of you, then it's probably because I've written him into one of my first MC fics about six years ago. But you don't need to go read that one, because he has a very different role in this fic, and it's absolutely stand-alone and isn't related to the other character with the same name I created eons ago. Anyway, I'd love to know how what you think of him.

Also, I would like to note blossom-of-snow's great contribution to this chapter, because the way I originally wrote was with a very dark twist that was just wrong for it, and she directed me towards other options that positively affected future chapters as well. I'm telling y'all, she's gonna be a really big editor someday! (she already is, but I mean professionally).

* * *

Sharon could feel Rainie's eyes on her as she examined her reflection in the mirror. She wore a floral black maxi dress with a halter neckline. Her hair cascaded over her shoulders in soft waves, and her makeup was already done. Her skin tingled in anticipation, and her only way to diffuse her tension was to make sure she looked her best.

"Don't you think it's a bit much for dinner at home?" Rainie asked.

"It's not just a dinner at home. We have a guest," Sharon replied and turned to look at Rainie. "Please don't tell me you're going to wear that to dinner." She motioned at Rainie's short jeans and T-shirt. "A dress would look nice on you." She walked out of her bedroom and into Rainie's and picked through the girl's closet.

"What's so special about him?" Rainie wondered, leaning against her doorframe.

"He's my best friend," Sharon replied. "How about this one?" She held out a brown dress with Aztec print embroidered in gold around the hem and sleeves.

"Then why are you dressed like you're going out on a date?" Rainie asked and took the dress from Sharon. She shed her clothes quickly and changed into the dress.

Sharon pulled a pair of matching shoes for Rainie from the bottom of her closet.

"Was he, like, your first boyfriend or something?"

"Alfie was my first everything," Sharon replied, and a dreamy expression spread across her face.

"Eww," Rainie made a face. "Why would you want to have him over here?"

"Because we've been friends since pre-school. We grew up together, we shared all our secrets, and believe me, he could have chosen to take any other girl to prom, but he chose me," Sharon said and fiddled with her fingers.

"That sounds like a lot of nostalgia," Rainie commented, and Sharon grinned. "If he's so special, then why did you marry Jack?"

"We went to college in different states, and we both met our spouses at school and stayed where we were," Sharon explained.

"So what changed? Why is he visiting now?" Rainie inquired.

"Nothing changed. Alfie comes to LA on business every once in a while, and the last couple of times, we didn't get to meet. It's been a year and a half since we last saw each other, so we're excited to meet again. That's all."

"His wife doesn't mind that he comes to visit you?" Sharon had not expected Rainie to be so curious about Alfie. Usually, she stayed out of Sharon's social life, even when Sharon hosted friends, but for some reason, Alfie piqued Rainie's curiosity.

"Alfie's wife battled eating disorders for many years. He tried to get her into a treatment center, and she refused, and unfortunately, at thirty years old, due to a chemical imbalance in her brain, she suffered a stroke that has left her in a vegetative state. Alfie has been taking care of her since then."

"That sucks," Rainie replied.

Sharon nodded. "Be nice to him, love. He's very important to me," she spoke softly. Rainie could sometimes be tactless with Sharon's guests, and while she knew it was unintentional, she still felt the need to ask the girl to be conscious of her words and their weight.

When the doorbell rang, Rainie followed giddy Sharon down the hall. Sharon smoothed her dress before she opened the door. Her dear childhood friend stood in front of her, looking dapper in a dark gray suit and an aubergine tie. His hair which used to be sandy blond was now peppered with gray, but the look suited him.

"Alfie," Sharon greeted him warmly when he handed her a bouquet of calla lilies – Sharon's favorite flower. He pecked her lips and smiled at her as he walked in. "It's so wonderful to see you again."

"You too, my darling," he said.

"Alfie, meet Rainie," Sharon introduced the girl who looked a bit overwhelmed by the soft kiss Sharon and Alfie shared.

"I'm pleased to meet you, Rainie. Sharon has told me a lot about you," Alfie offered his hand for her to shake and the girl took it. Sharon has told him that Rainie had a history of abuse and asked him to be considerate of that when approaching her, and she was happy he didn't opt for a kiss on Rainie's cheek, as he usually did with Emily and Ricky.

"It's nice to meet you too," Rainie replied and used the first chance she could to escape into the kitchen.

Sharon and Alfie exchanged pleasantries for several minutes before she ushered him towards the dinner table that was already set.

"Oh, Shay, dinner looks great," Alfie motioned towards the table that Sharon has spent hours decorating and arranging.

"Shay?" Rainie asked with a raised eyebrow as she took a seat at the table.

"Yes, we've been calling each other Shay and Alfie since kindergarten," Alfie replied proudly. "But no one else is allowed to call her that, right, Shay?" Sharon gave Rainie a radiant smile and shrugged.

"Can I offer you wine?" Sharon asked Alfie.

"Not tonight, Shay," Alfie declined politely. "But feel free to have some yourself."

During dinner, they carried a light and entertaining conversation around the table. Sharon couldn't help but notice that Rainie made several attempts to engage in conversation with Alfie. She could see the girl's jaw muscles straining and realized that Rainie has been mostly trying to be accommodating because Sharon asked her to be. The worried gaze in the girl's eyes and the way she tried to catch every nuance in Sharon and Alfie's interactions didn't go unnoticed.

Sharon didn't know why Rainie found this particular friendship interesting and could only assume it stemmed from the girl's need for reassurance that her environment would not change.

After dinner, Rainie helped Sharon clear the table. Alfie tried to help them, but Sharon insisted that he was a guest and that he didn't need to do any of that. She suggested that he go and open the balcony door to get some fresh air into the condo. All the excitement has made her feel a bit out of breath, and putting a little distance could be helpful. She watched Alfie as he stepped into the balcony and took in the view. She covered the casserole dish with tin foil when Rainie went into the kitchen carrying the salad bowl.

"Could you please boil some water for tea?" Sharon asked as she took the salad bowl from Rainie. The girl nodded as Sharon put the food away and took the dessert out of the fridge. "Alfie wondered if you would accept a gift from him."

"Why did he ask that?" Rainie asked.

"He didn't want to embarrass you, in case you don't feel comfortable with it," Sharon explained.

"I guess it's alright," Rainie mused with a shrug. "What is it?"

"I have no idea," Sharon admitted. "Why don't you go and keep him company on the balcony while I make us tea and cut the cake." She watched as Rainie unsurely walked into the balcony and stood next to Alfie. She wasn't sure what Alfie had for Rainie, but since he was a gemologist, she assumed he would give the girl a jewel of some kind. She wasn't wrong. As she lifted her gaze from the dessert she was cutting, she saw Alfie pulling a jewelry box from his pocket and handing it to Rainie. Sharon placed the desserts and hot beverages on a wooden tray and carried it to the balcony. Her gaze locked with Alfie's and he offered her a soft smile that instinctively made the corners of her mouth curl upwards.

"I just realized that Rainie's ears aren't pierced," he said to Sharon.

Rainie showed her Alfie's gift – two delicate diamond studs. Diamonds have always been Alfie's go-to gem. Although he also worked with other gems, he always said every lady needs to have a pair of diamond earrings.

"I guess I could pierce them, or something." Even in the darkness, Sharon could see the blush that spread across Rainie's cheeks.

"You don't have to do that. I can have these diamonds integrated into a different jewel for you," Alfie offered.

"No, I love these," Rainie insisted. "They're beautiful, thank you so much."

"We could go to get your ears pierced this weekend if you want to," Sharon offered.

"Sure, that would be great," Rainie's eyes lighted up. "Thank you again, Alfie. These earrings are beautiful."

"It's my pleasure, Rainie," Alfie said. "Do you remember the day you got your ears pierced, Shay?" he asked.

"Oh, God, don't remind me," Sharon groaned. "My mother pierced my ears at home with a sewing needle."

"That sounds extreme," Rainie commented.

"Shay was scared out of her mind," Alfie said.

"But Alfie held my hand, and it all turned out fine in the end," Sharon smiled and reached for his hand. He took it in his and gave it a small squeeze.

It was close to midnight when Alfie decided to call it a night. When he had said that he was not as young as he was and needed to sleep more, Sharon snorted. Alfie has never been the kind of person who stayed up late, and it was a joke he has been telling since they both turned forty and for some reason, it was still funny even after all these years.

"I'd like to take you out for dinner tomorrow evening if you're free," Alfie said as they stood at the door.

"I'd love that, Alfie," Sharon said. "I'll meet you at your hotel."

Alfie nodded and pressed his lips to hers before wishing her and Rainie a good night and leaving the condo. Sharon locked the door and then returned to the balcony to gather the teacups and dessert plates and carry them to the kitchen. Rainie joined her and helped her load the dishes from dinner and dessert into the dishwasher.

"So, what do you think?" Sharon asked as they stood together in the kitchen and cleaned.

"You two have a weird relationship," Rainie replied.

"That's not what I meant. I was talking about piercing your – weird relationship?" It took Sharon a moment to realize what Rainie said.

"Well, it's clear you two have a thing going," Rainie said as she put away a stack of unused napkins.

"We've been long-time friends, Rainie. We don't have –" Sharon was surprised when the girl cut her off.

"Emily and Ricky may be buying into that lie, but it's clear to me that Alfie is different than your other friends. You two did it, and I don't mean back in high school, but, like, more recently."

"Rainie, it's – " Sharon began, but Rainie cut her off again.

"None of my business, I know. But I'm not blind, Sharon. You and Alfie are friends with benefits," Rainie declared.

"For heaven's sake, I'm a married woman, Rainie," Sharon looked outraged, even though she was slowly realizing Rainie was too perceptive for her to continue hiding the truth.

"Oh, come on, Sharon. I've been honest and open with you about everything that ever happened to me in my life, including the really shameful stuff. Why are you never honest with me about your life?" Rainie raged.

"Okay, I'm sorry. You're right about Alfie and me," Sharon admitted. "After his wife had a stroke and Jack left, we found comfort in each other. It's not a romantic relationship. We're friends who occasionally get together and have sex, and that's all there is to tell about that."

"So tomorrow night is about that?" Rainie asked.

"I don't know, Rainie. Sometimes we just have a drink and talk," Sharon replied.

"I hate it that you never trust me with these things," Rainie said and threw a dish towel on the kitchen counter.

"That's not true, Rainie," Sharon argued, but it was too late. Rainie had already stormed off and stomped into her room, slamming the door behind her. Sharon sighed. She never imagined Rainie would pick up on the little arrangement between Alfie and her; Emily and Ricky never did. Maybe it was because, unlike Rainie, her children have been oblivious to the idea that she had a sexual relationship with anyone other than their father. She leaned against the kitchen counter and closed her eyes for a long moment. She didn't realize Rainie felt that Sharon wasn't sharing enough about herself with her. She wasn't sure what Rainie wanted to know, but it was clear that her introversion had hurt the girl's feelings. Keeping her personal life secret wasn't something she did on purpose; it was just who she was. Sharon turned the lights off and headed down the hall. She stopped in front of Rainie's room and knocked on the door.

"Honey, can I come in?"

"No," she heard Rainie's reply.

"Please?" she tried again.

"I don't wanna talk to you," Rainie insisted.

"Okay. If you change your mind, you can always come and talk to me," she said.

No response came from the other side of the door.

Sharon shook her head and went to her room. She hated the idea that Rainie decided to go to bed angry. Not going to sleep angry was something that she always taught Emily and Ricky, but Rainie wasn't her child, and it was always harder for her to control the way Rainie chose to react to situations she perceived as destabilizing. Rainie's refusal to open the door and talk to her was a clear request for space, and Sharon knew that she had to respect that.

Her heart was heavy when she went to bed. Sharon had hoped Rainie would change her mind and come out of her room, so they would be able to talk about the issue Rainie had with her secrecy. Having to go to bed with the knowledge that her foster daughter was unhappy weighed on her. After exhausting herself with thoughts of the evening's events, Sharon fell asleep.

The next day, Sharon was disappointed to discover that Rainie was still angry at her and refused to talk to her over breakfast. After grabbing a fruit from the fridge, Rainie grabbed her car keys and left the house before Sharon had a chance to try and handle the situation. She tried texting Rainie, but since St. Joseph's didn't allow students to use their mobile phones on school premises, she knew that Rainie wouldn't be able to answer. Sharon decided to push the situation out of her mind until she has a chance to talk to Rainie when she got home from school and straighten things out. She was off-duty for the day and decided to spend it on housework.

Sharon was just out of the shower when Rainie returned home. It was a late afternoon hour, and the girl made a beeline to her room and closed the door. Sharon was supposed to meet Alfie in an hour and a half, but she didn't want to leave the house without trying to talk to Rainie first. She tightened her bathrobe around her as she crossed the hall and knocked on Rainie's door.

"What do you want?" she heard the girl's frustrated voice.

"I wanna talk to you. Open the door," Sharon said in a tone that was stern enough to make Rainie do what she said and soft enough to make it clear that she was not there to fight. Rainie opened the door, and Sharon walked in.

"I have homework, so keep it short," Rainie demanded.

"I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry if I offended you last night," Sharon started. "I don't know what kind of personal experiences you want me to share with you. I share with you the important stuff, things that pertain to you and your safety. But I am also allowed to keep some things to myself."

"But you keep everything to yourself," Rainie whined.

"Sweetheart, I need you to believe me that I'm not keeping anything important from you," Sharon said.

"You didn't tell me about Jack's addiction. You made me feel like a fool for yelling at you the way I did," Rainie said. "And you didn't tell me about Alfie, and about the threatening letters you received from Wade Weller. These are important things." Tears filled Rainie's eyes, and Sharon wrapped her arms around the girl and pulled her into her arms.

"I didn't tell you about Jack and the letters because I didn't want to burden you with my troubles, and I didn't tell you about Alfie because I'm not proud of sleeping with a man who is not my husband. It's something that I prefer to keep to myself," Sharon explained. "I didn't mean to hurt you, honey. You know how much I love you, don't you?"

Rainie sniffled and pulled away from Sharon. "Are you still meeting Alfie tonight?" she asked.

"Yes, I need to get ready, but I didn't want to leave here before we talked."

"Say hi to him from me," Rainie requested.

"I will," Sharon promised.

"Are you gonna spend the night at his hotel?" Rainie wondered.

"No. I'll be home around midnight," Sharon replied and offered Rainie a soft smile. "If you want, we can go to get your ears pierced tomorrow."

"That sounds great," Rainie said. Sharon gave her a quick nod before leaving the room to get ready for her dinner with Alfie.

* * *

Sharon followed Alfie into his hotel room on the 15th floor. Alfie always returned to the same hotel, but this time, he was upgraded to one of the suites, which meant there was more space; he also received a complimentary fruit and snack basket. He mentioned it to Sharon and invited her to help herself to anything she wanted from the basket. Since they've already eaten dinner at a nearby fusion restaurant and were full, Sharon chose to pass.

They went out to the balcony where the summer breeze blew through Sharon's hair as she stared into the distance. She came here tonight expecting to reconnect with her childhood friend after almost two years apart, but instead, she had been thinking about the conversation she had with Rainie before she went out. Even though they have reached some sort of an agreement, Sharon could tell that Rainie was still upset. The girl had a lot to worry about. After Rainie refused to help her mother the previous week, Sharon Beck went off the grid. Rainie had hoped that she went back to rehab, but after checking with Signal Hill and a couple of other rehab centers in the area, it was clear that Sharon Beck went back to drugs. Rainie may have known that it was not her fault, but having to experience her mother's abandonment for the third time must have shaken her to her core. Considering the fact that she would turn 18 in only two months, the girl's worries couldn't have been bigger. Sharon and Rainie haven't discussed what would happen once Rainie was no longer a ward of the state. For all the girl knew, she could be homeless again in two months. Sharon could only assume that Rainie's desperation to learn more about her was an attempt to strengthen their bond in hopes that Sharon would allow her to stay longer. Sharon never even considered asking Rainie to leave. In fact, she was worried about Rainie's future, too. She wanted Rainie to remain a part of her life, but she was still considering different options for making it happen.

"Your mind is miles away from here," Alfie's voice drew her out of her musing.

"I'm sorry, I'm a bit distracted," Sharon acknowledged.

"What's bothering you?" he asked.

"Rainie and I fought last night after you left," Sharon started. "She figured out that you and I are a bit more than friends, and she got angry with me for not telling her. She said I've been hiding important things from her."

"Are you?" Alfie inquired.

"I did hide a few issues that I could have shared with her," Sharon admitted. "I only did it to protect her. I know she doesn't look this way, but Rainie is so vulnerable, and I worry so much about her. And she's been through hell and back; I just want to shelter her and give her a sense of stability."

"There are other ways to give her stability, you know," Alfie said.

"If you're talking about adoption, I've been considering it," Sharon replied.

"Do you think you'll follow through with it?" Alfie asked.

"I want to, but since she's turning 18 soon, things are a bit more complicated. Plus, there's Jack to think of here."

"Shay, you know what I think about Jack. This man has been standing in your way for so many years. And now there's a girl who needs you a lot more than Jack does. It seems like you're at the point where you have to remove one person from your family in order to add another one. You'll have to think which one of those people you want more of in your life." Alfie always said what he thought and never tried to gloss over the truth. Sharon admired this trait in him. She also knew that even when he criticized her choices, he did it out of genuine love and concern for her.

"I'll think about it, Alfie," she promised.

"I believe in you," he replied and pulled her into his arms. Sharon rested her head against his chest. She missed being close to him, and just having him around her, comforting and supporting her. His advice was always insightful, and Sharon couldn't believe that she hadn't thought about dissolving her marriage to Jack before Alfie suggested it. She still wasn't sure which course she would eventually decide to take in order to make Rainie a member of her family, but for now, she enjoyed the warmth and security in her best friend's arms. She closed her eyes and relaxed into his embrace, knowing that no matter what, she will always be able to lean on him.

-TBC-

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 **As always, I'd love to know your thoughts about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N** **:** I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed the last chapter. Introducing a new character is always difficult for me, so I'm glad most of you liked Alfie. He will return to a few more chapters, but he's not in this specific one. However, Rainie still has a big milestone to conquer.

* * *

Sharon thought she was dreaming when she walked into the kitchen at 5 a.m. and found it looking like a hurricane site. Rainie stood in front of the stove, wearing an apron over her pajamas and cooked breakfast with almost everything they had in the fridge. Sharon rubbed her eyes and blinked a couple of times to make sure she was seeing it correctly. It was the sweet smell of pancakes that made her realize that she and her daughter were both awake at this early morning hour.

"What's going on?" she asked in confusion as she tried to remember if there was anything special about today.

"I couldn't sleep, so I tried to study for my SATs, but I couldn't concentrate, so I figured it would be better if I made us breakfast," Rainie explained. "Here," she handed Sharon a cup of coffee. "Just the way you like it."

"Thank you, darling," Sharon said and sat down at the dining table. "So, why couldn't you fall asleep?"

"I'm just nervous, I guess," Rainie replied and placed a plate with pancakes in front of Sharon. "I mean, I know I have to do this today, but I'm scared of how everyone is going to react, you know?"

"Coming out is scary, I agree," Sharon said. She and Rainie have been talking about honesty and about not hiding who she was. Although the only person that ever outright admitted to Sharon that he knew was Andy, she was sure that several, if not all members of the squad knew about Rainie's sexual orientation. Most of them, like Sharon, were seasoned detectives and figured it out even before Rainie came out to Sharon. "But I'm sure they will accept and love you just the same as they did before."

"I don't know," Rainie sighed and poured herself a cup of coffee. "Provenza is kinda old-fashioned, and Julio is religious, and Andy will probably get angry and think I'm like this because of what men did to me, and... Buzz – oh, my God – Buzz is going to cry again. I'm not sure I can deal with that."

"Rainie, hold on. Nobody will fault you for your sexual orientation," Sharon assured her. "I think they will appreciate your honesty and respect you for being who you are."

"But what if they don't?" Rainie took a sip of her coffee. "God, this is awful." She spat the dark liquid back into her mug.

"If anyone from the team gives you a hard time about your sexual orientation, I promise you I will reprimand them and assign them a week of sensitivity training."

"Can you do that?" Rainie asked and put her mug on the table.

"Oh, you bet I can," Sharon offered her a reassuring smile. "And you should probably know that I never let my children drink coffee before they turned eighteen and you still have a couple more months to go."

"Don't worry. Coffee sucks. I'll never drink it again," Rainie said.

"I guess you like what you like, and that's something everyone has to accept," Sharon replied.

After their early breakfast, Sharon got ready for work while Rainie went back to bed to try and get some sleep before she had to go to summer school.

"Sweetie, I'm heading out," Sharon stopped by Rainie's room before she left for work. "I'll see you at the station after you finish school?"

"Yeah," Rainie replied from under the blankets.

"Good," Sharon smiled at her. "Have a nice day, love."

"You too," Rainie wished her.

Sharon blew her a kiss, walked down the hall, grabbed her keys and purse and left for work. Sharon Beck's insults at Rainie several weeks earlier seemed to have a long-lasting impact on Rainie's self-confidence. Even though they both knew it was the addiction talking and not Rainie's mother, being called names from a person who was partially responsible for the abuse Rainie suffered struck the girl's heart. Sharon had hoped that owning who she was, taking pride in her sexuality and receiving support from the members of the Major Crimes division would help boost Rainie's confidence. She understood the girl's concern that she may be mocked or that the members of the division would make assumptions about her sexuality having something to do with the abuse she endured. However, Sharon has known all of them long enough to trust that they would make Rainie feel safe to be herself.

She was disappointed to discover that hours later Rainie had not found the courage to come out to Buzz and that she had hoped for Sharon to relay the news to the squad on her behalf. The fear in the girl's eyes when they discussed it was discouraging, but Sharon had insisted that Rainie needed to do that on her own.

Things went south with the case, and Sharon didn't have another chance to talk to Rainie. When an angry Ravi Madhavan stormed into the interview room and forcefully grabbed his daughter, chaos ensued. After Ravi shoved Lina into a wall, Sharon's immediate instinct was to keep Lina safe from her father. She quickly pulled her into the super cubicle. Rainie stood there, watching the violent incident and listening to the exchange between Lina and her father. When Sharon moved out of the cubicle to listen to what Ravi had to say, she knew Lina was safe with Rainie.

After she arrested Mehar Sethi's murderer, she went to check on Lina. She found Rainie trying to comfort Lina and telling her that Mehar's murder was not her fault. It was clear to her that Rainie was not fully aware of the fact that Lina has lost everything she's ever had because of her boyfriend's jealousy and inability to accept their cultural differences. And still, Rainie's willingness to listen and support Lina touched Sharon. Rainie had come a long way from the vulgar and terrified girl that she was only two years earlier.

The positive and confident Rainie was gone when Sharon returned home that evening. Instead, Rainie was lying in bed and staring at the wall with a tortured expression on her face. Sharon tried talking to her about it, but all Rainie cared about was Lina's safety. Her concern for the other girl made Sharon realize that Rainie was more affected by Lina's story that she originally let on. However, she clearly was not ready to discuss her emotions about it tonight, and after making sure Rainie knew that she was there for her if she felt like talking, Sharon headed to her bedroom.

An investigation involving a foreign diplomat created twice the paperwork for Sharon and the Major Crimes division. Sharon was going over the incident reports, the witness statements and Lina Madhavan's testimony before signing off on the evidence. The FBI took over the case after the arrest, and although it initially generated a lot of bureaucracy for Sharon to handle, in the long run, it would save Sharon and the team a lot of work.

Rainie had stopped by after her session with Dr. Joe and asked Sharon a few questions about what was going to happen to Lina before she left Sharon's office to talk to the squad.

From inside her office, Sharon could hear the laughter and cheer from the murder room. A few minutes later, Rainie came back into Sharon's office and took a seat on the chair in front of her. Sharon lifted her head from the paperwork and threw a quick glance at her. Rainie looked much more relaxed than she did before, and it appeared that her coming out went well.

"You were right," the girl said. "They don't hate me. They were nice about it."

"I'm glad this was a good experience for you, Rainie," Sharon said. "And I'm proud of your courage to come out to the people who are closest to you."

"I'm kinda proud of myself, too, right now," Rainie admitted.

Hearing Rainie say those words filled Sharon's heart with joy. It was the first time Rainie had expressed pride in herself and in who she was ever since she came to live with Sharon. Saying that she was proud of herself was a monumental accomplishment, even if Rainie didn't understand it yet. It was a long way from the angry and unconfident girl that came home with Sharon two years earlier. Sharon had hoped that one day, Rainie will look at this day and this moment as something that shaped who she was.

"Are we still going out for hamburgers on the way home?" Sharon asked. She originally offered the idea to help comfort Rainie, but it appeared that the girl didn't need to be comforted.

"You know I can't refuse hamburgers," Rainie smiled.

Sharon closed the file she's been reading and pushed her chair back. She grabbed her jacket and hung her purse on her shoulder. They walked out of Sharon's office together, wished the squad goodnight, and went into the elevator.

"Are you happy?" Sharon asked Rainie once the elevator started descending.

"I'm more than happy, Sharon," Rainie replied. "I'm gay."

-TBC-

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 **As always, I'd love to know what you think about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N** **: I am sure many of you have been waiting for the chapter where Sharon kicks Jack to the curb, and here it is. Of course, because Rainie is a few months younger than Rusty was on the show, things are a bit more complicated as far as her adoption goes, so this chapter is somewhat different than what was given to us on the show. I hope that you'll enjoy my take on it.**

 **Also, many thanks to the incredible blossom-of-snow for being my dedicated beta reader and editor. You're awesome!**

* * *

Sharon wished she could wipe the smug expression off of Jack's face. She always wondered why Jack could never look happy without being condescending. He has grown up with normal parents and had a regular childhood. She remembered that on one of their first dates, he had mentioned that his parents taught him to be kind, hardworking and honest. Where those values have gone was a true mystery to Sharon.

As she took a seat in front of him and removed her black nitrile gloves, she felt her heart beat peaking. No matter how this meeting turned out, she knew that it would change her life. Still, under her mask of aloofness, Jack would never be able to guess what was going on inside her head.

"I'm thinking about adoption," she stated. "And since we're married, that decision involves you."

Confusion replaced Jack smugness.

"Adoption?" he asked. "Of Rainie?"

Sharon gave him an affirmative hum and a quick nod of her head.

"I thought she turned 18?" he wondered.

"Not yet," Sharon replied. "There's still another two months until then. And she's thinking about going to college, getting a job…"

"That is great!" Jack exclaimed, cutting Sharon off midsentence. "But adoption of a minor can take up to two years," he stated. "You won't have enough time to complete the adoption process before Rainie turns 18."

"I'm aware of that," Sharon replied. "That's why I will not adopt Rainie as a minor."

"So you're thinking along the lines of helping her get emancipated?"

Sharon shook her head. "Adult adoption applications need to be custom drafted. By the time Rainie's documents are ready, she'll already be 18, and I will be able to adopt her as an adult within a few months," she elaborated.

"What's the point of adopting an adult?" Jack's smugness returned to his face.

"Rainie needs family, legally, I want her to have backup that she can count on," Sharon explained.

"You don't have to do that exactly by the book," Jack murmured. "Look, Sharon, I like Rainie, I do. But we already have a family." His voice took on a romantic quality as if he was trying to evoke nostalgia. Unfortunately, she could see right through his attempt at manipulation.

"We share children, Jack. It's not the same thing," Sharon knew he had a right to take credit for Emily and Ricky's conceptions, but his absence from their lives made him more of a sperm donor than a father. She felt the need to remind him of that without antagonizing him too much.

"This impacts me too," he said sternly. "I'm not made of money, you know."

Of course, he wasn't made of money. How could he have had any money if he always gambled it away?

"So if you want to adopt a kid, I should be compensated for all the bullshit I'll have to go through," he demanded. Sharon expected this kind of reaction from Jack. As a gambler, he always tried to extort money from his family and friends. Why should now be any different?

"I knew that you would say something like that, so I talked to my lawyer, and I'm giving you two options," Sharon pulled two forms out of a folder that was resting on her desk and placed them in front of Jack. He put his glasses on examined one of the documents on the table and then looked at her.

"These are divorce papers," he said.

"And these would formalize an adoption," Sharon touched the other form. "I'm not paying you a single dime, Jack. Just sign one document or the other," she commanded.

Jack looked at her over the rim of his glasses and cleared his throat. "Have you talked to our real children about this?"

"No, and I haven't asked Rainie either. I'm doing things in a particular way, and you're the first on my list."

"You know, if you were gonna divorce me, you would have done this years ago," Jack breathed out on a chuckle.

Sharon couldn't help but wonder why she ever loved such a conceited man. "Jack," she let his name roll on her tongue. "The era during which it was professionally useful for me to have a wedding ring on my finger is long gone." She wasn't sure how Jack brought out the bitch in her every single time. Using words as darts, meaning to hurt someone else was not her usual style.

"In a divorce, I will be entitled to half your savings and half your pension," Jack countered as if Sharon wasn't aware of the law. Some days she wished they had signed a prenup, but that was not a popular practice when they got married. "Given any thought to that?"

"So you're ready to pay all the back child support you owe me for the family you deserted?" Sharon retorted.

"We were never divorced!" Jack exclaimed. "Why do you think that I owe you?"

"Would you like to experience firsthand what the court thinks of child abandonment, go for it!" Sharon raised her voice just enough to get Jack to back off of his claim that she owed him anything.

Jack pushed himself off the chair and tucked his glasses in the inner pocket of his jacket. "Thanks for the heads up, Sharon," he said as he began walking out of her office. Sharon gathered the forms and put them away. "I'll be in touch."

"I certainly hope so. Otherwise, you will be hearing from my lawyer," Sharon warned him as their eyes locked, each of them expressing their anger and resentment through their gazes. Jack opened the door and walked out of her office wordlessly, leaving her with her skin tingling in anger and her mind racing. This man's ability to rile her up was uncanny. However, she was glad that she had taken the first step towards making sure Rainie will get the family she needed. Unfortunately, she couldn't linger on that emotion for too long, because she still has to finish the investigation into Alice Herrera's murder.

The topic came up again sooner than she expected when Rainie came home from the library that evening. Sharon knew that Rainie had been studying very hard for her SATs and that she had hoped to get a scholarship in one of the prestigious art schools in LA. She said that she was not ready to leave the city yet and Sharon felt comfortable having her close for a little longer.

When Rainie said that Jack had pretended to interview her for a job at his firm, Sharon perked up. She had a feeling Jack had tried to fish for information. Her suspicions were confirmed when Rainie mentioned that Jack had asked her if Sharon was seeing anyone.

"Don't worry, I didn't tell him about Alfie," Rainie said. She took a seat on the couch and seemed to ponder something before she spoke again. "He said something kinda weird about you."

"What did he say?" Sharon wondered.

"He made it seem like you might want to… adopt me?" Rainie said unsurely.

"He told you that?" Sharon could feel the blood cruising through her veins, and the anger rising under her skin. A string of profanities that she would never dare to say out loud went through her head.

"Yeah," Rainie replied. "And that it might mean that you two will divorce."

Sharon now knew that offering Jack two options was the wrong thing to do. She had try to keep both Jack and Rainie in her family, but that was clearly not going to work. Just like Alfie had said a few weeks earlier, she would have to give up one family member to add another. It was clear to her which one was going to go and which one was going to stay.

"Oh, well, I am absolutely divorcing him now no matter what," she declared.

Rainie squirmed. "I don't want to be the reason for your divorce," she said.

"It's not about you, Rainie," Sharon assured her. "Jack has just proven, and for the very last time, that he is the most unreliable person on the earth."

"I'm almost 18," Rainie pointed out. "Adoption takes years, doesn't it?"

"Yes, it does," Sharon replied.

"So Jack was just lying to me?" The disappointed expression on Rainie's face when she realized that she won't be adopted made Sharon's heart skip a beat. She knew she had to do damage control.

"No," Sharon replied. "He wasn't."

"But…" A confused expression spread across Rainie's face.

"We don't have enough time to go through an adoption process while you are still a minor," Sharon explained. "But once you become an adult, it will be a shorter process."

"But why would you want to adopt me?" Rainie asked.

"As long as you are a minor, I have legal standing to make decisions for you if you get hurt, or sick or go missing," Sharon paused, thinking of Alice Herrera, who had no one in the world who took care of her. "Once you become an adult, I lose that right."

"So, it's like a practical thing?" Rainie clasped and unclasped her hands in her lap.

Sharon gave her a small nod. "I think of you as part of my family. I worry about you the way a mother worries about her children," she said.

"Well, what do your other kids think about it, because Jack…" Rainie began, the unsure expression on her face told Sharon that Jack did more than ask questions. Whatever he had said has shaken Rainie's foundations.

"I can't imagine that Ricky or Emily would object," Sharon replied swiftly before Rainie could repeat what Jack had said.

Rainie bit her bottom lip, and a frustrated expression spread across her face. "I don't want to become a problem for you, Sharon."

"Sweetheart, you are not a problem. Jack is the problem," Sharon replied and offered Rainie a soft smile. "Let's think about this later, and we can revisit this adoption idea when I have had some time to fully flesh out what this would mean for the both of us." The fact that Jack has tried to ruin the way Sharon intended to present Rainie with the idea did not mean that Sharon couldn't pitch the idea the way she wanted. All she needed was a little time for Rainie to relax and feel less blindsided.

After Rainie went to bed, Sharon sent an email to her attorney, letting him know that she wanted to file for a divorce and asking him to draw the necessary paperwork. The idea that Jack would trample over Rainie so that he could get his way and make things hard for Sharon was the last straw. Time after time, he put himself ahead of others. As far as Sharon was concerned, this was the last time she would let him play with her life. Jack has maxed out his lifetime quota of chances, and it was time for Sharon to cut him loose.

A moment later, she received an email from her lawyer saying that he will draft the divorce papers for her the following day. Thinking of herself as a divorced woman was more overwhelming than Sharon had expected. Even though she and Jack had been legally separated and have not lived together for close to two decades, divorce always seemed like a more final solution. She wasn't sad to end this relationship; it ended a long time ago. And still, she had considered herself a married woman for such a long time to the extent that it has become part of her identity. To let go of that was a bit scary, even if it opened the door to new experiences.

The flood of emotions that coursed through her was bit too much to keep to herself, and she took her phone and sent a quick text to Alfie. She didn't expect an immediate response. The time difference between them as well as the fact that he usually turned in early often made it hard for them to get a hold of each other. She was surprised when her phone rang a few moments later, and Alfie's name appeared on the screen.

"Alfie?" she asked as soon as she picked up.

"Shay, is everything okay?" his voice was sleepy, and she realized that her text message must have woken him up.

"I'm sorry for waking you, Alfie. Everything is fine," she said and went out on the balcony.

"You sound like you have something on your mind," he replied.

"I took your advice," she sighed. "I'm divorcing Jack."

"That's great news, Sharon," Alfie suddenly sounded more alert. "Will you be adopting Rainie?"

"Hopefully. We had a brief conversation about it tonight. I think she's hesitant," Sharon replied.

"Well, you are not the only one who has to give up one family member in order to gain another," Alfie noted. "You know how it feels."

"I just want things to be good for her," Sharon said.

"I know, Shay, and they will be. You are the best mother any child could ever ask for, and I can't wait to have another goddaughter," Alfie replied.

"You'll have to ask her about that," Sharon smiled.

"Oh, give me a break! I'm so charming and cool, of course, she'll agree!" Alfie joked.

"You're hilarious, Alfie," Sharon giggled. "I miss you."

"In a carnal way or in an emotional way?" he teased her.

"I'm not having phone sex with you, if that's what you're trying to do," Sharon declared.

"And here I thought you woke me up in the middle of the night because you want me," Alfie replied.

Sharon loved his sense of humor. He always knew how to comfort her. "I prefer the real deal," she replied, a smile spreading across her face. "Plus, I'm standing on my balcony right now."

"What are you wearing?" Alfie teased her again.

"Oh, stop," she groaned, but also let out a soft giggle.

"I miss you, too," Alfie said. "Would you consider coming for a visit this year? I bet Rainie would love shopping here."

"It sounds great, Alfie. Maybe at the end of the summer."

"We could take her to Broadway, there are several great plays I think she'll enjoy," Alfie said. "And Emily will be happy to see you, too. She's working very hard, and she could use her mom and sister here."

"I'm glad she has you there. She said she got cast in Coppelia, and that she's starting rehearsals in a month," Sharon said.

"Yes, she sounded very excited about that," Alfie said. "You raised a beautiful and talented young woman, Sharon."

"I know. I'm very proud of her," Sharon smiled as she thought of Emily's career succeeding.

"And you're doing a wonderful job with her sister. I am sure things will turn out for the best. You are Rainie's miracle, and she knows it."

"She is my miracle, too," Sharon replied. "Thank you, Alfie."

"For what?"

"For making me realize what I needed to do, and for being here for me," Sharon said.

"Anything for my sandbox love," Alfie replied. "Good night, Shay."

"Good night, Alfie. We'll talk again soon."

They hung up the phone and Sharon closed her eyes and exhaled deeply. Alfie was good at calming her down, injecting just enough humor to their conversations to keep them light and touching on the serious subjects at the same time. His idea to take a trip to New York sounded appealing, and it was something that Sharon hoped would be possible once Rainie finished summer school. But until that became possible, they had decisions to make and hopefully, mountains of bureaucracy to conquer. There was still a way for them to go, and they would travel it together.

-TBC-

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 **As always, I'd love to know what you thought about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N** **:** Once again, I posted this a bit later than usual. This week has been hectic for me and I've been fighting off an illness that refuses to let go of me (nothing fatal, but a rough respiratory infection that's very painful and unpleasant), so I've been exhausted and pushed off posting this chapter. I think the episode where Sharon has to deal with Ricky's reaction to the adoption is one of my favorites in the show, so adapting this episode into a chapter in my story was a lot of fun and I feel like I managed to add some texture into the story, which I hope you all enjoy reading.

I also have a little notification that I hope won't upset all of you too much. As some of you may know, I have been a BA student for almost 9 years. I've put a lot of effort into my degree while also working full-time throughout my school. I have reached a stage in my degree where I have no classes to attend or tests to take, but in order to finally receive my degree, I'm required to hand in one last research paper, which is due in February 2019. I've been trying to work on it and also write this story, but doing both isn't working out for me. Since I only have a short time left to write my paper, I've come to the unfortunate conclusion that I have to take a long break from writing this story, which also means, I'll stop posting for a while. I decided to post the last chapter in the week before Christmas, and I hope to resume writing and posting this story in late January or early February. I hate to do this, but sadly, I must hand in the research paper or I won't be able to receive my degree and move on to study for a master's degree. I sincerely apologize, but I hope you'll understand. Hopefully, you all enjoy your winter breaks so much that you won't notice the absence of this story.

And as always, I'd like to thank blossom-of-snow who's doing a marvelous job beta-reading and editing this story. Also, she's a talented writer herself, and if you have a moment, go and read her fics (she's bloom-and-grow-forever on FFN).

* * *

Sharon had not expected Ricky's visit to go wrong so quickly. It's been over two years since either Ricky or Emily have been to LA, and she was pleasantly surprised when Ricky called her and announced that he was coming for a surprise visit. Sharon was thrilled. She missed her son deeply and the idea that the following day she would be able to hug him and see him in person made her heart leap with joy. However, Rainie did not seem to share Sharon's excitement.

"Where is he going to sleep?" she asked when Sharon told her about Ricky's planned visit.

"On the couch in the living room," Sharon said and motioned towards the couch.

"So I don't have to give up my bed?"

"Of course not," Sharon said.

Rainie went back to reading the magazine she was holding, and Sharon assumed that the girl was satisfied with the answer and that that was the last of it. Except it wasn't. When Sharon casually asked Rainie to pick Ricky up from the airport while they were having breakfast, Rainie looked like she swallowed a frog.

"What's wrong?" Sharon inquired.

"Nothing," the girl replied. But it wasn't nothing. Several hours later, Rainie showed up at PAB and caught Sharon in the middle of a conversation with the newly appointed head of the Special Operations Bureau, Fritz Howard.

"I can't pick up Ricky from the airport by myself; I barely know him. And he does not like me very much," Rainie said in a panicky voice.

"Why would you say that?" Sharon wondered. Rainie was a lovely girl and Sharon couldn't think of a single reason why Ricky wouldn't like her.

"Because ever since you started divorcing Jack, he has been, like, really distant on the phone," Rainie explained. Rainie's interpretation of the situation sounded odd to Sharon. Ricky barely had any memories of Sharon and Jack together that he would cling to his parents' marriage as a reason to dislike Rainie. She was sure the girl misinterpreted something Ricky said on the phone and made the wrong assumption. She knew that Rainie was still recovering from years of emotional abuse, and the low self-esteem was still something she struggled with. She reassured Rainie that Ricky was not blaming her for anything and that since they were going to become siblings, she should be the one who picks him up from the airport. Rainie agreed reluctantly and once again, Sharon thought that the problem was solved.

She was wrong. It quickly became apparent that the two soon-to-be siblings did not click immediately. A few comments Ricky made to Rainie clearly hinted that he was not satisfied with the girl's presence in his mother's life. Sharon attributed it to jealousy. After all, no matter how old a person was, when a new sibling came into the picture, the green-eyed monster raised its head. It probably didn't help that Ricky was bad at sharing her even with his older sister.

Later that evening, when it became clear that Sharon would not make it home for dinner, she offered that Rainie and Ricky would have dinner together. The fear that sparked in the girl's eyes surprised her. Sharon was convinced that the girl has gotten over her general fear of men, especially those who were close to Sharon.

"Rainie, it's Ricky. He's a big goofball. You're perfectly safe with him," she tried to assure the girl. Rainie shook her head. "I'll be working until late. I know this visit isn't working out the way we'd hoped, but I think the two of you will have fun together if you just give each other a chance."

"I'd rather stay here until you finish working. Ricky can take the car," Rainie replied.

"No," Sharon insisted. "You are going to be siblings, and you need to spend some time together and bond. I promise you that he will not hurt you. In fact, you two have a similar sense of humor. You might find that you enjoy his company."

Trying to talk Rainie into spending time with Ricky made Sharon feel as if she was talking to a young child who doesn't want to go to bed. It was frustrating. Rainie started saying something when Ricky entered the break room and announced that he was done with the server. Sharon regretfully had to tell him that she would not be joining them for dinner and tried to help her two children to initiate a connection. However, Ricky shot down her attempt and said that he was tired and was going to raid the fridge and go to bed. Sharon now realized that the task of helping the two to get to know each other was not going to be easy.

As she watched Rainie reluctantly following Ricky out of the break room as the two future siblings headed home, she decided that it was time for a serious conversation between Ricky and her that would clarify to him the way their family was about to change.

That was another thing that went wrong. After directly approaching the topic the next morning, Sharon found herself undergoing an amateur psychoanalysis by her son. In fact, it sounded more like her soon-to-be ex-husband was talking out of her son's mouth. It was now clear that much of Ricky's attitude stimulated from his conversations with his father, which he didn't care to admit. Sharon was happy that Ricky had a relationship with his father, but she wasn't letting it sabotage her plans to adopt Rainie.

"Helping this girl a little bit, that's great, but to make her legally your daughter – I think that we need to take a giant step back here and just re-eval…" At that point, Sharon stopped Ricky's litany and watched as a surprised expression spread across his face.

"Before we go back, I should clear up a big misunderstanding that you have."

"Okay," Ricky looked at her with hopeful eyes, as if he expected her to tell him that it was all a big mistake.

"I'm not asking your permission to adopt Rainie or Emily's permission. I see great things in this girl, and I mean that from the bottom of my ever-so-lonely heart," she declared.

"Come on, Mom. You know that I did not mean loneliness as a criticism. I was only pointing out the facts," Ricky tried to defend his position.

"It's clear what you're pointing out," Sharon could not believe the lack of empathy her son displayed towards a girl who had such an unfortunate background. "Now I'm pointing out to you. If you don't develop a little human compassion for this young woman who grew up with none of the advantages you took for granted every day of your life, then I'm gonna leave here wondering where I went wrong as a mother," she exclaimed and pushed herself off the armchair.

She made her way towards the door when Ricky called for her to wait. "Look, I am gonna have children one day, so is Emily. Do you really want your grandkids to call that girl Aunt Rainie?"

Sharon felt her ears warming up with anger. How was it even possible that her son, the boy she raised to be kind and merciful was insinuating that Rainie was unworthy of love because of what she had to do to survive? The idea that thoughts like that even went through Ricky's head made some select words float through her head: chauvinist, misogynist, intolerant, cruel, and inhumane were among the worst of them.

"That is a whole lot better than what I'm thinking of calling you right now," she said, letting him in on what was going on inside her head in the most polite way she knew.

"Mom!" Ricky exclaimed.

"Richard William Raydor, you listen to me, and you listen to me good," she demanded. "You've got one chance to get this right. You need to turn your attitude around right-this-minute!" She clapped her hands angrily to emphasize just how quickly she expected him to regain his senses. "Because if you make Rainie feel unwelcome in this family, after all of her and my work, I will be just so disappointed." Her vision blurred with unshed tears. Seeing so much ignorance and intolerance oozing from her son felt like a personal failure to her. "Oh my God, I'm so disappointed in you right now I don't even know what to say." With these words, she grabbed her keys and left, hoping that by the time they saw each other again, her son internalized the meaning of her words and changed his ways.

To her great relief, the remarks had the desired effect on her son, and when she had the chance to see him and Rainie again, she could tell that he exercised a cautious civility towards the girl. Once Rainie opened up to him and dared to comment on his haircut, it seemed that the walls between the two future siblings fell. Watching the two of them exchanging jokes and getting to know each other's sense of humor filled Sharon's heart with joy. This was the reception she had hoped Ricky would give Rainie from the get-go.

Much later that evening, after Rainie had gone to bed, Sharon went out to the balcony. She couldn't exactly call the air on the 11th floor fresh since the smog in Los Angeles was easily able to reach the higher floors, but she did enjoy the breeze. Ricky followed her there and stood by her side.

"I'm sorry for being an asshole this morning," he said.

Sharon hummed in response.

"She's a funny kid," he added. "And smart. It's almost hard to believe that she was a prostitute."

"Rainie had a rough life, Ricky. Becoming a prostitute wasn't her choice." Sharon explained. "When she just came here, this intelligent and talented girl that you met today was hidden under layers of fear and pain caused by years of abuse. It takes a lot of strength and work to move on from these traumatic life experiences."

"So you love her more than Emily and me?" Ricky teased, but Sharon could sense that the question was not entirely a joke to him.

"Of course not. I love her the same way I love you and Emily. The two of you are irreplaceable, and so is she."

Ricky wrapped his arms around her and rested his head on her shoulder. She smiled and closed her eyes, enjoying the sweet moment of closeness with her son. She was happy that even at the age of 25 he was still willing to follow her guidance and to learn from her. And she was happy that he realized how wrong he was about Rainie. But at that moment, what she was the happiest about is holding her beautiful son – the boy who will forever be her baby, even if he was no longer the youngest in the family.

She hoped her arms around his shoulders further assured him how much she loved him, how much she missed him when he was away, and how good it felt to have him home at last.

-TBC-

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 **As always, I'd love to know your thoughts about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N** **:** One of the things I always wanted to see in the show was Rusty getting ready to go to prom. Where I am from, we didn't have proms when I was high school (now we do, but I graduated a long time ago), and luckily, my family moved to Canada when I was sixteen so I had the opportunity to attend prom in my second year of high school (after not being able to attend in my first year of high school... it's a long story, but anyone who wants to hear it - feel free to message me and ask). So I always thought it was a shame not seeing Rusty even considering to attend his prom night on the show, and that's how this chapter was born. I hope you enjoy reading it!

Also, I want to thank the marvelous blossom-of-snow for beta reading and editing this story. She's the best!

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Sharon shut down her laptop and drained her last drops of tea before getting up from her desk. She was too tired to deal with this case any longer, and it has been a long day. She was more than ready to change into her nightgown and slip into bed.

As she walked to the kitchen to wash her cup, she heard Rainie's sock-padded steps behind her. When she turned around to face the girl, she was shocked to see that Rainie looked pale and shaky.

"Honey, is everything okay?" she asked.

"Umm… I don't know," Rainie said, her voice unsure. "I just got a call, from Janice Mathews."

"That girl who goes to school with you?" Sharon asked. As far as she knew, Rainie didn't have any friends at school. After Kris told Rios about the threatening letters, Rainie refused to talk to her. Although Sharon thought Kris did the right thing, the betrayal Rainie felt was too strong, and she ignored Sharon's attempts to reconcile their friendship and stayed away from Kris. Rainie's prolonged absence from school during the first part of that year didn't help her become any more popular either. Somehow rumors about her being a former teenage prostitute started spreading in Saint Joseph's, and most of the kids shunned her. Sharon considered transferring Rainie to another school, but it appeared that despite the social isolation, Rainie's was doing well academically. Since she didn't express any desire to transfer, Sharon decided to let her be, not before she made sure Rainie knew she could come to her with any situation.

"Yeah, she was saying weird stuff," Rainie said.

"Like what?"

"She told me that she wasn't sure how to tell me that she's had a crush on me for a year and that she wants me to be her date to prom," Rainie replied. "When I said that I didn't want to go to prom, she literally begged. She said that she was ashamed to admit that she was into girls, but she feels that with me by her side she'll be fine."

"That sounds really sweet, Rainie. I didn't know you were out at school," Sharon said. She thought Rainie preferred to remain in the closet at Saint Joseph's because she was scared other kids would pick on her.

"I'm not," Rainie said. "Maybe Kris said something about that kiss. What an idiot."

"Or maybe Janice really does like you and decided to try her luck with you?" Sharon offered. "What did you tell her?"

"I said that I'll think about it. But I don't think I wanna go to prom anyway," Rainie admitted.

"Sweetheart, prom is so much fun, believe me. If you like Janice, maybe you should accept her invitation. You don't have to kiss or do anything you don't want to, but maybe just spending time with someone who likes you would be a fun way to end your school year."

"My school year is far from over," Rainie sighed.

Sharon nodded in agreement. Rainie was not going to graduate with the rest of her class. She was going to attend summer school again, to catch up on everything she missed during the school year. Unlike her other classmates, Rainie would have to wait another year before attending college. Sharon knew that she had hoped to be accepted to USC's Art School, even though they both knew that the acceptance rates were not in her favor. Community college was definitely a possibility as far as Sharon was concerned, but she would prefer to see Rainie rewarded for her hard work by getting accepted into one of her first choice schools.

"You can still go to prom and celebrate with your classmates. Isn't Janice really popular? Maybe you'll get to meet people from school you didn't know before, and become friends with them," Sharon encouraged her. She wanted Rainie to have as many normal high school experiences as possible.

"I don't see why it matter. It's the end of the year, and they're all going away for college," Rainie said.

"Some of them will be staying in town, and friends don't have to go to the same school with you to keep in touch," Sharon tried to coax her. She knew Rainie was right and that the end of the year was probably not the best time to make friends, but would it be so bad if one or two of them became good friends with her even after graduation?

"Like I said, I'll think about it," Rainie replied.

"When is your prom?" Sharon wondered.

"Two weeks from now," Rainie answered.

"Well, if I were you, I would make my decision fast, because we would need to buy you a dress and book you into a salon if you decided to go," Sharon informed Rainie.

"I know," the girl replied.

Sharon was not surprised when a couple of days later, Rainie asked her if they could go to buy a prom dress together. She was sure that at such a short notice, Rainie would have a hard time finding a dress, but to her surprise, Rainie knew what she wanted and found it very quickly. Sharon couldn't deny that Rainie's taste was excellent. The dress fit her perfectly, the color of the dress – powder pink – complemented her complexion and hair color, and Rainie also said that it was very comfortable to wear. The price wasn't too bad either, although Sharon was willing to spend any reasonable amount for Rainie's dress. She would do anything to give Rainie the prom experience she wanted.

The excitement only grew as prom day approached, and Sharon could tell that getting to know Janice better at school truly made Rainie happier. She was glad that Rainie had agreed to open herself up to the option of taking Janice to the prom. She wasn't sure if anything romantic would ever come out of the two girls' friendship, but not being lonely certainly made Rainie seem like a burden had been lifted from her shoulders.

On prom night, Sharon zipped Rainie's dress and watched as the girl examined herself in the mirror. She looked radiant and carefree. Sharon has never seen her this way, and it made her heart flutter happily in her chest.

"You look beautiful," she said to Rainie.

"You think so?" The girl turned around to look at her.

Sharon nodded and smiled at her beautiful daughter.

"Do you think anybody at St. Joseph's will say anything about me taking a girl to prom?" Rainie wondered.

"I think that if the two of you respect school rules, they'll be okay with it," Sharon replied. St. Joseph's had a strict 'no PDA' policy that applied to all students, boys and girls alike.

"Do you think Janice will like the corsage I got her?" she wondered.

"I think she would. White flowers are always the safest bet," Sharon assured her. "Oh, before I forget, I wanted to give you something." She left Rainie's bedroom and came back moments later with a small jewelry box. "This is mine, but I think it would fit your dress perfectly." She handed Rainie the box.

Rainie opened the box, and her jaw dropped when she saw the jewel inside. It was a gold necklace with several pearls in different sizes.

"My mother gave it to me when I got married, and I never really wore it. It always felt like I couldn't do any justice to it. But I think you can, so I want you to have it." She lifted the necklace from the box and put it around Rainie's neck. "What do you think?"

"It's beautiful, Sharon. I almost feel uncomfortable wearing them," Rainie replied, and her fingers fluttered over the pearls.

"Nonsense. It looks better on you than it ever did on me," Sharon insisted. "If you like the necklace, you can have it."

Rainie thanked Sharon and wrapped her arms around her neck. Her eyes shone as Sharon adjusted the size of the chain around the girl's neck. With a soft smile tugging at her lips, Rainie grabbed her phone and threw a glance at the screen to check the time. Sharon also checked her watch. It was 7:25 p.m. and Janice was supposed to come pick Rainie up in just a few minutes.

Ten minutes later, there was still no sign of Janice. Sharon watched Rainie as she began pacing around the room. When five minutes later she tried to call Janice, she reached her voicemail.

"Why is she not picking up?" she groaned.

"Maybe she's driving," Sharon suggested.

Rainie began typing a text message, and sent it, then resumed her pacing. When another ten minutes passed, Sharon could see Rainie's shoulders began to slump. She tried reaching Janice again, but there was no answer.

"I don't understand," Rainie said, her voice laced with anger. "She was so excited about tonight, and now she's almost half an hour late, and isn't not answering calls or texts."

"Sweetheart, there must be a reasonable explanation for this. Just be patient. She could be driving and stuck in traffic," Sharon attempted to calm Rainie down.

Half an hour later, Janice has still not arrived and was still unreachable on her phone. Sharon decided to give the girl's mother a call and check if everything was okay. Mrs. Mathews answered the phone and was surprised to hear that Janice never made it to the condo. She wasn't sure when her daughter left or who she was with, but she did say that she was quite sure that Janice and her friends went to prom in a limo.

Rainie was now more than a little upset. Sharon could tell that she needed an explanation for the situation, but unfortunately, Sharon didn't have anything for her. She watched her beautiful, smart and talented foster daughter slowly sinking into the mattress of her bed, as the minutes passed, one by one.

It was another half an hour before Rainie's phone dinged and she picked it up. The tears that filled her eyes when she saw Janice's message instantly made Sharon go into protective mode. She didn't even know yet what the message said, but she could tell its content upset Rainie.

"Did you actually think I'd date someone like you? Dream on, loser!" Rainie read the message aloud. Sharon's blood whooshed through her veins, and she felt her cheeks flush. How could anyone play such a cruel prank on another kid? On her daughter?

Rainie curled into a ball on her bed and began sobbing, and Sharon couldn't even find the right words to console her. How could anyone convince a girl who's been stood up most cruelly that things will be okay? The fact that Rainie never meant to go to prom, to begin with, didn't even matter now. Janice has managed to get her excited, and she has spent hours in the salon to get her hair, makeup and nails done. It was unfair for her to be treated this way. Sharon intended to have a conversation with Janice's mother about her behavior, but she knew it wouldn't change what Rainie felt at that moment.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart," she said as she caressed Rainie's shoulder.

"I hate school; I hate Janice. I hope she dies!" the girl chocked out.

Sharon could understand the rage. She felt it too. Playing with another's person emotions like this was childish and insensitive.

That night, Rainie cried herself to sleep, and all Sharon could do for her was sit with her and offer silent support and a few words of encouragement, none of which seemed to have any effect. She felt exhausted as well. Watching her daughter plummeting from such exhilaration into the dark pit of dejection has made her tired, and at the same time, she didn't want to leave Rainie alone, in case she woke up and resumed her crying. She laid down next to her, careful not to wake the sleeping girl and closed her eyes. She knew that the events of tonight would lighten her sleep, but she couldn't stay awake anymore. With a heavy heart and a tear stuck in the corner of her eye, she fell asleep.

-TBC-

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 **As always, I'd love to know what you think about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N :** _Thank you for the lovely reviews and PMs. This chapter sort of continues the same line as the last chapter, except it happens about a month or so later._

 _Many thanks go to the ever-so-lovely blossom-of-snow for beta reading and editing this story, and doing a damn fine job at it._

 _As I mentioned a couple weeks ago, I will be going on a short hiatus and will resume posting new chapters in late January or early February. In the meantime, I wish you happy holidays!_

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There were very few instances in Sharon's life when her sense of occasion has been tested. If Sharon ever bothered to do quick math, then she was sure that about ninety percent of those times were related to Rainie. She loved the girl with all her heart, but she had to admit that Rainie's lack of enthusiasm with holidays, birthdays and important milestones was a disappointment.

She had expected a fully-armed resistance, with screams of 'you're ruining my life', and 'if you ever dare, I'll never talk to you', and possibly the throwing of objects and scribbling of profanities on her wall. When none of her worst case scenarios manifested, Sharon was surprised. Rainie simply didn't care about her graduation to even throw a fit about not wanting a party. Truthfully, Sharon couldn't blame her. Janice's disgusting behavior on prom night made Rainie hate and resent her classmates as a whole, and her summer school experience has been tainted. Even though her GPA was a well-deserved 3.6, she refused to celebrate, claiming that seeing the kids from school for the very last time was the best thing that happened to her in the academic year.

Reluctantly, Rainie allowed Sharon to invite a few people to a get-together if she was able to get in touch with any of the friends she claimed Rainie had. Clearly, she underestimates Sharon's ability to bring people together.

Sharon was thrilled to see that despite Rainie initial aversion to a graduation party, she still had a good time. It appeared that having the Major Crimes division there to celebrate her achievement and articulate their pride in her accomplishments had a positive effect on Rainie's mood. The addition of Jon Worth, who somehow managed to insert himself into the party, made it a bit more special, not because Rainie knew who he was, but because he offered her a job as a set PA on Badge Of Justice. Sharon wasn't sure how serious the offer was, or if Rainie even should apply for a job in an industry that could be particularly problematic for women to work in, but she wasn't going to contemplate the idea at the moment.

After all the guests left, Sharon began cleaning up. She put away the cake and snacks and began washing the dishes when Rainie came into the kitchen. Sharon didn't hear her walk in until she felt the girl's arms snaking around her from behind.

"Thank you, Sharon," she said softly. "I know that I'm not an easy person, but thank you for everything that you're doing for me."

"Sweetheart, it's absolutely my pleasure," Sharon replied. "Did you have a good time?"

"Surprisingly, I did," Rainie admitted.

"I'm glad," Sharon said. She was happy to see her daughter content. "I know that high school was rough for you. You've gone through a lot in those last three years, but I think that you learned to deal with disappointment maturely, and I hope that you use the upcoming year not only to rest a bit but also continue to work towards a better future."

"Are you upset that I didn't get into college like your other kids did?" Rainie asked, and Sharon could detect the hint of fear in her daughter's voice.

"No," Sharon replied. Five different rejection letters arrived between March and April. Two other colleges in the East Coast accepted Rainie on the condition that she graduates high school with a 4.0 GPA. Sharon was there when Rainie opened the first three letters and at Rainie's request, was the one to open the other four. "You'll have another chance next year."

"What if that doesn't work out?" Rainie wondered.

"Let's not worry about something that hasn't happened yet," Sharon said. "We'll figure out your options if and when that moment comes."

"Will you still want to adopt me if I don't go to college?" Rainie's voice shook.

Leaving the dishes and removing her gloves, Sharon turned around towards Rainie. "What kind of question is that?" she asked, cupping Rainie's face in her hands. "Rainie, I want you to be my daughter regardless of your ability to go to college."

"But you always say – 'be kind, be safe and go to college,' and now I'm not going to college, and what if I end up becoming nothing, like my mother?" The fear in Rainie's eyes told Sharon of the dark places the girl's head went to. "Like I used to be before you?"

"Honey, you are not nothing. You've never been, and you never will be," Sharon's voice was thick with emotion. "You will find your way in this world. And if it takes a year, or five – I'll be here for you every step of the way, I promise."

"Sometimes I feel like everywhere I go, people look at me as that girl who used to be a whore, and even in days when I manage to wake up in the morning and feel normal – something happens that makes me remember that I'm still that girl. I can't ever get away from it, not really."

"Maybe you're not supposed to forget where you came from. Simply remember where you are right now, and how far you've come from where you started," Sharon wrapped her arms around Rainie's shoulders. "I look at you, and I see a bright, kind, talented, intelligent and beautiful young woman, who's gonna kick some serious ass one day if she only learns to believe in herself," Sharon said.

"Did you just swear?" Rainie grinned.

"I did, and I'm not going to apologize for that, because I believe that it's true. You are a remarkable person, Rainie. And I have faith that you can make it out there and be everything you've dreamed of, and more," Sharon said. "You just need patience and confidence in who you are and what you can achieve. The rest will follow."

"No one ever believed in me like you do," Rainie wiped a tear that slowly made its way down her cheek.

"Maybe they didn't take the time to see what I see," Sharon replied.

"I love you, Sharon," Rainie wrapped her arms around her again and pulled her into a tight hug.

"I love you too, my beautiful daughter," Sharon said and kissed the side of Rainie's head.

They weren't sure how long they stood in each other's arms, but when Rainie stepped back, Sharon could see the lethargic expression on her future daughter's face. She smoothed Rainie's hair with her hand and gently cupped her cheek.

"Why don't you head to bed, sweetie?"

"It's not that late," Rainie argued.

"The clock might say it's not, but your face says it is," Sharon replied.

"What happened to 'be kind'?" The smirk that appeared on Rainie's face made her eyes light up with humor.

"Oh, I am being kind, believe me," Sharon teased her.

"Wow, that's a blow to my ego," Rainie joked. Sharon smiled. That girl had a wicked sense of humor that somedays was even worse than Ricky's. "Thank you for the lovely party, Sharon. You're the best."

"I'm glad you had fun," Sharon replied and caressed the girl's cheek.

"Goodnight," Rainie said. "Don't exhaust yourself. After all, you're the one here who can't afford to sleep in tomorrow."

"Hilarious!" Sharon called after Rainie as the girl walked down the hall to her room. "Goodnight, love! Sleep well!"

"You too!" she heard the muffled reply moments before she heard Rainie's bedroom door clicking shut. She hoped that their little conversation silenced the voices in Rainie's head that tried to put her down. It wasn't unusual for a teenager who's been rejected from five universities to feel incompetent. But Rainie has had more to deal with than the normal teenager, and the mere fact that she graduated high school with high marks was commendable. She didn't share Rainie's worries that she won't get into college the following year. On the contrary, she was sure that after recovering from her difficult high school experience, Rainie would blossom and have much better chances at being accepted into any university she desired to attend. She knew that Rainie had her eye on USC's art program, and she thought that for Rainie to get in there, a good college essay and a solid portfolio would probably be enough, and until applications were due in December, she wanted Rainie to relax and make meaningful memories. She was sure the rest will come in due time.

-TBC-

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 **As always, I'd love to know what you thought about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N** **:** It's been a while since I posted the last chapter. And while I am not done with my schoolwork and had to get an extension on my research paper until mid-April, I have been itching to post another chapter and I don't want to stall my readers any longer. I can't promise that I'll be able to post as regularly as I did before, because I have to hand in my research paper on April 15th and the following week I am traveling to Ireland (consider it research for Sharon and Andy's honeymoon. Just kidding, but I'm sure I'll get some ideas there). I'm not sure I'll be able to post from there, but I'll try. I should be able to post regularly once I return home in May.  
This chapter takes place in episode 3x10 - Zoo Story, which is probably one of Sharon's most badass episodes ever. However, I chose to focus on the aftermath of the Sharon Beck incident.

* * *

Sharon shoved her hands into her pockets to hide their trembling as she looked at her soon-to-be daughter and tried to quiet the thoughts about what Sharon Beck asked Rainie to do for her. The day before, Rainie told her that Sharon Beck called her from the county jail and said that she was arrested. She went to visit her today – a chilling visit that Sharon had a chance of watching and hearing only hours after it had happened. If Sharon had any doubts that Sharon Beck was an unfit mother, hearing her steer her daughter to prostitution in order to earn bail money for her, hit the nail on the head.

"Is everything okay?" Rainie's voice drew Sharon away from her thoughts.

"Umm, no, actually," Sharon admitted. "There's something I need to talk to you about."

"Look, if the adoption is not working out –" Rainie started, but Sharon shook her head.

"It's not the adoption," she said and felt the wood of the doorframe of Rainie's room digging into her side. The worried expression that spread on Rainie's face made Sharon's stomach twitch. She didn't want to trigger any bad memories for Rainie. She didn't want to bring up the girl's painful history that she was working so hard to move on from. But she couldn't let go of what she has heard, and the dangers of denial outweighed the risk.

"Did I do anything wrong?" Rainie wondered.

"No, sweetheart. You're fine, don't worry. I just wanted to talk to you about your visit with your mother," Sharon explained.

"Oh."

"You may know that prison visits are recorded and filmed," Sharon started.

A clueless expression appeared on Rainie's face.

"Your mother said something to you today that was inappropriate and illegal," Sharon continued.

"I'm not gonna do it, Sharon, don't worry," Rainie replied quickly.

"I'm glad you refused to do that, Rainie, but I still think we should talk about it. It must have made you feel horrible," Sharon hoped to guide her into the emotional conversation they needed to have.

"It made me feel like I had to do it for her, but I got over it, Sharon, I swear. I didn't do anything like that with anyone."

"I know, honey. I'm not blaming you of anything. You reacted well to your mother's request, and I'm proud of you for telling her that it was wrong," Sharon wanted to reassure both the girl and herself. She was relieved that Rainie had the sense to turn down the dubious offer to engage in sex-for-hire again.

"Were you able to make a deal for her?" Rainie asked.

"She'll serve a whole year, as long as she doesn't misbehave or does anything illegal in prison," Sharon informed her.

"And what happens if she does?"

"Then she gets six years added to her sentence. Rainie, whatever situation she's in right now is a direct consequence of her choices. It doesn't have anything to do with you."

"I know," Rainie replied and buried her gaze in the drawing she was working on. Sharon watched her silently for a few moments. Rainie was not one to bottle up her emotions. Most of the times she was open with Sharon about her feelings; sometimes she needed a little goading, and sometimes she exploded, her emotions erupting out of her like lava out of a volcano. The latter was more common during her first couple of years with Sharon and rarely happened anymore. Either way, trying to appear unaffected was not Rainie's style, which made Sharon worried that something was actually wrong.

"Sweetheart," Sharon left the grounding feeling that the doorframe provided her and walked into the room. "What's going on?" She took a seat on the bed by Rainie's side.

"Nothing," Rainie shrugged. "I'm fine."

"You don't look fine. You look like you're hiding something," Sharon insisted.

"I'm not hiding anything; I'm just…" Rainie sighed and put her drawing down. "After visiting my mom, I went back there."

"There?" Sharon looked at the girl with confusion.

"The street where I used to work," Rainie elaborated. "There's a new girl in what used to be my usual spot. She looks young. Maybe 13 or 14."

"Rainie, what on earth were you doing there?" Sharon felt chills going down her spine. What has Sharon Beck done to her daughter? She fought the urge to clench her fists.

"I needed to go back there, and see what it feels like now that I'm not one of those girls anymore," Rainie explained. "Anyway, that girl, she reminded me of what my life used to look like before I came here. I tried to talk to her, get her name so I could call Cynthia and ask her to help that kid, but she wouldn't cooperate. And then a client walked up to us. He asked if we wanted to have a threesome with him. It made me feel so disgusting like I'm a piece of rotten meat that only the flies want to touch."

Sharon's skin crawled, and she could see goose bumps forming on Rainie's skin too. The fury that filled her at the thought of Rainie reliving her past in such a horrible way, and that there were other girls like Rainie that she couldn't save from the street was overwhelming.

"I refused, of course, but the girl went with him to the alley nearby, and I left. I couldn't look at it anymore."

"I'm sorry you had to experience that," Sharon said. "But I don't want you to go there anymore, no matter what happens, okay?"

"I won't. I promise," Rainie replied.

Sharon nodded in approval and noticed the notebook on Rainie's bed. "Is that a new drawing?" Sharon asked.

"Yeah, I felt like shit when I came back home. So I needed to let it out, you know?" Rainie picked up the notebook and handed it to Sharon. The drawing depicted a naked girl who was surrounded by several threatening looking werewolves. It looked more like a comic book drawing than Rainie's usual drawing style, but at the same time, Sharon felt more touched by it than by Rainie's other pieces of art.

"Wow," Sharon breathed out the word. The drawing made her feel things that she never experienced from art: terrified, hopeless, sick to her stomach. Ever since she first saw Rainie's artwork, she knew the girl was talented, but this drawing was a whole new level of talent. Rainie poured her emotions onto the paper, and it showed. Sharon was proud of her daughter for finding an outlet for her dark feelings.

"You look like you've seen a ghost," Rainie commented when Sharon handed her the notebook back.

"It's just… this drawing. Is that how you feel right now?" Sharon asked.

"I'm safe now," Rainie replied.

"But emotionally, is that the place you're at tonight?" Sharon asked and pointed at the drawing.

Rainie placed her palm on top of Sharon's forearm. "Sharon, I am home, and I'm safe now. That's where I'm at emotionally."

Sharon wrapped her arms around Rainie and kissed the crown of her head. This young woman had grown so much since she came to live with her. She had learned so much about ways to cope with her past and her emotions, and Sharon realized that Rainie was stronger than she had been in the beginning. She was able to withstand hardships Sharon never thought Rainie could, and she was sure that when the day came for Rainie to fly the nest, she'd be an incredible young woman, ready to conquer the world and what it had to offer.

"You are home, and I'm glad you're safe," she whispered against the girl's hair.

"I think you'll like this one better." Rainie turned the page in her notebook and showed Sharon the portrait she had drawn several days earlier. "He agreed to model for a portrait, but he made me swear I'll make his hair look right," Rainie said.

Sharon looked at the drawing of Ricky. Rainie had captured the amusement in the boy's dark eyes, the slightly slouched left shoulder, the small crinkle of his nose when he smiled, and the raised right eyebrow. It was as if Ricky was looking at her from the paper, so vivid and lively.

"Can I have this one?" Sharon asked.

Rainie carefully removed the paper from the notebook and handed it to Sharon. "Maybe I'll make one of Emily when I finally get to meet her."

"She'll try to make it home this Christmas," Sharon replied.

"I hope I'm gonna have an easier start with her that I did with Ricky," Rainie sighed.

"Don't worry, she already likes you," Sharon informed her. Emily had expressed her desire to meet her soon-to-be little sister and asked Sharon to consider bringing Rainie for a visit in New York by the end of the summer vacation. While Sharon's divorce proceedings were still ongoing, however, she needed to be in LA. She wasn't sure if she could fit a vacation into her schedule.

"What is she like? I mean, in person?" Rainie's voice drew Sharon from her thoughts.

"She's smart and sensitive, and sometimes she can be stubborn as a mule. She can be funny sometimes, although not when she tries to be," Sharon grinned. Emily's sense of humor was a bit quirky, but in a cute way, and her jokes always reminded Sharon of her grandmother, Diana, who always seemed to tell unamusing jokes. "She has an interesting sense of style," Sharon continued.

"Like what?"

"Have you watched 'The Breakfast Club'?" Sharon asked.

Rainie nodded.

"Well, remember Allison?"

"The weirdo?" Rainie made a face.

Sharon smacked Rainie's knee playfully. "Yeah, that girl. Emily's style always reminds me of her," Sharon replied with a giggle.

"What is it with your children not having any style?" Rainie burst into laughter.

"They certainly don't get it from me," Sharon joked.

"I can testify to that," Rainie agreed. "Oh, God, this is too funny."

Sharon wrapped her arm around Rainie's shoulders and pulled her close. "At least I have one daughter with a good sense of style. I guess I've done something right," she twirled one of Rainie's coppery curls around one finger. "But seriously, I think the two of you will get along really well."

"I hope so," Rainie replied.

A comfortable silence spread between them as Rainie rested her head on Sharon's shoulder and closed her eyes. Sharon could smell the scent of Rainie's coconut shampoo. It was a scent that she wasn't fond of before Rainie came to live with her, but somehow, she got used to it, and the smell grew on her. The sweet scent now evoked thoughts of home, of family, love, and warmth in Sharon's mind, and she closed her eyes and smiled to herself. It was the first time she realized that Rainie has changed the way she felt about a lot of things in life. She couldn't wait until the moment she'd be able to become Rainie's mother legally.

-TBC-

* * *

 **As always, I'd love to know what you thought about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N :** Guess who's back? Well, technically, I'm still in Ireland with four more days to go before I return home (although I wish I could stay here longer), but I took my laptop with me and finally found the time to post the next chapter of this story. I hope that from now on, I will be able to update more regularly, as I no longer have any school work to hand in.

Anyway, this chapter is very different than all the others I've written before, and that is because it's darker, longer and most of it takes place away from LA. There will be another chapter like this down the line, and possibly even more in the future (Ireland provided me some very inspiring ideas).

I hope you all enjoy this chapter, even though it's not the usual setting.

* * *

How ironic that an envelope, Jack's signature exit, ended their marriage?

Her fingers shook when she opened the manila envelope. She didn't need to read its content to know what it said, and at the same time, she didn't feel the need to tear it into such tiny pieces like she had so many times.

The memories accosted her as her eyes fluttered over the first page. The moment he slid a ring down her finger in front of all their family and friends. The flitting morning kisses they exchanged before he left the house for school and she to work. The excruciating first labor, with only his hand grounding her through the pain, after hours of contractions. Her collapse into his arms when she returned from work one day, dehydrated and exhausted after working a double shift, and the panic in his blue eyes when she woke up in the ER, only to be told that she was pregnant again and should take it slow. Seeing his concern was replaced with joy at the idea of having a second child was Sharon's last happy memory of their marriage. It was only a few weeks later when she noticed his excessive drinking and the lipstick stains on his work shirts, and from there, things spiraled out of control faster than anyone would have expected. And now she was looking at the document that officially ended their thirty-year marriage.

They'd met with their lawyers several times and negotiated the terms of their divorce less than amicably. In the beginning, Jack tried to steal what he believed was his part of Sharon's savings and pension, and true to the threat she's made earlier that year, Sharon's lawyers demanded that he pay back child support for Emily and Ricky's upbringing. Twenty years of his failures did play in her favor. Eventually, they agreed that each of them would leave the marriage with what they had when they started the divorce proceedings. It was just the way Sharon wanted it. A clean cut, an easy break.

But now, on the other side of her marriage, there was a nagging voice at the back of her head that kept telling her that Jack would never fully release his grasp on her. He was etched in her skin, flowing in her bloodstream, and haunting her brain.

When she put the papers down, her hand immediately slipped into her pocket and closed around her phone. Almost of their own volition, her fingers found the number on her speed dial and pressed on it. She heard a groggy hello before she even put the phone to her ear.

"Alfie?" she said, her voice shaking. "I'm free."

"Shay, I…" he stuttered, making her wonder if he was drunk. "This is not a great time."

"Is something wrong?" Sharon wondered.

"Anita passed away an hour ago," Alfie informed her. Sweet Anita, to whom he stayed married for three decades even though she has been a shell of a human for so long. Sharon knew that Alfie was never able to bring himself to take her off life support. Even if he had not stayed faithful to her, he loved her with his whole heart. He refused to truly move on until she was no longer a part of this world. Now, as Sharon became free of her marriage, Alfie became free of his. Maybe life tried to lead them back to each other.

Several hours later, Sharon was standing at the departure gate at LAX with her boarding ticket and trolley. She had invited Rainie to New York, where she was going to help Alfie arrange his wife's funeral. However, Rainie preferred to stay in Los Angeles. Sharon alerted Andy and Provenza and requested that they check on her every once in a while. The guilt of leaving Rainie behind, even if it was only for a few days, was overwhelming as she wrapped her arms around the girl and kissed her cheek.

"If you've changed your mind, I can still buy you a ticket," she offered. Even though last moment tickets would be costly, if Rainie just said the word, finances be damned.

"Sharon, I promise I'll be fine here. You go. Alfie needs you," Rainie goaded her.

"Rainie, if anything happens and you feel like you need help, call me. And if I'm not answering, call Dr. Joe. And Lieutenants Flynn and Provenza are also available. And Amy is…"

"Sharon, I spent a year living on the streets, and I managed. I think I can survive one week in a Los Feliz condo with a fully stocked fridge and a DVR," Rainie replied.

"But still…"

"I'll be fine. We'll FaceTime every day," Rainie assured her. "Now don't be late for your flight." She wrapped her arms around Sharon again. "I love you, Sharon. Text me when you land."

"I will. And I love you, too," Sharon said as she passed the check-in point and handed the TSA attendant her ID and plane ticket.

"Have a great flight," the attendant said and gave her the travel documents back.

Sharon sneaked a quick glance backward and saw Rainie waving at her. The girl looked calm and did not even in the slightest mirror the panic and fear Sharon felt.

Leaving Rainie this way reminded Sharon of the day she first left Emily at a daycare when she was only six months old. The way her heart quivered and her skin itched to hold her daughter, coupled with the irrational fears while they were apart, overwhelmed her even then. Even though Rainie was practically an adult, and they'd spent countless nights away from each other before, Sharon still couldn't shake the nagging need to make sure her future-daughter was safe. She didn't realize how exhausting the feeling was until she boarded the plane and fell asleep even before takeoff, only waking up several hours later, moments after the wheels of the plane touched down at JFK.

Even though it was almost midnight, Emily waited for her at the baggage claim. The sight of her eldest child made Sharon's worries about Rainie leave her mind. It has been over two years since Sharon last saw her daughter in person. Feeling Emily's slender arms wrapping around her neck, and her face burrow into her shoulder, reminded Sharon of that first day they spent apart, almost thirty years ago. The way baby Emily clung to her like she begged to never part from her again confirmed the young mother's fears. Sharon's trepidation and Emily's distress slowly disappeared over the following days, as attending daycare became a routine. Never had Sharon imagined that she would spend more than two years away from her daughter. She dreaded the day Rainie would go off on her own. As ready as her children may be to fly the nest, Sharon was never prepared.

"I missed you so much, Mom!" Emily said. "I'm not happy that Alfie's wife is dead, but I'm glad it brought you here."

Sharon responded in with a faint hum. The emotions inside her were too intense for her to conjure any other reaction, but she never needed many words with Emily. Her daughter has always known what her mother needed, an ability that hasn't faded with their separation.

"Let's head home, Mom. I'd like you to get some sleep before you have to handle all the funeral craziness," she said.

Sharon followed Emily out of the airport and into a cab that took them to Emily's small but cozy one-bedroom apartment in Washington Heights. Emily moved in only a few months earlier, so Sharon hadn't seen the apartment yet. She could tell her daughter put a lot of effort into the décor, even if she was too tired to admire it fully. She sent a quick text to Rainie to let her know that she arrived safely.

"Are you hungry?" Emily asked as she walked to the kitchen.

It wasn't until then that Sharon realized that she hadn't eaten anything since the morning. On cue, her stomach began growling. "Yes, actually," she said.

"There's some leftover sushi, if that's okay with you," Emily offered.

"That would be fine," Sharon replied and followed her daughter.

Emily opened the fridge and took a half-full plastic container. She placed it on the kitchen table and fumbled inside the fridge for the soy sauce and spicy mayonnaise. She put them on the table in front of her mother and then opened the cutlery drawer and took two pairs of chopsticks.

"Do you want anything to drink? I've got water, coconut water, coffee or tea," Emily offered.

"Water is fine, Em," Sharon replied, seating at the kitchen table. She noticed that the wood was split in one of the corners. It reminded her of her first apartment, where all of her furniture were second hand.

"What?" Emily asked when she noticed her mother's smile.

"Nothing," Sharon replied as she opened the sushi container. "Your apartment reminds me a little of the first place I rented."

"In college?" Emily wondered.

"No, shortly after graduation," Sharon replied.

"I thought you and dad moved in together right after college," Emily took a bottle of mineral water out of the fridge and placed it on the table before pulling out the chair next to her mother.

"No. He went to Europe for a few months with his friends," Sharon explained. "In the meantime, I found a job at a bookstore and moved into a tiny but charming flat. My friends said it was a shoebox, but I loved it."

"So you and dad split up before you married?" Emily asked, confusion registering across her face.

"No, we were already engaged, but your father needed to spend some time away from LA. We sent letters to each other that whole time, and we spoke on the phone every other week," Sharon said.

"Maybe it was a sign, you know? That he would keep leaving you behind to be the responsible one," Emily said, stabbing at her sushi.

"If it was a sign, then I was too young and naïve to understand it back then. And anyway, all of it is water under the bridge now. I received the divorce papers today. It's been finalized."

"What?" Emily's eyes widened, and her jaw shook as if she was trying to hold back tears. "How do you feel about it, Mom?"

"Relieved, mostly. I can follow through with Rainie's adoption now, and…"

Emily cut her off with the wave of a hand. "How is dad doing?"

"I haven't spoken to him, but you can always call and ask him," Sharon replied.

"Mom, what if he starts drinking again? I mean, you know how he reacts to changes." Emily's worried expression made Sharon's stomach clench painfully. She wasn't concerned about Jack's sobriety, only about her daughter's fear that her father would slip. Emily has seen and heard it all – the yelling, the crying, the glass-smashing, the name-calling and door-slamming – and Sharon could only imagine the picture in her daughter's head.

"Sweetheart, if your father decides to drink again, it's his choice. He's been in AA for many years, and he knows what to do if he's having a hard time. If he doesn't follow through with the program, it's not your or my fault," she replied, putting down the chopsticks and taking Emily's hand instead.

"I just want him to be okay," Emily said.

"I know, sweetheart. I hope he makes the right choices from now on," Sharon replied. Although she was glad that her marriage to Jack was finally over, she still wanted Jack to be well and to keep in touch with his children. They deserved a father, even if he was still avoiding the role.

When Emily grew silent, Sharon wondered if she should have chosen a different way to tell Emily about the divorce. Emily has always been more sensitive about Jack than Ricky was, probably because she had more memories of their family than Ricky had. Sharon knew how important Jack had been to both her children, despite the times he let them down.

In a way, Sharon had been in their shoes as well. Her father had always said drinking was a favorable Irish trait. But getting drunk at Sharon's 8th birthday party and insulting the clown, or getting into a fistfight with the neighbor at the 4th of July barbeque weren't exactly good examples of Kevin O'Dwyer holding his liquor. Sharon remembered the many times she woke up in the middle of the night due to her parents' loud arguments about her father's excessive drinking. Her father kept drinking even when her mother threatened to take Sharon and leave him, although she never acted upon that threat.

After retirement, her father reluctantly stopped drinking because of diabetes. By that time, Sharon was already pregnant with Emily. Still, it appeared that her father's drinking was never as bad as Jack's. Her father was always there when she needed him. Jack, on the other hand, completely bailed on his family. Even after he joined AA, he nursed his addiction in other vices and wasted every dollar he could get his hands on without caring that he was taking food from his children's mouths.

"I'm sorry I upset you, honey," Sharon said.

"I'm not upset. I'm sad that it had to come to this. I know dad was a bad husband, and that you're relieved to be done with him, but he must be feeling so lonely."

Sharon shook her head. She didn't want to hear about how lonely Jack must have felt. What about all the years she's felt lonely, and he wasn't there to carry the burden of raising two children with her? What about all those times she needed him to hug her and tell her that he loved her and will be there for her forever?

"You know, Em. I'm a bit tired, and I'm gonna have a long day tomorrow," she said softly, closing the empty sushi box and pushing her chair back.

"I'm sorry, Mom. You're right; it is late. Let me go and set up your bed, okay?" Emily left the kitchen quickly.

Sharon spent a few minutes cleaning after herself before she went out of the kitchen. Emily had set a folding bed in the living room for her.

"I know it's not as big or fancy as your bed, but…"

"Honey, this is fine. Thank you so much for this," Sharon said and kissed her daughter's cheek.

"So, how's Rainie doing?" Emily asked when Sharon began to unpack her trolley. "She didn't wanna come here?"

"She has to work, so she couldn't join me," Sharon replied.

"She didn't mention that she's got a job. Where does she work?"

"She's a set PA on _Badge of Justice_. One of my lieutenants helped her get it," Sharon replied.

"That's a horrible show!"

"But it's a high paying job, and it keeps Rainie busy until college applications are due," Sharon said.

"It sucks that she has been rejected from so many schools," Emily sighed.

"I think it's for the best. Rainie needed time off of school. She hasn't had a summer vacation since she was thirteen. She'll get in next year, I'm sure," Sharon replied.

"I can't believe she's been living with you for three years and I still haven't met her in person," Emily groaned.

"You are coming home this Christmas, aren't you?" Sharon asked.

"I mean, assuming that you don't tell Ricky and me to stay away again because of some psycho killer, or something," Emily teased her.

"That's not funny," Sharon replied, pointing at Emily with her toothbrush.

"Don't worry, Mom. I'll be home for Christmas, and I'll meet Rainie," Emily promised. "I hope she likes me."

"She does. She can't wait to meet you," Sharon squeezed her daughter's shoulder. "I'm gonna get ready for bed."

"Sure. Ummm, there's a sealed package of earplugs in the medicine cabinet. You're gonna need it," Emily informed her.

Sharon wasn't sure how she didn't notice the constant bustle of the street or the thundering subway, but as soon as Emily mentioned it, the sounds infiltrated her ears.

"Thanks, love," Sharon smiled at her daughter and took her pajamas out of her suitcase.

* * *

The smell of freshly brewed coffee woke Sharon up early in the morning. She could feel her back muscles stretch and her bones creak as she got up of the folding bed. To her great surprise, Emily was nowhere to be found. It took Sharon a few minutes to find the note taped to the kitchen table that informed her that Emily had to leave early for a rehearsal and that she'd text her when she goes on a lunch break. She left Sharon a key to the apartment and wrote the address on the note, in case Sharon couldn't remember where it was. She also mentioned that the coffee shop downstairs has a great breakfast menu if she was hungry.

When Sharon opened the fridge, she realized that it was almost empty, and after getting ready for the day, she went downstairs and grabbed a coffee and a muffin at the coffee shop. After eating, she checked her watch. It was too early to call Rainie, and she put off texting her. She went out of the coffee shop and hailed a cab that took her to Alfie's apartment in Williamsburg. She's been there a few times in the past, and always liked the vivacious area he lived in. Apart from being a gemologist, Alfie invested in real estate and owned several apartments. Most of them had tenants, but Sharon knew that he was renting out a couple of them for short-term stays. Considering that she was about to stay in New York for several days, she wondered if he would mind renting out one of his short-term apartments in Williamsburg to her, to help her avoid the long cab ride from Emily's apartment to his and to save her spine from her daughter's folding bed.

She knocked on the yellow, wooden door of Alfie's apartment on the seventh floor and heard shuffling noises from behind it. When he opened the door, Sharon was surprised by her best friend's appearance. Alfie was unshaved, his hair disheveled, his eyes were red-rimmed, and he hadn't bothered dressing up for her, still wearing his boxers and T-shirt. Sharon threw a glance at her watch. It was 9 a.m., and she had not expected Alfie to still be asleep at this time.

"Alfie," she said softly and stepped into his apartment. She always liked his place. The wooden décor and bright colors always made it seem happy and cozy. "I didn't realize you were sleeping; I'm so sorry."

Alfie pulled her into a tight hug, the kind that he used to give her when they were still children, before they were told that boys and girls must be careful about how they touch. Her hand instinctively went up into his curls, caressing his scalp with the tips of her fingers. She closed her eyes and relaxed into the embrace.

"I missed you," his moist breath against her neck as he spoke made her feel at home in his arms.

"So did I," she said. "I'm so sorry about Anita."

"She hasn't been doing well for a while. Her kidney functions started deteriorating a few weeks ago, and from there it was clear that it was a downhill slide," he explained. "Maybe I should have taken her off life support years ago."

"You loved her. You wanted her to live," Sharon tried to comfort him. She couldn't say living as a vegetable gave Anita much of a life, and her chances to ever come out of her condition were slim, to begin with, but that was never Sharon's decision to make, and Alfie never asked for her opinion on the matter. As his mistress, the least she could do was to be supportive of his choice of care for his wife.

"But she didn't want to live," Alfie said and pulled away from Sharon. "The depression, the self-hatred, the anorexia – it took away the woman I loved. She was dead inside long before she had that stroke. I just kept her alive with tubes and machines, thinking that one day, I might get her back."

Sharon had only seen him so devastated thirty years earlier when Anita suffered the stroke that put her in a vegetative state. Back then he was a young man with his whole future ahead of him. He could have started over. He could have filed for divorce and married someone else, but he chose to stick with his wife, in sickness and in health, until death did them part. Recalling her conversation with Emily the previous night, Sharon was no longer sure she did the right thing by divorcing Jack. She knew addiction was also a disease, and now wondered if by giving up on Jack she didn't defy the vows she took thirty years ago.

"And now I have to plan her funeral. How do I even begin to do that?" he asked, his gaze haunted.

"First of all, go take a shower. I'll get you some clean clothes from your closet. Then, we'll get some food in your stomach. And then we'll figure it all out together, okay?" Sharon asked, taking his hands in hers.

Alfie nodded and moped to the shower, while Sharon went into his bedroom and opened his closet. Alfie's wardrobe was arranged by colors, and Sharon picked a pair of dark casual pants and a soft crimson wool sweater for him.

She laid the clothes on his bed for him and went to the kitchen, to brew a strong blend capsule into his espresso machine and cook him a cheese omelet and bacon. His breakfast was already on the woodblock dining table when he came out of the shower, with only a towel covering his torso. He shaved his stubble and combed his wet curls back, but he hadn't bothered dressing up. He took a seat in front of Sharon, who was nursing a cup of herbal tea.

"I'm so happy you're here," he said as he grabbed a fork and began cutting into his omelet. "You're a godsend."

Sharon smiled at him over the rim of her teacup. She knew Alfie was a very independent man, who had to learn how to do everything on his own after his mother passed away, and he was left to take care of his father. Marrying a woman whose emotional needs were far greater than his own unmet ones was probably not his finest decision, but as Sharon learned over the years, love was blind. She took it upon herself to take care of him whenever she visited him in New York, or he came to Los Angeles. Alfie always liked it when she did, and she loved the fact that she could fill his emotional needs, in a way that she couldn't with Jack. Of course, Alfie was also good at meeting her emotional and often physical needs as well, which made them highly compatible, as far as she was concerned. She was sure they would eventually become more than friends with benefits if he hadn't chosen to stay in New York by Anita's side.

"I know the circumstances are dire, but I'm glad to be here for you, Alfie," she said.

"Are you staying with Emily?" he asked. It appeared that the food and strong coffee grounded him a bit and helped him focus on something other than his devastation.

"Yes, she lives in Washington Heights," Sharon replied before she realized that Alfie had probably visited in Emily's apartment.

"She loves it there," he said. When Sharon shrugged, he added, "Seems like you don't."

"It appears to be a safe area, which I guess is important, but I can't say I'm too fond of the apartment itself. It's too small, even though Em did a great job decorating it."

"She had you sleep on that awful folding bed, didn't she?" Alfie grinned.

Sharon nodded and rubbed her sore neck for dramatic effect.

"She can't risk her ballerina muscles and bones by sleeping on it herself. She had to give it to you, or she won't be able to do her job."

Sharon contemplated Alfie's argument. He was right, of course. Emily needed to be pain-free and in top shape to dance. The American Ballet Theatre was a very competitive dancing group. If Emily showed any signs of weakness, the other dancers would be lunging at the opportunity to take over her role.

"You can stay with me if you want," he said. "I'd let you stay at one of my apartments, but unfortunately, I have tenants in all of them at the moment."

"Here is fine," Sharon replied. Considering their relationship, sharing a bed with Alfie for a week was not going to be any problem.

"So you said your divorce was final?" he asked.

Sharon wasn't even sure that the information about her divorce registered in his head when she called to tell him about it the previous day. It surprised her that he mentioned that. "Yes, I received the papers yesterday," she said.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"It's an emotional rollercoaster," Sharon admitted. "One moment I feel free and invincible, and the next, all the memories flood me, and I think that it may have been a mistake."

"You'll be able to follow through with the adoption," Alfie reminded her.

"I know, but I still…"

"You can't help thinking 'what if'."

Sharon responded with a quick nod.

"You gave Jack enough chances. He's had so many opportunities to come back home, raise his children, be a good husband and father and he threw all of them away."

"I know, but…" Sharon began.

Alfie shook his head at her. "Rainie needs you more than Jack ever will. She needs family and stability. She needs a mother who loves her and not a mother who would let her boyfriend abuse her and then toss her to the street."

His words made Sharon shudder. Even after hearing Rainie's story so many times, being reminded of what Gary did to her still made her stomach ache.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I know it's a touchy subject." Alfie reached over the table and took Sharon's hand. "This girl needs you; that's all I'm saying."

"I know."

"Then be the trooper I know you are and kick those doubts out of your mind," he reassured her and squeezed her hand.

"Emily is worried he'll start drinking again," Sharon murmured into the teacup.

"I love Emily, but sometimes I think she's a bit too gentle to deal with what the world throws at her. Jack drinking is her worst fear, as was yours when you were a girl, and your mom threatened to leave your father."

"You remember that?" Sharon was surprised with the high pitch of her voice.

"I'll never forget. You snuck into my bedroom through my window, and you told me that your mother threatened to take you away from him if he didn't stop drinking. You cried for hours, and I kept praying that your father stopped, so you don't have to move away," Alfie admitted.

"And then we kissed for the first time." Sharon smiled at the memory.

"And you cried throughout it, and I wasn't sure if it was because of your father or because I was a bad kisser."

"You weren't a bad kisser. I was." Sharon shook her head in disbelief. "I'm surprised you even kept going with all the tears and snot that was running down my face."

"Are you kidding? I waited for that kiss ever since the day I met you," Alfie called out. "Plus, if you remember, I spent several hours wiping your snot before kissing you. I didn't mind it at that point."

"I wish we could get back to that moment," Sharon sighed and took a long sip of tea. "Things were so simple back then, weren't they?"

"Everything's simple when you're a kid," Alfie replied.

"I hate to change the subject," Sharon said softly and squeezed Alfie's hand, "But you need to get dressed and start planning Anita's funeral."

Alfie grunted but put down his coffee and went to get dressed. He came back to the kitchen a few minutes later and pried the dishes Sharon was washing out of her hands. Offering her a towel, he pulled her into another tight hug.

"Thank you for being here and doing this with me. It means a lot," he whispered into her hair.

"I'll always be here for you," Sharon replied and gently pulled away from him. "We need to start making calls."

Planning a funeral for a person who's been virtually dead for three decades shouldn't have been so hard. Anita didn't have any family besides Alfie. Therefore, Sharon and Alfie decided that her wake should be rather short, as they expected a low number of attendees.

After finishing the announcement calls, they scheduled a meeting the following day at a funeral home and then looked through Alfie's closet for a suit that he could wear to the funeral. It was late afternoon when Sharon went back to Emily's apartment, stopping for groceries on her way and stocking her daughter's fridge. She packed up her stuff, folded the bed, texted Emily that she was moving to Alfie's apartment in order to be more available to him, and left. She knew that her daughter wouldn't be offended by her leaving so unexpectedly. Emily had a busy schedule, and hosting her mother would just be distracting for her.

When she returned to his apartment, Sharon found a takeout dinner and her favorite red wine on the kitchen table. They ate quietly, enjoying each other's company, and then retired to bed. They snuggled against each other silently, merely enjoying each other's proximity. Sharon was beginning to drift into sleep when she felt Alfie's hand crawling under her pajama shirt and caressing her stomach.

"Do you want me to stop?" he whispered against the nape of her neck.

"No," she replied. The warmth of his hand against her stomach and the circular motions of his thumb around her navel centered her. Slowly, his hand drifted until it settled between her breasts.

"Still okay?" he asked.

Sharon hummed softly, so Alfie pulled her closer and rested his head against the back of her shoulder.

"Let me know if you need to untangle," he said before wishing her goodnight.

In the safety of his arms, Sharon let sleep cover her like a thick veil.

When they woke up, Alfie's hand still rested right above Sharon's heart, the tips of his fingers grazing the underside of her left breast. Sharon closed her eyes, savoring the moment when she felt his lips pressing to the nape of her neck.

"It's morning," the sleepiness in his voice reminded her of the morning they woke up, after kissing each other for the first time. They had fallen asleep in each other's arms, the fronts of their pajama shirts soaked with Sharon's tears; it was the uncommon mix of despair and comfort. This morning, Sharon felt the same. She wasn't sure if her despair originated from her divorce or Anita's death, but she was convinced that the comfort came from the special friendship between herself and Alfie.

"I know," she mumbled into the pillow. She wanted to stay close to him for a little longer before they had to face the sad tasks of their day.

"We scheduled a meeting at the funeral home," he reminded her. His hand slid from under her shirt, and the mattress creaked when he got up.

Sharon followed him with her eyes and eventually pulled herself out of bed as well. Standing in front of his bedroom window, she looked at the street outside. The morning hustle was in full force. She watched the activity, letting the energy of others rouse up her sleepy brain. When she felt Alfie's arms around her waist, pulling her against his chest, she closed her eyes.

"It's odd to see you taking your time waking up," he said.

"I'm still getting used to your time zone."

"I don't own it," Alfie joked.

"But you live in it," Sharon countered and turned in his arms. "Good morning." She buried her face in his bare chest, pressing her lips against his skin that was still warm from the shower. "Have a good shower?"

"Why don't you take one too and I'll make you some coffee to chase away your jetlag?" he offered.

A hum was the only response she could conjure.

"That's my girl," he said and lifted her face to his, kissing the tip of her nose.

Alfie was right – a shower and a coffee managed to stimulate Sharon's brain. Although, she had to admit that seeing him still glistening from the shower, covered only by a towel, definitely helped her wake up.

Silence engulfed them as they drove to the funeral home, and Sharon could feel Alfie's melancholy setting in. She threw quick glances at him from the corner of her eye as they walked through a display of caskets and looked through albums of flower arrangements.

"Stop looking at me like that," he said, contemplating a dark mahogany or a polished cherry casket.

"Like what?" Sharon asked. She had no idea he caught her watching him.

"Like I'm about to break," he said, drumming his fingers on the mahogany.

"I'm sorry. I'm just worried about you," Sharon replied.

"Don't," he insisted as he flipped through the flower album. "I think I like this one."

Calla lilies, Sharon's favorite flower, for Anita's funeral. Sharon couldn't remember Alfie ever being angry with her, but this choice of flowers felt deliberate and malicious. She knew grief could manifest as anger, but while she wasn't going to hold it against him, it still hurt.

When they returned to his apartment, Alfie locked himself in his study, which elevated Sharon's frustration even further. She decided that it was a good time to take a walk outside and give Rainie a call. It was a short call since Rainie was just about to leave for work. After Sharon hung up the phone, she went into a diner that was located a couple of blocks away from Alfie's apartment. She bought lunch for Alfie and herself and headed back to his apartment in hopes that she'll find him in a better mood.

Alfie was still holed up in his study when Sharon returned. Her knuckles rapped on the door, and she called his name softly.

"I brought lunch," she said. There was no reply. "Alfie, come on."

The door opened, and before Sharon could take a step into the room, Alfie grabbed her wrist and pulled her in. A gasp escaped Sharon's mouth as he dragged her towards his desk. Dozens of old photos of Anita and Alfie were scattered on top of it, ripped from their albums.

"Look at her!" he called out and pointed at one of the photos. "Look at her!"

"I'm looking, Alfie," Sharon yanked her arm free. "There's no need to yell at me."

"She was beautiful, Shay. She was stunning!" he raged. "So I need you to tell me –" He picked up one of the photos from his desk. "Why? Why did she want to be thinner?"

"She couldn't control it, Alfie," Sharon's eyes filled with tears. How long had Alfie carried this rage at Anita inside him? He never expressed it to her before. "She was sick, and she didn't want to get help."

"Tell me the truth, Shay," he grabbed her by the shoulders. "Was it me? Did I make her hate herself so much that she had to do this?"

"Alfie, nothing you could have said or done would have saved Anita from herself. Nothing, okay?" The tears began dripping from Sharon's eyes onto Alfie's shirt.

"Do you think she even loved me?" The intensity of Alfie's grief made Sharon choke on her tears.

"Of course she did." She wiped her tears on the end of her sleeve and sniffled. "Alfie, you were the light in Anita's life, and she knew it."

"Then why didn't she go to the hospital when I begged her to?"

"She had voices in her head that told her that she was not worthy of you, that she needed to be better, thinner," Sharon sighed. "Nothing could silence them. They kept her awake at night, invaded her dreams. She couldn't escape them."

"How do you know all this?" Alfie eyed her suspiciously.

"She told me that, when we were trying to get her to check herself into the mental ward," Sharon admitted. "She said similar things to Jack."

"Why didn't you tell me?" The blame shifted.

"Jack said he'd talk to you about it," Sharon replied.

"How could you ever be so stupid, Sharon?" For the first time in years, he didn't call her 'Shay'. "How could you trust Jack to do anything, huh?" he raged. "All those years, I thought Anita's condition was my fault, but it turns out it was yours."

"Alfie," Sharon's voice shook. "I know you're hurting, and I feel horrible seeing you like this, but if you ever call me a name or blame me for Anita's collapse again, you can forget about your godchildren and me. You'll never hear from us again." She turned around and walked out of the room, wiping her tears. She was packing her suitcase, trying to stop her hands from shaking when she heard Alfie's steps behind her.

"I'm sorry, Shay!" He took a seat on the bed behind her and put his hand on her back. She flinched, so he removed it. "I'm so sorry for saying those things. I'm just… I loved her so much, and I trusted you to tell me things like that."

"I loved her too, Alfie. I was supposed to be on bed rest when she had the stroke; I risked my pregnancy and flew here all the way from LA because I loved Anita, and I was worried about her," Sharon could not stop the tears now. They flowed freely down her face.

"I thought you did it for me," Alfie said.

"I did it for the both of you, Alfie," Sharon called out. "If I had known that what she told me could have saved her life, I would have told you."

"I know, Shay. I'm so, so sorry about what I said." He wrapped his arms around her. "Please don't leave. I've been horrible to you today, and you've been nothing but kind to me."

Another sob escaped Sharon's mouth, and Alfie captured her lips in a soft and short kiss.

"Why do I always have to wipe snot off your face?" he joked when he pulled away. Sharon sniffled and smacked his chest playfully. "Are we okay?"

"We are," she replied.

Alfie took her hand in his and kissed it. "Let's go eat, and then I'd like you to help me choose a photo of Anita we can put on the easel in church."

Sharon took a deep breath and nodded. She'd never seen him so broken, and even though they've spoken about Anita and her condition before, it appeared that the loss struck him hard once she was truly gone. Sharon forgave his outburst and decided to file it away.

After Alfie calmed down, Sharon suggested they'll have dinner with Emily. Not having any children of his own, Alfie loved Emily like a daughter. When Emily moved to New York, he allowed her to live in one of his apartments without charging her rent for a couple of months until she found a place of her own. When Emily couldn't make it home for the holidays, he was there to celebrate with her.

They met Emily in a lovely Asian restaurant in East Village, and Sharon couldn't help but notice how Alfie's eyes lit up when he saw Emily. Seeing how much he loved and adored her daughter made Sharon wish Anita would have at least given him a child of his own before she collapsed, but rationally, she knew that Anita's malnourishment would have prevented her from conceiving and carrying a healthy pregnancy to term.

Even though Anita has been a very bright and promising photographer, she was already sick when Alfie first met her. Sharon remembered looking at the photos he sent her of Anita and wondering how it was possible for Anita to be so thin. Her smooth scotch-butter skin and her long dark hair that she used to tie in two loose braids were simply breathtaking. Her slanted chocolate brown eyes were deep, her plump lips were enviable, and her contagious laughter was captivating. Sharon could see why her best friend fell for this exotic and enticing woman. Seeing Anita succumb to her illness so soon after marrying Alfie was heartbreaking. The last time Sharon had seen Anita before her stroke, she looked like a shell of who she used to be. Her eyes were empty, the skin hung from her bones, and her hair was falling from her head in thick strands. Sharon knew that Alfie was struggling to convince his wife to check into a hospital and receive the treatment she needed to get better, but Anita wouldn't hear of it. No matter how much she loved Alfie, she wasn't strong enough to help herself.

Sharon pushed the thoughts about Anita as she quietly listened to Emily talk about her day, and about how one of the dancers broke her leg and might face the end of her dancing career. She loved her daughter and missed her, and Emily's presence around Alfie helped lighten his mood.

It was almost 10:00 p.m. when they arrived back at Alfie's apartment, and they silently went through their nightly routines and went to bed. Sharon couldn't wait for sleep to claim her. This day has been both physically and emotionally exhausting. Even though most of the funeral arrangements were done, they still had a few more ends they needed to tie.

"Shay." She felt Alfie's humid breath on the nape of her neck and hummed in response. "You know how much I care about you, don't you?" he asked.

"I do," she replied.

"Turn towards me for a moment, will you?" he whispered.

Sharon turned in bed to face him.

"I just want to make sure you don't resent me because of what I said earlier," he said. "I wasn't angry with you. I'm angry with her."

"I know that," Sharon replied.

"I just needed someone to blame, and you were here. I feel horrible about how I treated you, and I want you to know that I'm not taking for granted the fact that you chose to stay here after what I said to you," Alfie cupped her cheek.

"Alfie, I already forgave you," Sharon replied. "You're my best friend, and we've been there for each other for so many years. I'm not going anywhere."

Alfie looked into her eyes and smiled before he leaned in and drew her lips between his.

Sharon closed her eyes, letting Alfie's tongue and lips mold around hers.

"I think maybe there's a reason why your divorce was finalized the same day Anita passed away," he said when he pulled away. "Maybe you were never supposed to be with Jack, to begin with, the same way I was not supposed to be with Anita." He drew close to her and captured her lips again.

Sharon hummed into the kiss. She felt so emotionally drained on the one hand, and at the same time, she couldn't help but remember how he looked that morning, almost naked in front of her, and how much she wanted him to touch her.

"Would you consider me, now that we're both unmarried?" His voice caressed her ears.

Instead of answering, Sharon let her body speak. Pushing him on his back, she kissed a path down his neck and chest and let her lips close around his nipple. He groaned under the warmth of her mouth, and she smiled around his nipple, before moving to the other one.

When Alfie became restless under her, she descended further down, pleasuring him with her mouth and hands. His fingers dug into her hair and massaged her scalp as she continued her ministrations.

"Oh my God, Shay," Alfie moaned. "No other woman does it like you do."

His words made Sharon smile around against him. Alfie always liked to complement her in bed, even when she was young and inexperienced. She was sure he did it to boost her confidence and keep her going, but for some reason, it always amused her. She shook her head lightly and went back to pleasuring him when she felt his arms pulling her upwards.

"My turn now," he said and began sucking on her pulse point, slowly unbuttoning her pajama shirt to expose her breasts.

For the first time since they split up to go to different colleges, they've made love. Sharon was impressed with Alfie's tenderness. They've had sex countless times before, but something has changed between them emotionally. Her body was more responsive to him than it has ever been, and his body fit around and inside hers like it never had before. It'd been quite a while since Sharon climaxed three times in one night.

When she opened her eyes the following morning in Alfie's arms, the smell of sex and sweat lingering in the room, and a new rhythm to her heart, she knew that Alfie had been right. They must have belonged to each other, and the universe made sure they ended up together. She knew that it was a childish thought to entertain, but she couldn't help thinking that everything that happened to both of them in their marriages led them to this point.

"Morning," she mumbled and turned in bed, only to find his side empty and cold enough to tell her that he left the bed a while ago. Getting up, she put on her pajama shirt and panties before walking out of the room in search for Alfie.

She found him sitting at the kitchen table and having coffee and breakfast. He was already dressed, and his hair was wet from the shower and combed back. He nodded his head at her wordlessly when she greeted him. Sharon walked towards the stove where Alfie has left the hot pan where he's made breakfast. She expected to find an omelet and bacon, as that what he had on his plate. However, the pan was empty. When she opened the fridge, she realized Alfie was out of eggs and that only two strips of uncooked bacon were left. In fact, his fridge was virtually empty. "Is there any bread left?" she asked.

Alfie shrugged, and Sharon continued in her search for food. Eventually, she found a few slices of bread that have grown mold.

With a sigh, she grabbed a mug and made herself a cup of coffee. She took a seat in front of Alfie and took a long sip of the dark coffee as he continued eating.

"Can I have a bite?" she asked. The smell of the eggs and bacon her was eating was making her stomach growl.

Alfie speared a chunk of scrambled egg and a piece of bacon and handed her the fork.

Sharon thanked him and took the bite. She hoped that he'd realize how hungry she was and share his breakfast with her, but Alfie didn't show any sign that he understood the hint. He finished the food quietly and threw the leftovers into the trash. Sharon buried her gaze deep inside her cup of coffee as Alfie left the kitchen and went to his study.

Sharon took a deep breath, reminding herself that Alfie was about to bury his wife today and that she should be understanding to his mood. Recalling that he had asked her to consider him romantically the previous night, she attributed his strange behavior to grief. She decided to give him some space and went quietly about her morning routine.

He kept his distance from her during the funeral and burial and made sure to stay at a safe distance from her during the wake. He avoided introducing her to the few acquaintances who attended, and his look of dismay did not escape her when she introduced herself to them. She wasn't sure what that was about, but the relief on his face when the last of the guests left was apparent.

For the second time that day, he disappeared inside his study. Sharon busied herself with putting away the food from the wake and washed the dishes. Alfie was still not out of the study when she finished, so she decided to check on him. She was on her way down the hall when Alfie came out and almost bumped into her.

"Alfie, are you…" she started, but he cut her off.

"If you ask me if I'm okay one more time, I swear to God, Sharon – I'm gonna explode," he said.

"I just…"

"You're just worried about me; I get it," he grumbled.

"Okay, I'm sorry," Sharon replied.

Alfie walked past her and into the kitchen, and she followed him.

"I just know how tough it is to go through all this alone," she tried, but he turned his back to her as he poured himself a glass of wine.

"Sharon, could you go out for a walk or something? I need to be alone," he said, not looking at her.

"It's a bit late for me to take a walk on my own. I'm not sure it's safe," Sharon replied.

"You're a cop for fuck's sake. Just take your gun with you," Alfie groaned.

"My gun is at home," Sharon declared.

"What kind of fucking cop are you, huh? Why'd you leave your gun at home?" Alfie bellowed.

"Municipal cops are not allowed to carry arms on commercial flights. It's the law," Sharon replied sternly. She looked at him. He didn't appear drunk or high, although this was far from his normal behavior. "Alfie, what's wrong with you?" her voice softened.

"My wife just died, and my ex is walking around my house like she lives in it, that's what's wrong," Alfie called out.

"Ex?" Sharon looked at him, scandalized. "Alfie, after last night, I was under the impression that we're back together."

"We're not," Alfie spat the words.

"Last night you seemed to think differently. What changed?" she asked curiously.

"We just had sex, Shay, like we always do," he replied. "Don't read too much into it."

"Don't read too much into it? Alfie, you asked me to get back together with you now that we are both unmarried. You said it loud and clear. Twice, actually."

"Well, I changed my mind. Are only women allowed to change their minds, or do men get to do that too?"

"And when exactly did you change your mind?" Sharon demanded to know.

"As soon as I said those stupid things to you, Shay," Alfie said.

"And you still proceeded to have sex with me, not considering that if I had known you were not serious about me, I wouldn't have slept with you?" Sharon's hands shook.

"That's bullshit, Shay. You always sleep with me," Alfie replied.

"I can't believe you just assumed…" Sharon paused and took a deep breath. "I would have refused, Alfie. I wouldn't have had sex with you last night if you told me that you changed your mind."

"Oh, come on!"

"Believe it or not, you don't know everything about me," Sharon called out. "And you've been disrespectful to me all day, and apparently, last night too."

"We all have sex we regret. Be a grown up and deal with it," Alfie replied, his voice void of emotion.

"Oh my God, you are being a real jerk right now. Do you know that?" Sharon asked.

Alfie shrugged.

Sharon closed her eyes and tried to calm down the rage that was burning her from the inside. No matter how many times she tried to tell herself that it was his grief talking and not the sweet Alfie she loved so much, this time the excuse didn't cut it. She had lines, and Alfie crossed them. And she wasn't going to indulge this behavior. Leaving the kitchen, she went into the bedroom and began packing up her belongings.

Alfie appeared at the doorway a moment later, watching her.

"Where are you going, Shay?" he asked as Sharon zipped her suitcase.

"I'm leaving," Sharon replied.

"I thought you said it wasn't safe outside," he said.

"I'm a grown-up; I'll deal with it," Sharon exclaimed as she made a quick booking at a nearby hotel and ordered an Uber to take her there. She knew that Emily's apartment was available for her, but she didn't want to spend another night on the folding bed, and she felt the need to be alone, anyway. After wearing her coat and wrapping her scarf around her neck, Sharon carried her trolley down the hall. Alfie watched her but didn't dare to follow her. Even though she could tell by the look in his eyes that he regretted the things he said, Sharon didn't intend on turning back, not even to throw one last look at the man who was once her first love, and a lifelong friend. As far as she was concerned, he was part of her past. No more would she be used and abused by a man she loved.

The cold night air hurt her lungs as she waited outside for the Uber. New York City was already quite chilly at this time of year, way too chilly for her to stay.

* * *

Sharon unlocked the door to her condo and dragged her trolley inside. It was already 11:00 p.m., and after her flight has been delayed twice, she was glad to be home finally.

She put her phone on her nightstand, resolutely ignoring all the text messages Alfie sent her to apologize for his behavior. It was beyond her abilities to deal with this right now, and she wasn't sure she could forgive his behavior anyway.

Quickly, she unpacked her trolley and then took a shower before heading to bed. When she boarded the flight to New York, a few days ago, she never imagined how upside down things were going to turn. She didn't realize how much doubt and guilt about her divorce she carried inside her, and how much Alfie's grief would affect her relationship with him. It felt like a few days away from home uprooted her entire life, left her clueless and lost.

As she sank into the mattress of her bed, she felt her body finally caving in under the weight of all the emotions she had to bottle inside her for the last two days of her trip. The grief and loss flooded her all at once, joined by the immense hopelessness she felt. In four days, she lost her marriage, her best friend, and a sizable chunk of her confidence. The tears that threatened to drown her from the inside gathered behind her eyes, and a guttural sob escaped her lips, followed by another one and another one until they formed one drawn-out sound. The dam inside her broke, and the tears sprung out of her eyes, soaking her pillow within a few short moments. The sound of her crying drowned out every other noise, so Sharon didn't hear her bedroom door opening or the sound of steps as Rainie walked in and settled on the bed behind her. She only became aware of her daughter's presence when Rainie draped her arm around her waist and pulled her close.

"I'm here, Sharon. I'm here."

-TBC-

* * *

 **As always, I'd love to know what you think about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N** **:** I've returned from Ireland this week and I'm glad I'll be able to post chapters on a regular basis again.

I realized that when I posted the last two chapters I completely forgot to thank blossom-of-snow for proofreading and editing this story. Her help and friendship are invaluable to me, so I apologize for not mentioning it in the last chapters I posted.

* * *

Sharon did not expect Judge Richwood's call about finalizing Rainie's adoption to come so soon after her lawyer handed in the initial paperwork. Of course, she knew it wouldn't take long for the adoption request to go through, but she expected it to take at least a month. Instead, she only waited for a single week. She wasn't sure who, but it was clear that someone put a rush on her request, so it landed on Judge Richwood's desk sooner than anticipated. Loathe as she was to admit it, her status and connections in law enforcement probably expedited the process.

The idea that the next day she'd officially become the mother of a third child filled her heart with uncontainable joy and excitement. Just like Sharon, Rainie had been an only child for her entire life. Now she'd have two older siblings, who loved her very much and cared for her, even if they didn't know her very well yet.

Sharon wasn't worried that Ricky and Emily would not accept Rainie as their sister. They'd known about the adoption for months, and any issues and problems they've had with the idea of Rainie becoming their new little sister were long resolved. Still, Sharon was worried about the fact that Rainie didn't really know her siblings. She'd only met Ricky once, and even though she conducted several FaceTime calls with him, telecommunication wasn't a replacement for the two of them spending time together. With Emily, it was even harder, since she lived in a different time zone and led a busy lifestyle. Rainie had joined a few of Sharon's skype calls with Emily in the past couple of years, but the few stolen minutes of conversation here and there did not even form the basis of a relationship between the two young women.

When Emily and Ricky told her that they could not make it to Rainie's adoption ceremony, Sharon was disappointed. She had hoped that her two older children would be there to welcome Rainie into their family and show their support. Sharon knew that any reservations they'd had no longer existed, but she wished that they could be there and share the moment with their new sister.

Unable to put her worries aside and give in to sleep, Sharon decided a change of scenery might be helpful. She rubbed the kinks out of her neck on her way to the living room. The balcony door was open and the cool night air that came into the living room made her shiver. Her muscles tensed for a moment until she came to close the sliding glass door and noticed a dazed Rainie sitting on one of the lounge chairs with a throw blanket covering her. Stepping into the balcony, Sharon took a seat at the adjacent lounge chair.

"I see I'm not the only one who can't sleep," she said.

"I was just thinking," Rainie replied.

"About?"

"I was just thinking about the fact that after tomorrow I'm going to have two mothers," Rainie said, "and that one day, I will be a mother, and my child will have two mothers too."

Sharon allowed herself a few moments to process Rainie's words. "I didn't realize you were contemplating the idea of motherhood," she said.

"You think it's a bad idea for a gay couple to have children?" Rainie asked curiously.

"No, not at all. I didn't mean it like that," Sharon replied. "I meant that you're still very young, and you're not in a relationship, and I didn't think you figured out how you felt about children yet."

"I've thought about them before. I had a lot of unprotected sex with men when I lived in the street. I've had many pregnancy scares, and they got me thinking about the kind of mother I wanted to be," Rainie admitted. "I still think about it a lot. I want to have children someday."

"And you will," Sharon smiled at her daughter. "You'll be a wonderful mother."

Sharon leaned back down on the lounge chair. Rainie seemed to have clearer views of what she wanted from her future, and even though plans could change, Sharon had a feeling that out of all her children, Rainie would be the first to make her a grandmother.

"How does it feel?"

"Being a mother?" Sharon asked.

"Yeah."

"It's the best feeling in the world," Sharon said. "It's like being in love, but not romantic love. It's bigger and more consuming."

"Do you think my mother felt that way when she had me?" Rainie wondered.

"I think she did, Rainie."

"She never really said she loved me," Rainie said. "But when I told her about the adoption the other day, she got angry and said she'll always be my mother. It felt more like a threat."

Sharon wasn't sure what to say. Sharon Beck was finally realizing that her actions had consequences and that choosing her abusive boyfriend and the drugs over Rainie backfired.

"She made me feel like she thought of me as her property," Rainie continued. "Most of my life, I let people treat me like I was an object they could use and toss when they're done. And with this adoption –" Rainie looked at Sharon for a long moment, debating her strength. "I feel like maybe I'm finally my own person, making my own decisions and choosing to associate myself with a mother who treats me with respect."

"I'm happy you feel this way, Rainie," Sharon replied. "I hope you know what an honor it is for me to add you to my family officially. It means a lot to me."

"And to me," Rainie replied. "Are Ricky and Emily really cool with it?"

"They are, sweetie," Sharon reassured her. "They care about you a lot, and they're excited to call you their sister."

"I never thought I'd be someone's sister one day," Rainie sighed.

"Not that I know, but I think the world is not as lonely when you have siblings," Sharon shrugged.

"I barely know Emily and Ricky. I don't know how exactly we're going to become siblings," Rainie looked at Sharon with concern.

"It's not gonna happen overnight. I agree. But you have your whole lives to create a meaningful relationship with each other," Sharon said.

"I guess you're right about that," Rainie sighed.

Sharon reached out across the space between the two chairs and took Rainie's hand in hers. She knew that Rainie was still unsure about her place in Sharon's family after Ricky's initial reaction to the adoption. Sharon was confident that in time, Rainie would understand that she belonged in the family just as much as Emily and Ricky did, even if she had not been a part of it since day one.

"It's getting cold," Rainie said as she got up from her lounge chair. "Make some room."

Sharon moved a little bit and let Rainie lay down in her lounge chair and pulled the throw blanket over both of them. Rainie smiled at her and rested her head on Sharon's shoulder. Sharon watched her daughter as she closed her eyes and her thick ginger eyelashes shone in the moonlight. The sight of Rainie calmly snuggling into her side flooded her heart with love that she could barely contain. She raised her eyes to the moon, and her lips mouthed a silent prayer to God to always guard her children, all three of them.

-TBC-

* * *

 **As always, I'd love to know what you think about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N** **:** Thank you all for the reviews. It's good to be back and to keep this story going.  
I want to thank blossom-of-snow for her excellent help with this story.

* * *

There was something comforting about working from home, Sharon thought as she went over documents Lieutenant Tao emailed hair earlier that morning. If possible, she was always preferred to work in her turf with minimal potential for interruptions, while she drank her morning coffee and munched on a trail mix. Most of the real work had to be done at the office, of course, but the change of scenery helped her focus on the case her team was working.

She was re-arranging a few documents on her desk when she heard the key turning in the lock, and the condo door opened. Rainie walked in, carrying her backpack on one shoulder. Sharon noticed that her daughter's makeup was slightly smeared and her shirt looked crumpled. If she didn't know any better, she would think Rainie had been fooling around with someone. However, as far as she knew, Rainie was coming back for work, several hours after she should have returned home.

"Rainie," she said and threw a glance at her watch. It was 6:30 a.m. "Are you just getting back from work? I thought Badge of Justice was finishing around midnight."

Rainie put down her backpack and mumbled something about scouting for locations until 3 a.m.

"You didn't think to call?" Sharon asked.

"I didn't want to wake you up." Rainie shrugged as she walked into the kitchen.

Sharon followed her, assuring Rainie that she never needed to worry about waking her up. "Are you at least having a good time?" Sharon asked.

Rainie opened one of the cupboards and took a glass out. "Yeah!" she called out. "It's, I mean – it's crazy, but the people are nice. And you know, the second AD, Jane, she said that I am the best set PA she's ever met."

Sharon offered Rainie a wide smile. She wasn't used to Rainie boasting about compliments she received from others. She was usually timid when it came to praise.

"She's a great girl – Jane – you'll like her a lot."

Sharon's smile grew wider as she listened to Rainie describe Jane. It was clear that her daughter had developed a crush on this Jane, whoever she was.

"Okay, good," she said when Rainie finally stopped talking. She had to leave for work now if she didn't want to get stuck in traffic. "It's only a few more months, right?" She asked as she walked out of the kitchen. "Rainie, are your college applications ready?"

"Not yet," Rainie replied, and Sharon groaned internally. "Thank you for reminding me. I'll take of it tomorrow… today. When I wake up," the girl replied and began walking down the hall.

Sharon was folding the documents on her desk when Rainie turned around.

"Uh, I was wondering," she said. "What would you think if I waited another year to apply for UCLA? Just because I think there are more opportunities I haven't considered."

"What kind of opportunities?" Sharon quirked an eyebrow.

"Jane said that I have a unique look and that she knows someone who's looking for a model for a few projects, but that would take place during the school year, you know?"

"Modeling?" Sharon looked at Rainie from top to bottom. Sure, the girl was pretty and probably had what it took to become a model, but the idea was so different than what Rainie had in mind for herself, and the modeling world did not seem safe for a girl with Rainie's past. She could be easily manipulated into doing so many things she would later regret, and Sharon didn't want her to go down that route.

"Yeah, you know, for makeup and clothes," Rainie said.

"Well, you are a beautiful girl, and I'm sure Jane is right about your potential, but to me, it always seemed like art is your passion and you have a better chance to get into UCLA this year. I'm not sure this chance will still be available next year, especially if you get distracted by something else."

"You know, Jane thinks modeling is art, too," Rainie replied.

"I'm sure she's right, but you make art of a different kind." Sharon tried to steer Rainie is a different direction.

"I could be diverse."

"You could, but modeling doesn't make for a great college application," Sharon said.

"That's kind of dismissive of you to say," Rainie replied. "Jane said that she did some modeling and it was a great time for her."

It was clear to Sharon that Rainie's crush on Jane was blocking the girl's view of the path she had drawn for herself. "Maybe we can appreciate Jane's perspective without letting it affect your plans," Sharon suggested.

"But what if my plans are all wrong for me?" Rainie wondered.

"From what I have seen, you have made these plans by capitalizing on your biggest strengths. I don't see how that could be wrong for you to pursue your talents."

"That sentence is way too complicated for me to understand when I'm so tired," Rainie groaned and stifled a yawn. "I'm going to bed."

"Okay, we'll talk about this later," Sharon offered her daughter a soft smile. "Good-night, sweetie." Shaking her head at the senseless nature of infatuations, she watched Rainie as she walked down the hall and went into her room.

* * *

Some murders seemed to have an obvious solution from the get-go. In those cases, it was easy to close the case and put the murderer away. Toby Cummings and Keisha Perry's stabbing seemed pretty easy to solve, except that some pieces have still not fallen into place. Sharon was sure that by the end of the weekend, the killer would be put away for life and therefore decided it was time to take a brief break and take care of a personal issue.

Lieutenant Tao was going over transcripts of Toby and Keisha's correspondences when Sharon walked up to his desk. As he saw her approaching, the lieutenant gave her a quick update of his progress. Sharon took the transcripts he handed her and circled his desk. She pulled the chair of the empty desk in front of him.

"Mike," she said, using his first name rather than his rank to indicate to him that their conversation was about to focus on matters of a more personal nature. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure," he replied.

She sat down in front of him. "Do you know an AD on Badge of Justice named Jane? Rainie was…"

"Jane Berrier," Mike cut her off. "Sure, she's a great person," he declared. "Oh, and you'll be happy to know she really likes Rainie."

"And how much?" A bashful smile formed on Sharon's lips. Secretly prying into her daughter's relationships was one thing, and doing it out in the open was another.

Mike hummed in confusion.

"How much does she really like Rainie?" Sharon wondered, bobbing her head from side to side in an attempt to make her lieutenant apply the meaning to her words on his own.

"Oh." Sharon could see the realization strike Mike.

"Oh," she confirmed.

"Umm, I don't know. Why?" Mike wondered.

"Well, because Rainie is suddenly thinking about postponing college and going into modeling because of something that Jane said," Sharon explained.

"I see," Mike said.

"I mean, I'm sure there's an easy fix to it without interfering in their friendship, if you could help me," she said, noticing the skeptic expression on her lieutenant's face.

Mike leaned forward and asked, "How?"

"Well, maybe you could hint to Jane that Rainie is young and impressionable and that it would be better for her to stick to the plans she's made," Sharon suggested.

"Captain, if I may ask," Mike started, and Sharon gave him a quick nod. "Why not let Rainie try her hand at modeling if it's something she's interested in?"

Sharon recalled in her mind that time, three years earlier when he was adamant about letting his son get his driver's license out of fear that it would distract him from his studies. Maybe he's softened since then if he made such a suggestion.

"With Rainie's past, putting her body on display just seems reckless and irresponsible, and she's too young to realize what this profession entails," Sharon replied.

"I see your point, and I will help you with this issue, of course," Mike said.

"But?" Sharon asked, knowing that Mike Tao hardly spoke so tacitly.

"At some point, you'll need to let Rainie make her own decisions," Mike advised her.

Sharon acknowledged his position with a nod and thanked him before they went back to work.

* * *

A yawn escaped Sharon as she unlocked the door to her condo. She had never expected her team to finish working so late on a case which seemed pretty straightforward, to begin with. She had counted on finishing her workday early and coming home to cook dinner for Rainie and her, but now it was too late for her to summon the energy it required. Thankfully, the team ordered pizza, and she gladly ate with them. She texted Rainie to order in whatever she wanted to eat.

Given that it was almost midnight, Sharon had not expected to find Rainie awake, but when she walked into the condo, her daughter was sitting in the living room in front of her laptop.

"You're home awfully late," she said when she noticed Sharon coming through the door.

"Well, thank you for waiting up for me," Sharon smiled. If there was something she loved about having a child still living at home, it was not having to come back to an empty condo.

"Yeah. I'm also – I'm choosing the artwork I want to submit in my portfolio to UCLA," Rainie shrugged.

"Oh," Sharon drew out the sound as she hung her coat and purse. "Well, that was a quick turnaround. What made you change your mind?" She asked as she began making her way towards the kitchen. When she asked Mike for his help with Jane, she never considered that a scenario where Rainie might find out about her little intervention was entirely plausible. Now the idea crossed her mind, and she began feeling her nerve ends tingling under her skin.

"Well, I went out with Jane and some of the other members of the crew to see a movie…"

"Which one?" she interjected, thinking of ways to postpone the guilt if Rainie ended up saying something about her involvement in whatever Jane had said to her.

Rainie said something about the film she went to see with her colleagues and Sharon headed straight for the wineglass cabinet and reached for the first glass she could find.

"But we went to Delancey's afterward, and I'm not sure how the subject came up exactly, but it turned out that Jane believes education for women is a fundamental social issue, and that if a woman has the chance to attend college, then she'd be crazy to give up that chance."

"Did she?" Sharon asked as she filled up her glass with Chardonnay.

"Yeah, and she mentioned something about how a model friend of hers once had a meltdown because she was sick and tired of how everyone's hands were always all over her to fix her hair or clothes. And that no one ever wanted to work with her afterward, even though it was perfectly within her right not to have people touching her without permission."

"That sounds like an unpleasant experience," Sharon commented. She wasn't a fan of scare tactics, but she was glad Rainie became aware of what was a big part of being a model.

"Yeah, and I thought – I don't like the idea of people touching me and not respecting it when I tell them off. And my best trait, besides my art, is being kinda smart, so I should probably – how did you say it – capitalize on my biggest strengths, and learn how to become professional at what I love doing," Rainie said.

Sharon hummed as she put the wine bottle back in the fridge. "You know, I think you're right about this Jane," she said. "She seems very socially aware and insightful."

"I guess seeing how famous people like John Worth are treated made me want to be a little like them, you know?" Rainie looked at Sharon over the backrest of the couch. "It looks like so much fun."

Sharon walked towards the couch, wine glass in hand, and took a seat next to her daughter. "Yeah, I can see why it could look like a glamorous and attractive lifestyle, but there are a lot of downsides to being famous."

"I can see that now," Rainie sighed.

Sharon took a sip of her wine and looked at her daughter, who still seemed to be struggling with the complications of fame. "I think one day you could become famous, but not for your looks or for your ability to stand still while people fix your hair and makeup, but for the stories you tell, for the emotions that you touch, and for the way you inspire people with your art and your writing."

"Do you think I could be that?" Rainie asked.

"That's what I meant by 'capitalizing on your biggest strengths,' Rainie. You have what it takes to influence people, and experimenting with other art forms could improve your technique and polish your skills. That's what it takes to make a great artist."

"How do you know I can do all that?" Rainie wondered.

"Because your art is how I learned to get to know you better. The wall in your room gave me insight into your thoughts and feelings, their depth and intensity. And then I saw your drawings, and how much they evolved. Those comic strips you've been creating recently – they're meaningful and more people should see them. Art school will not only improve your skills but also provide you the platform that you need to present your work and become known in your field."

"I never thought about it this way," Rainie said. "It sounds way better than modeling, to be honest."

"It does," Sharon said and took a sip of her wine.

"So you think I should include one of my comic strips in my portfolio?"

"Most definitely. I think you should include several types of art, to show your development and commitment to creating art," Sharon explained.

"Could you help me choose?" Rainie asked.

"Of course," Sharon replied.

Rainie motioned towards her laptop and Sharon leaned closer to look at the scans of her daughter's artwork. She was happy that Rainie changed her mind about modeling and decided to make the right decision, even if it was Sharon's meddling that influenced that choice. While Sharon kept in mind what Mike had said to her the other day about letting Rainie make her own decisions, she had no regrets about surreptitiously guiding her daughter in the right direction this time. No, not a single one – she thought as she emptied her wineglass.

-TBC-

* * *

 **As always, I'd love to know what you thought about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N** **:** I apologize for posting late. I stayed up to watch Eurovision, although I now feel (for the first time in 19 years) that it was not worth my time. I've been waiting to post this chapter because it gives a little pre-Shandy, but in a way I feel is more organic than what we've seen on the show, at least on Sharon's part. If you don't like Shandy, that's okay, be kind about it and respect it that I and many other people do, and move on. There will be plenty of non-Shandy content in the future of this story, and Rainie and Sharon's relationship will be explored, even within Shandy chapters. That said, I did mention before that I will follow canon except for season 6 which I'm planning to rewrite, or at least introduce a different issue for Sharon to deal with - one that will allow a happy ending.

I want to thank the awesome blossom-of-snow for being my incredible beta. I appreciate all your help with this story.

* * *

 _Several times a month._

The idea that she and Andy could ever be a couple sounded strange to Sharon. How could Rainie see anything more beyond the platonic – absolutely platonic – friendship between her and Lieutenant Flynn? Sharon made it a personal rule never to date co-workers. The few men she's dated during Jack's long absence from her life were completely unrelated to her work.

 _Several times a month._

Did it really look this way to people? Sharon recalled her conversation with Nicole in her office, where she asked her how she managed to work with the man she was dating. Sure, she and Andy spent a lot of time together after work. He accompanied her to events that she typically attended alone, and she was his plus one at several family gatherings, strictly as a buffer. Or a friend. It was nice to have a friend from work who could relate to the challenges of their lifestyle. There wasn't anything unusual about spending time with a colleague.

 _Several times a month._

Dating? The idea of entering a relationship terrified her. What little confidence she had about her ability to be in a romantic relationship was shattered away after Alfie's offensive rejection. The notion that she let another man use and discard her gnawed at her. She had poor taste in men, obviously, if she kept going down the self-destructive path of dating emotional abusers. No, it was better for her to stay out of the dating world.

 _Several times a mo – Enough!_

Sharon shoved her covers aside and rolled out of bed. If she didn't calm down, sleep would continue to evade her, and these thoughts would plague her all night. She walked to the kitchen, prepared herself a cup of tea, and took it to the living room, where she let her body sink into the couch. She closed her eyes as she brought the teacup close to her face. It was too hot to drink yet, but she inhaled the rich and earthy smell of the herbal infusion and enjoyed the warm steam that billowed around her face.

In moments of extreme insecurity, she usually called Alfie or knocked on Louisa's door, but now that her two closest friends were out of her life, Sharon had no one to bolster her mood. Andy had successfully filled that void, somehow, but she couldn't call him and ask him to lift her spirits about her dating life. He was clearly not neutral in this situation, and even though she knew that she should still be angry with him for misleading his family about the nature of their relationship, the anger was short and fleeting. His smile, his humor, the kindness of his heart made it impossible to stay mad at him for too long. She didn't realize how alone she felt without a friend who could give her a piece of honest and useful advice based on their long acquaintance.

"What are you doing up?" Sharon saw Rainie coming down the hall.

"Nothing, just having some tea," Sharon replied.

"If it's any comfort, I can't get any sleep either," Rainie said as he walked to the kitchen and prepared herself a cup of tea too.

"It's not," Sharon declared. "What's bothering you?"

"Nothing serious, don't worry," Rainie assured her. "What's going on with you?"

"Too many thoughts," Sharon admitted.

"You could share them with me," Rainie suggested and carefully descended on the couch, cradling her teacup in her palms.

"Oh, I don't know…" Sharon shrugged and brought her cup to her lips. She took a tentative sip to see if the tea has cooled down a bit.

"Is it about what I said to you earlier?" Rainie asked.

Sharon hummed noncommittally. She was always surprised by Rainie's perception, although she should have gotten used to it by now. Sharon always assumed her wisdom stemmed from a survival instinct that helped her detect the first sign of trouble. Sharon was happy to see Rainie was put that ability to good use, by listening and trying to help her loved ones.

"I was just joking about that," Rainie said.

"I know," Sharon replied.

"So, why are you so upset about it?"

Sharon shrugged.

"Come on, Sharon. I'm a good listener; you know that." Rainie encouraged her.

"I'm just pretty bad at dating, that's all," Sharon played down her thoughts.

"What do you mean?"

"Just that I always pick the wrong men to date," Sharon replied.

"Are you referring to Alfie?" Rainie inquired.

"I didn't date Alfie," Sharon answered.

"Maybe you didn't call it dates, but that's what it looked like," Rainie indicated. "What happened between you two? Why don't you talk to each other anymore?"

"Alfie was just not the person I thought he was," Sharon replied.

"I thought you'd known him your whole life," Rainie said.

"So did I," Sharon sighed. "He just… It turned out that he took me for granted, and it felt horrible."

"Took you for granted how?"

Sharon now realized that Rainie's curiosity about her and Alfie's relationship still hasn't waned. She couldn't blame her. Alfie was a strange presence in her life, a hybrid between her childhood and adulthood. She could see how Rainie would find the relationship interesting.

"He gave me a specific impression, and then took it back without telling me," she replied, hoping that just for once, Rainie won't ask any more questions.

"So, that means you got together and then broke up?"

Sharon hummed affirmatively, grateful that Rainie's final question did not require further elaboration.

"I didn't realize you had, like, real feelings for him," Rainie said.

"It wasn't that. It was our compatibility and the physical attraction that made me think that a relationship between us was possible." Sharon's cheeks turned red as she realized that she was talking to her daughter about her love life. "And him saying the same thing to me… anyway, he changed his mind the following day."

"He's a grade-A jerk," Rainie declared. "I bet he didn't mind sleeping with you before he took it back."

Sharon took a sip of her tea to avoid providing her daughter any kind of response on that matter.

"Well, screw him. It's his loss, Sharon," Rainie said. "And long distance relationships sound very stressful. Who would want to see the person they're dating only once every few weeks, right?"

"I didn't even think of that. We never got that far," Sharon admitted. The fact that she never considered the idea of how a long distance relationship with Alfie would work was a testimony to her short-term planning as far as relationships went. In fact, the first time they broke up, it was because she went to study in Los Angeles and they didn't think their relationship would survive the distance.

"Well, now you don't have to," Rainie said. "But if you want to date anyone, I can think of one valid option."

"Andy and I are not dating," Sharon insisted.

"You know, Sharon, I think your problem is not that you're bad at choosing dating partners, but that you can't recognize when you're actually dating a person and when you're not," Rainie pointed out.

"I'm not that oblivious. If I dated anyone, I would know," Sharon replied.

"Well, your friendship with Andy looks like more than that, and it appears that Nicole and I were not the only ones who were fooled. It seems like Andy was under that impression as well," Rainie said.

"Misrepresenting our friendship to his family and then believing his own lies does not make this dating," Sharon argued.

"Why not?"

"First of all, because in order to date someone, both sides need to know and agree to a date," Sharon replied.

"So, all he needs to do is ask you out?"

"Things are not that simple, Rainie. First of all, I don't date co-workers," Sharon declared. "And secondly, I just got divorced a few weeks ago, and I am not ready to date."

"Fair enough," Rainie said. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm sure Andy is feeling just as confused about tonight as you are."

"Why would he be?"

"Because if he convinced himself that you're dating, only to realize that you don't, it would probably feel like the ground is a bit shaky under his feet."

"So what?" Sharon shrugged. "It's a mess he created for himself." He wasn't getting off the hook that easily.

"That might be true, but maybe he needs help finding his footing again, and understanding where the two of you stand with each other could help him," Rainie noted.

"So what you're saying is that Andy and I should talk about us not dating?" Sharon looked at her daughter with confusion. Why would she and Andy need to talk about that, of all subjects? Why can't tonight serve as a clear enough indication to Andy that Sharon was not his girlfriend?

"Yes, because even if you don't want to date him, you still need a friend, now that you don't talk to Alfie anymore," Rainie said.

Sharon contemplated the idea as she drained the last drops of tea from her cup. Rainie wasn't wrong. Andy may have done a pretty messed up thing, but it wasn't anything close to what Alfie has done, and she was more than willing to forgive him if they could resume their friendship. She wasn't sure if she'll ever be open to the idea of dating Andy Flynn, but she liked his company and craved it. She may have a rule about dating colleagues, but she didn't have a rule about befriending them.

-TBC-

* * *

 **As always, I'd love to know your thoughts about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N** **:** It always amuses me when I post a Christmas chapter long after the holiday season is over, but I love Christmas all year round, so I don't mind. This chapter is longer than usual and has quite a few different things happening in it: it gives closure to Sharon and Alfie's relationship, marks some Raydor-Beck family milestones and lays the foundations to Sharon and Andy's friendship. I know not everyone likes Shandy, and that's fine, but since this story uses the show's plot as a guideline, then it makes sense to provide more info about Sharon's personal life than the show has given us and Andy is very much part of that. Also, I'm a Shandy shipper, so there's that too. But then again, it's not even the main focus of this chapter, so I hope every reader finds something they connect to.

I want to thank the awesome blossom-of-snow for helping me tremendously with this story.

* * *

Sharon fastened the skirt around the Christmas tree trunk and then plugged the lights into the wall socket. She stepped back and admired the tree. She got a good one this year, big, with thick foliage and a fresh look. She hadn't hung the decorations yet. Emily and Ricky would be home in just two weeks, and she decided to leave the decorations for them. Considering the fact that in the past two years Rainie was not enthusiastic about Christmas, Sharon wasn't sure her youngest daughter would be into this, even though she thought it was a good chance for all three siblings to bond.

"It looks great." Rainie's voice behind her startled her.

"Thank you," Sharon said. "I can't wait until Christmas."

"For the first time, I can't either," Rainie admitted. "I can't believe I said it."

"My sense of occasion is rubbing off on you after all." Sharon smiled and bumped Rainie's shoulder playfully.

Rainie opened her mouth to say something when they heard a knock on the door.

Sharon threw a glance at her watch. It was almost 7:00 p.m. "Are you expecting anyone?" she asked Rainie, who shook her head. She walked to the door and peeked through the peephole. "Who is it?" she asked.

"I have flowers for Sharon O'Dwyer," the person on the other side of the door said and lifted the bouquet he was holding in front of the peephole.

Sharon opened the door. The delivery guy handed her a beautiful bouquet of blue Dendrobium orchids. She signed for the delivery, and he left.

"Wow, these are amazing, Sharon," Rainie called out as Sharon carried the flowers to the kitchen to look for a vase. "Who sent them?"

Sharon filled a vase with water before placing the flowers inside and looking for a note. Rainie was right; these flowers were exotic and incredibly beautiful.

"Are you dating anyone or something?" Rainie asked curiously.

"No," Sharon said and opened the card that was attached to the bouquet.

 _Dear Sharon,_

 _I can't stop thinking about the way you left._

 _You've always been so kind to me, and you do not deserve that treatment from anyone, especially not from me. My behavior was unacceptable, and I know that I hurt your feelings._

 _I long to hear your warm voice and see your beautiful eyes. I value your friendship more than anything, and I ask for your forgiveness._

 _I love you and miss you,_

 _Alfie_

Sharon looked at the note and then at the flowers.

"These aren't from Jack, are they?" Rainie wondered.

Sharon swallowed hard. "No," she replied quietly and placed a hand over her heart. It was beating wildly in her chest. "They're from Alfie."

"Are you talking to him again?" Rainie asked.

"No," Sharon replied and handed her daughter the note. Her hands were too shaky to keep holding it. She couldn't deny that the flowers were stunning, but they could not compensate for Alfie's behavior, nor could his apology, heartfelt as it was.

"That's actually really sweet," Rainie said after reading the card. "Are you going to forgive him?"

"No," Sharon replied. "You can have the flowers if you like them, otherwise, please throw them away." Sharon left the kitchen and walked towards the balcony, hoping fresh air would alleviate the tension in her chest.

"That's a bit harsh, don't you think?" Rainie called out after her.

"You think that's harsh? Misleading a woman just to get her into bed is harsh," Sharon retorted. She slid the balcony door open and went outside before she revealed any additional information in her ire.

The cool December air hit her face and brought tears to her eyes. Alfie had tried contacting several times since she left New York, and while she knew that he must be hurting, she wasn't willing to indulge him. What he had done was disrespectful to her feelings and body, and even a few weeks' distance couldn't erase her shame. Every time he sent her a text message or tried to call, she felt the urgent need to go shower in scalding water. Of course, she missed her best friend, but she also recognized how unhealthy the friendship had been. What had she told Andy? _A little relationship clarity could do us all some good._ She'd had her fair share lately.

The tears began rolling down her cheeks as she stared into the evening sky and the thick layer of smog that covered Los Angeles.

"Sharon?" Rainie stepped onto the balcony and handed her a cup of herbal tea.

Sharon took the offered cup and sniffled.

"What Alfie did was really shitty," Rainie said. "I'm sorry I took his side. You have every right to be angry at him."

"I'm sorry for snapping at you," Sharon replied. "The whole Alfie thing – it just really hurts."

"I know," Rainie wrapped her arm around Sharon's shoulders. "It probably feels weird, but if you wanna talk about it, I am here."

For a moment, Sharon wondered when she and Rainie traded places. In many ways, Rainie still needed her, but in recent months, Sharon noticed how much her daughter had grown emotionally. She was capable of not only receiving support but also providing it to others. Still, she contemplated if it was responsible to burden Rainie with her problems.

"I'm okay," she said. Her emotions about Alfie were too complex to drop on Rainie's shoulders and too deep for Sharon to work through right now.

"You don't have to always pretend you're so strong," Rainie said. "You have the right to fall apart every once in a while."

Sharon shook her head and grinned through her tears. It sounded like these were her words coming out of Rainie's throat.

"I love you so much, sweetheart, but I don't want to talk about this," Sharon said and wiped her tears. "Thank you for your support, and the tea."

"Whatever I can do to help," Rainie replied. "Do you need some time alone?"

"Yes, darling. Thank you," Sharon said.

Rainie squeezed her shoulder gently before going back into the living room.

Sharon took a deep breath of cold air and exhaled slowly, trying to focus on the positive things in her life: her children, her job, and the upcoming holidays. When she finished her tea, she went back into the living room, where she spent a few minutes admiring the Christmas tree and let its brightness chase away her negative thoughts.

A glance towards the kitchen was enough for her to notice that the flowers were gone. She wasn't sure if Rainie threw them away or took them for herself, but she was happy that there was no sign of Alfie within her line of sight. She knew she would have to face her emotions about him at some point, but it was too soon, and she was not ready.

Her worries changed soon enough when Rainie's interest in her colleague Jane began to grow. Sharon was happy that her daughter had friends at work, but Jane was eight years older than Rainie, and Sharon was uncomfortable with the age difference. She did not mind seeing Rainie form a romantic relationship with someone, but she just wished it was with someone closer to her age that would be at the same stage of emotional development. Still, she didn't want to do something that would harm the relationship, especially since she knew so little about it. She'd never been the controlling mother who told her children who to date or befriend. She counted on them to make sensible choices, but when they didn't, she treated them like adults and hoped that they'd listen to her advice. Her mothering style seemed to work well with Emily and Ricky. With Rainie it was hit or miss; while she seemed to value Sharon's advice, she also tended to ignore them or go about them the wrong way. Sharon knew that out of all her children, Rainie was the one who struggled the most. She couldn't blame her. Rainie's upbringing was different and much more difficult than Emily and Ricky's.

When Rainie walked into Sharon's office after dropping Jane at the airport, Sharon could tell by the sullen look on her daughter's face that things did not go well with Jane. The night before, Rainie confessed to her that she had a crush on Jane and Sharon encouraged her to ask Jane out on a date. Seeing her, some twenty-four hours later, sinking heavily into the office chair in front of her, it was easy to guess what happened.

"I'm too young for her," Rainie sighed. "And she doesn't date her underlings or superiors."

"I'm sorry," Sharon said.

"I thought she liked me too, you know? She said I was pretty and fun. I thought that if she complimented me, it meant that she wanted more than just being friends." Rainie's voice broke. "And when she gets back from her winter vacation, we'll have to work together. That's so embarrassing."

"The people we like don't always like us back, I know, but as soon as you deal with the truth, the sooner you can move on," Sharon replied.

"Yeah, but, like, moving on is the hardest part," Rainie said.

"Not moving on can be harder," Sharon said.

"You haven't moved on from Alfie," Rainie stated.

Boy, did she have to throw the painful facts in people's faces?

"That's different," Sharon replied.

"Whatever," Rainie sulked.

"What I'm trying to say is that I know how you feel, and I sympathize. And if there's something that I can do to help, let me know."

"Ice cream would help. Junk food, too," Rainie mumbled.

"Ice cream and junk food – I can do that," Sharon said. She pushed her chair back and collected her belongings as Rainie did the same.

They spent the evening watching brainless rom-coms and eating any unhealthy food they could get their hands on. Despite the sugar rush and the greasy food that usually hindered her sleep, Rainie fell asleep on the couch before 11:00 p.m. Sharon turned off the television and collected the candies, ice cream and pizza leftovers from the coffee table. After throwing everything away, she covered Rainie with a throw blanket and turned the lights in the living room off.

As she crawled into bed several minutes later, Sharon couldn't help but think about what Rainie said to her earlier. The girl was right; she hadn't moved on from Alfie. She was just holding on to her anger and hurt. She needed to let it go, somehow, but she didn't know how to put behind her a life-long friendship or the betrayal that overwhelmed her every time she thought about Alfie.

Grabbing her phone, she dialed his number. She knew it was late at night in New York, but since it'd been a few months since she stopped talking to Alfie, this call was long overdue.

Alfie picked up the phone fast. "Shay, I'm so happy to hear your voice."

"Alfie, we need to have a serious conversation," Sharon decided to cut straight to the chase.

"Look, I'm really sorry about what happened when you were here. The way I behaved was unfair to you, and –"

"Alfie," Sharon cut him off. "I got your flowers and read your apology. I don't need to hear it again. What you did – assuming that I would just sleep with you, making promises you never intended to keep – you used me. And it feels horrible, even after all this time. You knew what Jack did to me, and then you went and did the same thing, and I am all out of forgiveness."

"Shay – "

"Let me finish, please," Sharon insisted. "We've been dancing the line between friends and lovers for too long, and we've blocked each other's view of other options. I think it's time for both of us to find different circles of friends, and move on from each other, completely."

"So what you're saying is you want to part ways, forever?" Alfie asked.

"Yes," Sharon replied.

"I'd be sad to do that," Alfie admitted.

"I won't. We've been stuck in the past, and I want to explore my future. I can't do it with you, or your shadow lingering over me. And you can't either." It hurt, and she wasn't sure if she meant it, but clean breaks had been working for her lately.

"If this is what you want," Alfie relented. "As long as you'll tell me you know how much I love you."

"I know," Sharon replied.

"Good. Never forget that, okay?"

"Okay," Sharon reassured him. "Good luck, Alfie."

"Good luck, Shay," he said, and Sharon hung up the call.

After that conversation, the hurt and anger she had for Alfie disappeared, and it seemed that Rainie has also managed to move on from Jane. The following week, Emily and Ricky flew in from New York and San Francisco, and the joy that filled Sharon's heart to have all her children under one roof was enough to make her forget every negative thing that ever happened to her in her life. Even having two dead Santas in the morgue didn't do anything more than make her think of postponing her Christmas party.

"So, ummm, what does Rainie like, besides drawing and high fashion?" Emily asked when they went Christmas shopping at The Grove.

"She's into yoga, and there's this band that she really likes – Picnic at the Disco?"

"Panic! At the Disco…" Emily burst into laughter.

"Yeah, that one. And I think she's reading Harry Potter nowadays," Sharon added.

"Oh, cool. Which house was she sorted into?" Emily asked.

Sharon looked at her daughter in confusion. She had no idea what that even meant.

"Okay, what would be the most prominent quality about Rainie: brave, smart, ambitious or loyal?"

"I'd say she's all of those," Sharon still felt confused. She wasn't sure why Harry Potter houses were so important.

"I know, but if you had to pick the one that represents her the best, what would you say?" Emily insisted.

"Umm, I think she's really courageous," Sharon replied.

"Then she's most definitely a Gryffindor," Emily declared. "You're a Ravenclaw, by the way."

"I'm what?" Sharon felt like she was in the Twilight Zone.

"Okay, in Hogwarts – that's the school in the Harry Potter books – the students are sorted into four houses based on their most prominent qualities." Emily went on to explain about the houses.

"So I'm a Ravenpuff?" Sharon looked at her, and she could tell her daughter was choking back a giggle.

"Ravenclaw, and that's because you're really intelligent," Emily said. "Ricky is definitely in Slytherin," she added.

"Okay," Sharon tried to follow. She remembered her children reading Harry Potter back in the early 2000s, but she never found the time to read it herself.

"And I'm in Hufflepuff because loyalty is my leading quality," Emily explained.

"Okay, I think I get it," Sharon replied.

"Anyway, since Rainie is in Gryffindor, I think that I could buy her some house merchandise," Emily said. "They have a wonderful Harry Potter collection at the Pottery Barn."

Sharon nodded, and they headed to Pottery Barn where Emily picked Rainie a Gryffindor tumbler, a snitch ornament for the tree, and Gryffindor bed set. Knowing the store was pretty upscale, and that Emily probably didn't make enough to splurge like that, Sharon offered to split the bill with her, but Emily claimed that she wanted to give Rainie something big, to make her feel welcome since it was their first time spending the holidays together.

Despite of having all her children home for the holidays, Sharon was a bit disappointed when she realized that a murder ruined her Christmas party. She was delighted when Andy surprised her by conspiring with her children to relocate the party to the break room. Ricky even hauled up the Christmas village that added extra festivity to the already decorated break room. As she leaned closer to inspect the village, she noticed a small green gift box laying between the houses. When Flynn appeared by her side and urged her to open it, she knew it was his doing. He gave her an angel ornament, and she felt a little bad about not buying him anything, and overwhelmed that he would do something so nice for her. The emotions about the impromptu Christmas party he threw together and the gift flooded her, and she had to divert her attention elsewhere before she made a fool of herself. From the corner of her eye, she spotted Rainie and Ricky discussing something outside the breakroom, and quickly excused herself to go and drag them into the room. Her excitement grew even stronger when Emily surprised her with the news of her promotion to soloist. She couldn't contain herself. This was one of the best Christmases she's ever had.

Saying goodbye to her children after New Year's was never easy, but she was happy that both of them were able to spend a whole week at home. Much to Sharon's relief, the two of them grew closer to Rainie over the course of their visit. Her youngest daughter seemed at ease around them, and she could tell that her bond with each of her older siblings was different. With Ricky, the bond was based on humor and faux-bickering, while Emily took a more nurturing approach to her little sister. Sharon could also tell that Emily was captivated by Rainie's hair, and jokingly called her Weasley, whatever that meant. Ricky joined in on that joke, and it appeared that Rainie was on board with their teasing. However, now that the holidays were over, it was time for all of them to return to work. As soon as Emily and Ricky returned to their lives, Sharon felt the pang of longing. At least she still had Rainie with her.

Sharon found that it was nice to dive back into work. She enjoyed her holiday, but a few days away from her team felt like being away from family too. Her team seemed relaxed and content, and Sharon realized how overworked they must have been and how much they needed the holiday.

The new case they landed seemed to be a fairly easy one to solve; a murder-suicide of an elderly couple. It was sad, but when she and her team interviewed the couple's family and friends, they discovered what a loving couple they were. After Dr. Morales handed in his final report that stated that the wife was in a terminal stage of cancer and that the husband has put her out of her misery with sleeping pills before overdosing on them as well, Sharon couldn't feel anything but empathy for the couple. The thought about losing each other after spending nearly sixty years together must have been unbearable. Sharon was going over Lieutenant Provenza's final report when Andy knocked on the door, and then went into her office.

"Everyone's leaving, and I wondered if you had any dinner plans," he said.

"No, actually. Why, did you have anything in mind?" she asked her lieutenant.

"Well, there's this new place I wanted to try. Do you like Indian food?"

"I do," Sharon said and closed the file she was reading. She gathered her belongings and followed her Lieutenant out of the office. As they rode down the elevator, she remembered the night she called Alfie to tell him that she wanted to end their friendship, in order to move on. She was sure now that she made the right call. She could now create healthy adult relationships with people she'd been acquainted with for years but never trusted enough to get to know. Andy was definitely one of them.

"Is something funny?" Andy asked her, and Sharon realized that she was smiling to herself.

"No, not at all. I was just thinking how happy I am that we're friends."

-TBC-

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 **As always, I'd love to know your thoughts about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	36. Chapter 36

Sharon's heavy steps echoed as she walked the short distance from electronics to the conference room. If the last seventy-two hours had been a nightmare, the last twenty-four hours had been absolute hell. As if Julio's situation was not bad enough, every drop of wine she had had been consumed by the man who was standing just outside the conference room and waiting to talk to her. After a few days of extreme stress both in the personal and professional aspects of her life, she dreaded this conversation. Jack was there, and he wanted to explain his behavior, again. Even though she knew that she didn't have to listen to him, she also didn't want to ignore him. Jack was still the father of two of her children, and she wanted to make sure this incident would not affect Emily and Ricky.

"I'm sorry." Jack cut straight to the chase. "What I did was really stupid, and I want to apologize both for the inconvenience and especially for the incivility."

These words didn't really affect Sharon anymore. She'd heard it all before, dozens of times. "Okay." She acknowledged his apology. "And I hope that you will work your way back to sobriety because what I saw earlier will not fly with Ricky and Emily," she warned. Jack had hurt their children too many times already, and now that they could make their own choices, it was impossible for her to control their interactions with their father. Still, she wanted to make sure that Jack knew that being drunk around their kids would have unpleasant consequences.

"Yeah, as a matter of fact, after I leave here, I'm going to an AA meeting," Jack informed her.

Sharon knew that even now, after so many years of sobriety trashed by one epic slip, Jack's word could not be trusted. Still, she hoped, for the sake of their children, that Jack would put every effort into regaining and maintaining his sobriety.

"And there's this." Jack handed her a brown envelop. By the size and shape, she could tell it was full of bills.

She shook her head. She didn't want his money. All she wanted was for him to do what it took to avoid drinking ever again.

"Not gambling money," Jack said. "No. It's money I won in the settlement against the LAPD –"

Sharon couldn't look into his eyes. His good intentions always fared worse than his harsh and hurtful words. She could withstand insults and vulgarity, but she could not ignore the depth of his pain when he realized just how badly he messed up. She turned her gaze sideways, feeling her composure slipping away from her as she did.

"And I know it's not nearly what I owe you, but it's honestly got. And you deserve it."

Sharon swallowed hard as she avoided Jack's eyes again. She could almost feel his anguish.

"Use it for our kids, and I really hope you consider to see me again one day soon when I'm in better shape." Jack diverted his gaze, and Sharon could sense his shame.

The emotions that Jack's relapse evoked in her, combined with the emotions he emitted while standing in front of her and delivering one of his most heartfelt and truthful apologies, flooded her. If she didn't leave the room, Sharon knew that she would burst into tears.

"We'll see," she said noncommittally. "Take care, Jack."

"You too, Sharon. You too – Sharon?" The urgency in his voice when he said her name made her turn around. "I'm so sorry." He was on the verge of tears as well. "I'm so sorry that I took so much for granted." Seeing him try to blink his tears away was heartbreaking. His apologies were always the hardest part about walking away from him, but she had to stand her ground. This time, Jack's issues were no longer her problem. She reminded herself that she would have to let him go through this on his own as she stepped away from him and into another emotionally wrecking meeting with Sergeant Staples, Julio and Sergeant Provenza about Julio's future in the department.

She was relieved to walk through the door of her Jack-free condo about two hours later. Her energy levels were at an all-time low, and her capacity to keep her emotions in check dissolved as soon as she returned to her safe space.

Kicking her shoes off, she let herself flop on the couch like a ragdoll, feeling all the emotions she compartmentalized during the day flooding her at once.

The sound of the keys being turned in the lock startled her, and when she threw a glance at her watch, she realized that it was almost 10:00 p.m. and Rainie was getting back from work. The sight of her daughter walking through the door added panic to her stewing sentiments. Seeing Jack drunk must have triggered unhappy memories for Rainie too, and Sharon realized those needed to be addressed tonight, no matter how tired Sharon was.

"Oh, my God, that was such a long day." Rainie crashed on the couch by her mother's side.

"It was," Sharon nudged Rainie's discarded backpack off her foot.

"How's Julio doing? Did you clear him?" Rainie pulled her hair out of her ponytail.

"We did. He will need anger management sessions, but I think if he puts enough effort into it, he will eventually be fine," Sharon said.

"I'm glad. Julio is a good guy."

Sharon nodded and tucked a few of Rainie's curls behind her ear. Rainie was a bit paler than usual, and Sharon could see dark circles under her eyes. Working such long hours on _Badge of Justice_ had begun to take its toll on the girl. Even though she wasn't sure Rainie was ready for an emotionally loaded conversation, she needed to discuss the issue of Jack tonight, before any emotional doubts took root.

"Rainie," she said softly. "I know it's late, but I want to talk to you about something."

Rainie hummed, rubbing her eyes.

"Last night when we tried to get Jack to leave," Sharon said. "And you insisted I should go back to work – it made me uncomfortable."

"Why?" Rainie's eyes widened like she didn't expect her helpfulness to backfire this way.

"I've been dealing with Jack's addiction for most of my adulthood, and the trauma of going through that is easily triggered in me. Leaving you with him, knowing about your childhood experiences with addicts, made me feel like I was putting you in harm's way," Sharon admitted.

"But I'm fine, Sharon," Rainie said.

"I know, but emotionally, seeing Jack drunk and behaving like he did, I'm sure wasn't easy for you."

"It wasn't hard for me seeing him that way, Sharon. What was really hard was seeing you when he said those horrible things to you," Rainie explained. "I know you've heard it all before, and that you think you're immune to the things he says, but he hurt you, and I could see it. I didn't want you to have to deal with it again."

"It's kind of you, but I –"

Rainie cut her off. "Sharon, Jack is bad, but it only hurts you because you loved him. That's what makes him dangerous, but I don't have any emotional connection to him. He's just a sloppy drunk to me. If you're worried about traumatizing me, then know that I'm fine, and you should not feel guilty about letting me help you."

Silence spread between them for a long moment as Sharon took in Rainie's words, sifting through the truth and the guilt.

"Sharon, have you ever attended Al-Anon?" Rainie wondered.

"No," The idea of having to tell others about her experiences with her father's and ex-husband's addiction was almost as scary as reliving the helplessness she felt to stop her loved ones from turning to the bottle.

"Dr. Joe recommended that I attend support groups last year," Rainie said. "I started going to a Nar-Anon group, and later on, I joined a support group for survivors of sexual abuse. It's not easy to talk about it, but it helps, because I've learned ways to cope with everything that happened to me, and it helps me keep my head above the water."

"You didn't tell me that you were attending support groups," Sharon said. For the millionth time, she wished she could take away her daughter's pain.

"The pain that I felt about everything that happened to me controlled and paralyzed me, and I wanted to be able to take the power back into my hands," Rainie explained. "I think it's helping me."

Sharon closed her eyes and took a deep breath. The courage that it would take for Sharon to go into one of those meetings, to talk about the verbal and emotional abuse she endured from men who were supposed to love her, would be immense. She wasn't sure she was ready to tackle those memories, or that she would ever be.

"Thank you, Rainie, I'll consider it."

"Whatever you decide to do, know that I'm always going to be here, Sharon." Rainie took her hand and squeezed it. "We're family, and whatever happens, we stick together. Isn't that what you always say?"

"It is," Sharon replied. "I love you, sweetheart. You're such a brave girl. I wish I could be more like you."

"You're plenty brave, Sharon, just a different kind of brave," Rainie replied and wrapped her arms around Sharon's shoulders. "And I love you too, more than anything and anyone."

Sharon wasn't sure she would ever be ready to dig in the festering wound of being the daughter and ex-wife of alcoholics. Although neither of them physically hurt her, the damage their words inflicted upon her soul was no lesser. Her comfort was the notion that regardless of her choice, she could always count on her children and the values she instilled in them to circle back around when she was the one who needed a hug. If Rainie already knew it, then Sharon was sure her older children knew it too, and it gave her the sense of relief she craved, at least for tonight.

-TBC-

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 **As always, I'd love to know what you thought about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N** **:** To me, one of the most traumatic plots in MC was Philip Stroh's escape, especially after they said on the show that he was probably hiding in Cyprus which is only a short flight from where I live. I know he's a fictional character, but Billy Burke did such a great job portraying him that I found it threatening nevertheless. Also, Stroh's escape reminded me of a nationally-known serial rapist who was active in my area when I was a child. He attacked young girls and adult women, and I remember always looking over my shoulder when I walked down the street and the constant fear I felt. A decade after he was captured, he escaped from prison, which brought back all those feelings. He was caught three weeks later and had time added to his sentence so he won't be out anytime soon, but the similarity between Stroh and him touched the same emotions in me. So when I wrote about Sharon's reaction in this chapter, while some of it was depicted in the show, I also injected a lot of my own experience. Call it therapy, if you will.

And on a lighter topic, I'd like to thank blossom-of-snow for keeping up with this story, always giving me useful advice and being damn good at editing. Love you, sis!

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For Sharon Raydor, helplessness was a peculiar and unfamiliar feeling. In almost every situation in her life, there was always something that could be done, a remedy that could be found or an action that could be taken. The well-planned and perfectly executed escape of Philip Stroh initially seemed manageable. Sharon was sure that he'd be caught, if not after a few hours, then maybe a few days. When hours turned into days and weeks into months, the feelings of helplessness, terror, and alarm set under her skin, making her uncomfortable in her own body.

Rainie turning down a security detail made Sharon feel even less safe, and Sharon found herself frequenting the shooting range, just to make sure that should the elusive Philip Stroh, or one of his accomplices show up on her doorstep, she'd be quick enough to end him right there and then.

The many sleepless nights affected Sharon's body in many different ways. Her hair lost its luster, her eyesight became bleary, her skin paled, her appetite waned, and her shoulders slumped a little more with the weight of every passing day. She withdrew from what little social life she had to guard the fort, and spent most of her free time reviewing the investigation files, looking for clues for where Stroh may have fled and what his plan may be. Lying to Rainie about the undercover security detail also made her feel choked. She hated deceiving Rainie, but she felt that it was necessary to guarantee her daughter's safety.

Anxiety was consuming, and while some days Sharon felt like she was close to a breaking point, seeing Rainie able to walk around, go to work, and spend time with her friends like any normal girl her age was Sharon's silver lining.

Sharon realized just how frayed her ends were when Rainie bounded up to her with a big white envelope that came in the mail.

"Sharon, look!" Rainie gasped, and Sharon could see the fear in her daughter's eyes. The girl handed her the envelope, and Sharon exhaled in relief. It was a letter from UCLA Art School. "I don't think I have the guts to open it." Rainie's front teeth burrowed into her bottom lip. "Can you do it for me?"

"Are you sure? This is a moment you might want to remember."

"I'm sure. Go ahead, please." Rainie bit her fingernails and stared down the possibility of a future.

Sharon carefully opened the envelope and took the letter out. Her eyes quickly skimmed over the first few lines until she reached the words she was searching for.

"What does it say?"

"You got in, Rainie!" Sharon squealed. "You got into art school!"

Tears sprung out of Rainie eyes as Sharon handed her the letter so she could read it for herself. She wrapped her arms around Sharon who pressed a soft kiss to the crown of her daughter's head.

"Thank you, Sharon. None of this would have been possible without your help," Rainie said, wiping her tears with her fingertips.

"It's your talent, sweetheart. Own it, because that's what got you in," Sharon replied.

"I'm serious, Sharon. I never allowed myself to imagine anything good for myself before you. You gave me everything that I needed to get to this moment, and I am so thankful to you. You can't even imagine."

Sharon smiled at her daughter. This was proof for Rainie that hard work and tenacity paid off, and she hoped that Rainie would enjoy her time in college just as much as Sharon enjoyed hers. In the meantime, there were still several more months before school started, and two more months until Rainie finished working on the set of _Badge of Justice_.

The happiness Sharon felt was short-lived. As soon as the realization struck her that attending college would make it so much easier for Philip Stroh to harm Rainie, she knew sleep would evade her further. On _Badge of Justice_ , security was tighter. However, at UCLA, Rainie would be completely exposed, and any of Stroh's accomplices would be able to get to her easily.

Sharon spent the night trying to figure out how to implement Rainie's undercover security detail at UCLA. She didn't care that the next school year was months away; one could not be over-prepared.

She could barely get out of bed the following morning, and the feeling of grogginess and dizziness accompanied her all day long. When Lieutenant Provenza shook her awake after she fell asleep on her desk, she realized just how exhausted she felt.

"I don't know what it is, Captain, but it seems to me that you should go home and get some rest," Provenza said to her. He was always direct, but this time he was right. She was not able to function in this situation, and if Stroh or one of his accomplices decided to take action against her, she would be too disoriented to take a good shot at him. Maybe that was what he was trying to do, she thought. Maybe Stroh was trying to attrite her, so she loses her focus and makes bad decisions out of stress and fear. Realizing just how badly she needed to pull herself together, Sharon decided to take Provenza's not-so-subtle advice and leave work early.

As soon as she walked through the condo door, Sharon knew that something was wrong. There were clothes scattered on the floor of the living room and down the hall, and some items on her desk were thrown on the floor. Goosebumps formed on her skin, and a chill went down her spine. As she walked down the hall, gun in hand, she caught a weak whiff of an unfamiliar scent that became stronger as she came nearer to Rainie's room. A loud bang coming from inside the room made her jump, and her pulse quickened. Whoever was in her house, they were in Rainie's room, and if they were waiting for her daughter to come home so they could tackle and harm her, they were about the regret it. With this thought in mind, Sharon kicked the door open and burst into the room, ready to shoot the perpetrator, when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

Her eyes snapped open at once, and she found herself looking into Rainie's eyes. It took her a moment to regulate her breath and understand that she was lying on the couch in her spotless living room.

"Sharon, are you okay?" Rainie asked her softly.

"I guess," she replied and sat up, feeling her head spin as she did. "I had a nightmare, that's all."

"Yeah, you had a terrified expression on your face," Rainie said.

"Thanks for waking me up," Sharon smiled at her daughter, who was standing before her safe and sound. "I'm not even sure when I fell asleep." She threw a glance at her watch. It was almost 3:00 a.m. "What are you still doing awake?"

"I was too excited about UCLA to fall asleep," Rainie said. "I'm so happy."

Sharon smiled. No matter how scared she was for Rainie's safety and how haunted her dreams were by Philip Stroh's escape, Sharon was still proud of her daughter.

"You know, it seems like we both have issues with our sleep tonight. Do you think that it might be helpful if you came to sleep in my bed?" she suggested.

"Sure, maybe sleeping next to you will help me calm down enough to fall asleep," Rainie replied.

Sharon got off the couch and they walked to the bedroom together where they both crawled under the sheets and curled against each other. It's been a couple of months since the last time they shared a bed, and having Rainie sleeping by her side made Sharon a little less worried. As long as Rainie was in the same room with her, Sharon knew she would sleep better. Even if she told herself it was safer for Rainie to sleep in the same bed with her, Sharon knew she was the one who needed protection from the nightmares that dictated her life.

-TBC-

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 **As always, I'd love to know what you think about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	38. Chapter 38

**A/N** **:** This chapter wanders into Shandy territory, even though they are definitely still in the friendship stage. The show didn't offer any reasonable progress of their friendship, and it's important to me to create a solid base for them, to show that their feelings didn't appear out of thin air and their relationship had actual substance. And yet, this chapter is also about Rainie. As she is always present in Sharon's mind, especially now that Stroh has escaped. One plot I really enjoyed in the show was the extreme and often unreasonable anxiety that Sharon had after Stroh's escape. Having anxieties myself, it was something I was able to relate to and it was quite easy for me to imagine Sharon as a person who is suffering from anxieties, even though most of the time she's better at dealing with them than the average person. Some of you may have noticed that in the last few chapters I explored Sharon's mental health in the aspect of trauma and now I will also expand that exploration to anxiety and possibly other issues as well. I hope this makes sense and is relatable.

And as always, I'd like to thank the ever-so-lovely blossom-of-snow for being an awesome beta reader. She totally rocks!

* * *

The decision to release Rainie's undercover protection detail was one of the toughest maternal decisions Sharon had to make. When Rainie started college, Sharon was satisfied until Rainie noticed one of Cooper's guys following her around. Sharon averted the crisis temporarily, but Rainie figuring out that a security detail secretly followed her for months terrified Sharon. After talking to Lieutenant Cooper and seeing the horrible results of controlling motherhood in the recent case the Major Crimes division solved, Sharon realized that relinquishing control, while difficult, would set her and Rainie free from Philip Stroh.

After months of sleepless nights, Sharon hoped that she would finally get a chance to breathe. She was about to get her life back, too, after putting it on hold for so long. When Andy came into her office after they made an arrest, she realized how long it has been since they'd spent time together. He may have been insufferable in the last few days, taking Julio's return to work immaturely, but Sharon knew that she had been insufferable after countless nights of interrupted, fitful sleep and no one dared to call her out on that, least of all Andy. While he respected her newly laid boundaries, Andy was there in the moments when she needed support or levity. Sharon appreciated his presence, and the space he gave her to deal with her issues on her own.

"I just wanted to say, regarding this whole Julio thing, you know I was looking after your best interest, right?" he asked.

Sharon looked into his eyes, finding warmth and insecurity. She must have made him feel so neglected in recent months.

"Andy, I've been looking after my own best interest for a really long time, especially at work." No matter how helpful he had been recently, Andy needed to know that she wouldn't tolerate anyone overriding her authority at work or undermining her ability to determine her own course. Julio deserved one more chance. He performed the work required to return to work and took the suspension without pay, and she would not let anyone, let alone one of Julio's close friends ruin it for him. "I don't need you for that."

"Okay. Sure. I get it," Andy said.

Sharon returned to work as Andy opened the other office door.

"So, what do you need me for?"

Sharon could tell by his shrug and his forced casual question that she had hurt him. She sighed inwardly, acknowledging to herself that despite the fact Andy needed to be reminded of the boundaries of their professional relationship, she'd been hurting many people recently, speaking before forcing her sleep-deprived brain to think. Be kind. She repeated the words in her head like a mantra. In the past few months, she hadn't been very kind to her team, or to Lieutenant Cooper, or Rainie, and she'd been the least kind to Andy. She knew that he meant well. Turning into a guard dog was his way of trying to control dispiriting situations and providing comfort for his friends during times of uncertainty. She had been pushing him away for months, refusing lunch breaks with him, turning down dinner offers and ignoring his after-hours calls and texts. That he still wanted to be there for her after the way she treated him was not a gesture she took for granted.

"Close the door. Let's talk."

A soft smile crossed his lips before he turned and shut the door.

Sharon watched him as he took a seat in front of her. She had no idea how to even start discussing everything she needed him to do for her, and the ways that she wanted him to support her.

"Andy." She's always liked the sound of his name, and once or twice gave in to the temptation to call him Andrew. Such decadence had always been in a private setting, in jest, but secretly she loved it.

He looked like a puppy, sitting in front of her and waiting for a bone.

"I know that I haven't been easy to deal with recently," she said softly.

Andy opened his mouth to retort, but she cut him off with a wave of her hand.

"I've had a rough time finding my balance ever since Philip Stroh escaped," she said. "With Julio gone… Do you know how many strings I had to pull to keep him on the force and make sure that he'd return to Major Crimes at the end of his suspension?"

"I don't," Andy admitted. Sharon was surprised he hadn't heard about it from Provenza, who also pulled some strings of his own to help his teammate.

"I know you had a good working relationship with Detective Oderno. I think he'd make a great addition to our division, but unfortunately, now that Julio's back, we don't have the spot for him, and he must go back to Missing Persons," Sharon explained. "I hope we'll have a chance to work with him again in the future, but what I need from you at work is to be supportive of Julio. Being suspended is a hard blow to any detective, and if you could be kind and friendly to him, I would greatly appreciate it."

"I'll do my best," Andy huffed. "Is there anything else I can do for you?" His tone was clipped, and Sharon could tell that his patience with her was running thin.

"As I said, I haven't been the easiest person to be around recently," Sharon stated. "I needed to keep my distance for a while, to sort out my thoughts about everything that's been going on."

Andy hummed softly and looked at her attentively, trying to read between the lines.

"Still, that's an inadequate excuse for my treatment of you," she said.

Andy shrugged, and it made Sharon feel insecure about her ability to salvage their personal relationship.

"And I apologize for that, Andy. I'm sorry if I made you think that you were insignificant." Her voice was thick with emotion. "If you can forgive me for that, know that I could really use a friend, especially tonight."

"I can be that." The expression formerly reserved for the toothpick-rolling days Flynn gave way to Andy, still sharp but no longer angry.

Sharon smiled at him, feeling a little lighter than before. "Are you busy tonight?"

"No."

"So maybe we could have dinner together?"

"Yeah, sure. Anything specific you wanna eat?"

"I'm not very picky tonight. I'll leave that up to you." Sharon nodded at her papers without breaking eye contact. "I think we'll be done here in about half an hour, right?"

Andy gave her a quick nod and rose from his seat, once again heading for her door.

"I really missed you, Andy," she said before he could escape.

"I've always been here," he said, and Sharon wasn't sure if he winked at her or if it was just a figment of her imagination.

Andy picked a Greek restaurant they'd been to a few times. It was a lively place, with upbeat Greek music and the carbs options that were offered on the menu were always comforting. Andy ordered a vegetarian moussaka and Sharon ordered spanakopita. After ordering, Sharon listened to Andy talk about his step-grandsons while she arranged the wrapped toothpicks between them on the table.

"So, how have things been going for you?" he asked when he finished telling her about Gray and Fergus.

"I think you already know," Sharon replied.

Andy placed his palm on top of her busy hands. He looked into her eyes, and there was nothing she wanted more than to turn her gaze away, but he held it as his fingers curled around hers.

"I'm scared out of my mind, Andy," she admitted, her voice shaking. "I let Rainie's undercover security detail go tonight."

"I didn't realize that you had an undercover security team watching her," Andy said. "I thought she opted out of protection."

"She did, but I assigned them to her anyway," Sharon admitted, blushing.

"Sharon…" Andy dragged her name on his tongue.

"I know it was wrong, and she almost found out too" Sharon leaned back in the booth, her hands slipping out of Andy's grasp. "But I just wanted her to be safe. Is that really so awful?"

"I'm not saying you shouldn't want her to be safe, but Rainie is not completely helpless even without protection," Andy said.

"Philip Stroh is a highly organized serial killer who successfully escaped custody. Rainie may have had more than average life experience, but she is not invincible."

"Neither are you, Sharon," Andy held his palm up for Sharon to hold. "And neither is Stroh. Sooner or later, he will be found, and when that happens, he'll regret the day he was born."

Andy's promise was oddly comforting, vague and potentially erroneous as it was. Sharon knew that as long as Stroh was free, he would always lurk in the back of her mind, but hoped that she'd be able to forget about him just enough for her to be able to live her life without paralyzing terror.

They spent the evening catching up with everything that happened in each other's lives. As Sharon listened to Andy telling her about everything that he has done over the recent months, the realization struck her that she put her life on hold for months because of Stroh. Being here, out of her cage, felt liberating.

After dinner, Andy dropped Sharon off at home. She looked forward to the day's end. Being out with Andy may have felt refreshing, but she was still emotionally exhausted. She couldn't wait to get into bed and hopefully sleep through the whole night. She was surprised to see Rainie hugging a pillow and dozing off on the couch.

"Sweetie." Sharon bent down and brushed back the hair that covered her daughter's face. "Wake up."

Rainie's eyes fluttered open, and she looked at her mother in confusion.

"You fell asleep on the couch."

Rainie moaned. "I was working on something, and I suddenly felt so tired." She winced as she sat up and rubbed her neck. "Dammit. I think I pulled a muscle."

"This couch is not the greatest place to fall asleep," Sharon said and gently placed her palms on her daughter's shoulders. She massaged the back of Rainie's neck for a few minutes. "Better?"

"Yes, thank you."

"So what were you working on?" Sharon asked, glancing at Rainie's laptop. "Is it something for school?"

"Kind of," Rainie said. "I was trying to think of a subject I could write about in the UCLA newspaper, and Buzz hinted that you had a mystery in the murder room."

"Oh?" Sharon was not surprised Buzz would see something others didn't think of, but that such mystery would be worthy of an article at a college newspaper.

"It took me a while to figure out what he meant, but then I realized that it was staring me right in the face, so to speak," Rainie explained. "I decided to try finding out who Alice Herrera was."

Sharon blinked before she could censor her reaction. "Wow, that's going to be a huge task, Rainie. Are you sure you're up to it?"

"I guess at some point it might hit me at sensitive spots," Rainie said. "But she deserves justice, and I hope I can help her get it."

"Be careful, okay?"

"Sure."

"I'm not kidding, Rainie. I don't want you to put yourself in danger for a story, no matter how important it is," Sharon insisted.

"Don't worry, Sharon. I'll be safe," Rainie said, leaning in to give Sharon a goodnight kiss.

Sharon nodded as Rainie yawned through her 'goodnight'. She wasn't sure how far Rainie would get in finding out who Alice was, but if her conversation with Andy tonight accounted for something, it was that she needed to let her daughter spread her wings. She had to trust that Rainie would know when to back off.

As Sharon watched Rainie walk down the hall towards her room, still rubbing the back of her aching neck, one thought reverberated in her head: this was it. This was the day when Sharon opened her hand and set her daughter free. There were no locks, no shackles, nothing holding Rainie back but herself. Sharon could take comfort in knowing that it was she who brought Rainie to this point and that she will be there for her daughter for whatever she needs.

-TBC-

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 **As always, I'd love to know what you thought about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	39. Chapter 39

**A/N** **: Just want to thank the lovely blossom-of-snow for her amazing help with this story. She's the best!**

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One of Sharon's evening rituals was to change out of her work clothes and into a comfortable pair of yoga pants and a loose top. She usually found that a snug cardigan added an extra comfort, which she appreciated after dealing with the cold and cruel world at work on a daily basis.

As she put on the cashmere cardigan Rainie gave her for Christmas a year and a half ago, she wondered if her daughter was home already. That morning, Sharon left for work early and didn't get to see Rainie. A glance at her watch told her that it was almost midnight and that Rainie might already be asleep. Still, she crossed the short distance between her bedroom and Rainie's and knocked on the door. She was surprised to find her daughter sitting in front of her desk, typing something on her laptop.

"Just wanted to make sure you're home and alright," she said. With the Alice case, Rainie was dealing with material that would be upsetting for anyone, let alone for a kid who survived the streets Alice died on. Their conversation the previous evening about the luck in Rainie's survival, as opposed to Alice's fatal misfortune, still weighed on Sharon's mind. Rainie might think she's strong enough to deal with her past this way, but Sharon still had her doubts.

"Yeah," Rainie replied. "Yeah, I'm fine."

She didn't seem fine to Sharon. She seemed upset and nervous.

"So, did you learn anything new from watching the Slider interview?" Sharon asked. Asking Rainie about her work would be a more natural way to figure out what was bothering her.

"I don't know," Rainie admitted. "He's not exactly a reliable source."

If Sharon had to guess, Slider's uselessness was what frustrated Rainie.

"Well, be careful. Diving into Alice's life could open up some old wounds," she said. She knew that all too well, as her own old wounds have been recently opened.

"It does," Rainie replied, and Sharon felt goosebumps forming on her skin. "But for some reason, the more I learn about her, the more important Alice becomes to me."

"Yes, it works that way for us too," Sharon said. When working homicide too many cases touched too close to home. "It will help you not to exhaust yourself," she said. Rainie looked like she was ready to drop.

"I won't," Rainie replied. "My column is due tomorrow, so I gotta finish it first."

"They gave you a column?" Sharon gasped. "Honey, that's wonderful."

"Yeah, because I still don't have all the information, they said that I could write a little bit every week, and they would feature it."

"I'm proud of you, Rainie. That's incredible.," Sharon clasped her hands together under her chin.

"Yeah, it is," Rainie agreed. "Anyway, I'm almost done, and I promise I'll go to bed afterward."

"Goodnight, love."

"Night, Sharon," Rainie said and focused on the screen of her laptop.

Her daughter might have been ready for bed, but Sharon was far from it. The case she just closed was one of those that touched a sensitive spot. Sharon constantly worried about Rainie's mental health. She still recalled the night she came home to find Rainie sitting on the bathroom floor with a bottle of pills in her hand after Emma's first interview with her, and the depression she sunk into during the long months of isolation after Wade Weller's letters were discovered.

On the one hand, Sharon knew that Rainie was still seeing Dr. Joe and attending two support groups while leading an otherwise normal life. As far as she knew, Dr. Joe has never referred Rainie to a psychiatrist, which probably meant that he felt like Rainie was mentally stable enough and that a medicinal intervention wasn't necessary for her to function. Still, Sharon knew that picking at scabbed wounds might have a negative effect on her daughter, and she worried that it would harm Rainie's mental health.

As she stood in the hall outside Rainie's room and wondering what would help her unwind before bed, she heard her phone vibrate in her bedroom. She went to get it, and after seeing that it was Flynn, she hoped that the Major Crimes division hadn't caught another case.

"Andy," she answered. "What's wrong?"

"I just wanted to let you know that Julio is back at his desk," Andy replied. "I'm pretty sure he'll stay on the team."

"That's great, Andy. Thank you for taking the time to let me know," Sharon said, sitting on the edge of her bed.

"Also, I wanted to make sure you were alright," Andy added. "I noticed that Mr. Holland's confession upset you."

"It did," Sharon admitted. "He may have committed a terrible crime, but his reason for doing that – it was something I struggled with myself."

"You were thinking of the kid."

Sharon hummed affirmatively. "If she ever hurts herself –" Sharon didn't finish that sentence, but she couldn't banish the thought.

"I thought Rainie was doing well at school," Andy said. "Is there a reason for you to be worried about her?"

"She's trying to find out Alice Herrera's real identity," Sharon explained.

"Oh. Dammit."

"I don't know…" Sharon said, fiddling with the pocket of her sweater. "I see the danger in it, but what if it's therapeutic for her? What if it helps her get justice for everyone who has ever done her wrong?"

"That's possible," Andy replied.

Sharon felt as if she ran out of words, although her thoughts sprinted through her mind.

"Letting go is a long process, Sharon," Andy said. "I'm sure it was hard with Emily and Ricky too."

"Not as much as it is with Rainie." Sharon sniffled as she spoke. "I just want to hold on to her for a little bit longer, but she's slipping through my fingers so fast, and I can't keep up."

"Look, Sharon." Andy's voice cut through the din of her panic. "Rainie is not gone; she still lives at home, you see her every day, and it seems like the two of you are very close. Do you have a particular reason to worry that things would go south?"

"No, I guess," Sharon said. "Just this Alice thing."

"Rainie knows you're there for her, doesn't she?"

"She does."

"She'll be fine. And so will you."

Sharon sighed, running a hand over her face. "Thank you for helping me through this, Andy," she said. "And for being there to support Julio. You're a great friend."

"So are you, Sharon." His voice of reason calmed her. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Andy."

Sharon took a deep breath and expelled a long and cleansing exhale while considering Andy's positive outlook on the situation. Moments later, the waning panic that held her captive dissolved.

"Everything's gonna be alright," she said to herself as she curled her body around her pillow. "Everything's gonna be okay." She continued mumbling the words like a mantra until sleep veiled her brain, and her body slacked against the mattress. As she sunk deeper into a slumber, her mouth fell agape as the words softly caressed her lips.

Everything's gonna be alright.

-TBC-

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 **As always, I'd love to know what you thought about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	40. Chapter 40

**A/N** **:** I am so excited to post this chapter. It's one of those chapters that take place away from LA, and it's even more different than the chapter in New York. I think there might be another chapter like this in the future, but I'm not sure yet. Either way, I hope you enjoy it.  
And of course, I'd like to thank blossom-of-snow for her help with this chapter (which really, was way too long before she took care of it).

* * *

Sharon met Judge Grove when she was in her late twenties. After she shot a man while she was on patrol, she needed a lawyer to represent her at the depositions. Even though she didn't do anything wrong and was cleared by FID, her commander recommended that she not represent herself. At the time, Denise Grove was a young lawyer and a loyal friend to Jack, who helped Jack study for the bar exam. Grove was considered a promise even when he was young, and remained Sharon's friend even after she and Jack started drifting apart from each other.

Sharon wouldn't say they were close friends, but his daughter, Lynn, danced in the same ballet company as Emily, which meant that their families often met when their daughters were growing up.

When Judge Grove called Sharon out on trying to keep Rainie hanging at the PAB for the sake of her safety, she wasn't surprised, since he wasn't the first, but somehow, hearing that from Judge Grove felt like a bucket of ice water was poured over her head.

Sharon believed that if ten people said you were a drunk, it meant that you were, indeed, a drunk. The idea that she had a problem serious enough for several of her colleagues to interfere proved that she had lost control of her actions. She let her worry and love for Rainie drove Sharon to protect her to the death, even if it hurt others around her. And here she was, sitting in front of Denise Grove, a long-time friend and colleague, who sternly told her that she needed to back off, not to read Rainie's column, and to remove herself from her daughter's investigation into Alice Herrera's true identity.

It hurt Sharon to realize that as much as she told herself that she needed to let Rainie embrace her independence as much as possible, she failed to give Rainie the space she needed to achieve that independence. Her constant need to protect Rainie from herself was hurting both of them. With her daughter facing the repercussions of her mistakes on her own, Sharon realized that there was a limit to the care and supervision that she could provide for her without inhibiting her development. Rainie interviewed Slider without telling Sharon, because she wanted to see this investigation through on her own, without Sharon's help. Getting into trouble because Rainie made that mistake served as a valuable lesson. Rainie didn't ask Sharon for her help. When Sharon tried to help anyway, Judge Grove shut it down. And it hurt like hell.

That day Sharon decided that the best way to solve her unrelenting need to guard Rainie was to put a distance between them that would force her to deal with her issues. She had quite a few vacation days saved up, so, with uncharacteristic impulsiveness, she booked last minute flight tickets to Chiang Mai, Thailand. The idea of traveling so far away was terrifying, but at the same time, it was just what she needed – a change of scenery and a chance to give space not only to Rainie but also to herself. She's never been more than a week away from Rainie, and now that she's booked tickets for a two-week-long vacation on the other side of the world, she could feel anxiety setting in. What if Rainie would felt abandoned? What if she thinks she's not good enough? What if she decides to do something radical?

The sound of her ringtone pulled her out of her paralyzing fear and she answered the call without looking at the screen.

"Captain," she heard Lieutenant Provenza's voice. "I just wanted to update you that Malcolm Rich signed the deal. That creep is going to be locked away for the next six years."

"Thank you, Lieutenant," Sharon replied, still breathless.

"Captain, is everything okay?"

"Lieutenant, I need some reassurance," Sharon replied. "I'm about to do something impulsive, and I need you to tell me if I'm making a mistake."

"I'm listening," Provenza said.

Sharon apprised him of the situation, and explained her fear that something horrible would happen while she was away.

"We all need some fresh air every once in a while," Provenza replied. "Thailand – it's far, I agree, but you're not abandoning Rainie. For one, she's legally your daughter, and she has two siblings she can call if she needs anything. And she also has our team. If she needs anything while you are gone, we'll be there in a heartbeat."

"Are you sure, Lieutenant?"

"Captain, if you have any doubts, why don't you ask her? See what she says?"

"I will, thank you, Lieutenant," Sharon replied.

"And Captain?" Have fun in Thailand, and don't forget to buy me a gift."

"Sure, no problem, Lieutenant," she giggled as she ended the call.

To her surprise, Rainie was thrilled to hear that Sharon was going away on a long vacation. Sharon made her swear not to throw parties at the condo, although she agreed to Rainie having a small sleepover if she wanted. Sharon let her know that if she needed anything, she could text her, regardless of the time differences between them. All in all, it seemed like her daughter was happy for her and excited to spend some time on her own.

"I love you." Sharon wrapped her arms around Rainie as they prepared to part at the airport. "I want you to know that no matter where I am, you are always on my mind."

"Mine too, Sharon. You're the best thing that ever happened to me," Rainie said. "And I'm happy you're taking some time to yourself. You've been working like crazy. You need a break." Sharon felt Rainie's lips press against her cheek. "Have a safe trip, and don't forget to send me pictures."

Twenty-four hours later, Sharon walked out of the airport in Chiang Mai. The humidity in the air was so thick that Sharon could literally see it. It was mystifying and uncomfortable at the same time. She picked up a shuttle to her hotel that was located close to the night bazaar. She felt exhausted, and as soon as she arrived at her room, she let herself flop on the bed, and fell asleep immediately.

It was almost noon the next day when she woke up to the sound of heavy rain pecking the windows. Sharon got out of bed, rubbing her eyes as she watched the huge raindrops falling against the glass. She's read about monsoons in the travel book she picked up at LAX before her flight, but she never imagined it would be so strong. It was a glorious storm, and yet, as she looked at the street outside, it seemed like the rain did nothing to stop the locals from going about their day.

After spending several minutes watching the street from the window, Sharon turned to examine her surroundings. The bed and closet in the room were made of dark and heavy wood with carvings of intricate Naga serpent figures and lotus flowers. The artwork must have taken hours to create, with careful attention to details. Sharon remembered reading in the travel book that the Naga serpent figure was a mythical creature that was believed to guard the human world against evil spirits. She definitely needed that kind of protection.

After taking in the décor in the room, Sharon decided it was a good idea to wash the hours of travel off her body and hopped into the shower. The hot water of the shower exhausted her, and she returned to bed, intending to sleep off her jet lag.

When she woke up again, it was already late in the afternoon and when she looked out of her window, she noticed the pavement was still wet, which meant it had rained recently. Sharon knew it was probably stupid to waste a whole day sleeping, but this was a spontaneous vacation, and she had two weeks to burn before returning home. Granted, from what she read in the travel book, she did intend to also visit the Islands in the south of the country, as well as Bangkok, but she wanted to enjoy this trip at her own pace. With that in mind, Sharon decided to stay in for the rest of the day. It'd been a while since she had a lazy day. She called the reception desk and ordered room service, thinking how relaxing it was to give in to every one of her whims.

While waiting for the food to arrive, Sharon noticed several brochures on the desk in the room, offering different day trips. After leafing through them, she found an interesting excursion and called the reception to book it for the following day. She knew she should probably check offers with other tour companies, but just for today, her spontaneity ruled the trip.

The food, a clear chicken broth with lemongrass, galangal, and rice noodles, arrived about half an hour later. It smelled divine, and Sharon devoured it within minutes. She didn't realize how hungry she was, but she hasn't eaten anything since before her flight to Chiang Mai the previous day.

A shrill ring of her phone startled her, and when she saw the caller's identity, she quickly picked it up.

"Oh, my God, Mom, tell me this is a prank!" Emily shrieked. "Did you really leave everything behind and travel to the other side of the world?"

"I didn't leave everything behind, Em. I just needed to invest some time in myself."

"Did you really need to go all the way to Thailand for that?" Emily asked.

"I probably didn't need to, but it felt like the right thing to do, and I think it's good for me," Sharon replied.

"So, what's it like over there?" Through her irritated sighs, Emily's curiosity was evident.

"Well, I didn't get a chance to explore yet, but so far I can tell you it's very different than everything I know. Things here happen at a slower pace, and everyone is so kind and welcoming," Sharon explained.

"Sounds like a great place to relax. So what are your plans for tomorrow?"

Sharon described the trip that she booked for the following day, and listed a few other sites she wanted to visit during her trip. Emily quickly warmed up to the idea of her mother's excursion.

Sharon did not expect the tears that escaped her eyes only a short moment after she hung up the call with Emily. She always told Rainie that it was impossible to run away from her problems because she carried them inside her, and here she was, hiding from herself in a different country, so many miles away from home.

After several minutes, her tears subsided, and she felt completely void of emotion as exhaustion took over her again. She's never had such a horrible jet lag before, and she wasn't entirely sure her emotional outburst wasn't a result of it, but she also didn't care. She laid down on the bed and fell asleep almost instantly.

Early the next morning, when her eyes fluttered open, and she found herself staring into a pair of small and inquisitive beady eyes. She drew a sharp breath and tried not to move. On the nightstand, only several inches from her pillow, there was a yellow gecko. It was smaller than Sharon's palm and seemed to be calculating its next move.

"Oh, hi there," she said groggily, and the gecko sprinted behind the headboard of her bed. "Thanks for the friendly welcome." She picked up her phone and looked at the time. It was still early enough for her to get ready and go downstairs for breakfast before going on her trip.

Sharon crossed the moss-covered wooden bridge as she wiped her dripping perspiration off her face. For some reason, her travel book failed to mention the extreme humidity in Thailand. She had a brush with it on her first evening in Chiang Mai, but it was even worse in the Doi Inthanon National Park, where parts of the path were covered with a thick fog. The guide called it 'cloud forest' and explained its significance to the tour group. Even though her clothes were soaked with sweat and the mosquitoes were biting her mercilessly, she found that the forest offered her a deep serenity. The thickness of the air, the vibrant shades of green and the forest sounds made her feel protected and free. For the first time in months, Sharon did not have a single care weighing on her mind.

Hours later, as Sharon shed her clothes in the shower and looked at her reflection in the mirror, she was horrified to discover more than a dozen mosquito bites on her face alone and countless more on her arms and feet. The skin above her ankles sported several leech bites as well, although those didn't itch or hurt. Not only were the bites aesthetically displeasing, but they were also incredibly itchy. After a steaming shower didn't do the trick, Sharon decided to stop by a pharmacy and buy an insect repellent and a cream to soothe the itching.

About fifteen minutes later she returned to her room and quickly shed her clothes and began applying calamine lotion to her mosquito bites. She was done applying the lotion to her face and moved to the bites on her arms when she threw a gaze at her reflection in the mirror. A silly smirk spread across her face when she realized that she looked like she suffered from a bad case of chickenpox. Her phone rang, and she used the only finger that was not covered with the thick white lotion to swipe over the screen and answer the call.

"Hi Rainie. How is everything?"

"I'm fine. School is busy, but I like it. How are you doing?"

"Well, the first lesson I learned about Thailand is don't be any bug's meal," Sharon winced as she lathered on more lotion.

"How bad is it?" Rainie asked.

"The mosquitos here are horrible. I've never been bitten so many times in my entire life. Plus, the bites swell like crazy," Sharon said as she examined her reflection in the mirror. She was covered with white lotion spots, but at least the itching stopped.

"Oh, no," Rainie replied. "That sounds terrible. I hope that doesn't ruin your trip or anything."

"The bug bites are extremely unpleasant, but otherwise Thailand is an amazing place. You would love it here. So much for you to draw and write about."

"That sounds great, Sharon," Rainie said.

"You know, this is the most spontaneous thing I've ever done in my entire life."

"As opposed to taking in a stray kid?" Rainie teased.

"Well, that was the best decision in my entire life." Sharon smiled as she thought of Rainie's progress since she came to live with her. "But fleeing to Thailand… I'd say I've never done something that extreme without planning anything first."

"But you seemed to need it, you know?" Rainie replied. "I mean, don't take this the wrong way, but you've looked unhappy recently. So maybe a change of atmosphere is just what you needed."

"I think it might be, but being so far from you and with such a big time difference – what is it now? 1:00 a.m.?" Sharon threw a glance at her watch.

"Almost," Rainie replied. "But I really wanted to talk to you, so I stayed up," Rainie said.

"I don't wanna keep you up."

"No worries, Sharon. I'm getting into bed as we speak."

"Goodnight, sweetheart. I love you." Sharon's voice was thick with emotion.

"Love you, too, Sharon. Have fun and try to survive the bugs."

Hearing Rainie's voice alleviated some of Sharon's stress. Her daughter was oceans away from her, and she seemed to be doing fine, even if she missed her bedtime. Rainie was growing, and as hard as it was for Sharon to admit, this distance between them was a necessary step in their relationship. Sharon needed to learn to separate herself from Rainie, and Rainie had to learn how to take care of herself in a healthy manner. Sharon didn't recall having such a hard time when her older children left for college. She wasn't sure if it was Rainie's past that made her so overprotective or just the strength of their connection. Whatever it was, she decided not to ponder it right now.

Sharon took a seat on the bed. Despite the early evening hour, she could not leave the room with her entire body covered with calamine lotion. She left it for a couple of hours and then washed it off and went to explore the city on foot.

The Night Bazaar was a celebration of colors, smells, and sounds that assaulted Sharon's senses. She wasn't sure where to look, but wherever she directed her gaze there was something interesting to see. Most of the booths in the bazaar had similar merchandise, and it was clear that it was aimed at tourists. Upon closer inspection, most of the products were of low value, but Sharon did find a beaded bracelet for Rainie, a silk scarf for Emily, and a geeky T-shirt for Ricky. She bought herself a cup of mixed fruits and ate them as she walked between the booths, checking out the beautiful animal drawings one artist sold and the soap carving she found in another. She wasn't sure how big the market was, but it seemed to go for miles and have no end. After she finished the fruits in her cup, she decided to head back to the hotel.

Sharon spent the next few days sightseeing in the northern part of the country, including a short trip across the border between Thailand and Laos. The Lanna Kingdom left its mark on Northern Thailand in the shape of magnificent and architecturally sophisticated temples, countless Buddha statues, pagodas and shrines that were still impressive even after more than three hundred years. It was time however to explore other parts of the country, and Sharon booked a flight to Phuket.

While Chiang Mai had a spiritual aura about it, Phuket was a busy island, and everything there seemed to go at a faster pace. After she settled at her seaside hotel, Sharon took a stroll along the shore, enjoying the warm breeze that blew through her hair and the sounds and smells of the Thai town. When the sun began to set, she decided to head back to her hotel. She took her shoes off and walked closer to the water's edge. The sand was warm under her feet, and she watched the sunset, the rays of light coloring the sky in shades of red, orange and pink as it slowly sank into the water.

After dinner, Sharon decided to stay on the open deck overlooking the beach. Colorful paper lanterns hung above the wooden deck and cast a warm glow. Soft instrumental music was playing, and Sharon sipped from a bottle of Singha beer that was decorated with a golden lion.

"Hi there."

Sharon turned around and saw a woman who seemed to be in her late forties walking in her direction. She smiled at the woman, who came to stand by her side.

"Beautiful view, isn't it?" the woman asked.

Sharon hummed affirmatively, still wary of the stranger.

"I'm Layla." She was a slender woman with dark shoulder-length curls and warm hazel eyes.

"I'm Sharon."

"Nice to meet you, Sharon," Layla smiled. "I hope I'm not interrupting. You seem to need company."

"You're not interrupting at all," Sharon replied. As much as she enjoyed traveling alone in the last few days, she learned that part of being in Thailand was meeting people from all over the world and making new friends. Apparently, when one was so far away from home, strangers could become fantastic travel buddies – some for a few hours, some for a full day and some for longer.

"So where are you from?" Layla asked.

"Los Angeles," She detected a hint of a foreign accent in Layla's voice, but her English was excellent. "You?"

"Montreal, have you ever been?"

"I've only been to Toronto."

"Well, Toronto is nice, but Montreal is the authentic Canada – le Canada d'origine," Layla said, toasting Sharon with her nearly empty, more adventurous-looking drink. "So, you're here alone?"

"I am."

"The adventurous type, huh?" Layla offered Sharon a knowing smile.

"No, not at all. I just felt like taking a break from everything I know and coming here for a short vacation," Sharon replied. "How about you?"

"I'm here with my daughter, Rune," Layla explained.

"That's an interesting name," Sharon commented.

"Rune means 'happy' in Thai. She was born here, and I adopted her when she was six months old. I promised her that when she turned eighteen, I'd bring her here, so she can see where she was born."

"That's wonderful," Sharon replied. "My youngest daughter is adopted, too. She's about Rune's age."

"Rune is my only child. I always wanted to adopt a second child, but Rune gave me a lot of trouble. It's not easy to have an adopted child. A lot of emotional issues," Layla said. "Don't get me wrong; I love her. She's my world. But having a child who constantly wonders who she is, what her parents are like, why they gave up on her – it's exhausting."

"I have had different issues with my daughter. I adopted her as an adult, and before that, I've been a foster mother to her for three years. We dealt with different matters." Sharon wasn't sure how much she wanted to elaborate about Rainie's background beyond that, especially to a person she didn't know, but it felt nice talking to someone who faced some similar challenges with her adopted child.

"Lucky you. Rune – God bless her – every day is an adventure with her. Just the other night she decided that she was a lesbian. I'm sure it's just a phase. I mean, she only had boyfriends before. She likes boys. Girls today – it seems to be legitimate for them to try dating other girls too. So I guess, it's just an experimental phase for her."

Sharon listened and wondered how open-minded the other woman might have been to hear that her daughter was probably gay and to receive her with open arms.

"Does your daughter give you trouble like that?" Layla asked.

"My youngest is gay, too," Sharon said. "It's not a phase, at least not in Rainie's case."

Layla's eyes widened, but Sharon could tell by the attentive expression on her face that she was curious, not judgmental. "How do you know?" she asked.

"Well, she was already 15 when she came to live with me. And she seemed to be more interested in a female friend she had than in the guy she dated at the time. I wasn't sure, until she told me, but there were hints," Sharon explained.

"How did you react?" Layla wondered.

"I hugged her and told her I love her. It doesn't change anything for me. All I want is for her to be happy and comfortable in her own skin."

"What if Rune is really gay?" Sharon could tell Layla was on the verge of tears.

"In what ways do you think it will change your relationship if she is?" Sharon replied with a question. She never expected to meet someone in Thailand who needed guidance, but if she could listen and also help this mother accept her daughter's sexual orientation, she was more than willing to provide.

"I don't know. I raised Rune since she was a baby. I should know who she is. And here we are, eighteen years later, miles away from home and she tells me that she isn't who I think she is. Doesn't that change everything?"

"That depends," Sharon mused.

"On what?"

"Does that change who she is? Do you think Rune's sexual orientation is going to make her a different person?" Sharon tried to appeal to Layla's logic, but the other woman only looked more confused. "The way I see it, Rune chose to share with you something about herself that she kept to herself – maybe for years. In my opinion, that's an expression of trust."

"But why now? Why here?" Layla asked.

"I don't know for sure, but if I had to guess, you took her to the place where she was born, and allowed her to connect with her roots. You trusted her enough to bring her here without fearing that she'd decide to stay. Maybe she saw it as an invitation to act on her trust in you and open up."

"So what should I do now?"

"Just love her and accept her. Let her know that nothing is wrong with her. And that's all."

Layla sighed deeply, and Sharon could tell that she was still struggling with the notion that this might not be a phase.

"Layla, can I buy you another drink? We could talk about it some more, if you want," Sharon offered.

The other woman nodded, and they walked to the bar where Layla ordered a cocktail and Sharon ordered another beer.

Sharon listened to Layla describe Rune's childhood, the challenges she faced raising her, and the people in their lives. Despite the trouble that Layla had accepting Rune's sexual orientation, Sharon could tell that she loved her daughter deeply and wanted to give her the world. She wasn't a bad mother; she simply struggled with a concept still foreign to her.

"I don't know how I could ever thank you, Sharon," Layla said as they walked towards the hotel elevator.

"I'm happy to help," Sharon replied. The elevator dinged and they went inside.

"We're leaving here tomorrow morning, so I don't know if we'll see each other again, but I promise you I'll try to support her and make her feel loved, no matter what," Layla said as she hugged Sharon before stepping out of the elevator on the fifth floor. "Thanks for the drink and the conversation."

"It was my pleasure," Sharon replied.

As soon as she walked through the door of her hotel room, Sharon pulled her mobile phone out of her jeans pocket and dialed Rainie's number. She knew that Rainie must be getting ready for school, and would be awake.

"Hi Sharon," Rainie answered the phone uncharacteristically cheerfully for so early in the morning.

"Hi, honey," Sharon said, feeling her emotions taking over her.

"What's wrong?"

"I just wanted to tell you how much I love you, and how proud I am of everything you've accomplished," Sharon said.

"I know, Sharon. And I love you too. I miss you," Rainie replied.

"I'll be home in a week, my darling. I just wanted you to know that no matter how far I am from home, I always think of you, that's all."

"Are you okay, Sharon?"

"Yes, honey. I'm fine. I just had a conversation with someone that made me think of you, and I wanted to hear your voice. Are you getting ready for school?" Best to change the subject before she ended up in a puddle.

"I'm actually about to head out, but I'm happy to hear your voice, too."

Sharon smiled and wiped a stray tear that rolled down her cheek. "Have a great day at school, love. Drive safely."

"I will," Rainie promised. "Love you."

After hanging up, Sharon laid down on the bed and let out a deep sigh. She traveled to the other side of the globe to escape her urgent need to protect Rainie and control her environment as much as possible. The conversation with Layla served as a reminder that despite her mistakes and her need to shield Rainie from all the bad in the world, she was a good mother who loved and accepted her children no matter what.

In a week, she'd return home and try to find a new rhythm to her life; one that will allow her to be there for Rainie without hovering, and love her without overprotecting her. She would find the balance that would let her daughter develop as an independent woman, while still being there to support her when things don't work out the way she'd hoped. And most importantly, she'll never stop loving her, not even for a second.

-TBC-

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 **As always, I'd love to know what you thought about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	41. Chapter 41

**A/N** **:** As some of you may have noticed, I took a short break from posting this story. It was unplanned. I just had a lot going on and needed some time off. But I think that I'll be able to publish regularly again. Anyway, this chapter dives right into Shandy territory, keeping with canon, more or less. If until this point it was just Rainie and Sharon, how would their relationship be affected once Andy becomes a more constant person in their lives? And that is what I will explore going forward in this story.

I would like to thank the ever so lovely blossom-of-snow for editing this story. She's a tremendous help.

* * *

Sharon stood in front of the bathroom mirror and lined her lips in burgundy. She colored in a bit, a method she learned from her mother to help lipstick stay longer. When she was done, she opened the makeup drawer to find a matching lipstick. It appeared, however, that Rainie made a mess in the drawer in the morning so now Sharon couldn't find the lipstick she was looking for.

"Rainie, have you seen my Dior lipstick?" The last time she saw her, Rainie had been working on her comic strip with the door open, so there was no way Rainie could pretend not to hear her. She heard Rainie push her chair back and pad across the hall to the bathroom.

"Which one?" Rainie asked.

"The dark red," Sharon said, arching her eyebrows.

"It isn't in there?" Rainie motioned towards the drawer where both of them stored all their makeup.

Clearly not, Sharon thought, instantly surprised by her irritability. "Not in my side."

"You can search my side, but I haven't used it," Rainie replied. "Besides, red lipstick is wrong for dates."

"Why is that?" Sharon tried to ignore the fact that she hasn't been in a real date in so long that she was taking makeup advice from Rainie, who learned to apply makeup from Sharon herself.

Rainie rummaged through her mother's side of the drawer for a replacement. "It leaves stains on cups, napkins and other people's lips."

"I don't think Andy is going to –" Sharon decided to tone down her original thought. "I'm not sure it's a date."

"Didn't you say that he's taking you to a romantic restaurant?" Rainie asked, the high pitch to her voice foiling her effort to sound nonchalant.

"Well, yes, but he just said that's the way it's described. I'm not sure he meant for it to be a romantic dinner." Andy's invitation had been quite vague, and after agreeing to it, Sharon wasn't sure whether or not she was going out on a date, or just another friendly dinner.

"You'll regret it if it is a date and he ends up with your lipstick on his face and neck."

"This brand is supposed to be long-lasting," Sharon said, drumming her fingers on the counter. "And I don't think he will try to –"

"Wanna test these theories tonight? Go ahead," Rainie teased.

Sharon sighed and looked at her reflection. She hadn't realized how confused and upset she was until she saw the woman in the mirror. She couldn't remember the last time she felt so nervous and unsure, and Rainie's words gnawed at her dwindling self-confidence. What if it was a date? Sharon never considered what it might mean for her friendship with Andy. And what if Andy did kiss her tonight? He may have been a good friend, but he was also her lieutenant. Maybe she should have turned down his offer and pretended that she was busy tonight.

"You're overthinking this." Finally satisfied with her choice, Rainie handed a less telling shade of lipstick to Sharon. "I guess you could always refuse a kiss. That way you could avoid the makeup mishap and the uncomfortable relationship mess."

Sharon narrowed her eyes at Rainie as she painted her lips. There were other ways to avoid emotional baggage, enjoy a kiss and maintain her propriety. When Andy knocked on the door she grasped Rainie's arm in a search of reassurance. "How do I look?" she asked.

"Scared shitless," Rainie smirked. "Take a moment. I'll get the door."

Sharon heard Rainie greet Andy as she pinned a few stray curls to the side of her head and threw another glance at the mirror. "You can do this," she said to her reflection before she left the bathroom and walked to the living room. Andy Flynn stood there, wearing a dark three-piece suit with a crimson tie and held a bouquet of calla lilies. As soon as he saw her, Sharon could see his eyes raking over her from top to bottom before he leaned forward and pressed his lips against her cheek.

"This is for you," he said and handed her the bouquet.

"Thank you, Andy. They're beautiful." Sharon's lips curved up in a smile. The flowers were a clear sign that tonight's dinner was a date, and somehow she wasn't scared anymore.

"Not half as beautiful as you."

Sharon blushed. She tried to think of something to say, but she was at a loss for words.

"So, when is your reservation?" Rainie asked, noticing the two adults were staring at each other awkwardly.

"Seven," Andy said. "We should probably get going if we want to make it to Serve in time."

"Let me just put these in water."

"I'll do that," Rainie said, and took the flowers out of Sharon's hands. "You go, have fun." She gently nudged Sharon towards Andy with her elbow.

Andy offered Sharon his hand, and she accepted it, feeling every thump of her pulse as her fingers laced with his.

"I just want to tell you that I'm really excited about tonight," Andy said as they stepped into the elevator.

"Me too," she said, brushing her fingers up and down his arm.

They carried a light conversation on the way to the restaurant, both of them too nervous to delve into a serious conversation about the possibility of a romantic relationship between them.

After they were seated at the restaurant, they both buried themselves in their menus, partially searching for what they wanted to order and partially avoiding what was bound to be an uncomfortable conversation about if and how they were going to take their friendship to a new level. The opportunity to hide behind the menu was taken away from them after they placed their orders, and Sharon knew she needed to jump into the deep water. Silence would lead them nowhere, and might even cause more harm to their friendship than dating would.

"So, I guess we should talk about this," she said, and motioned between them.

Andy responded with a small nod of his head, but let her take the lead on the conversation.

"I wonder, have you thought this through?"

"You mean, a relationship with you?" Andy asked.

Sharon nodded.

"A thousand times, for months."

His honesty surprised her. What did he mean "for months"?

"Ever since we went to The Nutcracker two years ago," he clarified when he noticed her confusion.

"Wow." Sharon could have kicked herself for the lame response, but she had no idea what else to say. That explained why he chose to mislead his family to think they were dating the previous year. She recalled how he didn't want to tell Nicole the truth about their friendship, but Sharon immediately eliminated the idea that he harbored feelings for her.

"I know this might be shocking, but if we were to become involved, I wanted you to know that this was not a caprice. I didn't ask you out on a date on an impulse," Andy explained. "I know we both had turbulent marriages and we both struggled with issues related to addictions. And that must be terrifying to think about starting again, with another addict –"

"Andy." Sharon cut off his ramble. "I know you are serious about me."

"Okay," Andy replied and offered his open hand to her.

Sharon placed her hand in his and smiled. "If we're going to do this, then there should be some ground rules." Her fingers caressed his open palm, hoping he would feel the gentleness in her gesture and in her suggestion.

"I agree," Andy replied.

They considered together what their working relationship would look like once they become a couple, how it might affect their relationship, and when and how to tell Chief Taylor and the squad about it. With the most uncomfortable conversation over, their usual banter began to flow, and Sharon felt lighter and was able to enjoy the ambiance and Andy's company.

"You know, if someone told me four years ago that one day you and I would go on a date, I'd laugh in their face," Andy said as they took a stroll down the street after leaving the restaurant.

"A lot has changed. I would have probably reacted the same way back then."

"I'm glad we're at a different place now," Andy said, squeezing her hand.

"Me too." Sharon let him wrap his arm around her waist and slipped her arm around his. They walked quietly for a few more minutes before Andy paused and took both her hands in his.

"Sharon, may I kiss you?"

Instead of replying, Sharon closed the distance between them and pressed her lips to his. Her eyes fell shut as she slightly spread her lips to capture his, enjoying the warm softness of his bottom lip between hers. As Andy's arms snaked around her waist and pulled her closer, Sharon gently placed her palm under his jaw and changed the angle to deepen the kiss. A rapid and thrilling flutter inside her stomach elicited a soft moan from the depth of her throat – a sound that made Andy shiver against her. Sharon's face was flushed when they pulled apart. She looked at Andy, lightheaded from the lengthy and intoxicating kiss and noticed a similar flush spread across his face as well. It took her a moment to realize that the redness around his mouth was incredibly unnatural.

"Oh, no," she sighed when the realization struck her.

"What?" Andy asked in confusion.

"My lipstick came off all over your mouth and chin," Sharon replied and started wiping the red stains off Andy's face with the pad of her thumb. When her thumb brushed over his lips, Andy pressed a kiss against it and smiled.

"There's a handkerchief in my breast pocket," he said and reached for it, handing it to Sharon, who used it to wipe the rest of the lipstick off of Andy's face.

"It should come off in the laundry," she said apologetically, handing him the stained handkerchief.

"If this is the price for kissing you, I am willing to ruin all my handkerchiefs," he said and pressed his lips to hers again in a swift but soft kiss. "Besides, if you think my mouth is the only one that's messy right now, you should look in the mirror." Andy took the handkerchief from her and gently swiped it over her lips, removing what remained of her lipstick.

Both of them were still sporting red lipstick stains on their faces when they parted with an eager kiss at Sharon's doorway. The thought of asking Andy in crossed Sharon's mind, but it was already late, and she didn't want to take this relationship to the next level so soon. If their first date was any indication, that part would come soon enough, but not tonight. As she closed the door behind her, she felt an involuntary smile spreading across her face, and the thought that filled her mind was: _I want more_.

-TBC-

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 **As always, I'd love to know what you think about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.**


	42. Chapter 42

**A/N:** We all remember the deleted scene about overnight guests, right? Well, I decided to put it back in there. So here you go!  
Many thanks to the lovely blossom-of-snow for beta reading and editing this story.

* * *

Sharon couldn't recall meeting any of Rainie's friends since Kris and Chris. Rainie hadn't even mentioned any of her friends after that. Sharon worried Rainie hadn't made any friends after high school. Therefore, seeing her with TJ, a girl Rainie met while trying to determine Alice Herrera's true identity was surprising. From the little Sharon managed to gather about TJ, the girl was three years older than Rainie, worked at a photography store, and was a junior at USC, studying computer science. The sparkle in TJ's eyes when she looked at Rainie told Sharon that TJ had a crush on Rainie, who appeared to be utterly oblivious to the fact.

After getting over the initial shock of discovering that Rainie and TJ moved half of Lieutenant Provenza's belongings into the living room of her condo, Sharon began thinking about how she didn't even know that Rainie had a friend over. This friendship may have been platonic, but how would it feel if Rainie was in a relationship and didn't tell her? How would it feel if she discovered that Rainie had a girlfriend by walking in on them? And how would Rainie feel if it was the other way around?

Sharon had gone to several dates with Andy already, and it seemed that their relationship was solid enough to let Rainie know about it and to alert her of the fact that Andy would be around the condo more often and that he would most likely spend some nights over. Considering the fact that on the evening of their first date, Rainie teased Sharon about kissing Andy, Sharon didn't expect any trouble with the announcement.

While she ate dinner at her desk, Sharon watched Rainie, who was concentrated on the project she was doing on her laptop. This was not a typical occurrence in their home. They usually took the time to have dinner together and talk about their day, but Rainie was deep at work when Sharon returned from the PAB, and she didn't want to disturb her. More importantly, Sharon wanted to sit for a while with her thoughts about the case the Major Crimes Division just closed. The fact that they were not able to arrest a murderer didn't bother her as much as the fact that their suspect was a rape victim, who even after almost a decade, hadn't recovered from her assault. Sharon wondered how much those feelings applied to Rainie, who just like their suspect seemed to be functioning well, despite the abuse she endured in her childhood and adolescence. If Sharon wasn't aware of Rainie's triggers, TJ probably wasn't either. If Rainie was in a relationship with TJ, maybe it was a good idea to finally talk to her about healthy relationships and limits within them. She hoped to be able to set an example for the girl, with her own budding relationship, which she was considering taking to the next level.

Slowly rising from behind her desk, Sharon grabbed the plate. "We don't have a plan," she said on her way to the kitchen. "And I think we should get one."

Rainie lifted her gaze from her laptop for the first time that evening. "A plan for what?"

"Overnight guests in the condo," Sharon clarified as she put her plate in the sink.

"Sharon, I really don't need to talk about this right now," Rainie said, blushing.

"I understand, but –" Sharon walked towards the girl. "Watching you and TJ together, I realized I, too –"

Rainie cut her off abruptly. "Oh my God, oh my God. Please, please, please – what is it with everyone and TJ? I mean, Patrice practically asked us on a double date earlier and – listen, TJ is just a friend, and the very last thing I'm going to do right now is asking her to spend the night with me."

"I'm not talking about your overnight guests," Sharon replied. Rainie was clearly not ready for a relationship and Sharon had no intention to push her. "I'm talking about mine. There's a possibility that Andy will be spending the night now and then in the future."

"What?" Rainie's eyes widened. "Wait, I thought that things weren't going well between the two of you. That you were back to calling each other 'Captain' and 'Lieutenant'."

Sharon explained to Rainie the reason behind the official titles exchanged between her and Andy during the workday, and noticed how her daughter's gaze was becoming more and more distraught.

"No," Rainie said when Sharon finished explaining the LAPD guidelines about reporting relationships to superior officers.

"No? What do you mean "no"?" Sharon asked.

"Andy can't stay here," Rainie replied.

Sharon quirked an eyebrow. Considering Rainie's positive attitude towards her and Andy's dates, her reaction to the idea of Andy spending the night was unexpected.

"Look, I know that "spending the night" means sex, and I'm sorry, but you can't do that here," Rainie said.

Had it been Emily or Ricky saying this to her, Sharon would have let them know that it was her house and she was the one to choose who stays the night and who doesn't. But with Rainie, Sharon knew that she had to try to negotiate some kind of agreement.

"I know what you're thinking," Rainie said. "It's your house. I can't tell you what to do, but you can't do this to me, Sharon. It's not fair!" Her bottom lip trembled.

"Rainie, this is a good thing. I thought you'd be happy that my relationship with Andy is progressing naturally," Sharon replied. Maybe if Rainie understood the reaction Sharon expected and hoped for, she'd be able to consider it from a different angle.

"I'm happy that you're in a relationship, Sharon, but I'm uncomfortable with Andy staying over at the condo," Rainie insisted. "If you wanna spend the night with Andy, do it elsewhere."

"I understand why this would be scary for you," Sharon started. "But I also know that you like and respect Andy because he has proven himself as someone you can trust. How about we give it a shot and see how it goes?"

She could almost see the wheels spinning in Rainie's brain.

"Alright, but if he ever so much as glances me wrong, I am punching him."

Sharon assumed this was the closest thing to acceptance that she was going to get out of her daughter. She knew this reaction was a result of a deep-rooted trauma, and she couldn't fault Rainie for feeling helpless in this situation, but she also wanted to be able to enjoy her relationship to the fullest, in the same way she would want Rainie to enjoy a relationship if and when she chose to pursue one. And if she really thought of it, she and Andy hadn't been intimate in any physical way. Everything was old-fashioned, at least until they disclose their relationship to Chief Taylor. Still, she hoped that once they cross that hurdle, the physical intimacy would follow. If she was honest, she couldn't wait for it. Andy was an incredibly attractive man, and she didn't care to admit that he visited her in a dream or two.

* * *

Sharon had never been at Andy's Lakewood bungalow, but when he invited her for dinner at his place a few nights later, she willingly accepted. She thought they were going to order in, but Andy surprised her with a candlelit home-cooked Italian dinner and a tiramisu with a candle on top for dessert.

"What are we celebrating?" Sharon asked as her lips curled up in a smile.

"Our one month anniversary," Andy replied.

Sharon felt a pang of guilt. She didn't realize this was a monumental milestone for them.

"I got you a little something," he continued and pulled a small gift bag.

"Oh, Gosh, Andy. I haven't bought you anything," Sharon groaned, and her cheeks became a bright shade of red.

"I didn't say I bought it," Andy replied. "Just open it."

Sharon opened the bag and fished a remote control out of it. She gave Andy a strange look, unsure what she was supposed to do with a remote.

"Why don't you press the "play" button?" Andy suggested.

Sharon did as he said, and a soft but engaging electric guitar riff sounded off the speakers of Andy's iPhone which was hooked into a docking station in the living room. Sharon recognized the song immediately, and a toothy smiled spread across her face. The Raspberries' "Go All The Way" played on the radio precisely a month earlier as Andy drove her home from their first date, and neither of them could hold back as they sang along with the radio.

"I was thinking – if you agree – that this could be our song," Andy said and offered her his hand.

"Absolutely," Sharon replied as she placed her hand and let him swoop her into a dance. When Andy spun her in his arms, she ground her hips against his groin. An electric current jolted down her body and descended to the apex of her legs. Sharon gasped at her body's unexpected reaction. While she had initiated the sensual dance move on purpose, she did not realize just how strong her desire for him was. She ground against Andy again, just to get her point across, and he responded by spinning her in his arms again and covering her lips with his.

Sharon's palms covered his cheeks as she led them towards the couch, pulling Andy on top of her. His lips left her mouth and disembarked on an exploration of her jaw and neck, as his fingers undid the buttons of her powder blue blouse, exposing the cream-colored slip she wore underneath. His mouth sucked on her pulse point, and Sharon moaned.

"Your skirt is vibrating," he murmured as he caught her earlobe between his teeth, his tongue twirling around her diamond stud and making her purr. It took a moment for the meaning of his words to penetrate her desire-ridden brain, and she gently pushed him back and fished her mobile phone from her pocket.

"I'm so sorry, I have to take this," she said and answered the call. "Yes, Chief, how can I help you?"

Andy listened to the call, eyeing her strangely when she brought Taylor up to speed about their most recent case. "Sharon, does Chief Taylor know about us?" he asked when she hung up the phone.

Sharon's face flushed for the umpteenth time that evening. "I tried telling him about us yesterday, but he was too busy," she admitted nervously.

"So we can't – " Andy motioned between them.

Sharon drew her bottom lip between her teeth and brought her knees to her chest. "I'm so sorry. I didn't even think of this."

"Well, I guess we could celebrate our one month anniversary by snuggling in bed together. How does that sound?" Andy suggested.

"Great." Sharon let him lead her from the living room to his bedroom. Sharing a bed fully clothed was not what she truly wanted. She wanted things to heat back up between them, but now that he mentioned their duty to report their relationship to their immediate supervisor before they could move forward, she knew that Andy had her best interests at heart. She would feel horrible knowing that she broke the rules, and she would prefer their first time together to be guilt-free.

"If you want, I'll join you for the conversation with the Chief," Andy said as they spooned in his bed. "It's a joint responsibility, and you shouldn't be the one to carry the load on your own."

Sharon's fingers laced with his over her stomach, and she turned her head and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. "Thank you, Andy. You're incredible." A fuzzy feeling spread inside her body, and the butterflies fluttered their wings inside her stomach. Andy was not just a boyfriend; he was a partner, something she has failed to find in other men before him. He was willing to put in the effort required for this relationship to blossom, and Sharon was filled with gratitude and another feeling that she still wasn't able to name.

-TBC-


	43. Chapter 43

**A/N :** I almost forgot posting this week, because I had a busy Harry Potter themed Friday that distracted me. Anyway, this chapter was really interesting to write, and where two relationships come to a clash.

I thank Blossom-of-snow for her help with this story.

* * *

Sharon pressed her lips to Andy's one last time before she rolled off his body and onto her back by his side, feeling content and sated. They were only able to disclose their relationship to Chief Taylor earlier that week, and they wasted no time taking the next step in their relationship. As far as Sharon was concerned, it wasn't a real step because the intimacy had been there long before she allowed herself to act upon her desire for Andy.

Her fingers found his, and she squeezed his hand softly.

"This might be the wrong time to talk about it, but do you need me to sneak out before Rainie notices I'm here?" he asked.

"No, she and I had a conversation about overnight guests a couple of weeks ago. She's aware of what is going on here."

"So she's okay with it?" Andy asked.

Sharon couldn't lie to him, and anyway, Rainie's feelings regarding Sharon's overnight guests stemmed from her past experiences rather than her relationship with Andy. "Not yet."

"She doesn't like that we're dating?" Andy asked, sweaty brow furrowed. "She seemed excited about it in the beginning."

"She's struggling with the idea of me bringing a man into her life," Sharon replied. "It's nothing against you. It's just that she's been hurt so badly by the men her mother used to bring home." She pushed aside the guilt that threatened to take over every time she brought Andy over.

"I'll never hurt her," Andy said defensively. "Doesn't she know that?"

"She does, but I think her fear is stronger than logic. She'll adjust eventually, and I don't want you to leave, so unless you have somewhere else you want to be…" Sharon let the rest of the sentence hang in the air.

"I am exactly where I want to be," Andy flirted back with her.

"Good, because you're exactly where I want you to be," she said and leaned to kiss him again.

Andy smiled against her lips, and his fingers traced her jaw. The warmth she found in his eyes made her cheeks turn crimson. Andy noticed it and cupped her cheek. "You look so different after lovemaking," he said softly.

Sharon's eyes widened. Love? She was aware of the fact that Andy was more emotionally involved than she was. And giving someone her heart has backfired at her in the past. Jack had used her love to squeeze everything he could out of her, and Alfie played with her heart and shattered it into pieces. Love? She could admit that she had strong feelings for Andy but didn't love him. She trusted him, she enjoyed his company, she was attracted to him, and she liked him a lot. But after having her heart broken so many times, she wasn't even sure what love was anymore, and the idea that Andy must've expected her to reciprocate his emotions was overwhelming.

"It was a compliment," Andy seemed to notice her discomfort. "I meant that your hair is messy, your cheeks are flushed, and your eyes shine brighter. Afterglow looks good on you."

"No one ever told me that," she replied, feeling her face heating even more than before. "Thank you, Andy."

"There's no need to thank me. I'm just stating the facts, very objectively, may I add."

"Very objectively, sure," Sharon teased. The smile he offered her melted her insides. That damn man could make her climax with that grin of his alone. Luckily she wasn't too tired for another round, and he didn't seem to be either.

Several hours later, they sat at the breakfast table, bleary-eyed from a night of lovemaking and pillow talk. Sharon was thankful that they weren't on call this weekend, which meant that they weren't in any hurry to be anywhere and could enjoy each other's company. She let Andy cook breakfast while she brewed the strongest coffee she knew how to make.

Just when Andy set their plates on the breakfast table, Rainie padded into the kitchen, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Sharon noticed Rainie stiffen as soon as the girl saw Andy.

"Good morning, Rainie," Andy said, trying desperately, but failing miserably at a casual tone. "Pancakes?"

"You're pathetic. You know that, right?" Rainie snapped, her eyes fixated on Sharon. "You're playing house again, and you know this will end badly, just like it did with Alfie."

Sharon swore her heart dropped into her stomach. "Rainie, we had an agreement."

"Alfie?" Andy looked at Sharon curiously.

"I'm not gonna pick up the pieces this time," Rainie continued. "After he's done fucking you, he'll dump you, and you're going to be alone again."

The tips of Sharon's ears felt as if they were going up in flames. She told herself that Rainie didn't really mean these things. Rainie felt the need to conjure all those painful memories and fears as a defense mechanism.

"Rainie, we spoke about this. I know this relationship is uncomfortable for you, but it's important to me, and I'd appreciate it if you don't try to sabotage it." As soon as she spoke, she regretted the words that came out of her mouth.

"You sounded just like my mother just now, do you know that?" Rainie went on. "She'd bring all those different men home, and she'd say she loved them and as soon as they came onto me, she'd blame me for trying to ruin her so-called relationships."

Sharon felt nausea rising inside her. She knew all of this, knew all the horrors Rainie had suffered at the hands of vile men, but Sharon's trust in Andy made her invalidate Rainie's feelings. How did this happen?

"You think Gary was the only one she dated? There were men in and out of the house all the time."

It seemed that Rainie knew just how much pain these stories were inflicting on Sharon, and even though it must have been more painful for her to recall the sexual abuse she endured, it appeared that she was willing to do it for the sake of making her point.

"Hey!" The sound of Andy's voice startled both women. They looked at him as he pushed his chair back and walked towards Rainie.

"The men who did this to you are lowlifes."

Sharon hoped that the way he looked into Rainie's eyes, without fear or animosity made Rainie feel as safe as he intended.

"What they did to you was depraved and evil. And I am sorry that it happened to you, Rainie. But I will never do anything to harm you," Andy promised. "I respect you, and it's important to me that you know that."

Rainie's mouth fell open as if she didn't expect this reaction from Andy. "I still don't trust you," she replied.

"That's your prerogative," Andy said. "Now, would you like to join us for breakfast, or would you prefer to continue sulking?"

It seemed that Andy's attitude towards her little tantrum convinced Rainie to behave herself throughout breakfast, even if her animosity towards him was still apparent. Somehow, he managed to appeal to her common sense, and Sharon hoped that her daughter would internalize Andy's promise sooner rather than later.

As soon as they finished breakfast, Rainie left the table and stormed off to her room, slamming the door behind her.

"I can't believe I blamed her for trying to ruin our relationship. That was a horrible thing to say to her," Sharon groaned, burying her face in her palms. "I'm so disappointed in myself."

"Both of you were emotional and said hurtful things to each other. Whoever that Alfie was, it sounded like you were invested in him, and it was not okay for her to bring it up and hurt you that way," Andy replied.

"Alfie was a man I was –" Sharon began, but Andy placed his index finger on her lips.

"You don't have to tell me about him just because Rainie brought him up," he said and cupped her cheek. "This is not the first relationship for either of us, and I'm sure both you and I made mistakes with our previous partners. All I care about is that we make sure not to repeat them in our relationship."

Sharon responded with a nod.

"And about Rainie – even the best mothers make mistakes. She knows you love her, and that's what counts. And in time, I hope she'll learn to trust me too. But I'll understand if she can't."

"Thank you for being willing to try with her," Sharon said and pressed her lips to his.

"That's not a problem, Sharon. The girl had a rough week. As if finding Alice Herrera's true identity wasn't emotional enough for her, she wakes up to find that her mother's boyfriend stayed the night. It can't be easy for her to deal with all this."

"I know," Sharon replied with a shrug. "Sometimes, I wish I could take all this pain away from her. It's a lot for such a young person to handle." _And I only added to it_ , she thought.

"If I've learned anything, it's that Rainie is capable of dealing with a lot of crap. Once she sees past her initial reflex, I'm sure she will be fine about you and me."

Sharon couldn't deny that Andy's parenting insights helped calm her mind about Rainie's reaction to their relationship. And the fact that he referred to himself as her boyfriend made light blush appear on her face. They haven't spoken about labeling their relationship, and even though she preferred "partner" over "boyfriend", it was way too early in their relationship for that term to define them. Maybe someday they'll get to the point where they'll be able to describe themselves as partners. In the meantime, she would settle for "boyfriend". It had a nice ring to it.

-TBC-


	44. Chapter 44

**A/N : **I'd like to thank blossom-of-snow for the awesome editing of this story.

* * *

Video chats could never replace Sharon's beautiful children's physical presence, but it was the next best thing. When the two of them were on the same Skype call, Emily and Ricky invalidated the thousands of miles between them. While it irritated her when her children were young, Sharon enjoyed listening to their banter she now terribly missed.

Sharon usually looked forward to her Skype calls with Emily and Ricky. Today, however, dread eclipsed her usual excitement. She had never found a steady enough partner for her kids to know about, and considering how her older children reacted to the news about her divorce from their father, and Rainie's reaction to Andy staying over, she feared the worst.

"Hey, Mom!" Ricky was the first to log on. She noticed the familiar collection of Funko Pop dolls on the shelf behind him has grown since the last time they had a video call. She didn't quite understand the odd obsession with the dolls until Rainie began collecting them too, and took the time to explain it to her.

"Hi, my darling. How are you?" Sharon almost winced at the forced levity in her voice.

Her son shrugged. "Nothing unusual. Work is great. How's everything on your end?"

Emily logging into their chat distracted both of them from the question.

"Hi, honey."

"Oh, hey! Look who finally decided to show up."

Emily rolled her eyes. "Like you're always on time."

Sharon could tell Ricky was about to retort and decided to interject. "What really matters is that you're both here. There's something I need to tell you."

Frowning, Emily drummed her fingertips on the kitchen table. "Is everything okay, Mom?"

"Yeah, Mom. What's going on?" Ricky added, leaning closer to the screen.

Sharon held up a hand, ignoring the knot in her stomach. "Nothing is wrong. Actually, I have some good news."

"You're not getting us another sister, are you?" Ricky teased.

"No," Sharon chuckled. That was Ricky's sense of humor at its best. "But you're not far off."

"New car?" Ricky asked before Sharon could continue.

"A new house, maybe?" Emily boarded the guessing train.

Sharon shook her head. "I started dating someone recently, and it's going really well."

When Ricky couldn't conceal his shock long enough to speak, Emily filled the silence. "That's nice, Mom. Is it someone we know?"

"She's not dating Dad."

"I wasn't thinking that," Emily said and Sharon prayed that was the truth.

"Who other than dad do we know in LA who's in the same age group as Mom?" Ricky arched an eyebrow.

"Who said it's someone her age, you silly –"

"Mom, are you dating someone younger?" Ricky asked, and his tone clearly expressed how absurd the idea seemed to him.

Sharon snorted. "No," Had she not been nervous, she probably would have let them continue this amusing profile of her mystery boyfriend. "But in fact, you do know him. Or at least, you both met him."

Sharon could see the wheels turning in her children's brains.

"No way. Really, Mom?" Quite expectedly, Ricky was the first to figure it out.

"What? Who is it?" Emily asked.

"Mom is dating a co-worker," Ricky said.

"What? Who? That grumpy old lieutenant?" Emily's brow creased as she tried to think back to her last visit in LA.

"I am dating my lieutenant," Sharon confirmed. "But I'm not sure it's the same one you're thinking of, Em. I'm dating Andy Flynn."

"Isn't it against the rules to date your underlings?" Ricky wondered.

"Not if you report it to your supervisor."

"Cool. Lieutenant Flynn seems like a decent guy. Is it serious?" Ricky asked.

"Andy and I are serious about each other, yes."

"How long have you been dating him, Mom?" Emily asked.

"Almost two months," Sharon said, tightening her cardigan around her middle. "I didn't want to tell you before I knew it was getting somewhere."

"I don't know the lieutenant as well as Ricky does, but I am very happy for you, Mom. You deserve someone who will treat you well. I hope he does."

Sharon thanked Emily. Being the oldest, Emily remembered the most of her parents 'broken marriage'. Of course she was worried.

"And let him know that if he misbehaves, he'll have to deal with us."

Ricky's promise made Sharon smile, but he insisted that he was serious.

"Does Rainie know?" Emily asked.

Sharon pursed her lips as she nodded. "I hope she'll warm up to him eventually. She liked Andy before we started dating. I think her past experiences are making her a bit cautious about him." Sharon hated to think of the ever-present animosity Rainie displayed towards Andy. As sensitive to Rainie's trauma as Sharon tried to be, the way Rainie treated Andy confused Sharon. If Rainie had hated Andy so much before, Sharon would have handled the situation differently. Being in a relationship with Andy felt so right to Sharon, but every time they spent time together while Rainie was around, the girl acted as if Sharon was committing a crime.

"Do you want us to talk to her about it?" Ricky suggested.

"No, honey. She'll come to terms with it in her own time," Sharon replied.

"Well, for whatever it's worth, I am really glad you found someone you like," Ricky said.

"Thank you, honey." Ricky and Emily's genuine happiness for her reassured her that she was not doing anything wrong by dating Andy, as Rainie made her feel.

After her children got all their question answered, it was Sharon's turn to ask about their lives and any plans to come for a visit in the near future. She was happy to learn that they were satisfied with their lives, and even though they hadn't planned on visiting home soon, they both promised to try and make it home for Thanksgiving or Christmas.

Ending those calls always hurt Sharon. Not having the two of them close created a void in her heart, and with so many changes disrupting her life, she especially longed for her children. After she hung up, Sharon hid the tears dribbling down her face by burying her face in her palms.

The sound of the key turning in the lock startled her, and she quickly wiped her wet cheeks on the end of her sleeve. Rainie apparently caught her crying at her desk and walked over to her.

"I miss them too," the girl said and wrapped her arms around Sharon's shoulders. "It sucks that they don't visit very often."

Sharon sniffled and rested her head against Rainie's side. Her relationship with Andy had put such a strain on her relationship with Rainie that displays of affection like this had become a rare occurrence. It felt good having Rainie's arms around her, even for just a fleeting moment.

"How was your day?" she asked when Rainie pulled away from her.

"Nothing special," Rainie shrugged. Rainie found summer job at a comic store, and while she had been excited about it initially, Sharon could tell that her daughter was ready for school to start again.

"Still haven't found a comic book you like?" Sharon teased her.

Rainie crossed her arms over her chest and began pacing in front of the desk. "Everyone cares about Batman or Spiderman or some male superhero. But where are all the female superheroes? Actually, why do they need to be superheroes? They could be just normal girls who do brave things, you know?"

"Isn't that what your comic strip is about? Strong female characters who do amazing things?" Sharon asked.

"Yes, but no one is interested in it," Rainie's shoulders slumped.

"Is there no traffic on your site?" Sharon asked. Rainie created a website to showcase her art, and published a weekly comic strip called "Rusty Nails". Sharon followed it, not only because she was a supportive mother, but also because Rainie's comics were genuinely interesting and she enjoyed the heroine of the story Rainie created.

"Not as much as I'd like," Rainie said.

"It can take some time until people come upon your art. You gotta be patient," Sharon advised her.

Rainie stopped pacing and shrugged. They'd had this conversation many times before, and Rainie's reactions were becoming increasingly less enthusiastic. "Anyway, I'm going to a yoga class. And then I'll probably stay for the meditation class, so I have to go." The armor was back on.

A few minutes later, she emerged from her room, dressed for her class and carrying her yoga mat.

Even though Rainie loved yoga, Sharon noticed that Rainie had been attending yoga classes more often than she had before and she had a pretty good idea why. The conversation they had earlier that week at the breakfast table still made Sharon feel guilty, and she knew that even if Rainie tried to appear unaffected by it, she was hurt by the things that Sharon said to her.

"Rainie, before you leave –" Sharon stood and took a deep breath. Elton John wasn't wrong when he said sorry seemed to be the hardest word.

Rainie's hand hovered over the doorknob, but she eventually turned to look at Sharon.

"I want to apologize for what I said to you the other day," Sharon said. "I never meant to hurt you, and I don't really think that you were trying to sabotage my relationship with Andy."

"I know you didn't mean it. And I'm sorry for the things I said, too." Rainie sighed and looked downwards. "Men scare me. And you bringing Andy home – I don't mind it that you have sex. I mind that he stays over."

Sharon rounded the desk and approached Rainie. "I like Andy a lot, and I think the feeling is mutual. And when you have feelings for someone, you don't just want them to disappear after you have sex with them. You want to cuddle and talk, and just be next to each other. Do you understand what I mean?"

"I get it. Andy is more than a friend with benefits," Rainie sighed. "And it's not that I hate him. I'm just scared, you know?"

"That he'll hurt you?"

Rainie's bottom lip began trembling, and Sharon could see her daughter's front teeth sinking into it forcefully to avoid crying.

"Sweetheart, it's okay to be scared," Sharon said and cupped Rainie's face. "When Andy and I started dating, I was terrified. I have a track record with abusive men, even before Jack."

"If you mean Alfie –"

"Not Alfie. My father had a drinking problem, and he was verbally abusive towards my mother and me. I grew up with a poor image of what a man should be, and I ended up marrying a man who had even bigger problems than my father had," Sharon said.

"That sucks. Sounds like your childhood was almost as bad as mine."

"In some ways, yes."

"Why didn't your mother leave him, if he was so bad?" Rainie asked.

The question had tormented Sharon for years, and even her experience with Jack couldn't provide a complete answer. "Because she loved him, and because we're Catholic, and at the time, divorce or even a legal separation was not something the church looked at favorably."

"Is that why it took you such a long time to divorce Jack?"

"That was one of the reasons," Sharon replied. "But that's not the point of me telling you about all of this. The point is that it's easy for us to repeat patterns of behavior we adopted in the past. It's easy to go back to an environment where we know how to navigate. For me, it's men who put me at the bottom of their priority list, and for you, it's pushing people away and letting anger consume you."

"Are you trying to lecture me about breaking the pattern? Because you're not doing that very well yourself," Rainie said. "Andy is an alcoholic too."

"Maybe I have a type, but after getting to know Andy, I know he's learned from his mistakes, and he is honest and caring, and he respects my wants and needs," Sharon explained. "I can't say that I broke my pattern, but I definitely put a dent in it."

Rainie shrugged, but this time her expression did not match her feigned indifference.

"In the same way, if you continue to let your pattern control you, it's going to be very difficult for you to find people you can trust. You have to stop pushing people away. That includes Andy and me, and even friends like TJ," Sharon replied. "And it's not going to be easy, I know. But maybe you could discuss that with Dr. Joe and see if he has any suggestions on how to let go of your fears and begin to trust people around you."

"I'll think about it," Rainie said.

"Good," Sharon caressed her daughter's cheek with the back of her hand. "I love you, honey."

"I love you too, Mom."

It took Sharon a moment to register what Rainie said, and her daughter was already out of the condo by the time she realized it. The tide of emotions that rose inside her made her hands shake, and tears filled her eyes. _Mom_. The word echoed in her ears repeatedly. _Mom_. Sharon didn't realize until now how badly she longed to hear the word coming out of her youngest daughter's mouth. She never expected Rainie to say it, but now that she had, her heart overflowed with joy and gratitude. She hoped Rainie would say it again soon, but even if she didn't Sharon was happy that she heard it at least once in her lifetime.

-TBC-


	45. Chapter 45

**A/N** : I'm sorry for taking so long to update. I needed time to regroup my thoughts about this story and where it was going, and when I was ready to update, it was in the midst of planning my trip to the US to watch Mary in Gloria: A Life (which was amazing, by the way). I hope that I'll be able to update regularly from now on. Despite its length, I have every intention to finish this story.

I'd like to thank the talented and lovely blossom-of-snow for being a really dedicated beta for this story and making a lot of helpful suggestions. She's a gem and I feel lucky that I had the chance to meet her face to face in Princeton.

* * *

Brown. Sharon has never been picky about the color of her partner's eyes. Alfie had steel gray eyes with specks of green. His gaze was always calm, never revealing his feelings. Jack's eyes were blue, and he's always had a slightly mischievous gaze in them as if nothing was entirely serious. That was what attracted Sharon to him as a young woman, and that quality in him essentially made them drift apart. Andy's umber brown eyes conveyed none of the elusive emotions of his predecessors. His earth-colored gaze was always warm and reassuring. Looking into Andy's eyes in moments of uncertainty always grounded Sharon, and that was the reason why she sought his gaze from across the murder room. Within a moment, he was by her side and wrapped his fingers around her sweaty palm.

"We have a little announcement to make," he called out over the chatter of their colleagues.

They have been dating a little over two months, and after letting their families know, they decided that it was time to let their second family know about their relationship.

Sharon let out a long and deep exhale and squeezed Andy's fingers for a short moment, drawing as much strength she could. Telling her children was not as difficult as telling her colleagues about Andy and her. The carefully-constructed reputation she has spent her entire career building could collapse with just a few words. Andy had nothing to lose. The worst he could experience was teasing and a few biting comments from his teammates. She, however, could lose all of her subordinates' hard-earned respect. _The eternal ruler-follower has gone rogue_ ; she imagined them saying. Her years of being the target of insults and nasty remarks in Internal Affairs haven't prepared her for this. There was a difference between being disliked for doing a perfectly-required work no one else wanted to do and being scorned for developing feelings for one of the officers in her division.

Her hand left Andy's, and she shoved it into the pocket of her navy blue jacket.

"Umm, Andy and I want to tell you that we are –" She turned to look at him for reassurance again. "We are a couple."

Five sets of eyes gaped at them, and a couple of jaws dropped.

"We are going to maintain a professional relationship at work," Sharon broke the silence that spread across the murder room.

Sharon could see Provenza rolling his eyes. Out of all their colleagues, he must have been the least surprised. She knew he was aware of her and Andy's new relationship almost from the start, if not before. Buzz seemed to be the most clueless member of their team, as he always was. But the stunned expressions on Amy, Julio, and Mike's faces were an indication that her team held her to higher standards than that. Her heart sank inside her. She could almost see her team members' respect for her shuttering in front of her eyes.

"Look, guys –" Andy said.

"Ye Gods!" Provenza cut him off. "It's a busy day. Let's all wish the Captain and Flynn good luck in their relationship and move the hell on!"

His voice seemed to shake the shock out of their teammates, and they all mumbled barely-audible 'good luck's before they went back to the tasks they were working on before.

"Thank you," Sharon mouthed silently to Provenza, and he responded with the nod of his head.

"You okay?" Andy quietly asked as he turned to her.

"Yes, we'll talk later, okay?" She said softly.

He smiled at her, the kind of smile that made her heart beat rapidly inside her chest and sent warmth to her cheeks. It was a humble yet comforting smile that was capable of making her brain lose track of time.

"I'm here for anything you need," he said, and his hand slid into the pocket of her jacket and gave her hand a quick squeeze that infused her with energy.

"I know," she replied.

Much later that day, Andy was able to escape from the murder room and slip into Sharon's office, carrying lunch that he has made for the both of them the previous evening: a salad and pasta. Sharon picked at her food and stared into her pasta bowl for a few minutes before she lifted her gaze.

"Thank you for being by my side today," she said quietly.

"I wasn't really helping. Provenza was the one who –"

Sharon shook her head to cut him off. "You were there with me. I could feel your support even if you didn't utter a single word."

"I'm sorry it was hard for you," Andy said and impaled a single penne with his fork. "I know this relationship is not easy for you to deal with on the professional level. I hope that me being in your life isn't staining your reputation."

Tears sprung in Sharon's eyes, but she didn't let them cross the threshold of her eyelashes. "Andy, I choose to be with you. This relationship means a lot to me. And yes, it might make people talk, but with you by my side, I feel like we can do it."

"As long as you don't regret being with me," Andy replied.

"Not for a second," Sharon said.

Andy reached for her hand from across the table and brought it to his lips, pressing a soft kiss against her knuckles.

"Do you think the team is angry with us?" Sharon asked.

"No, they're probably just surprised. No one was angry when Amy started dating Lieutenant Cooper, so I don't see why we would make anyone mad by dating each other," Andy replied.

Sharon hummed. She has forgotten about Amy and Lieutenant Cooper, and it made sense. The team was more upset about her trying to hide their relationship then they were angry. And once the cat was out of the bag, they accepted Amy's relationship and were happy for her.

"Do you think they were running bets about us?" Sharon smirked.

"If they did, then Buzz most certainly lost," Andy chuckled.

"He's awful at betting, isn't he?" Sharon giggled.

Seeing that Sharon was done eating, Andy closed the Tupperware lunchbox. None of them was ready for their lunch break to end, but there was no food left, and it appeared like they exhausted the topic.

"Did I tell you that Rainie called me 'Mom' for the first time the other day?" Sharon asked. She hadn't found the chance to share it with him, and she knew he was the only person who would understand the importance of that moment to her.

"Did she?" Andy asked. "That's wonderful, Sharon. I'm glad that she's no longer angry."

"I apologized to her," Sharon said.

By the way Andy's eye color became richer, Sharon knew he was proud of her. They both knew that what she said to Rainie a few days earlier was not right, but Andy did not push Sharon to apologize sooner than she was ready for it.

"I think she'll try to be more accommodating the next time you stay over," she said.

"I'm glad. I never meant to create troubles between the two of you," Andy replied.

"You haven't. It all happened because of my attitude, not hers or yours."

"I don't think that's true, Sharon," the softness of his voice caressed her ears.

"It is, but I understand her side of things now, and I hope that someday she'll be happy for us."

The depth of the gaze in Andy's eyes made her turn her head to the side.

"She will be. Rainie loves you, and she wants you to be happy."

Sharon was surprised by the warmth that spread inside her chest and climbed up her cheeks. She wasn't used to having such a supportive partner. She never had anyone she could rely on before. Andy was so understanding and responsive to her emotional needs that it was hard to believe that a few years ago, they were thorns on each other's sides.

"You're one of a kind, do you know that?" she brought her palm to cup Andy's face and brushed her lips over his.

The astonishment that was reflected in his eyes made her smile.

"Don't get too used to it. We're at work."

Andy winked at her, and the darkened gaze in his eyes hinted at his thoughts. A throb between her legs and the wildly creative ideas her brain began to conjure were sure signs that it was time for their lunch break to end before she did something that would really ruin her impeccable reputation.

"Tonight, your place. I'll be staying over," Sharon said and motioned towards her office door.

"I can't wait," Andy said and went back into the murder room, where the members of the squad filtered back in from their lunch break.

Those eyes; those damn eyes of his could drive her crazy. But God almighty, did she love those beautiful eyes.

-TBC-


	46. Chapter 46

**A/N** **:** Thank you for the kind reviews and for taking the time to read this story. I truly appreciate it. This chapter takes place after Andy's injury in episode 4x11 and is brought to you with the great help of blossom-of-snow, my dear friend and trusted editor.

* * *

Choking back her tears, Sharon watched Andy sleep. His brow was furrowed in pain that seeped through his dreams, and every few moments, he let out an involuntary groan that made Sharon's heart skip a beat. After arresting Mrs. X, Sharon fought the urge to punch the woman responsible for Andy's pain. Now, hours later, he was sleeping restlessly in her bed, covered in bruises and sounding miserable. She understood his reasons for declining the opiates, but seeing him in so much pain made her feel horrible. It could have been worse; he did not require surgery, and he was still breathing.

After watching him for a few minutes, Sharon left the bedroom. There was still some work she needed to do, and she had to wait for Rainie to return home from the library so that Sharon could tell her that Andy would be staying with them for a few days.

Sharon walked to the kitchen and made herself a steaming cup of green tea that she hoped would help her relax. With a clay cup cradled in her palms, she walked towards her desk and pulled out a chair. As soon as Sharon sat down, she heard the key turning in the lock.

"Hi, Mom."

Sharon brought her index finger to her lips, and Rainie looked at her with confusion.

"Who's here?" Rainie asked.

"Andy had a little accident at work today," Sharon said. "He cracked three ribs and –"

"Is he okay?" Rainie looked terrified.

"He's going to be fine, but he needs time to recuperate, and since he lives across town, I felt that it's best to have him stay here for a few days so that I can make sure he follows his doctor's orders."

Rainie's face was blank, and Sharon supposed she should be grateful that Rainie didn't immediately lash out.

"I cracked a rib when I was eleven," Rainie said. Knowing about her daughter's childhood, Sharon could only assume that Gary was somehow involved, and it made her blood boil. Now she wished she could sucker punch the man who tormented and abused Rainie in her childhood. Dammit, she was happy to hit several people today.

"It took weeks until I stopped feeling the pain."

"I know you're still not comfortable around Andy, sweetheart." Sharon rounded the desk and approached her daughter, who was leaning against the back of the couch.

"It's nice to have someone who takes care of you when you're sick," Rainie said quietly. "I'm not sure he ever had that."

"I don't think he did." Her sweet Andy, always so thoughtful of others and yet so hard on himself. "So you're okay with it?"

"I'll try to be," Rainie said.

Sharon opened her arms to her daughter. "Do you feel safe?" she asked.

"I think so," Rainie rested her head on Sharon's shoulder.

"If that changes, you let me know. I am always here for you." Sharon said and kissed the crown of Rainie's head.

"I know. Thank you, Mom."

"So how did it go with the paper today? Did they agree to feature your comic strip?" Sharon asked, changing the subject. She knew that Rainie decided to try her luck with the school paper in hopes of getting more exposure for her comic strip.

"They have a size limit, but they agreed. I can get 'Rusty Nails' in the UCLA newspaper," Rainie said with a smile.

"Oh, honey, that is great news! I'm so happy for you!" Sharon hoped this was the break Rainie needed to get her comic and her message out.

"Yeah, that's really exciting. I'm glad school started again. I think this is going to be a good year for me."

"I love this attitude, Rainie. I think it's going to get you far," Sharon said and felt her chest filling with pride.

"So I'm thinking, aside from going to school and doing my art, I could give back to the community, you know, share the love."

"That's a wonderful idea, love. Are you thinking of volunteering somewhere?" Sharon asked.

"Yes. I saw a poster at UCLA about this new community center where they help at-risk youth by providing all kinds of services that could save children from becoming criminals or homeless. I just came back from there, actually."

"Oh? I thought you were in the library," Sharon replied.

"I was in the library earlier, but I couldn't stop thinking about this center, so I drove there. It's a pretty nice place. I spoke to the manager, and he offered a couple of volunteering options."

Sharon thought that volunteering would be an excellent opportunity for Rainie to inspire young people who felt lost and unsafe in the world.

"One option is to join their 'Big Brother-Big Sister' program and help mentor one of the kids. The other option is to teach classes to the kids who come there, help create an extra-curricular activity for them that will keep them away from crime and drugs, and will help them cope with difficulties in their lives. So I've been thinking of teaching yoga or art."

"And which of the options do you prefer?" Sharon asked.

"I can't decide. I kinda want to do both, you know?" Rainie replied.

"Do you want my advice?" Sharon asked.

Rainie nodded.

"You're still a student, which means you don't have a lot of time. In my opinion, you should take on only one program and see how it goes."

"But which one?"

"If you become a big sister to someone, you can impact one person, but you will have the opportunity to really connect to someone on a deep level. If you teach a class, then you will be able to influence more people, but your relationship with them will be shallower. So consider which of these will be more suitable for you," Sharon replied.

"I want to be like you and do for someone else what you did for me. So I guess becoming a big sister to some kid is better to start with," Rainie said.

Rainie often expressed her gratitude to Sharon for taking her in and changing her life for the better, but hearing from Rainie that she wished to become like her was a whole new level of gratitude. Sharon never thought of herself as a particularly inspiring person. She always tried to be kind to others and to help the less fortunate when she could. The idea that Rainie wanted to be like her, to change someone's world, meant a lot to Sharon.

"I'm proud of you, Rainie. You are such a great person, and whoever gets to be your little sister or brother will be so lucky," she said, tears filling her eyes.

"I had the best example." Rainie's lips curved up in a smile.

Sharon shrugged sheepishly. "Have you eaten dinner?"

"No, actually. I'm starving," Rainie said and walked to the kitchen.

"There's a plate for you in the fridge," Sharon said.

"Thank you, mom. You are the best!" Rainie turned and planted a kiss on Sharon's cheek.

Sharon couldn't help the wide smile that spread across her face. She was happy that her daughter had a good day. She was even happier to know that their relationship was improving and that Rainie was making an honest effort to accept Sharon's relationship with Andy and to be happy for her.

-TBC-


	47. Chapter 47

**A/N** **:** Thank you all for your reviews. Things in my life are a bit complicated right now, so I can't promise that I'll post regularly, but I haven't abandoned this story. I'm still writing it, just a bit slower.

As always, I wanna thank the awesome blossom-of-snow for her help editing this story. She's rockin' it.

* * *

Dealing with Jack at work had always been an exhausting and emotionally taxing task for Sharon, but this encounter was exasperated by his decision to bring their personal relationship into her workplace. During his unsanctioned visit, Jack made several sarcastic remarks about her relationship with Andy, and in return, she told him to go to hell. Sharon could deal with his mean-spirited teasing, but once he broke Andy's health issue to the Major Crimes Squad, she couldn't control the fury that took over her. And if that wasn't enough, Andy's blood clot weighed heavily on her mind. Their relationship was so new, and the clot was threatening to take it away from her, from them.

Knowing that Andy was waiting for her at the condo didn't make her feel better. He was the perfect guest, and she loved having him there, but the thought that his continued stay marked deterioration in his health soured the pleasure.

Her head felt heavy when she unlocked the door to the condo. The idea that she had to tell Andy that the team knew about his health issues made a lump settle at the base of her throat.

As soon as she walked through the door, Andy turned the volume on the TV down and turned to her. "Hi there, babe."

His smile was endearing, but in this case, seeing it only made her feel guiltier. Sharon wished she could return the smile. She took a moment to discard her purse and jacket at the entrance before stepping into the living room and taking a seat by his side.

"How was your day?" he asked.

Sharon's eyes filled with tears, and she bit her trembling bottom lip.

"Can't be that bad," Andy said, rubbing her back.

Sharon closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I gotta tell you something, but please don't get mad, okay?"

"Why would I get mad at you?" He took her hand and brought it to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to her knuckles.

"I did something you won't like."

"You didn't tell the team about my blood clot, did you?" Andy asked.

Sharon barely held back the tears that welled in her eyes.

"Oh, crap." Andy's face flushed, and Sharon feared that his clot might migrate up his neck.

"I'm so sorry, Andy. Jack mentioned that you weren't doing well in front of the whole team and Taylor." She paused, bracing herself for the possibility of one of Andy's infamous outbursts. In the depth of her heart, Sharon knew that he would never raise his voice on her, but memories of how upsetting news was handled in her past relationships still made her body go into defense mode. "They started asking questions. Taylor wouldn't let it go."

"I'm going to be bound to a desk forever, won't I?" Andy groaned.

"For a while," Sharon confirmed. "I'm really sorry, Andy. If there was a way I could have avoided that, I would have."

"I'm not mad at you, Sharon," Andy squeezed her hand. "Your ex-husband is a grade-A asshole."

"He is," Sharon agreed. She rested her head on Andy's shoulder and closed her eyes. When she opened them again, the living room was dark, and both she and Andy were covered with a throw blanket. She lifted her head from Andy's shoulder, and he stirred.

"Oh, great, you're up. I was beginning to lose feeling in my arm," he joked.

"Why didn't you wake me up?"

"Because you look so adorable when you sleep. You make this funny little sound, like a moan, but softer," Andy said.

Sharon hummed and kissed his cheek. "I'll have to remember you like that." Before Andy could respond, she gasped, "What time is it?" Sharon fished her phone out of her skirt pocket. She winced when the bright light from the screen hit her eyes. It was 2:00 a.m. "Let's go to bed."

They got up and walked to the bedroom as quietly as they could. Sharon fumbled with the buttons of her shirt while Andy unzipped her skirt, quickly pushing it down her body.

"That slip is sexy as hell," he said as Sharon finally managed to undo all the buttons of her blouse.

"I thought we're not supposed to – you know." Sharon motioned between them.

"We're not, but I can still appreciate what I see."

"I'll keep that in mind," Sharon said as she quickly unclasped her bra and exchanged the silk slip for a cotton nightgown. They crawled into bed together. "How's your shoulder?"

"It's better," Andy replied. "It was nice having you so close. I wish we could do more."

"I'm sure once your meds start kicking in and the clot breaks down, we'll be able to go back to where we left off."

"I can't wait for that to happen. Looking at you and not being able to touch you is torture."

"If it's any consolation, I feel the same. I miss you. I mean, you're right here, but I miss feeling you," Sharon admitted and felt her cheeks blushing in the dark.

"I know it's not a substitute for anything, but my hand is always here for you to hold until we can do more. And I'm sorry that I can't provide you with what you need right now," Andy said and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her closer. "It's going to be okay."

"I'll hold you to this promise," Sharon replied as she closed her eyes and let sleep claim her again.

While Andy was able to sleep through the night, Sharon woke up several times and made sure he was still breathing, still with her. She knew he hated that she fussed around him, but she was worried about his health. Every time she woke up, she spent several minutes listening to his breathing and watching his chest rise and fall with every breath. Even in the dark, she could see that his face was calm. It made her feel better. In her heart, she said a quick prayer for him and asked God to watch over him when she couldn't.

Morning greeted them with soft sunrays that washed the bedroom in warm light, but neither of them was ready to get up. Sharon spooned closer to Andy and buried her face in his chest. She felt his arm snaking around her waist and pulling her even closer.

"Good morning, beautiful," he rasped, and the sound of his voice made her heart flutter in relief.

Sharon responded with a soft hum. "Morning," she mumbled after a moment, feeling the exhaustion of the sleepless night. "Hold me tighter."

Andy happily obliged, and in the warmth of his arms, Sharon allowed herself to fall back asleep. It was the sweet smell that wafted into the room that woke them up, about half an hour later.

"Smells like Rainie is baking something delicious."

"It makes me want to get up, even though I really don't want to," Sharon spoke against Andy's chest.

As if on cue, Andy's stomach growled loudly, and Sharon giggled.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh away," Andy grumbled. "I know you're hungry too."

"I am," Sharon agreed. "I'm just more subtle about it."

After quickly going through their morning routine, they walked down the hall to the living room, holding hands and rubbing their shoulders together as they walked. They were surprised to find a strange girl sitting at the dining table, while Rainie cooked breakfast in the kitchen.

"Good morning," Sharon said.

The girl returned a shy smile.

"Mom, this is Heather. We're doing an art project together for school, and I invited her for breakfast so we can go and work on our project. I hope it's okay," Rainie said.

"Of course. It's nice to meet you, Heather," Sharon greeted her. Heather had dark hair that cascaded over her shoulder and piercing blue eyes. When she smiled shyly, Sharon could see she had dimples.

"I've made enough for everyone, so feel free to join us," Rainie said.

"Thank you, sweetie. We'd love that," Sharon said as she and Andy took their seats at the table.

Breakfast started a bit awkwardly as Sharon and Andy tried to get a sense of what kind of person Heather was and about her relationship with Rainie. The flush that covered Rainie's face did not escape Sharon, nor did the fact that the girls were holding hands under the table. She smiled into her cup of coffee, feeling a joyful tingle inside her chest. She wanted Rainie to be happy and feel like she deserved to be loved. She didn't know Heather yet, but she appeared to be a nice and intelligent girl, and Sharon hoped this relationship would be good for her daughter.

After they finished eating, Sharon and Andy insisted that they will be the ones to clean up while the girls should go work on their art project.

"This girl didn't come here to work on no art project. You know that, right?" Andy asked after the girls retreated to Rainie's bedroom.

"Of course not," Sharon replied. "Although it surprises me how Rainie never thinks we would figure things like that out. I mean, it's our job to solve crimes that are much more complicated than this."

"Teenagers, they think they're so smart," Andy grinned.

Sharon shrugged. If Rainie needed more time to figure this relationship out, or to find the courage to tell Sharon about it, it was fine. After nursing Rainie's broken heart once before, Sharon wanted her daughter to experience a healthy relationship, where she mattered. She knew that it was too early to tell if this relationship had any future, but she hoped for the best.

"I can read your thoughts," Andy whispered into her ear as he wrapped his arms around her waist from behind. "And she's going to be just fine no matter how this turns out."

"How do you know that?"

"Because she has a mother like you who will stand by her side no matter what," Andy replied.

Sharon hummed and turned in his arms. "Do you wanna go see a movie and let them spend some time together?"

A wicked smile spread across Andy's face as if she suggested they'll destroy the set of _Badge of Justice_. That man was a hopeless romantic, that was for sure, and Sharon was quite convinced by now that he was a keeper.

-TBC-


	48. Chapter 48

Watching Andy sleep in a hospital bed gave Sharon the peace for which she hoped. He was safe, but her heart was pounded as it had when he was first taken away into his surgery. She attributed her anxiety to everything that had gone unsaid between them. The few words she exchanged with him before his surgery did not convey anything she truly felt. They didn't express how much he meant to her as a friend, as a lover, as a partner, nor did it communicate the deep emotions his presence in her life evoked in her.

But she promised to wait, and she hoped that was enough.

Andy was only awake briefly after his surgery before the painkillers swept him into a restless slumber. Sharon knew his body needed it to recover from the surgery and the concussion, and she wouldn't dare to wake him. So she kept on waiting, but she couldn't keep calm for a single moment.

"Mom?" Rainie had sneaked into Andy's hospital room without Sharon noticing. "I know this is hard, but I think it's time that you took a break and tried to get some sleep."

Sharon knew her daughter was right. It was past midnight, and she had been awake since early in the morning, but she still felt too energized.

"He's gonna sleep through the night anyway, and you look more exhausted than you feel."

"I want to be here when he wakes up," Sharon replied. _I promised._

Rainie sighed deeply and muttered "stubborn" under her breath. Sharon didn't have the energy to care.

"Well, if you're staying here through the night, I'm staying too." The girl grabbed a chair and made a show of dragging it across the floor next to Sharon's.

Sharon sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Rainie, you don't have to do –"

Rainie cut her off with the wave of a hand. "Do you think you're the only one who cares about Andy?" Rainie raised one eyebrow and refused to relinquish her mother's gaze. "I'm the one who was with him when he fainted."

"That must have been scary for you," Sharon replied.

"I'm not trying to make it about me, Mom. I'm fine. I'm just glad I was there when it happened," Rainie reached over the armrest, and her fingers interlaced with Sharon's.

"I'm glad you were there too, Rainie. Thank you for responding the way that you did to this emergency."

"Are you kidding? I wouldn't be able to look you in the eye if something happened to him."

Sharon could see her daughter's eyes shining with unshed tears. "Honey, why would you –"

Rainie's hold of Sharon's hand tightened. "Because you love him so much, and you would have been devastated if he…"

"Sweetheart, I would never blame you for anything that happened to Andy. You're not responsible for this situation at all. Andy should have reported his symptoms to his doctor and not hidden them." Finally saying the words that have been stuck in the back of her throat for hours allowed fleeting anger to seep through her anxiety.

By the way Rainie bit into her bottom lip, Sharon could tell that she was still holding back her tears. She wrapped her arms around Rainie's shoulders and pulled her close.

"It's stressful to see someone you care about in a life and death situation, and it's okay to cry or feel upset," she said.

Rainie rested her head on Sharon's shoulder and stayed there for a moment before pulling away and taking a deep, cleansing breath.

"You're good?" Sharon asked.

Rainie nodded, a smile teasing the corners of her mouth. "You just sounded a bit like Andy."

"I guess he's rubbing off on me." Sharon smiled.

Sharon and Rainie spent most of the night talking, and when Rainie saw that her mother wasn't even going to try to get some sleep, she pulled a deck of Uno cards out of her backpack. Sharon enjoyed the game. It kept her brain alert. She was sure that when the morning came, she wouldn't be able to walk for exhaustion, but she wanted to be there for Andy in case he woke up, even for a second.

Shortly after 4 a.m., Rainie fell asleep in her chair so Sharon took her daughter's denim jacket from the breakfast tray and covered the sleeping girl. She was sure that Rainie's neck and back muscles would be stiff when she woke, but she needed sleep, and Sharon didn't have it in her heart to wake her.

An hour later, when the first morning cast a pale glow on the sterilized room, Sharon began to feel the exhaustion consuming her, too. Her eyelids felt heavy, and a dull ache spread through the muscles of her back from the hours of sitting in the uncomfortable plastic chair. She stood and paced around the room, rolling her shoulders to release the knots that had formed in them over the last forty-eight hours. As Sharon crossed the room for the third time, she heard a throaty hum coming from the bed and rushed to Andy's side just in time to see his eyes fluttering open. His gaze was unfocused, and he looked like he might fall back asleep, but at least she could see his eyes.

"Hey," he murmured, and his lips twitched into a crooked smile.

"Hey," Sharon whispered. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I've been run over by a truck." Andy struggled to swallow. "Did they get it out?"

"Yes, they did. The doctor said that you're good as new. Well, almost."

"That's good news," he said and lifted his hand to cup her cheek.

As soon as his warm palm touched her face, Sharon felt her eyes filling with tears.

"Babe, why are you crying? Everything's gonna be okay, right?"

She nodded to reassure him. "I'm just happy to talk to you again." She pressed her hand to Andy's. "And I wanted to apologize."

"For what?"

"For waiting so long to tell you that I love you, Andy." The ease of the admission surprised Sharon. As long as she'd waited to tell him, she was sure that the words would snag on the lump of fear in her throat, and the potentially paralyzing dread that he didn't love her back.

"I love you too, Sharon. And I'm happy to know it's mutual."

Sharon turned her head into his palm and pressed her lips against the warm skin.

They spent the next few minutes staring into each other's eyes when Andy's eyes began to flutter shut again.

"I don't know what they gave me, but it's making me very sleepy," he said.

"Your body probably needs the rest," Sharon said softly.

"My body also needs your warmth." Despite her protests, he moved in bed to make some room for her.

Sharon climbed onto the bed and laid by his side, gently draping her arm around his chest.

"Goodnight, my love," Andy said.

Sharon's brain registered the words, but the veil of sleep that covered her was too deep for her to conjure a reaction. Now finally calm after she unburdened her heart and nestled at his side, she finally let go and dozed into a deep slumber.

-TBC-


	49. Chapter 49

**A/N** **:** It's been a while since I last posted. My personal life has been hectic and is just now getting back to normal. I hope you will enjoy this chapter and I would like to thank blossom-of-snow for her wonderful editing work.

* * *

Sharon stretched on the balcony lounge chair. As the days were getting cooler, the sun was increasingly welcome on a lovely and eventless Saturday morning. Andy went back home a few days prior, and he apparently needed to keep his distance to reinstate his independence. Even though she wanted to call and hear his voice, she understood his need for some space.

Sharon flexed her toes as she reached for her coffee and took a sip, eyes closed in savory bliss. A sudden pressure at the end of her chair startled her, and she nearly spilled the whole cup.

Rainie, the source of the disturbance, looked at Sharon as if she didn't just deflate a perfectly relaxing moment. "Mom, can we talk?"

One question and all was forgiven. "Yes, sweetheart. Of course." Sharon put her mug on the coffee table and straightened in her seat.

"I have a little situation," Rainie started, studying her chipped fingernail polish. "Do you remember Gustavo Wallace?"

Sharon nodded, remembering the young man Rainie brought to the murder room a few months earlier.

"He and I kept in touch. You know, I thought he needed the emotional support after what he's been through," Rainie said. "And he just texted me that the trial of Marianna's murderer starts tomorrow."

"Yes, I know. Andy is testifying," Sharon confirmed. Rainie's lack of response to her mother's revelation confirmed that this was not the source of Rainie's discomfort.

"Gus is coming to town. He wants me to accompany him during the trial."

Sharon waited, trying to understand the exact nature of the problem. "If attending the trial is too triggering for you –"

"That's a part of it," Rainie admitted. "The other is I didn't tell Gus I'm gay, and I think this might be his strange way of asking me out on a date."

"At court?" Sharon made a face. She couldn't think of anywhere less romantic to have a first date with someone.

"I know it sounds bizarre. He's been sending some mixed signals. I'm just trying to make sense of all this," Rainie said.

"Remember how Andy and I were not really dating, but he misrepresented our friendship to his family?" Sharon asked.

Rainie nodded.

"And I made him face Nicole and make sure she knew we were not dating?"

"But now you are dating, so clearly Nicole was right and you were wrong about it."

"That's not the point," Sharon replied, even though she had to concede Rainie's point. "What I'm trying to say is that you need to face Gus and ask what his intentions are, and if it turns out that he really did try to ask you out, then you have to tell him the truth."

Rainie rubbed her hands over her thighs and took a deep breath. "Speaking of the truth and misrepresenting relationships, you should probably know Heather and I are kinda girlfriends."

Sharon feigned her surprise.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I just wanted to be sure about it first."

"Oh, honey, I'm so happy for you. You don't need to apologize for taking your time," Sharon said. "You should invite Heather for dinner, so I can get to know her better."

"Are you sure?"

The hesitation in Rainie's voice prompted Sharon to reach for her hand. "Of course. And also, do we need to talk about overnight guests again?"

"Not yet, no. Umm…" Rainie cleared her throat. "We are not there yet."

"Okay, so when you feel like it may be time for that conversation, you'll let me know, right?" Sharon asked.

The stunned look on Rainie's face was amusing and Sharon tried her best not to laugh. "Right," she said in a choked voice.

The rest of the weekend was quiet, and while Sharon was happy to have some time off, she was looking forward to seeing Andy at work. When he offered they'd spend some time in the evening after they got off, Sharon enthusiastically agreed, and after stopping at home for a change of clothes, they decided to take a stroll down to their favorite Los Feliz café.

Sharon laced her fingers through Andy's. "I know you needed your space, but I really missed you."

"I missed you, too, Sharon." Andy lifted their joint hands and kissed hers. "I didn't realize how nice it felt to sleep by your side every night. Maybe you could spend the night sometime this week?"

"We could do it this weekend, but not on Friday night," Sharon said.

"Why? What happens on Friday night?" Andy asked, his curiosity piqued.

"Rainie is bringing her girlfriend over for dinner," Sharon said. "I'd invite you, but I have a feeling it would be too much for Rainie."

"I get it. It's gonna take a while until she trusts me fully."

"She's trying," Sharon said.

"I know. I can't blame her. If I could put my hands on the assholes who hurt her…" Andy let the rest of the sentence hang in the air.

"Karma will catch up with them someday," As much as Andy's concern touched her, she preferred to avoid topics that made Andy's blood boil. "So, how was court today?"

"I think the jury is going to convict Slider," Andy replied. "Like he deserves."

"Did you get to see Gustavo Wallace there?"

"Yes, he was watching the trial. And he needed to be there to identify his sister. Why?"

"Rainie has been keeping in touch with him for the last few months. They've been friends, but she's suspecting he might want more than that," Sharon explained.

"He doesn't know she's gay?"

"She wasn't sure how to tell him. You've had him stay over with you for a couple of days after Rainie found him. How do you think he will take such a rejection?" Sharon asked.

"Well, two days is not enough to judge someone's character, but he seems like a sensitive man."

"I see," Sharon said, biting her bottom lip.

"But you're still worried."

Sharon nodded, gripping his hand tighter. "He asked Rainie to attend the trial with him, and she was uncomfortable with it. And I don't know if she told me everything, but I couldn't figure out if she's scared of him or for him."

"I can take the guy out for a coffee and try to find out what his intentions are." No doubt hoping to make her smile, he shot her the grin reserved only for his most playfully devious schemes. "Maybe pull out some old interrogation techniques."

Sharon swatted his arm but smiled when he laughed. "As tempting as that offer sounds, I think Rainie wanted to handle that on her own. In fact, I believe she was on the phone with him when we left."

Andy stopped walking and stood in front of her. "Don't you think we should have stayed at the condo, just in case things go wrong?"

"I appreciate your concern about Rainie, but she'll be fine, and we're only five minutes away if she needs us."

"You're right," Andy said before leaning in to capture her lips in a short but soft kiss. "I missed this."

"So did I." Sharon sidled into Andy's personal space and ran her hands down his chest. "I'm glad you're doing well, and I can't wait for when the doctor clears you for more intense physical activity."

"Oh, believe me, I can't wait for that either." Andy winked at her and slid his hand into the back pocket of her jeans.

A smirk spread across Sharon's face. He sure knew how to light her spark without even trying. Dammit, she loved him so much.

After enjoying a cup of tea and sharing a desert, they walked back to Sharon's building.

"Do you want to spend the night?" she offered when they rode the elevator to the eleventh floor.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"I'd hate for you to drive forty minutes to sleep in your empty, cold bed," Sharon replied seductively.

"When you put it like that…" Andy grinned.

Sharon offered him a sweet smile. She knew there wasn't much they could do, but cuddling next to him was enough for her.

Rainie was still awake and waiting for Sharon in the living room when they opened the condo door. She was nursing a cup of tea and listening to music on her iPhone. Her lips curved up in a relaxed smile when she saw them.

"Did you have a good time?" she asked as Sharon and Andy removed their coats and draped them on the hanger in the foyer.

Andy hummed affirmatively. "How are you doing, kiddo?"

"I'm well, thank you, Andy. How are you feeling?"

"Just like new. The two of you took good care of me," Andy replied, moseying to the couch.

Rainie smiled at him in response.

"Andy is gonna sleep over tonight," Sharon informed her daughter.

When Rainie nodded, Andy wished her goodnight and hurried to the bedroom in order to let Sharon and Rainie talk.

"How did your call go?" Sharon asked, curling up next to Rainie.

"It was fine. Apparently, Gus wasn't trying to hit on me. He's also gay."

"So he just wanted a friend," Sharon said.

"Yes. I explained to him why it's hard for me to attend the trial with him, but I suggested we'll meet somewhere tomorrow after he's done there. We had a good conversation, Mom."

"I'm happy that this issue has been resolved. And I think it's very kind of you to support Gus in his time of need. I'm sure your friendship means a lot to him."

"Thank you for your advice, Mom. I was confused about all of this. You helped me a lot," Rainie said and wrapped her arms around Sharon's neck. "You're the best mom ever."

Sharon pressed a kiss to Rainie's cheek and whispered her love before she stood up. "It's been a long day, and I am going to bed. Don't stay up too late, okay?"

"Sure, Mom. Goodnight. I love you."

After quickly going through her nightly routine, Sharon crawled into bed and snuggled next to Andy.

"You have a beautiful smile on your face," Andy said, nuzzling her neck.

"She just called me 'best Mom ever'," Sharon replied.

"She's not wrong about that," Andy said and kissed her. "Just remember how hard and broken she was when you first took her in and what a lovely young woman she's become under your care."

"She had a part in that too," Sharon replied, skimming her fingers through his hair.

"Babe, you should learn to take credit for your achievements," Andy said and pulled her closer. "Because you are an incredible person, and you deserve to be praised."

"Dammit, I love you. Do you know that, Andrew Flynn?"

-TBC-


	50. Chapter 50

The job offer came right after New Year's Eve. The recruiter who contacted her apologized for calling during the holiday season, but mentioned that the NFL had received a glowing recommendation about her from one of Sharon's former commander at Internal Affairs for the Chief of Security position and that they would be happy to consider her for the job. Unsure how she felt about retiring from the LAPD, Sharon scheduled an interview for the following week, giving her time to consider this potential offer more thoroughly. She hadn't interviewed for a job in thirty years, and her only workplace before the LAPD was sorting books at the public library and that didn't require any unique skills. Undoubtedly, this position would be a step up from Major Crimes.

The morning of the interview, as she studied her reflection in the mirror, she wasn't sure if she even had the will to start anew. Major Crimes was a comfortable spot for her, suitable to her skills and needs. As tantalizing as this change was, it could also disrupt the security she'd worked for years to acquire.

"You look fancy today," Rainie said as she passed by Sharon's door. "Do you have a special event at work today or something?"

Sharon decided not to tell Rainie or Andy about the offered position. She wanted to attend the interview first and see for herself if the job was a feasible option for her before she let them know about it.

Sharon sounded an uncommitted hum.

Rainie shrugged and wished her a good day before she left for school.

Three hours later, as Sharon strode out of the NFL Los Angeles offices and towards her car, she was convinced that the interview didn't go well, yet she didn't feel regret. She loved her job at the LAPD, and she didn't need to look toward something better. It was true that the opportunity found her, but it didn't mean she had to take it.

However, Sharon was a self-aware woman, and she knew that she rarely reacted well to the possibility of significant, destabilizing life changes. She remembered how four years earlier when she was offered to take over Major Crimes, she was reluctant to take it, and how she struggled to make a decision that had already been made for her. It was only Chief Pope's promise to make her Commander – a promise he did not keep – that convinced her to fill that position. Even though that job brought massive life changes, she didn't regret it, and she truly enjoyed putting her brain to work in a different capacity than she did before. Big changes could be good, but there was no use dreaming about working for the NFL, since she was pretty sure that she didn't impress anyone at the NFL human resources department enough to give her a second thought.

Therefore, when she received a call only two days later asking her to do another interview, this time on Skype with one of the NFL executives from their headquarters in New York, Sharon was shocked. The recruiter also laid out details of the salary and benefits package Sharon would receive if she took the job. The salary was three times higher than the LAPD's and the pension plan was lucrative. She wasn't easily seduced by money, but she couldn't deny that it was a great offer. Plus, she loved football, and she was sure that making money off a hobby was an added benefit of the job. Now that she knew that she had a real chance of getting the job, she could no longer dismiss her fears as she had before.

Knowing that this was an opportunity that would affect her life and relationships, Sharon knew that she had to tell Andy and Rainie about it. Since it was a Friday night and Rainie was supposed to be out with Heather, she decided to wait until Saturday morning, until both Rainie and Andy would be home.

Sharon was setting the breakfast table when she felt Andy's arms slip around her waist from behind and pull her to him.

"I love this color on you," he whispered against her neck.

She hummed and angled her head to kiss him. "Good morning, handsome."

"It's always a good morning when I see you," he replied, prying the plates from her hands. "Here, let me help you."

Sharon returned to the kitchen to get the jug of freshly squeezed orange juice and a placed it on the table.

"Coffee?" she offered and Andy nodded. "Could you please go and ask Rainie to join us?"

Andy's eyebrows quirked up. "Is there anything going on?"

"I just need to talk to the both of you," Sharon explained.

"Uh-oh. Did we do something wrong?" Sharon could tell that Andy was only half joking.

"No, honey. It's nothing like that." Sharon motioned towards the hall and Andy took the hint and went to get Rainie.

They returned a few moments later, both looking clueless and a bit anxious.

"Morning, darling," Sharon kissed her daughter's cheek. "How was your date with Heather last night?"

"It was cool. We went to a frat party. I've never been to those before."

"Sounds like fun." Sharon smiled.

Rainie hummed, eyeing her mother as Sharon sat at the table .

Andy and Rainie joined her and filled their plates.

"So, um, Andy said you wanted to talk to us about something." Rainie brought a forkful of bacon to her mouth and grimaced when she realized it was actually tempeh.

"What is this?" she mouthed to Andy, who shrugged apologetically.

"Yes, I did," Sharon replied, amused by the exchange about the bacon. "I received a job offer, and I'm seriously considering it."

"A job? Where?" Andy tried to be calm about it, but failed miserably.

"The NFL. They're considering me for Chief of Security," Sharon said.

"The NFL? That's amazing, Sharon. What are they offering?"

Sharon explained in detail the salary and benefits, and noticed Andy's eyes becoming shinier with every word that she said.

"What do you think, Rainie?" she turned to her daughter whose response she couldn't decipher.

"It sounds terrific, Mom. It's gonna be a great opportunity for you." Sharon could tell that her daughter was excited for her.

"There's a lot of traveling involved. It means I will be away a lot. What do you think about that?" Sharon asked.

Rainie shrugged. "You'll still be living in LA, right?"

"Yes."

Apparently the response provided Rainie the assurance she needed. "Then I don't see any problem. You're gonna rock. I know it."

Sharon smiled and softly patted Rainie's hand. Despite Rainie's front, Sharon still wasn't convinced of Rainie's blessing.

"So when's your interview?" Andy asked.

"Next week, and if I pass that, I'll have to fly to New York City for one final interview," Sharon explained.

The conversation at the breakfast table did nothing to assure Sharon that this might work out. While clearly supportive, Rainie was not oozing with enthusiasm at the prospect of not having her mother around, and Sharon worried about being away from her as well. Adding that to the fact that she genuinely enjoyed her job at the LAPD, Sharon was less than sold on the NFL position. The Tamika Weaver murder demanded that Sharon redirect her attention towards the investigation, and she had to postpone the interview in order to handle the high-profile case.

Three days into the investigation, as Sharon was clearing her breakfast off the table, Rainie approached her and said that she needed to talk to her about something serious. Pouring herself another cup of coffee, Sharon sat back at the breakfast table and listened to Rainie tell her that Gary, her biological mother's "good-for-nothing" boyfriend followed her and confronted her about finding Sharon Beck. Sharon was even more shocked to discover that the incident happened several days ago and that Rainie did not come to her sooner. Rainie explained that she had told Buzz and Provenza about it only after discovering that Gary was involved in a liquor store robbery and that her mother could either be involved or in danger.

Knowing of the abuse Rainie endured from Gary in her childhood, Sharon felt concern spread through her body like radiation.

"Honey, meeting Gary… are you okay?"

"He didn't touch me. We were in public. And I think he was more worried about finding my mother than harming me," Rainie replied.

"I meant emotionally," Sharon clarified.

"I'm disappointed in myself. This man took so much from me, and seeing his face – seeing my rapist's face – I wanted to run away. I wanted to go somewhere safe, but more than that, I wanted to get revenge. I wanted to take away from him everything that he stole from me."

Sharon listened to her daughter courageously dissecting her emotions, and her fingers curled into fists. That man deserved to rot in hell but until that could be arranged Sharon would ensure that Rainie receive the justice that she deserved.

Once they found her, it didn't take long to convince Sharon Beck to give away all the information she had about Gary, and it was even easier to arrest Gary and bring in him for questioning. Gary waving his rights made everything so much simpler for the police.

As Sharon sat in front of him in the interview room, she tried to ignore the nausea. Facing the man who raped her daughter spawned a venomous hatred that coursed through her veins.

"For something lesser than three strikes, I can identify my accomplice," Gary said as he turned to look at Sharon. "I mean, I know who you are. You gotta be interested in seeing that crazy bitch put away, right? Don't you wanna see Sharon Beck where she can't hurt your daughter again?"

Sharon's blood boiled at Gary's audacity. After what he did to Rainie, after all the damage he caused, after the trauma he inflicted upon her daughter, he dared pretend to care about Rainie?

"Mr. Lewis, when did you develop this touching concern for Rainie's welfare?" Sharon spat. "Was it just after you stopped molesting her and abandoned her at the zoo?"

"I never touched Rainie. Her Mom pimped her to other men," Gary replied.

"Is that so?" Provenza asked.

"Well, I know she told you it was me. Poor girl, she was young, she didn't know these men, and I was a constant in her life. It was probably easier to blame it all on me."

Sharon used the last of her self-restraint trying not to suffocate this monster. With that in mind, she decided to leave the room and handle Mark Hickman and the Tamika Weaver murder, leaving Provenza to finish this unsavory job.

When she trudged into her condo that night, she was thankful to find Rainie asleep. Sharon's emotions were too raw and she needed to process them before she could confront Rainie with Gary's claim, false as it was. Rainie needed to hear what Gary said in his interrogation from Sharon, not some other way.

Sharon poured herself a glass of red wine and took it to the bathroom, where she filled the bathtub and shed her clothes. The warm water that lapped against her skin and the wine that slid down her throat unlaced her emotional knots, and before she realized, tears started falling from her eyes and wails of sorrow escaped her mouth. She brought her knees to her chest and buried her face between them, her upper teeth scrapping the skin of her knees to muffle the sound of her sobs.

Her eyes were still damp after she crawled into bed. She stared at the ceiling and took deep breaths, trying in vain to calm down. When her phone vibrated, she smiled at the sight of Andy's name on the screen.

"How are you doing, babe?" he asked.

"It was a tough day," she admitted.

"Are you crying?"

Sharon sniffled loudly and hummed the affirmative.

"Do you want me to come over? I'm not far."

"No," Sharon sighed. "It's been a long day for you too. You should go home and get some rest."

"Can we Facetime? I want to see your face, make sure you're alright."

"Sure," Sharon sniffled again and pressed on the Facetime icon.

"Hey babe," Andy said warmly. She noticed that he was standing in his kitchen, wearing an apron.

"Hey." Her voice shook uttering the single syllable. "You lied about being nearby."

"Sorry." His soft smile and shy shrug made Sharon's heart constrict painfully. Having someone who would drive for nearly an hour to comfort her was not something she experienced before. Andy never failed to amaze her.

"You're making dinner?"

"Yeah, I needed a meeting so I came home late," Andy replied. "Your hair's wet. Did you just get out of the shower?"

"I had a bath," Sharon replied. "This is nice, how come we never do this?"

"We'll probably Facetime more often if you decide to take the position at the NFL," Andy replied.

"About that –" Sharon knew that he'd be disappointed with what she was going to say. "I'm not going to reschedule the interview."

"Why not?" The look on Andy's face confirmed his disappointment.

"It's nice to be considered, but I can't imagine having to be away from Rainie and you. And also I don't want to leave the LAPD. I may not have intended to become a cop, but my job gives me a sense of purpose. I'm not sure it's something I can get from the position at the NFL."

"So no free tickets to games, huh?" Andy teased.

"We'll have to pay for them, just like everyone else," Sharon confirmed with a smile.

"If we must." Andy sighed dramatically, but his demeanor almost immediately sobered. "Are you sure this is what will make you happy?"

"I'm sure."

"Then that's what you should do," he replied. "I love you, Sharon."

"I love you too, honey."

After they ended the call, Sharon felt better. She couldn't take Rainie's pain away, but she could get justice for her daughter. The LAPD would not be able to charge Gary of child abuse or sexual abuse, because of the statute of limitations, but they could and would charge him of armed robbery.

As they sat for breakfast the following morning, Sharon explained to Rainie what Gary had said in his interrogation.

"That's bullshit, Mom. My mother did not sell me. It was Gary who came to my bed every night. There were no other men until Gary and my mother abandoned me. He's lying."

"I know, sweetheart. I believe you. But the bigger problem is if Gary holds to his story that your mother planned the robbery –"

Rainie argued that her mother was the worst planner in the world, explaining that she couldn't even plan a meal or think anything ahead. "He can't go free, Mom," Rainie said and stared into her bowl of cereal for a long moment. "I want to confront him. Can you make that happen?"

"Confront him? Rainie, that might not be the best idea," Sharon replied.

"It's my rape. I get to choose how to handle it."

Sharon flinched at the complicated truth. "I can't get you into the interrogation room with him, but you can pay him a visit at County Jail. But Rainie, understand that he cannot be tried for rape."

"I know what the law says, Mom. I'm doing this for myself. Not for you or for my mother," Rainie explained.

"Be careful, love. And please call me as soon as you're out of there," Sharon said.

Sharon was surprised to receive a recorded admission from Gary on planning to rob a liquor store and frame Sharon Beck for it by the end of the same day. Rainie's brave move to go and confront Gary with the facts and tell him in his face what she thought of him helped bring closure to the case. Sharon knew that Rainie's confrontation with Gary did not heal the wound in her soul, but it seemed to bring the girl some solace.

As she thought of the day she had, Sharon realized that her ability to help Rainie obtain justice was one of the things she was most proud of. Days like this were why she loved her job and why she was glad that she rejected the offer from the NFL.

-TBC-


	51. Chapter 51

**A/N** **:** I'd like to thank the awesome blossom-of-snow for doing exceptional editing work.

* * *

For the fifth time in a minute, Sharon checked her watch. She had a set table, cooling food, and hungry guests. They could have started dinner long ago, had element Rainie arrived on time. Now more than half an hour late for dinner, Rainie had not answered her phone.

Turning to Andy's younger sister Lisa and her husband Toby, Sharon forced a smile. "Maybe we should start without her. I apologize on behalf of my daughter. She's probably stuck in traffic."

While Sharon and their guests took their seats at the dinner table, Andy offered wine to Lisa and Toby, only to grimace at his sister's arched eyebrow. The wordless exchange didn't go unnoticed by Sharon. She knew he had disappointed his siblings, and even after twenty years of sobriety, he still felt that he needed to prove himself to them. Sharon knew that he was also happy for the chance to introduce her to his family, and she hoped he remembered the happiness more than the guilt.

Lisa accepted a glass of wine from her brother and smiled at Sharon. "So, I hear your oldest daughter is a dancer."

Sharon marveled at the similarity of Lisa's smile to Andy's. "Yes, she's with the American Ballet Theatre."

"That's lovely. Toby and I are going to be in New York next week, and we both love the ballet, so we'd love to attend one of her performances," Lisa said.

"She's currently the soloist in a new production called _Wings_. She's only been a soloist in classic productions before, so it's a big step in her career."

"Yeah, and she's terrific," Andy said. "I've only seen her dance at home during Christmas vacation, but she's the most graceful ballerina you'll ever see."

"Andy tells me your son just got into Harvard medical school. That's exciting," Sharon said as she passed the salad bowl around the table.

"Yes, we're very proud," Toby replied as he loaded salad on his plate. "Finally, a doctor in the family. My nana is thrilled."

Lisa smirked. "His nana is already asking Brad all those medical questions."

"Our nana would probably do the same thing had she still been alive," Andy said, and Lisa smacked his arm playfully.

"The only thing Nana would ever care about is if he has a good cooking stove in his apartment," Lisa joked.

Andy smiled. "Yes, Nana loved to cook. She taught us all her recipes."

"Except for the secret fish recipe Andy won't share with any of us," Lisa groaned. "He was Nana's favorite grandson."

"She loved everyone," Andy argued.

"But she loved you the most. She said you were the best cook out of all of us."

Across from the siblings, Sharon and Toby exchanged amused gazes.

"They always get like that," Toby whispered.

The light banter between Andy and Lisa and the pleasant conversation around the table almost made Sharon forget that Rainie still hasn't made it home for dinner. After everyone finished eating, Sharon cleared the table and used the chance to sneak a peek at her iPhone. The text messages she sent Rainie were still unread.

Andy kissed the crown of her head and took the dessert plates from the cabinet. "Don't worry, babe. She'll be here soon."

Almost an hour later, Lisa and Toby decided to call it a night. While Andy gathered the dessert plates, Sharon sat on the couch and stared at her silent phone's screen. _Stroh is in Cyprus, Stroh is in Cyprus, Stroh is in Cyprus…_

After putting the dishes away, Andy took a seat beside her, and his fingers curled around hers, providing silent support without forcing her to acknowledge his presence.

The sound of keys jingling outside the condo startled Sharon, and she turned her head towards the door. When Rainie stepped into the condo a moment later, Sharon's concern gave way to fury.

"Where the hell have you been?" Sharon asked, her voice shaking with an effort to withhold the wrath that boiled inside her.

"I was at Heather's," Rainie replied with a shrug.

Sharon arched an eyebrow. "And you couldn't pick up your phone to let us know that you weren't coming to dinner with Andy's family?"

Rainie groaned. "Oh, shit. That was tonight? I'm so sorry, Andy. I thought it was next weekend."

Apparently determined to stay neutral, Andy shrugged and hummed softly.

Rainie's apology did nothing to invite Sharon's usual serenity to take over. "Do you have any idea how worried I was about you?"

"Jeez, Mom, chill. I was just spending time with my girlfriend." Rainie dared take a step toward the hallway.

Sharon shot to her feet. "Oh no, you don't. You couldn't take a moment to text me that you'll be late?"

"No, actually. We were busy," Rainie said.

"Too busy to send me a quick text?" Sharon countered.

"I don't know, Mom. Do you usually text people during sex?" Rainie quipped.

The answer left Sharon momentarily speechless, but Andy couldn't suppress his cough.

"I didn't think so," Rainie said.

After she recovered from the shock, Sharon took a deep breath. "While I'm glad to hear that you and Heather had a good time together, there is still a serial killer on the loose who has every reason in the world to try to harm you, so no matter what you do, I expect you to let me know when you're going to be late."

"I don't have to report to you where I am every second of the day. I'm an adult."

"Then act like one! Recognize when you've made a mistake."

"I have. I made a mistake, and I apologized to Andy. You are the one who's acting like a child," Rainie said and stormed down the hall.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Away from a stupid fight," Rainie's door clicked shut.

Sharon let out a loud groan and buried her face in her palms. When she raised her head again, Andy fixed her with an odd stare. "What?"

Andy sighed. "Were you that uptight with your other kids when they were Rainie's age?

"Excuse me? You are criticizing my parenting skills?" Sharon recognized the malice in her words as soon as they left her mouth, but she couldn't take them back. The hurt expression on Andy's face made her heart skip a beat. "I'm sorry."

But it was too late.

"Thanks for the honesty, Sharon. Now I know what you really think about my relationship with my children." Andy gritted through his teeth.

"I don't think that at all," Sharon said, trying to control the damage she's inflicted. "Andy, I should never have said that."

"You're damn right, you shouldn't have."

She wanted to go to him, but guilt kept her feet still. "I love you," she said, hoping that her words could mend what they broke.

For a moment, his eyes still burned with rage, just as quickly as it appeared, it subsided.

Knowing this argument wouldn't go away, Sharon's heart pounded. They hadn't fought since they'd started dating. Before tonight, they expressed criticism politely. Arguing meant that they felt comfortable enough around each other not to think too hard before they spoke. But Sharon could think of other, less painful ways to grow as a couple.

Looking at Andy, Sharon wondered what else she could say to fix matters between them tonight, or if she should say anything at all. Her fights with Jack ended with tears, and not all of them sprung from Jack's words. She could be hurtful when she felt vulnerable, and she didn't want to repeat the same patterns of behavior with Andy.

She couldn't do nothing. "I was worried about her. I kept seeing Stroh. I'm so sorry I took it out on you."

Andy's sigh sounded like it held more weight than that of their argument. "Let's go to bed," Andy said and walked past her to turn off the light in the kitchen.

If this was Andy's way of expressing his forgiveness, she'd take it. She followed him into the bedroom and went through her nightly routine in silence. When they crawled into bed, Sharon's body tensed with the need to touch him and the need for his permission. As soon as she felt his hand sliding down her back, she rolled towards him, knowing what he had in mind.

Andy pushed her panties down, and his fingers found her core. He knew her body well, and within minutes, he had her writhing and biting her lip, trying to remain quiet in consideration of Rainie in the other room.

Despite her efforts, a desperate moan escaped from her lips when Andy slipped into her. Dammit, she didn't realize how much she needed his body tonight. She'd thought the carnal desire coursing through her long dead. This was not meant to be romantic, gentle, or slow. The raging current of lust drove her to insanity, released an animalistic rush that consumed her at once. By the way Andy thrust inside her, she knew he felt it too. Tension coiled inside her lower abdomen and made it harder for her to control her breath. When she felt a scream building in the back of her throat, she sank her teeth into Andy's shoulder to muffle it. He groaned and released himself inside her.

Andy rolled onto his side and looked at her. "That was the worst sex I've ever had."

"Same here." Sharon turned her head to look at him. "But I loved it."

"Me too," he groaned, skimming his fingers down her sweaty arm.

"Makeup sex is always the dirtiest," Sharon said.

"Don't think it means I forgive you," Andy said. "I'm just not that angry anymore."

"What do I need to do to make you forgive me?" Sharon asked, only half-joking. She would do almost anything to bring peace.

"You really wanna know? Andy asked. "Stop being so overprotective of Rainie all the time. It's stressful for you, which makes you get anxious and angry, and then you say things you don't mean, and you hurt the people who love you the most."

Tears sparkled in Sharon's eyes. "I really didn't mean what I said, Andy. I need you to know that."

"I know," Andy replied, cupping her cheek in his palm.

Sharon pressed into his touch, grateful for a more familiar contact. "Do you forgive me now?"

"A breakfast in bed tomorrow morning might convince me."

"How about pre-breakfast breakfast?" Sharon teased.

"Oh, I love those!" Andy smiled for the first time since their company left. "Way better than makeup sex."

"I guess we have a deal then."

"Well, there is one more thing."

Sharon arched her eyebrows, expecting a joke.

At first, Andy didn't meet her gaze, but eventually, he drew the courage to look her in the eye. "I don't want to tell you how to handle your relationship with Rainie, but I think you owe her an apology."

" _That's_ what you want me to do?" Sharon was surprised by Andy's request.

"She had a great time with her girlfriend, such a great time that she forgot about a family dinner she was supposed to attend. Then you picked a fight with her the moment she walked through the door."

His request, following an intense skirmish, showed Sharon how deeply he cared, not only about her but also about Rainie. That conveyed more love than he knew. "I was so scared something had happened to her," she confessed.

"I know, babe. But there comes a time when a parent has to let go," Andy said. "And that time has come. So let go of Rainie, because she'll be miserable if you don't."

Sharon buried her face in Andy's chest.

"I love you, Sharon," he said, and his arms engulfed her, making her feel safe and warm. She sighed, releasing all the tension of the night, and closed her eyes. "Goodnight, my love," He whispered right before she fell asleep.

-TBC-


End file.
